Monday, November 12, 2007

Why I support the writer's strike

Before I begin, I don't think I should actually have to justify myself. But being in Oklahoma and so far removed from each coast, I've gotten a lot of admonishment from family, friends, and co-workers who don't understand why this actually means something to me. People want a valid reason though, and I think I have one. So here you go. Flame me, support what I support, or be apathetic. It's not going to make me change my mind. If anything, I will only become more passionate for every adverse comment that's thrown my way.

I am far from getting the degree I need to say I could go to New York or L.A. to get work as a writer. My dream though, ever since I can remember, has been to write for a television show. Preferably a show like The Office (it's witty, smart, and I'd love to write for that cast.), but as I became more serious, I realized that any kind of script writing would be amazing, for any t.v. show that would make me proud to be in the business. And just so you know, I'm not so jaded that I think I'll be rich and famous. First comes the foot in the door, and I'm sure after many frustrating years you slowly start to see a payoff. I know it takes a long time for people to start saying things like "Oh, you can tell that (insert writer's name here) wrote this episode." But I wanted to be that person. I still do. I know that I'll probably go through hell and back, but writing is what I want to do. It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

When I do get my degree, I plan on writing locally for an Oklahoma magazine or newspaper, always with my goal in mind. Going to New York. Joining the guild and being one of those people who never sleeps and lives on Starbucks. Do I feel like I can still do that? I'm not even sure. Who would justifiably do something that they know they aren't getting rightfully compensated for? The truth is - writers do it every day. It's damn respectable. They deserve what they're asking for. We're talking about cents. Cents, and what every job should provide - good benefits for themselves and their family.

I can't imagine ever, ever doing anything else with my life career wise. I feel like the WGA is striking not just for themselves, but for future writers like myself. I want to know that I'm entering into a field that will be supportive, lucrative, and competitive. I want to know that if my children are sick, I'll be able to take them to the doctor. I want to know that the evolution of entertainment isn't going to be overshadowed with the knowledge that while networks make billions of dollars, they refuse to give up to 8 cents to the writers.

I support the strike. If I were in L.A. or New York, you would see me on the picket line. I have the posters up on the walls of my cubicle, I have a shirt, and I make sure every time I talk to someone at work, that they understand what they're reading on websites. There are people who scoff, there are people who say it's just writer's being greedy. But really, like someone else has already said: "Writers are like the water in plumbing. They make sure everything flows correctly, and without them, nothing goes anywhere."

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I'm on strike

It's been quiet around these parts lately. And that is because I whole heartedly, 100% support the strike. My dream has always been to write in Hollywood. That means that I would be part of the WGA. I need to know, that when I do eventually make it out there (because I will. I know I will.), that I can be successful and support myself. Author's get paid for every book that sells. Why should it be any different at all for the writers of television and movies? It shouldn't.

So, because this blog is about recaps of shows, and we're going into no more new television for a while, the next time you hear from me will be when the strike is over. I encourage everyone to know the facts, to understand what's happening, and to support the WGA.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Hereos recap - Spoilers

We start in where we left off, only not exactly. HRG is still staring at the painting of himself, dead, while Claire macks on who we can only assume is West. As we stare at the opening shot, I can't help but think that the Bennet's are making some nice bank. I mean that house, nice cars, Claire's need for trendy Hollister clothing. Did HRG have a secret stash in the Caymans or something? Anyway, moving on. HRG wants to know about Claire and how she's adjusting, or if maybe she's met a boy. Claire comes downstairs and she starts getting the third degree from both of her parents. Which she needs, if that top is something we can all go by. Good lord, Hooters. Cover them bad boys up. I keep getting off on tangents. I mean, we're like 45 seconds in and look how long this already is. This is going to be a long night, I can already tell. You know that with all the pausing and typing this takes like, a hundred hours right? Okay, ANYWAY, HRG is clearly forbidding cheerleading from ever happening in her life again, even though he says he's not. He clearly wants to meet all the boys Claire plans on frenching. So she lies and says there is no boy. Smart.

Molly is having another one of her fucked up dreams. Matt runs in, and then Mohinder. They walk to the doorway and stage whisper, like she shouldn't be able to hear them from where they are. M&M are bickering like an old married couple. Mohinder starts singing some weird Indian song to Molly, and Matt watches, hating that he's not a better dad. Or something.

Nathan, with his full on beard, goes all 'To Catch a Predator' and talks to his kids outside of the gate to their school. He tells the boys to have their mother call Grandma Petrelli since she's in the hospital. The teacher comes up and bitches Nathan out; he promises to come home soon, and then he leaves, looking pretty dejected.

God. These damn Wonder Twins. Apparently the American that they escaped from jail with is from Jersey. Maya speaks English now. Hello, plot line device. They almost run over a man, who turns out to be Sylar, all cut up and gasping that he needs help. Oh good. Maybe he'll kill The Banditos. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Over in Louisiana, Micah's boy cousin is a DICK. He throws water on Micah's face and tells him to wake up, and talks in that pseudo gangster talk that my teenage brother is so fond of. Uhura tells him to watch his fucking mouth. "Nana, I need 65 dollars!" "That's funny, so do I." lol. Micah's girl cousin is decidedly a lot prettier, and nicer, and looks like a really young Janet Jackson. Like, really young. She wants to know if she looks like she's in charge. Micah says yes. She asks why she needs to look like someone who's in charge, and her brother responds, "Because someone died and left you that way?" lol. Actually, she's going for management at the place where she flips burgers. There are some mild references to Hurricane Katrina, while on the t.v. in the background, a woman slices a tomato into a rose. Which is brought up and shown in such a painful way, that you know it's going to be a plot device later. Boy cousin is pissed off that no one will pay 65 dollars for him to watch wrestling on pay per
view, and when no one is listening, Micah insists that he might have a way for them to watch the wrestling. You think?

In New York, Grandma Petrelli is confessing to killing George Takei from a hospital bed. She says the police have the fingerprints proving that she was on the Rooftop of Doom, and she killed him for sex and money. Matt tries to read her mind and is cock blocked. She psychically (or whatever) tells him to let it go, because if the police keep digging, they are going to find out about everything; all the super powers and such.

In high school, Claire is getting swayed by the cheerleaders to try out because she has guts or something. West comes up and they start walking and he gushes about how great it is that he can be himself around Claire. She tells him that she's not sure they should hang out. She likes him, but her parents are so over protective that it won't work. West wants to talk to HRG and prove he's a stand up guy, but Claire begs him not to make this all harder on her than it already is. West asks her out anyway and says that after that, she can call it all off if she wants. Claire proves that she's easy by agreeing.

Nathan gets to the hospital and is pissed off because his mother's getting questioned without a lawyer present. Matt assures Nathan that he knows Grandma Petrelli is innocent. He tells Nathan that he read her mind, and oh! Nathan has shaved off all the Survivor Man facial hair! Thank God. Anyway, Matt says that he's not shutting down the investigation because of Molly. Because she's so scared about whatever it is she sees and because she keeps drawing the symbol that marked George Takei and Grandma Petrelli for death. (Random note: What happened to Nathan's career in politics? I mean, obviously it went away because of the whole exploding thing, but did that career die with Linderman?) Nathan agrees to help Matt, but only if he can have five minutes alone with his mother. Matt agrees, and Nathan grills her, wanting to know why she would confess to a crime that she didn't commit. She calls him out on the day he told her she didn't deserve to live, and Nathan tries the old "BUT I WAS DRUNK!" argument. "Just because you shaved doesn't mean you're clean and sober." Ha. She wants him to join A.A. before he does anything for her. And she doesn't want to lose her only remaining son, so she just tells him to focus on family and getting clean and sober. The police arrest Grandma Petrelli, and wheel her out of the hospital.

I just accidentally fast forwarded through like, all of the Wonder Twins part. Oh well. We'll start from here because I'm pretty damn sure we didn't miss anything. Maya is showing Sylar the book by Papa Surish, and Sylar says that the two of them are friends, so he can take the twins right to Surish. He leaves out the fact that the old man is dead. Maya asks Sylar's name, and he responds with his real name; Gabriel. Maya gets all hopeful looking and says dreamily: "Like the Angel." Yeah. Like the ANGEL OF DEATH.

In New Orleans, Monica who is the girl cousin, is singing 'I Will Survive', and she's decently good, so I think that at some point this season she'll be going on American Idol or something. Anyway, she's cutting tomatoes and suddenly, the one she's cutting is in the form of a rose. She has no idea how she learned how to do it. Monica wants to make a management position because she needs to support her Grandma Uhura and get them the hell out of New Orleans. More Hurricane Katrina references are made before we cut to the manager wanting to talk to Monica. He says that she's just not management material because she isn't available to work anywhere in the state. She cries that she's the breadwinner of her house and that she needs more money, but the manager is a dick and tells her to be glad she even has a job in the city, because there are a lot of people who don't.

At the Bennet's house, Claire is spinning lies again so that she can go see West. She tells her family that she has to do research at the library ON libraries and how they are becoming obsolete for our generation because of the internet. Hot damn. Where was this girl when I was trying to come up with lies to sneak out of my house? She's good. Anyway, her dad glowers at her, trying to decide if he can trust her. He believes it, and asks her if she needs a ride, but she says she'll hoof it. Which really means she's going to meet West and he'll fly her somewhere. HRG follows after her, only he misses West taking off into the sky with Claire in his arms. Oh well. Let the lies continue!

At what I can only assume is Nathan's new apartment, or maybe his mother's, I don't know, he's looking for a group photo. He reveals that his parents were friends of George Takei, but that his father wasn't too fond of the man. Apparently, one night, Nathan witnessed his mother and George Takei hugging for just a liiiiittle too long. Matt decides to get personal, only Nathan shuts off when Matt starts asking about his kids. This makes Matt open up in an attempt to get Nathan to like him or something. "My wife cheated on me. Which I could have forgiven, only, she was pregnant with his baby." Ouch. Finally, Nathan finds the picture this whole scene was shot for. The picture shows (from left to right): Linderman, Mr. Petrelli, Grandma Petrelli, George Takei, King Midas, Charles Devoux, and Matt's dad. There are more people, but they aren't relevant right now. (No, Uhura is not in the picture.) Nathan astutely proclaims that 'It's like someone's picking them off, one by one'. Ya think? Four out of the five people we know of in that picture are dead.

We get flashbacks to footage from Hurricane Katrina via Monica. She's pissed off because she's basically been told that she'll be flipping burgers for the rest of her life. Her BFF tells her that she lost more than most in the storm (really? She seems to have more than most to me.) Monica says that she feels like she's different and the real her is waiting to come out. Just you wait.

West and Claire are sitting on top of the Hollywood sign and Claire goes into the story of how she used to jump off of that tower back in Texas to see how she could heal. I am sensing another really cheesy moment coming up. God. I'll try and get through it for you guys. West asks why her family ran away from Texas, and Claire says that she can't talk about it. West is creepily saying that they're alone, so she must want to trust him. He tells her to jump off the Hollywood sign. Really? Claire's only response to this is that when she splats it's 'not cute'. West says that he can't help her if she doesn't trust him. Help her with what, getting her bra off? Whatever. Claire goes to jump off the sign, and that weird ominous music plays while we stare at West for a second. He swoops down and catches Claire before she splats, and he says 'I know you can heal, Claire. But I never want to see you hurt'. Is this more creepy than sweet to anyone but me? They kiss while he's hovering in the air and it's sappy/gag worthy/creepy all at the same time.

Micah is trying to get the free pay per few by pretending like he's working on the cable wires while secretly using his powers. Of course, Micah unscrambles the channel, and boy cousin automatically thinks that Micah is A+. Monica comes home and can't stay mad at Micah for getting the pay per view when both she and Uhura said no. Monica sits down and is obviously bummed about her day. Her and Micah hug, and it seems like Micah is really bonding with her. He puts his hand on her back like he's trying to fix her, only he can't. It's a little sad. "I wish I could fix your dreams for you." Aww. Monica looks at the t.v. and watches the wrestlers for a minute. One of them swings around a rope and kicks another person, and we see the image replayed in Monica's eyeball.

Back at the house of M&M, Matt wants Molly to help find his father. Apparently, Matt's dad bailed when Matt was 13 and he never saw him again. His dad stole a lot of money from a lot of people, but now Matt needs to talk to him because he might be in danger, like, getting killed off danger. Matt shows Molly the group picture and points out his dad. (Go back to season one and start again if you didn't predict this next part.) Molly freaks out, her eyes reflect the Kensei/double helix/'S' symbol thing, and she starts screaming to get the picture away from her, and when prodded, she proclaims that Matt's dad is the Boogeyman. Who's name has now changed to Nightmare Man.

Nathan is looking through some old pictures of him and Peter, and then looks up in a mirror. He sees his nasty ugly burnt up, Two Face self in the mirror and gets so mad that he punches it out. End random scene.

West takes Claire home and she freaks about the time because her dad is going to kill her. West tells her to lie to her dad about something else that he was forbidding so that she can get out of the house consistently. Because you can only go to the library so many times a week. West is a bad influence if you ask me.

The Wonder Twins aren't dead yet, and the American sees a newspaper of them with the headline 'HOMICIDO'. The American freaks and tells Sylar who suggests that the police be called. Instead of distracting the twins while dumb American calls the police, Sylar kills him, jacks the car, and tells the twins that he knows the truth about them. Maya goes all black ooze crazy, and Alejandro has to get her to calm down, thus revealing their power. God, this story line is so stupid. I hate it. I hope that Sylar kills them soon, but it sounds more like he sympathizes with the killing people and not meaning to do it. Whatever.

Claire goes inside and tells her dad that there's no boy. Instead, she says that she forged his name on some cheerleading permission slips and now she's on the cheer team. She went out to celebrate her spot on the team. She makes this big speech about how much she needs something normal in her life, and HRG tells her that she can cheerlead as long as she doesn't date. The hell? Why does it matter if she cheers? I mean, I understand that she could break something, but for God's sake. It's cheerleading, not shop class where she could really fuck something up. Anyway, what is she going to do when football season starts and she doesn't have a uniform? And she's not cheering at the games when her parents go to see her? Way to think that one through. HRG goes outside and our old friend the Haitian is there. He says that they have to go to Odessa, Ukraine to get the rest of the paintings. More lies to come.

Molly is in bed, and Matt tells Mohinder that Molly has to find his father, because a lot of people are dying, and...whatever, sorry, I spaced out thinking about Claire's family and their web of lies. Anyway, Molly wakes up and says that she'll help Matt find his father.

Monica is at the burger place and she goes to lock the front door when a guy busts in to rob the place, wanting everything out of the register. Suddenly, while the guy is grabbing the cash, Monica jumps up, swings around, and kicks him in the chest, just like she saw on t.v. earlier. So let's recount. She sliced a tomato into a rose just like she saw on t.v. She kicked a guy through a plate glass window, just like she saw on t.v. Getting it yet?

Now, back to M&M's house, Molly is trying to find Matt's dad. She pinpoints him to Philly, then to an apartment building. She doesn't want to keep going, but she tracks him to the third floor. The Nightmare Man knows that she's coming, but she manages to get that he's in apartment number nine. She starts screaming for the Nightmare Man to leave her alone and she goes spastic before passing out. She's in shock, in a coma, or some shit, and she won't wake up. Matt reads her thoughts, and she's screaming: "Matt! Help me! Matt!"

Next week: Kristen Bell makes her return to t.v. Awesome.

So, your thoughts on this ep?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Heroes - Spoilers

I still don't understand why Peter is in Ireland. I mean, he obviously knows that he has these powers, so why not just get the hell out of there? I guess then we wouldn't have a story line, would we? So, we start out with the Dublin Gang telling Peter exactly what he has to do to get his life back. And one very random black Irish dude clarifies for us that Football in Ireland means soccer just in case the audience is retarded. But I digress. The plan is to rob an armored car after the game, while it's stocked with cash. Peter of course reads one of the Dublin Gang's brains or whatever and finds out that he's planning on just taking the money for himself and killing everyone else. Of course, when Peter calls him out on it, he gets roughed up because when it comes to money, and robbing armored cars, no one ever gets greedy! This gang is a family! They would never betray each other! Seriously, the Irish need to watch more Quentin Tarintino movies, apparently.

This sentence almost started with 'I still don't understand', but then I realized that would be repetitive, so instead I'll just say 'why are the Wonder Twins still around?' I like them least of all, because she's always freaked out and crying and he just breaths really heavy and reverses whatever it is she has oozing out of her eyes. And they really don't look like twins. At all. Where in the world are they running from anyway if they're trying to get to the border? In a really brilliant move, Alejandro tries to steal a car in broad daylight. Come on, does that black ooze kill brain cells too? Ugh. Yeah, I really don't like them. Of course, he gets caught by the policia.

Finally, something I like! Nikki and Micah. It's been so painfully obvious throughout the whole hiatus that D.L. is dead, even though I loved him. That's what happens to all the characters I like. His headstone is really quite touching: 'Daniel Lawrence Hawkins: 1974-2007. Husband, Father, Hero. Awww.

Oh a beach! And a scantily clad woman with a drink. Why hello Sylar. Scantily clad woman informs Sylar that they're in Maui, but it's obvious from the way the stock shots are being filmed that it's all an elaborate backdrop set-up. Scantily clad woman is Michelle - who used to go by Candice. Whoops, there you go. She dragged Sylar out of Kirby Plaza (unnoticed? Really? Brown haired Candice dragging a 6 foot something bleeding man through New York didn't get noticed? Maybe she made him look like a stack of pizzas or something; I don't know.) Anyway, she tells him not to move or he'll rip his stitches, and when Sylar looks down, he sees no marks. The jig is up for Michelle. She lets the hallucination fade away, and of course Sylar tries to move, which Michelle just told him not to do because of the inscrutable pain. He screams, and Michelle smirks. It should also be noted that Sylar stared at Michelle's chest for the entire Maui scene.

P.S.: Before I continue I am seeing a commercial right now for E.R. What the hell happened to that show? Is it even about doctors anymore?

Enter Claire. She's reading Papa Surish's book, and her dad lets her know that it's okay to ask questions. She can talk to him and if there's anything she ever wants to ask him as long as they're at home, she can. Of course, she asks what would happen if someone ever found out about her, say, because she cut off her toe while someone was hovering outside her window. Mr. Bennet says it really wouldn't be good and that they'd have to go deeper into hiding. Claire looks really jazzed about this fact. Also, what teenager do you know that actually lays in bed and reads before school? It was always a mad dash to the door for me, five minutes before school was going to start. At school, Claire tells West that she was giving herself a pedicure, and he's all 'negative, you horrible liar'. He knows that she cut off her toe, and she counters that it's pretty creepy that he's watching her outside of her house. Touche. He keeps arguing that you cut off your freaking toe and it grew back!, but she's not having any
of that, so she stalks off to class. "Don't do your nails on the way!" Hah.

Over in Brooklyn, Matt wakes up from a dead sleep and stalks to the kitchen with a gun. He pulls it on Mohinder who sounded a lot like a burglar, and they have some blah blah conversation about how now he'll be home so that he can be with Molly, and that he's never leaving again. It's so very much 'My Two Dads', especially when Molly runs in and shrieks that now they can be a real family! Bring on the slash, folks. Because that is apparently, all this fandom is good at.

Ando is back in Japan, playing games on a computer before getting verbally ripped a new one for playing games on company time. He busts out Hiro's sword. (he's keeping it at the office for nostalgia's sake?) On the butt of the sword is a message that says 'Ando, open'. When he does, some tiny little scrolls pour out. And that's supposed to be our segue into a scene in feudal Japan. Just in case you haven't been watching, we get a recap up to Kensei getting shot with the arrows and healing via the scrolls Ando reads.

Kensei is really freaked out about healing, all the while Hiro is trying to tell him that this is how he's a hero, and how he saves Japan. Kenesi just thinks that he's been cursed by Hiro, and calls him a devil. What? Whatever. I hate this story line. Can we please just get Hiro back to New York?

In Ireland, Peter thinks that he's in the cast of Captain Planet, and can call on his powers. "Lightening! Sparks! Lightening!" A pretty hilarious scene, if you missed it. He's still shirtless, and I'm pretty sure he has been for a while now. The Irish Woman walks in and wants to know how his powers work, and really, so would Peter. Oh good, he put a shirt on. I'm tired of seeing male-nipples. There's an exchange about how Irish Woman is really excited about seeing what's inside Peter's box, and that he can trust her because 'a girl's gotta have her secrets'. Whatever.

One half of the Wonder Twins is in jail, and God, why are they still on this show? Does anyone like them? There's this random American dude in the jail cell next to Alejandro and he unfunnily says 'Dude. You look like ass.' The hell?

In Biology class, West tries to get the one up on Claire by talking about regeneration and whether or not a half human/half lizard person could grow back parts. Claire looks on in horror as West calls her a Lizard Girl with a Lizard body, and Claire runs out of the room.

Ando keeps reading the sacred scrolls sent by Hiro who has fallen in love with the Princess. However, sadly, history already says that the Princess loves Kensei. Oh well Hiro, you just can't win. As he walks with her, he has a very Chuck Norris quote about danger. "Kensei does not run away from danger, he runs towards it and punches it in the face!" The princess has no idea what Hiro is talking about. Kensei is off in the woods cutting himself over and over again, like something is going to change. Hiro tries to explain about heroes and powers. He blinks himself and reappears behind Kensei, who doesn't understand how that's all possible. Hiro says that some people think it's a gift from God, and some people think it's evolution. Kensei has no idea what the hell evolution is, and Hiro says it means he can 'heal from any wound'. Spot on, Hiro. Knowing that, Kensei just gets excited because having a power like that will make him 'richer than the Pope!'. The Pope gets paid? By who, Jesus? Hiro is pissed off because Kensei won't go fight his battles, so Hiro blinks him to one, forcing him to fight and leaving him there alone.

Claire is crying outside of the school and West finds her. She gets all up in his face asking him what he wants from her. He wants her to say she's different, and she launches into her very familiar speech about how she just wants to be herself and how she hates having to hide who she really is, not able to fit in because people would know she cuts off her fingers and toes. (Seriously, how would anyone find out about what she can do? What does popularity even have to do with it? It's not like she's running around with a pair of scissors screaming 'LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!'). West shuts her up by taking off like he's Clark Kent or something and zooming with her in the air high over the sky. Okay, this is the lamest thing this show has ever done. Fast forward.

Back in Ireland, the robbery is about to go down of the armored car. Peter distracts the people driving the truck so that the Dublin Gang can tie them up. Peter doesn't like the way this is going, so he blocks the guard when they set off their alarms by throwing the armored car in front of the building, blocking the guard's gunshots. Peter then runs away and drives off with Irish Woman who is in shock over Peter's amazing abilities.

So, over in Issac Mendez's old studio, that guy who can turn things into gold (let's call him Midas) is explaining to Mohinder that The Company just made the loft his new laboratory. And basically that he has to work there so that he can be watched every minute of every day.

In Japan, the princess is doubting Kensei, and Hiro runs to his defense saying that Kensei is the greatest man alive. The Princess picks up on how when she's with Kensei, sometimes he's gentle and sweet, and other times he's a brute. Ha. Kensei appears just then, having won his battle, and he got a scroll that he needed to complete his mission. Hiro looks on sadly as The Princess kisses all over Kensei.

Nikki and Micah are now in New Orleans, and Nikki is apparently depending on other people to watch her kid yet again so that she can run off and figure out how to help herself. Micha's mad, like he always is, because he has a horrible mother. I thought that was resolved? I thought she knew how to work with Jessica? God, can we not have anything new happen to her story line? Anyway, She drops Micah off at his great-aunt's house and leaves. Ominous music plays as his great aunt says 'Welcome' and you just know that she's probably one of the elders.

The Wonder Twins story line again. Anyone care about them yet? Maya is trying to bust Alejandro out of jail, she goes all sickly and kills the people, Alejandro and Maya escape with the lame American who just happens to have a Nissan Car of the Season stashed out back.

So in Ireland, Peter's mind reading skill was correct and one of the Dublin Gang is all about getting the money and shooting some people for it. Peter gets two bullets in his chest, but they pop out and he heals up, and then he goes ape shit and throws the guy against the wall, then chokes him Sylar style. You can tell the power is getting to him and he really wants to kill the dude. But then he makes mooney eyes at his Irish lass and lets the dude go. It's all pretty intense.

Back in Japan, Hiro decides to go home, but then he doesn't because he's still in love with the Princess. Yawn. The only thing that I wonder during these scenes is how Masi Oka is so awesome at his 'I never spoke English until a year ago' accent.

Sylar is trying really hard to use his powers, but they aren't working. Michelle makes him breakfast and he gets all indignant. Michelle is a snarky person and I have no idea why she would think that she's safe here alone with a freaking serial killer. She's a stupid, stupid woman. Of course, Sylar kills her, and we find out what she really looked like. She was a fatty middle aged woman. And it doesn't help Sylar, because he still can't use any powers. Including hers. How did he get her brain if he couldn't cut her open with his powers? Her head didn't look all ripped to shreds. And what exactly does he do? Eat the brains? I still don't know. Also, it looks like Sylar ended up on the set of LOST at the end of this scene.

Peter is getting the Irish Gang's tattoo because having bad ass powers gets you in. He's adopted like a brother and given his box full of secrets, but he can't open it because what if he was a really evil person before? He leans in for a kiss with Irish Woman, and the tattoo changes into the 'S', double helix, sign of Kensei, (WHATEVER IT IS) symbol before fading away.

Another cheesy moment with Claire and West and they make out on a beach after they argue about whose power is cooler. Whatever. We learn that West has the hash marks on his neck, and 'some guy in horned rimmed glasses' ambushed him a couple years ago. LOL CLAIRE.

Mohinder is getting tired of being babysat by Midas, the fat man with the golden touch, so he calls HRG and sends him a picture of one of the paintings still in the loft. Uh oh, it's of HRG himself, dead, with Claire looking on or making out with someone. I can't tell. And who but Claire pops out of the shadows at the Bennet home, watching her dad in that creepy, Bennet style.

We find out that Nikki has been talking with Midas. She wants to be cured. Even though last season it seemed like she was pretty in control of herself by the season finale. I don't get it. Of course The Company is all about making a deal with her because they'll want something in return. Same. Storyline. As last. Season.

Your thoughts?

Prison Break - Obvious Spoilers

Well. What Sara's death tells me is that the writers knew long ago that she wasn't coming back. By the time the season starts, the filming is already done for at least the first five or six episodes. So either they were going to kill her anyway and she beat the writers at their own game, or she's not really dead.

Things just keep getting more and more complicated for Bellick, don't they? I mean, I get that he's scum but it's getting to the point where I don't even want to see him on screen anymore. This week, the electricity went out thanks to Michael and his plan to fix it, cunningly to win Lecharo's trust. Bellick knew it was a play, so he tried to rat out Michael to Lecharo by saying that Michael had buried something outside in the fuse box. Turns out he was wrong, and Lecharo rewarded him by pouring scalding coffee down his back. Excellent.

Mahone went off the deep end, and is now, apparently, a heroin user. Plagued by visions of Haywire, he's convinced (and not at all wrong) that Michael is playing him for a fool; trying to make him think that there's a spot open for him when they finally break out. He comes at Michael in his cell with a homemade shank, threatening to kill if he so much as hallucinates that he's getting left behind.

Linc knows that Sara is dead, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to tell Michael. I don't know if he's afraid that Michael would give up and then LJ would be killed or what, but man. What a secret to try and keep. Until the end when he blurted it out in front of Sucre and Whistler's girlfriend. Which apparently made Sucre's heart soft, because he's volunteered to be the grave digger at Sona. It's all a part of the plot to get Michael and Whistler out of jail: The chemical sprayed on dead bodies to keep the stench from being over-whelming, also eats through steel when it's heated up. (ie: the electric prison fence.)

Other random notes include Susan B. Anthony trying to tell Linc that she 'knows how he feels'. Really? How many times have you opened up a box only to find the severed head of your brother's girlfriend inside? I'm sure you know exactly what that's like, Sue.

That really was all that happened. This show could be thirty minutes, seriously. Also, why are all the men so freaking sweaty in Panama, and the women never ever break a sweat? I mean, I know that the prisoners are probably sweaty, but Linc and Sucre? They're always dripping wet with sweat as if they've been running for miles, and then there's Whistler's girlfriend and Susan B. Anthony, looking fresh and clean. I don't get it.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Office

We open on Michael. Eating the cereal that Jan made. Well, she bought the milk. He's convinced that this is going to be a very good year as he recaps that Ryan is in corporate while he drives, and then he runs over Meredith in the parking lot. Oh God. The look on his face is one of pure shock as we go to the opening credits.

The IT guy is sitting and working on Pam's computer. Apparently, Pam was trying to download a celebrity sex tape and it crashed her computer. Jim broke up with Karen, her desk is clear, and she's gone. He says that now he is single.

Pam talked Jim through his breakup, and they did go to dinner a few times. Kevin is convinced that Jim and Pam are sleeping together, but Oscar isn't so sure. To quote Kevin: "Are you KIDDING ME?"

Michael has bad news. He walks in and tells everyone that Meredith was hit by a car. He took her to the hospital, says that the doctors did everything they could. But she's going to be okay. She has a slight pelvical injury. And everyone praises Michael as a hero until he admits that he's the one that hit her.

Jim says that one day Michael came in to work talking about a speed bump he hit on the highway. "I wonder who he hit?"

Dwight says, "At least it was only Meredith. Uh oh, is this downsizing?"

Kevin is adament on making Pam say she's sleeping with Jim.

Angela's cat Sprinkles is sick. There's bad blood between her cats and she can't leave them alone. Plus she has to give Sprinkles is fifty thousand medicines, and that's why she can't go see Meredith in the hospital when Pam suggests the whole office goes. But finally she says okay, because as party planner, she has to do something.

Michael is going to annoy Ryan until Ryan kills someone. He needs a treat for the office workers, something to win their hearts back since he ran Meredith over. He wants to make things better. Ryan starts flipping out because of the accident happening on company property. "It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We're fine." Ryan doesn't seem to think that Michael knows the meaning of 'jeopardy'.

Ummm Ryan, with your scruff. I love it.

Anyway, Angela (Monkey) asks Dwight to give her cat its medicine. Angela laments that she has to go see 'the drunk' at the hospital. Dwight wants Angela to make sure Meredith isn't faking her injuries. Because if he got hit by a car, he wouldn't break his pelvis.

Michael has an announcement and he wants to plant a tree. However, everyone else is going to the hospital to see Meredith. No one wants to plant Michael's 'Freedom tree'. No one wants to drive with Michael either, because he ran over Meredith. Michael says that he has flaws. Sometimes he spends too much time volunteering. He sings in the shower. He hits people with his car. So sue him. No, don't sue him. That's the opposite of what he wants you to do.

Commercial.

Everyone is at the hospital, Michael holding balloons. But he hates hospitals because in his mind, they are associated with sickness. Meredith starts to wake up. Michael really wants her to be in a coma for some reason. She opens her eyes and sits up, saying it's weird that everyone from the office is there at the same time. Michael is trying to wrap the balloons around her wrist and rips out her IV. Kevin claps when the nurse puts it back in.

Creed wants to know what prescription drugs she's on for pain, and he starts listing off a plethora of them, but Meredith has no idea what she's on. Michael thinks it would be fun if she forgave him in front of everyone, and apparently forgiveness is next to godliness, according to the Bible. He doesn't understand why she won't forgive him.

Dwight is talking to Angela. He's come back from taking care of her cat Sprinkles, and it's dead. Angela starts crying and Dwight says, "She looked really dead. Like a dead cat. She's in a better place. Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer. Because of the odor."

Michael thinks that Angela is crying because of Meredith, but when he finds out it's about her cat, he starts to get upset and teary eyed. "How could this day get any worse? The computer crashes because of the porn, then Meredith, then Sprinkles. This office is cursed." He says he's not superstitious, but he's 'a little stitious'.

Commercial

Michael is questioning everyone. "Did anyone do anything on Indian burial grounds? Toby? Have anything to tell us?" No, Toby did not dig up Indian bodies. In fact he's had good luck lately. Angela is still so distraught over Sprinkles. Dwight reminds her that Sprinkles was just a cat. He did not provide wool or milk or meat. So it was useless. Michael wants to talk about religious belief. Because Satan is a master of lies.

Stanley is Catholic. Daryl and Pam are Presbyterians. Creed says "I've been involved in a number of cults. Both as a leader and a follower. Had more fun as a follower, but I made money as a leader." Somehow the IT guy got involved, and he restores cars on the side.

Dwight goes to see Mere at the hospital, and he believes that he should put her out of her misery. Meredith tells him he better not pull any plugs. Dwight says that Meredith's chart should be listing her hysterectomy, and the intern says "So THAT'S where her uterus went!" He's no Zach Braff.

Michael is upset because he didn't even really hit one of the most popular people, yet everyone is mad at him. God is dead. Kelly says if there was a god, she and Ryan would be married. Michael wants to make an animal sacrifice and Jim looks at the camera in complete shock and awe. Michael wants to kill something with the body of a walrus and the head of a sea lion. Or, just the head of a monkey with antlers of a reindeer with a body of porcupine. Jim and Pam volunteer to research that animal.

Dwight says that the doctors are going to start giving Meredith treatment because of the bat that bit her in the office a while back. Michael says that he knows everyone is upset, but Dwight before hand, exposed her to rabies which is ten times worse than getting hit by a car. Curse is broken because if Meredith hadn't been hit by his car, she would have died from rabies. There is now a God again. "Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?"

Kevin is really upset that Pam leaves alone at the end of the day and not with Jim. He thought that they would be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beesley and Jim. "WHAT A WASTE!"

Pam doesn't think it's anyones business if she's dating anyone. And she says it's no ones business if she falls in love. She certainly wouldn't tell a camera crew. And then Jim gets into her car.

And.

They.

KISS.

COMMERCIAL

Pam answers the phone and she's supposed to say something like "Michael Scott's Rabies awareness Race for the Cure something something something", people hang up on Pam. The whole office is supposed to find sponsors for a Race for the Cure for Rabies. Jan pledged 500 dollars of Michael's money. Phyllis is making a rabies quilt. Kevin refuses to run and Michael says it's because he's probably afraid for others to see his fat legs in running shorts. And then he goes on to say that fat people are good because they are a sign of wealth and money.

Andy is petrified of nipple chaffing. Andy being shirtless is the most horrible thing ever. He tapes his nipples down so they don't chaff, and now it looks like he has headlights.

Angela has a picture montage of her cat, and she's mad at Dwight because she's convinced that he killed her cat after she asked him to feed it.

Pam makes mooney eyes at Jim. Then Angela asks Pam for advice on relationship problems. She has a crazy thought that she knows is crazy, that maybe Dwight killed her cat. After Dwight put Sprinkles in the freezer, she was apparently still alive, and had clawed at frozen bags of french fries.

The camera crew reveals that they have footage of Jim and Pam kissing. They both deny that it was a real kiss, even though it seems like a real kiss. They say the camera crew could have edited it, and then Pam admits that they're dating because it's too hard to lie. So now, the camera crew knows.

Angela hits Dwight. He denies killing her cat and says that she'll feel better after she runs. Running helps with depression. She says she's not depressed, she's grieving.

Michael wants to get a giant check for the race for rabies, but it costs 200 dollars to make a giant check. Which is 25% of their funds. Dwight thought they were trying to make bat birth control. Michael wanted to hand the check to a rabies doctor, but there are no such things. Dwight says that they should just use all their money to set up a college fund for Meredith's son. However Michael says: "Have you seen that kid? He's not going to college."

Pam knocks on Michael's office door saying 5k means five kilometers, not five thousand miles. He says come in, and when she opens the door, he's tugging on pants. And his peen is out. Pam rushes out, shrieking: "You said come in!"

Commercial

Pam says that the image of Michael's dangling participle is burned into her eyes. Pam wants to know how many hours Michael spends naked in his office. She also says that she didn't see where his bits started, but she saw where they ended.

Pam: "They say if you are nervous, you should picture people naked. I do not recommend this strategy."

Jim is taking off his shirt, then looks into the camera and says: "I'm sorry, if this a working office, and not a nude beach?"

Creed is apparently 82 years old.

Michael still hates Toby.

Jan is threatening Pam about seeing Michael's naughty parts.

The race for the rabies cure is about to start. The face of rabies, is apparently Meredith.

Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans die every year from rabies. It is the foaming barking killer. And squirrels are happy because they are insane.

A giant check for $340 dollars is made out to: 'Science' and has been given over to a prostitute in a nurse's outfit.

The race begins and Dwight fires a real revolver into the air. Everyone takes off running, except for Daryl who starts chatting up the prostitute. Stanley takes a taxi somewhere else. Jim and Pam are in last place, but they hold hands and walk. Jan is the water lady, but Michael won't drink the water. Kevin is surprisingly spry. Andy's nipples are starting to chaff. Stanley, Creed, and Oscar are drinking beers somewhere. Dwight put Immodium in Toby's coffee before the race. He thought he was putting in Exlax.

Ryan is trying to call Scranton, and is annoyed because no one is there.

Michael is about to hurl because of the pasta he ate with Alfredo sauce.

Dwight tells Angela that he loves how cute she looks when she's running. And he admits that he really did kill the cat. Angela is rightly upset. Dwight just thought he was helping because he, as a farmer, just did what city folk can't do by putting the cat out of it's misery. He will have the cat taxidermied, or buried in the east field next to mother. Angela runs away crying.

Commercial

Jim and Pam go to a garage sale, where Jim carries the loot. Toby wins the race, but he's way ahead of everyone. Kelly is at the finish line 5k from the office. Kelly is just texting on her phone.

Michael can't finish the race. He can't beat rabies. It's been around for 1,000 years and he was stupid to think that he could. He sits down and Jim tells Michael to drink water because he's probably dehydrated, but Michael refuses because there are people in the world worse off than him. And he's upset because there are so many people that he can't help. Pam still had a good day though. And she tells Michael that he doesn't have rabies, and that he should feel better about himself because there are other better people in the world to help. She says that she knows him now because she's seen him naked. "You don't know me, Pam. You've just seen my penis." Michael gets up. He says that he owes it to Meredith to finish this "G.D. 5k."

After, he says that finishing the 5k is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He ate more pasta and drank less water than he ever has in his life. Pam and Jim give him the lamp they bought at a garage sale as a trophy. He pukes and says that although he puked his guts out, he's never puked his heart out. And he's never been more proud.

Michael is in the hospital now for dehydration. Meredith goes to see him. And she wants to say that she heard he was trying really hard, so she's not mad at him anymore. And Michael says that he's not mad at her anymore. Awkward silence. Then they share a red sucker.

Next week: Who knows? NBC sucks with their teasers.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Bionic Woman Recap

There are probably going to be a whole lot of BSG references, so don't be surprised. Thanks.

We open on Katee Sackhoff being bat shit crazy in a reverse Leoben. She wants to be told she's loved. So maybe she's like Six now.

Sorry. Couldn't resist it.

Three years later in a bar, we're out of Stoli! A person I can only imagine is Soon to be Bionic Woman herself heads home and finds her kid sister passed out on a couch. She covers her with a blanket, then heads to bed. She wakes up at 8:42 in the morning to some blaring music, and I swear to God, if someone ever did that to me I would punch them in the fucking face. So, Soon to be Bionic Woman storms in and says she's not allowed to be near a computer with internet due to court order. But there is so obviously a computer in the room - er - outside the window.

Bionic Woman drives her sister to school and the two bitch and moan at each other forever. Apparently little sister was dropped off on Bionic Woman's doorstep by her dad a while back. And little sister is totally bitter about it. But who can blame him? Little sister has done nothing but act like a dick.

At some school. A guy is lecturing on body parts and how to alter them. But is there a thresh hold, and is it ever okay to never stop? The guy lecturing is nmaed Will, apparently. And he's dating Bionic Woman because she's 'different'. Yeah right. Heard that one before. She's fucking hot dude, it's okay. Just admit it. She's with him because he's not entirely uncharming. Whatever that means.

Cut to that night. Little sister has to have a babysitter. Ha. She's being left with some women who I'm almost positive are lesbians while Bionic Woman goes on a date with Will.

During dinner, they talk about grants and Paris in spring, but Bionic Woman is not happy. Will wants her to go to Paris, but she's being all noble with her responsibilities and thinking about other people instead of herself. They've only been dating for 5 months and 15 days, but Will wants to get married. She reveals that she's pregnant. They start driving home and Will starts talking about baby names. And wreck! Moment of doom! They do a couple of fucking sick rolls in their death car, and then Starbuck emerges from the semi truck that hit them and stalks forward.

Commercial.

Soon to be Bionic Woman is being heli-flighted to a hospital. How the hell Will isn't in a body cast is beyond me. But I digress. Where did Starbuck go? And this isn't even a hospital. It's a research facility in the middle of Bumfuck, wherever the hell this show takes place. Her right arm is shredded and her legs have to be amputated. I think Will wanted this to happen just so that he could experiment on her, but whatever. Hey it's people whose faces I recognize from other shows, but don't care enough to know their names. Soon to be Bionic Woman is freaking out because she apparently saw Starbuck's face.

Cut to Starbuck. She's talking about sinning and forgiveness. And she wants to go to Disneyland. Which is full of fat people and fat children. Okay, so she's more like Six now. Weird and creepy and a robot. Again with the tell me you love me. And now with the shoving against the wall and kissing. This is definitely a David Eick show.

Soon to be Bionic Woman wakes up and finds out that she'll be able to get pregnant again. But now she's having a freak out about not being able to feel her legs and her arm. But Will has replaced her with robot parts on her face for her eye, her ear, her legs, and one of her arms. She really flips the fuck out and pushes him across a room. People run in and inject her with sleepy time juice. When the Now Bionic Woman wakes up, she immediately searches for her legs and finds them attatched, with no weird shit running through them like before, which is what made her flip out. Will comes in though and tells her that she now has super strength. Bionic Woman wants to know why the hell this was done to her. But Will patiently tells her that she was going to die and there was no other choice.

Commercial.

Cut to a guy on the water in a boat going to talk to some Commando woman who's in charge of something at the research facility. They are talking about Bionic Woman and how she's a good candidate for a project. She's got loyalty, and good brains, and she's trainable by this guy named Jay. Meeting adjourned. Apparently people want to kill Bionic Woman because she could kill a few people now. But Will is all menacing. That better not happen, he says.

Bionic Woman isn't about to let anyone try to rehabilitate her. She pulls her wires out of her arm and walks to a one way mirror. Looking into it, and knowing at least one person is watching her, she says 'Boo'. The man watching says, 'Bitch, it ain't Halloween!' No, that didn't really happen.

Commando Woman has a name. It's apparently Ruth. She comes in, and wants to talk to Bionic Woman. She starts a truth or dare game and tells Bionic Woman her sister and friends think she's in Vail. And if Bionic Woman doesn't get with the program, she'll be put down like a rabid dog. Nice!

Will is talking to some bald guy and he says that Bionic Woman is a civilian, and she shouldn't be doing combat. But this bald dude really wants her to be online and ready to fight.

Ruth tells Asian Guy that Bionic Woman likes to draw. And she drew Starbuck/Six. Apparently Starbuck/Six was supposed to be dead and she's not.

Sirens start going off! Bionic Woman has escaped! Will took her, and says that he's the only one she can trust. Of course. So, she hauls off, but there's already a helicopter looking for her. She starts using her super speed and it's totally awesome. She looks like what I would imagine I would be like on steroids and a Red Bull IV drip. Will is in a lot of trouble now. But Ruth thinks that it's a good idea to let Bionic Woman go. Give her freedom, or the illusion of it, and they'll gain Bionic Woman's loyalty. Asian guy feels this is a mistake.

Commercial.

Bionic Woman makes it back home and Will calls. He needs to talk to her, but she doesn't answer. Instead, she takes a shower and cries. She then looks at herself naked in a mirror, but she really can't notice anything different. So, she goes to a rooftop and flings herself across it. She almost sticks the landing, but has to pull herself up. Maybe she should find Nathan Petrelli and join the Heroes gang. I mean, sure she's Bionic and all, but no one else has to know that.

Anyway, Bionic Woman finds her little sister who knows the skiing in Vail story is a goddamn lie. So she storms off.

Crazy Starbuck goes into the same room she demanded to be loved in, only to find it empty. There's a note on the wall that says 'You failed me'.

Hey, it's Chief Tyrol from Battlestar Galactica! Amazing, I never would have been able to tell that David Eick worked on this show! Anyway, Chief is in a bar and then he leaves. He's pissed about something. He's being threatened now, and then he's given a cell phone. Someone is crying on the other end. We cut to a super max prison. Asian guy is there talking to HOLY SHIT, LAMPKIN FROM BSG! So, this is how the cast is going to ensure a paycheck after BSG goes off the air. They'll just all go to a new show. I nominate Edward James Olmos as the cranky yet soft Chief of Police and Mary McDonnell as the President of something. Anyway, apparently Asian Guy is pissed because Sarah Corvis (So that's what Starbuck's new name is.) is still alive when Lampkin should have killed her. Lampkin is Will's dad.

Cut to the bar Bionic Woman works at. And now crazy ass Sarah is at the bar, chatting up Bionic Woman. Bionic Woman gives Sarah a beer on the house. She has some kind of freak out and starts hearing and seeing shit, and Sarah is loving it. Bionic runs to the bathroom and pukes, and Sarah follows her in, saying she wants to help. She holds back BW's hair and tells her it gets like that when the ear and eye implants go online for the first time. So, Bionic Woman gets all defensive with the 'who the hell are you', and then Sarah just disappears. She's in the crowd and whispers: "Tell everyone Sarah Corvis (?) says hello." Then she leaves for real.

Cut to an alley. A guy tires to get up on Bionic Woman. He has a knife, and she immediately kicks his fucking ass and he starts begging for his life.

Commercial.

Bionic Woman then goes to see Will. Microscopic chips have been embedded in her cerebral cortex. Apparently, they made her into a solider, and with the proper training, she can control her killer impulses. Will pulls that shit about how he couldn't bear to lose her, blah blah blah, and it's obviously a fucking lie, but she'll have sex with him anyway, because that's what David Eick does best in his shows. Cut to later because this is too hot for NBC, Bionic Woman is going to leave. She wants to know what Will really does, but he says it's complicated. Then he talks about how the world is more advanced than everyone really thinks it is. Bionic Woman wants to know where the line is drawn. Then she says Sarah's name and he freaks out. And Sarah is suddenly shooting from across the street and far away, and she shoots right through Will's chest. Asian guy runs up with a gun and sees Will, but instead of calling 911, he calls everyone else. Sarah gets him in her sights and can't kill him.

Bionic Woman starts running and leaping buildings and shit. She's ready to kill someone for going after her man. Seriously, shes gonna fuck Starbuck up. I mean Sarah. Only Sarah is ready for her. And she stops to light a cigarette first, which is the most awesome fucking thing ever. And without being melodramatic, she says that she's the original bionic woman. Ta da. And she's hardcore, all fucking robot, no human. She puts the cigarette out. Time to fight. Sarah realizes that Bionic Woman only has one fucking bionic arm, and she advises something be done about that. This is the most awesome fight I have ever seen. Seriously. You need to see it. It's so awesome, I can't even recap it right. Just imagine the best Power Rangers fight scene you ever saw if that had been a really, really good show created by J.J. Abrams or something. Sarah Corvis says that Bionic Woman didn't do bad at all in the fight before she leaps off a building and jumps away.

Will's boss (who was from Crossing Jordan, I realize) comes to the scene where it's suddenly daylight and the ambulance is just now leaving to take Will to the hospital. Will's boss talks to Bionic Woman and says that he's kind of like her landlord since she has 50 million dollars worth of his technology inside of her. He starts to walk away, and Bionic Woman says that whatever they're about to do, they better be doing it on her terms or she'll kill a lot of fucking people. And then she says 'By the way, Sarah Corvis says hello' before stalking away.

Bionic Woman heads home and gets all nostalgic with her sleeping sister, which is about the only time I can stand that little bitch.

Cut to Senora Pass, California. Will's dad just got busted from jail or something, and now he's hiking through snow. And there's a slo-mo shot. We go back to Bionic Woman. And then fade out.

Next week: Bionic Woman learns more about herself, and she wants to save the world. Man, there are a lot of people trying to do that. You'd think between all of the shows, someone would do it.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Heroes - Spoilers ahead!

We start with Mohinder talking. And it's a nice recap of last season with flashes of new stuff and new characters. Okay, Mohinder. Enough. Be quiet. Thanks.

Four Months Later.

Mohinder is lecturing in Egypt. He's talking about the disease that effected his sister and Molly Walker. Some guy in glasses comes in and starts to listen. Mohinder wants a cure and tells people to pick up on the cause. There is polite applause from the roughly 10 people listening. The white guy in glasses wants an autograph and Mohinder goes bat shit crazy instantly and throws him against a wall. Guy in glasses says he just wants to offer him a job, and Mohinder says no thanks because he's been down that road, and it almost got him killed more than a few times by crazy as fuck people. Guy in Glasses says the whole world thinks Mohinder is crazy. Apparently, the world still needs saving, and they are going to chat it up over drinks.

Somewhere south of the border. Maya and Alejandro, a couple of brother and sister banditos are on the run and over a fence. They speak Spanish. More subtitles in our future? They hide in a room. Yep. Subtitles. I think they are saying 'Oh God I am so tired of running. Let's just go to bed.' But apparently if they don't keep running they will die, so they need to keep running all the way to America for answers they need, and besides, Alejandro promised mom that he wouldn't let anything happen to his sister.

California. Claire is walking out of a school with her dad. Fun. 11th grade is shark infested, apparently. HRG (always and forever!) says he does not want Claire to dress like a slut, but she'll still fit in. Her name is Claire Butler now - HELLO, YOUR FIRST NAME NEEDS TO CHANGE TOO, GENIUSES. HRG tells Claire to forget about even thinking about cheerleading,and Claire is saying 'don't drive me to school dad, it's nerdy and I want to make out with a boy this year since I totally got gyped last season. So you can start with giving me a car'. HRG gives her a key to a car and Claire is all excited. And then he looks creepy as he says that he's sorry for everything he's ever put her through and that he loves her. Claire goes back to hug him, because apparently all the shit he put her through last season is now null and void. Claire almost gets hit by a car and how hilarious would it have been if on the first day, she had to heal herself in front of the whole school?

Japan. We see Hiro in a little recap of what happened at the end of last season. Oh Hiro. you are so cute, and I just want to put you in my pocket forever for safe keeping. Japanese is spoken. I'm pretty sure Hiro says 'son of a bitch'. That's what it sounds like anyway, even in Japanese. So I'm going with it. The eclipse happens and everyone stops what they're doing to stare, and then the battle starts and arrows go flying around Hiro's head. But he stops them mid flight which is so bad ass. Hiro says the past isn't safe. Well, I bet it could be if you didn't enter in the middle of a fucking arrow battle, Hiro. So of course, he's going to save Kensei's life by squinting really hard and teleporting them both somewhere else.

New York. Officer Parkman, who thinks he can take on Sylar, is still alive and he's now trying to get some hostages free. Here's hoping he's wearing a vest this time around in the middle of a gunfight. He starts popping caps in someone's ass. Matt doesn't know who to trust between a man and a woman arguing that the other is the bad guy. So Matt just says 'fuck it' and reads their minds, then busts a cap in the woman's ass. Lights come on everywhere. Oh, so it's just a test. Okay then. Matt makes up some bullshit about how he noticed eye contact or whatever, and that's how he knew that she was the bad guy. When he was actually reading minds the whole time. Ch-Ching! Matt has now been promoted to a real cop again. Congratulations!

California. Claire is playing with a Bunson burner. And she's already hated by the cheerleaders. She puts her hand in the fire because she doesn't give a shit what her dad just told her two hours ago about not doing that shit. Some prep dude jerkily says "I'm sure that's hot. It's a flame." Prep dude says that Claire is interesting. And his name is West, but that's the dumbest name ever. So he's Prep Dude. He asks Claire what she is and she has this moment of "Oh shit." And Prep Dude clarifies by asking 'is she a robot or an alien?' Yeah, thanks for clearing that up, buddy. Aliens are apparently really cool. Claire turns the question over on him and he doesn't answer. The teacher starts asking questions, but her dad told her to not even raise her hand, so Claire doesn't, because in school where people ask you questions about Charles Darwin, someone would be suspicious if you talk.

Somewhere south of the border. The Bandito brother and sister are still on the run. And they're trying to get to the border, but it's going to cost them 600 pesos or rupees or something. Which is probably 10 dollars in American. They negotiate for a while on who gets to ride shotgun, but Alejandro isn't having any of that. They both ride in the back.

New York. Matt is taking care of Molly now who is in school, and she says that a boy tried to kiss her. And then some official looking woman interrupts, then shoves Molly away so that she can talk to Matt alone. Official looking woman says that she's concerned about Molly because she's falling asleep in class. Molly has been having nightmares, apparently, and the teacher or whatever is being a bitch. Apparently Matt got divorced, and he's not a stable father figure because of it. He argues that he loves Molly and he feeds her and gives her clothes, and lets her outside to pee, but the teacher shows Matt pictures that Molly is drawing. And it's something with shifty evil eyes and the helix symbol. Oh man, these pictures are scary.

A different part of New York. Ando and Hiro's dad are together in Kirby Plaza. Ando looks like a business man. There's been no sign of Hiro they say, and George Takei says he was always disappointed in Hiro until the showdown with Sylar. So George Takei has hope in Hiro and he decides to wait right there in Kirby Plaza all day and night until Hiro comes back. He opens a newspaper and a picture falls out with a big red helix thing drawn through his face. George Takei freaks out. He says in 24 hours he will be dead. Ando makes the most hilarious face ever.

Yet another part of New York. Ma Petrelli is stroking a picture of Nathan and Peter. Who walks in but - gasp - Nathan! Not dead, and apparently was a cast member on the new Survivor judging by that beard. But he's also drunk which is hilarious. Peter is apparently dead. And Ma Petrelli is pissed. Nathan drove away his wife and kids and to top it all off, he thinks his mom is evil. She looks kind of like Mariska Hargitay here. Anyway, Suvivor Man throws her out. She sees a picture of herself in the hallway with the helix symbol over her face, and that means she'll be dead in 24 hours too.

Japan. Kensei freaks out and draws his sword on Hiro. He wants to know what happened and why he's suddenly not in the middle of a huge arrow fight. And then he runs away like a little bitch. Another man with no Japanese accent whatsoever comes out and points a bow at Hiro. And now the real Kensei is saying that Hiro must be a monk in funny colors, which Hiro denies. Hiro is treating Kensei like a rock god or something, which freaks Kensei out enough to take off his mask. It turns out, Kensei is a white dude which makes Hiro put on his glasses. Hero says 'Wha?' Which is justifiable.

California. In a copy place that HRG now works at, he's taking crap from some teenager that is amusing considering HRG could have killed this guy four months ago. The teenager who is abusing his power is talking about how bad 'you have to want excellence'. HRG just gives a halfhearted 'yes sir'.

Egypt. Guy in glasses is talking about how The Company was supposed to be good, and it was built around finding all the special people and making sure they understand how to use their abilities for good. But somewhere along they started killing some people. Mohinder gets all moral and says that no one has a right to decide who lives or dies. And guy with glasses brings up a good point, saying that Mohinder himself was trying to take out Sylar. Guy with glasses says he has the funds to help Mohinder with his research to take out that virus that was killing Molly Walker and did kill Mohinder's sister. Mohinder says there will be a lot of cost involved, and then guy with glasses turns a spoon into solid gold. So now I will call him MC Hammer.

New York. Matt and Molly are now living in Mohinder's apartment in NY and Matt orders veggie pizza since Molly is the only kid in the world who says she needs to be eating vegetables and not pizza and ice cream. She asks him about his test, and when he says he passed, she pegs it and says Matt cheated to get his shiny new badge. They argue the point and Matt says he wants to talk about the pictures Molly is drawing at school. Molly hung around Claire way too long last season during the finale, because she gets bitchy instantly and screams she doesn't want to talk about it. So she storms off with her dinner into her bedroom. Matt looks dejected.

Somewhere south of the border. The banditos are on a truck heading for the border and they've read Mohinder's dad's book and they say it means they have a chance at salvation. What I think they should be saying is: 'If we try to cross the border, George W. Bush will have us killed!' But then the vehicle stops before they can say that and the banditos are escorted off of the truck. Alejandro is pissed because the truck driver is saying that the price just got raised for the ride unless Maya can sit up front and be taken advantage of or something. Alejandro gets knocked down and his sister starts screaming that a mistake is being made. The truck drivers take off with Maya.

Califoria. It's time for cheer practice at Claire's school. She watches the cheerleaders sadly, but goes back to playing badminton or croquet or something. She runs to find that paper thing they've been hitting over the net when it gets knocked out, and magically, Prep Dude is there. He declares Claire a robot and then she gets all upset and says 'You don't even know me!' and Prep Dude says he knows a robot when he sees one. Stupid Prep guy. The cheerleaders are trying to manipulate some girl into doing something stupid. And Claire calls their shit. And so of course, Claire has to open her mouth and say she can do a back flip off some tower. Even though her dad told her like, 4 hours ago that she better not do that kind of shit. So Claire climbs a ladder but instead of jumping off, she just says she can't do it.

New York. Molly's having a nightmare and so Matt reads her thoughts during her dream. She's thinking 'please don't hurt me' and some mean evil Darth Vader voice says 'I can see you!' and then Molly wakes up all screaming about how some guy can see her. Matt says (like the idiot cop he is) that he'll go after the guy, because he didn't learn his damn lesson in the season finale when he had to eat bullets.

California. Back at the school, just to prove her point when she thinks no one is looking, Claire jumps off the ladder. She breaks her leg, and of course fixes it, just in time for Prep Dude to walk in and ask her why she's still in the gym.

At HRG's new job, he's apparently running late on his break. His teenager boss says there's a line of customers outside but it's obvious he's lying, so HRG wants to finish his coffee. Teenager gets his finger up in HRG's face, but he'll never do it again, because HRG does this amazing flip just using the guy's finger and he tells the teenager to back the fuck off and let his nuts go our else he'll fucking kill him.

Japan. Hiro doesn't understand how Kensei isn't famous yet. And Kensei declares that he has to piss. I think he's a drunk Irish guy. Okay, so maybe English. Whatever. They start talking in English. Good. Because I hate subtitles. Kensei is a dick, apparently, and Hiro is getting more and more pissed off. So Hiro, jet set yourself out of there, okay? Before your child hood hero pisses all over you. Instead, Hiro tells Kensei that he's from the future. Hiro starts telling Kensei his future, and Kensei is dying laughing. Kensei smells smoke and there's a village burning down.

New York. George Takei and Ando are on the Rooftop of Perpetual Doom, and talking more about the death symbol that has befallen George Takei. George Takei wants Ando to leave, but Ando is too noble and says that he has to stick around for Hiro. George Takei needs a sword, so he sends out Ando. Ma Petreilli comes and she looks at Ando like "What the fuck is another Asian guy doing here?" She walks up to George Takei and we see that the pictures that have the death mark are actually two halves and they make a bigger picture of Ma Petrelli and George Takei doing everything but smiling together. George Takei says that someone among them is trying to kill them. He asks Angela how the hell she even tried to help her son so that he wouldn't die, and she slaps the shit out of him. He tells her he's going back to Japan, and she better get the fuck out of dodge too, unless she wants to die.

Japan. Hiro is upset that he rewrote history accidentally. "Great o Scotto!" Kensei says to drink, because it makes everything better. Because being a hero is dumb and dangerous. He obviously watched the season finale. Some Asian chick comes up and hits Kensei in the face and blames him for the village burning down. He blames Hiro, and she takes the Kensei sword, saying it was her fathers. Apparently, she's a princess. Or something. She has to save her father. Or something. I have too much fun inserting my own subtitles and then I don't pay attention. Sorry. But Kensei punches Hiro out and says he needs a drink. Classic. He should go be friends with Nathan the Survivor Man.

California. Back at Claire's new house and it's dinner time. Everyone is pretty quiet. Mr. Muggles is doing well. HRG talks about all the great sun and Claire's mom looks pissed off about the whole situation. She asks Claire what happened at school, and Claire says nothing. Everyone is relieved that no one noticed Claire pop a bone back into place or something. Then Mrs. HRG and Mr. HRG have a conversation about how secretly she knows that he fucked up at work. And they do it all with their eyes. Claire's mom is so fucking weird. And Claire, her brother and her dad, all look at each other like - "Why the hell did we bring this woman?" HRG's cell phone rings and it's Mohinder saying that 'he finally took the bait' and that 'he's in'. And HRG tells him to be careful and watch his back so that the two of them can take The Company down once and for all.

Somewhere south of the border. Back with the banditos, Alejandro is trying to get to his sister. He's all caught up with the truck, and when he opens the door, a dead guy falls out. Inside the truck, more dead people. Lots of dead people. Maya did it. And she's crying, bemoaning about 'what did I do? I didn't want to do it!' And Alejandro tells her to get the fuck up and stop crying so they can get to the United States so she can get some help from Surish. To bad he's dead. I guess they'll have to settle for Mohinder, only he's in Egypt.

California. Claire calls Nathan and he's pissed about it. She doesn't know why she's calling him, and Nathan wants to disconnect so he can drink some more. Claire says she needs someone to talk to, so when the hell did her and Nathan get so buddy buddy? She tells Nathan that she can't be what everyone wants her to be. And he tells her that he can't help her. And he looks in a mirror and he's all burnt up and OH GOD THAT IS FUCKED UP LOOKING. But then he looks back and he's normal. I don't get it either. And then Prep Dude is upgraded to really fucking creepy guy as he flies past her window.

New York. On the Perpetual Rooftop of Doom, George Takei is waiting on Ando to come back when a hobbit comes around the corner. George Takei says 'Out of all of them, I never expected it would be you.'. Ando comes back with a sword then, and then the hobbit and George Takei take off over a rooftop and they splat.

Now we're on Cork Island and someone takes out a security guard with a crowbar. A couple of thugs are looking for shipping crate number 9109. They find the box, and when they open it they find it's empty except for a pale person back in the corner. And there's Peter! In a crate where iPods are supposed to be! Peter doesn't know his name though.

NEXT WEEK: Claire is supposed to be special, Nikki is back, Sylar is on an island having sex, and God isn't done with people yet.

Prison Break - There be Spoilers ahead!

Previously: Sona is scary, people die there, Sucre was dying, Maricruz is missing, fake!Sarah and LJ are being held hostage in exchange for Whistler's breaking out.

Sona: Mahone looks bad. Bellick looks worse. This MJ Wanna Be Kid is chatting up Michael, and Michael is all "God, why are you talking to me?" and then Bellick is like "Michael save me." and Michael is like "You stink go away." The water is gross, we've established, and MJ Wanna Be Kid has now just become Michael's go to guy. MJ Kid says everyone is looking for Whistler. T-Bag is still big ol' black guys bitch.

Someone is screaming about some Little Mexican guy not having money and big old black dude in charge who is apparently named Lechero says they need to break it up. But then Smaller Scrawnier Black Guy pushes Little Mexican into the water and spills it all. Oops. "There will be more water" says Lechero. MJ Wannabe Kid is out. Mahone and Michael are giving each other shifty eyes and Michael has the Versailles v Madrid 1989 note. Bellick is trying hard to get water and Michael says "Give me info and I'll get you some water." Michael wants to know about the note and Bellick says Whistler gave him rat meat in exchange for giving Michael the note. So naturally, Michael wants to go down in the sewer to find Rat Meat guy. Makes perfect sense.

"Whistler?" he whispers, once he's in the sewer, and there is a bang. How bad must this smell, by the way? Michael learns not to run his hands along a pipe in a sewer. He finds the hole in the brick and whispers that he was sent to get Rat Meat guy out, but Rat Meat guy is silent. Michael says he's not ever going back into the sewer, and then Rat Meat guy says "You're gonna get me out?" and Michael asks "Are you surprised?" And Rat Meat guy says he is because if he comes out and someone else sees him then he's 'a dead man'. Rat Meat guy says there's been a misunderstanding. Michael says he has problems and that he'll be back. He also says that Rat Meat is playing innocent and he ain't buying it.

Panama City. Linc meets with New Company Girl and she says very funnily that no threats are necessary. She keeps talking blah blah blah, she wants full reports of progress and that Michael better get Rat Meat guy out or else. Linc wants a picture of his kid and Sara to make sure they're alive. There's only a week to get Rat Meat guy out of Sona. New Company Girl says her name is Susan B. Anthony. Hah. Linc makes threats anyway and says that if anything happens to LJ or Sarah, he's going after Susan B. Anthony's family. Which, Linc, did you ever stop to think that Susan B. Anthony is really, probably not her name?

Somewhere. Sucre is hot and thinking about Maricruz. He's just made a deal with American money in exchange for a gun and ammo. Oh shit. He has a look on his face that says he's going to do something dumb.

Sona. Michael comes out of the sewer and Mahone sees him. Some crazy white dude is talking about Lechero and saying he's living like a king and doesn't care about the prisoners. Which is probably true. Everyone continues to treat Bellick like shit. Well, I guess you reap what you sow. But Bellick is still being an asshole. Bellick wants Michael to be his friend and take care of him, and wants to know about Rat Meat guy, but Michael leaves. Little MJ Wanna Be is talking to Mahone about Rat Meat guy, blah blah blah and Mahone says that now him and MJ Wanna Be kid are friends. MJ kid ain't buyin' it.

Sucre is outside Sona and is laughing so hard in his head at how Bellick looks. Sucre pulls a gun and wants to know where Maricruz is RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Bellick says she's okay and that he never had her. Apparently, he told Maricruz to run or he would kill her way back when. So she's alive. And their baby is alive. Sucre still really wants to shoot Bellick, but he doesn't. And for some reason Bellick thinks Sucre owes him now, and will call his mommy and get him out of jail. Haha. "SUCRE, HELP ME!" No.

Mahone is in the sewer now. God, you're a nosy son of a bitch. So, Nosy Son of a Bitch stands there in the stank for a while and is about to go back when Rat Meat Guy coughs like the idiot he is.

Outside Sona. Linc goes to see Michael and Michael says he doesn't know anything about Rat Meat Guy other than they have to get him out of there. He shows the Versailles v Madrid note to Linc and asks for money. Linc gives it to him. Michael says no one's ever broken out before and to tell Susan B. Anthony that he's going to do everything he can or he's going to die trying, and if he dies, it has to count for something. Linc says he'd trade places with Michael and it's all very touching.

Back in Sewer o'Stench, Mahone STICKS HIS HANDS IN THE SHITTY (literally) WATER. Then he tells Rat Meat Guy that he's not safe there and that he can take him someplace that he is. And Rat Meat guy says to leave him alone. And it looks like Mahone is trying to kill him with a stick.

Panama City. Linc and Sucre meet up and Linc wants Sucre's help, but Sucre is so not into that. Maricruz is in Chicago and Sucre wants to go back, but Linc reminds him that he's still wanted in Chicago. But Sucre still wants to leave and he gets on a bus. Linc is pissed. The back of the bus says BANCO VERSAILLES and Linc gets out the note and looks at it.

Sona. T-Bag is trying to cut a mango with his one hand, and Lechero is pushing around the guy who got the water spilled and calling him a dumbass. Lechero tells T-Bag to give each man a little bit of water in a jug. Crazy white dude is still yelling about how Lechero doesn't care about anyone. Michael looks on in trepidation and 'Oh shit please stop'. Bellick tries to get water from T-Bag and T-bag says that Bellick is going to be drinking his own urine. Of course, T-bag is a sucker for 'good information' though, so when Bellick mentions that he knows something, T-Bag is all ears.

Sewer o stank. Mahone is trying to get Rat Meat guy out of his little hole.

T-bag takes Bellick to see Lechero. And Bellick spills the beans about Rat Meat guy. T-Bag starts handing out water and gets pushed down and it's hilarious. MJ Wanna Be kid has been in Sona for 3 years and he's 17. Michael sees people heading into the sewer, and sees Bellick with a muffin. Uh oh. Shit's about to hit the fan.

Sewer O'Stink. Mahone has Rat Meat guy out of the hole but a bunch of men gang up on them. Mahone says Rat Meat guy is coming with him and Michael gives Mahone a look like "OH NO YOU DI'INT!" There's a stand-off and Mahone is all threatening with his stick, and Mahone wants to kill Rat Meat guy to get out of Sona. And Michael says he'll testify to get Crazy Jones Mahone out of jail. Rat Meat guy runs and Mahone is all 'BACK UP BITCHES' with his stick.

Michael walks into Lechero's office and offers his help with Rat Meat Guy and Lechero laughs. Michael tells Lechero to trust him and Lechero laughs even harder like we didn't get it the first time, and says no. But Lechero apparently trusts T-Bag the murdering serial killer. T-Bag calls Michael a snake, and then something is thrown through a window and Lechero tells Michael to leave. Crazy White Guy is yelling 'How's your Whore?' from down below. Michael asks MJ Wanna Be Kid for booze. NOT A TIME FOR A PARTY, MICHAEL.

Somewhere. Spanish. Speaking. The chick that was screaming about letting out her boyfriend in the previous episode is named Sofia Lugo. She says she's Rat Meat guys girlfriend. I think she's lying. So does Linc.

Bus stop. Sucre sees a woman with a baby and gets all nostalgic as he holds Maricruz's crucifix necklace. And then some cops come and Sucre gets scared. And the cops start hustling Sucre about needing something. But the cops leave. And the woman with the baby gets scared and walks off. Sucre realizes that cops will always look at him that way and doesn't get on the bus.

Sewer O'Stank. Rat Meat guy is lost, and Mahone is chasing him. So they can be lost together in a pile of shit. Rat Meat guy is trying to get back in his hole, and Mahone is trying to stop him. Mahone tries to get him to come up top, but Rat Meat guy says to go to hell.

Up above, MJ Wanna Be kid comes back with the moonshine.

Bank. Rat Meat's girlfriend, Oval Face Sofia, gets into a safety deposit box and takes something out, then leaves. Linc follows her, duh. Because he can't help but get involved with the pretty ladies. Oval face secretly speaks English and when Linc mentions Rat Meat guy, she freaks and Linc steals her purse and inside is a book on birds. Oval face says Rat Meat guy is a fisherman. Oval face apparently has no idea about what's going on, and Linc leaves with the book. Some sweaty guy was watching in a car.

Sona. Michael pours the moonshine into a bag and MJ Wanna be Kid is afraid of him because Michael has enemies. All the other prisoners are still going batshit over water so they don't see Michael stroll by.

Sewers O'Stank. Mahone is still trying to get Rat Meat guy out. Michael is down there again running his hands over the pipes that are disgusting. Michael goes through a secret door.

Up top another window is broken. Lechero is about to lose his fucking mind. A cell phone rings. Lechero says into the phone that there's a problem and there's no more water and a guard down below doesn't really care about anyone getting water until the day after tomorrow.

Down below. How the hell did Michael find this place in the sewer? Anyway, he's unscrewing something and he pours the moonshine into it. He tries to light it on fire, but the matches won't take.

Mahone comes out of the sewer with Rat Meat Guy and swings his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Michael gets the moonshine to go up in flames.

Lechero is informed that 'They got Whistler.'

Mahone is still waving his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Lechero comes out, but the crazy white dude is like 'You decide nothing, shut the fuck up.'

The moonshine explodes and everyone goes quiet. And then water starts pouring out of a pipe and everyone rejoices. It's a good day at Sona. Lechero knows that Michael did it. Mahone wants to know 'now what?', and Lechero doesn't want anything to do with him. He's just wanting to be BFF with Michael now. And Lechero says his and Michael's slate is clear as a blue sky. A lot of intense gazing goes on.

Sucre calls Maricruz who still doesn't look like she's pregnant at all. How long has it been? Whatever. Sucre tells her that he can't come back to Chicago and that all that matters to him is her and the baby. But it's not because he doesn't love her, it's because he's a dumbass and he busted out of jail right before he was set to get out. Blah blah, they both cry, Sucre makes some promises about them being together soon. Whatever. I bet she goes out and sleeps with his cousin again or something. I suddenly think it would be interesting if the baby wasn't even his.

Hotel. Linc comes out of a room and suddenly there's Susan B. Anthony telling him that she knows about the hassling of Rat Meat guys girlfriend. She goes all Tomb Raider and pulls a gun and says Linc better give her whatever he took from Rat Meat guys oval faced Sofia girlfriend. Linc gives her the bird book and man, Susan B. Anthony sure is a fucking bitch. Luckily, Linc gave her a fake book.

Sona. Lecharo is praying. Hilarious. Maybe he's meditating Who knows. Crazy White dude is now afraid for his life, but I really do hope he gets killed because I can't stand him at all. Yes, death by drowning!.

The prisoners are going ape shit over the water, and hey...Rat Meat guy cleans up pretty well, so I'm going to now call him Hottie Aussie. Because did I mention? He's Australian, mate.

NEXT WEEK: Susan B. Anthony wants to sleep with Linc, T-Bag is making a deal with Michael, Sucre wants to help, and fake!Sarah is back.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Back To You

This is going to be a bullet style post, because I think 30 minute sitcoms are way less detail oriented as say, Prison Break and Heroes. Nevertheless, spoilers do follow.



*Oh Patricia Heaton. I love you. And I love you, Fred Willard. And you too, Kelsey Grammer.

*I love Kelsey Grammer cussing so hard. I don't know what it is. It's sick. I love it.

*The anchor's clich├ęd names was so awesome. Chuck Darling, Kelly Carr. And then there's Gary Crezyzewski. I would personally like to see my local news anchors try to say a name like that.

*We are five minutes in here, and I already think this is so witty. I love it.

Chuck [To the weather girl - er - meteorologist.]: "You need to use your diaphragm more."
Gary: "Like that could happen."

*When I'm a soccer mom, I want hair just like yours, Patty Heaton.

*"You preening gas bag!" <3

*Oh man, this weather girl is a floozie.

*I take that back, she's just insecure, right?

*Total iMac product placement. Is it just me, or has there been a lot of that lately?

*Oh, writing, how witty you are. Our two main characters slept together ten years ago.

Chuck: "This just in."
Kelly: "Your exact words that night if I recall."

*Oh my God, this is like Deborah on Everybody Loves Raymond if she'd divorced Ray, moved to Pittsburgh and become a news anchor. AND I LOVE IT.

*I feel kind of bad for Gary Crezysgfgdfgsg whatever. Over it.

*Oh, so now there is BABY DRAMA TWIST! This just keeps getting better and better.

Chuck: "Is the baby mine?"
Kelly: "I did fall in love with you that night. So did my eggs. It was Beatlemania in my uterus." (probably out of context.)

*Oh, the daughter Gracie was on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader!. Yay, I like her.

*Oh, it's over. Wow, 30 minutes goes by fast.

I like this comedy, and FOX better not pull it. I'll be watching for the ratings breakdown tomorrow.

Next up: Commentary for next week's Prison Break, Chuck, and Heroes

Monday, September 17, 2007

Prison Break - SPOILER WARNING!

So, I knew from advertisements during the Emmy's last night that I was going to be in for one hell of a ride when it came to Prison Break's premiere. Until 7 minutes ago, I had no idea it was possible to be stressed out because of a t.v. show.


Okay, I have to be honest and say that I'd already seen the first 17 minutes, but even so, I was still on the edge of my seat.

I'm not sure how my heart is going to fare this season. As soon as I saw the fighting, and Michael standing back in the crowd, I knew what was going to happen. There is no way Michael is getting out of Sona unscathed. All I could think of though was that it was all kind of like UFC, but with a more deadly ending.

If Sona is the 'worst of the worst', why are people like Michael, Mahone, and Bellick there? I can understand T-Bag, but the rest of them? Someone wants them there, but for what, I'm not sure yet. And Oh, Bellick. I'm not sure this is the best place for your smart mouth.

Linc is trying to make deals to get Michael out, but I have a feeling that he had no idea what he was getting them both into, but more on that later.

So, Mahone is strung out. And he's trying to make a deal with Michael but not because he needs an ally - because he knows that once he's out, Michael will be called to testify. So it's all a case of 'I need you, so just don't die.'

So this woman all dressed like a nun. Linc is watching her and thinking - 'I don't care what kind of nun you are. You wouldn't willingly walk int Sona'. So I'm pretty sure he wondered about the woman, but didn't know what was up.

Random note. Michael's tears :( And, lol what better music to play in a hell like Sona than 'Mony Mony'.

Nun = Whore.

Okay, this huge, for lack of a better adjective, black dude, seems to be in charge of everything. How does one get a flat screen t.v. and yoga in a place like Sona? It will be interesting to know what he does. And does he have a name yet, so I can stop calling him 'huge black dude'? He obviously knows a ton of information and knew that Michael would be incarcerated in Sona. So what does he want? And all I have to say about that scene is - Michael needs to stop worrying about being such a saint. It's obviously kill or be killed here. Just, please stay in a dark corner, Michael.

That guy outside of the prison wants to help Michael escape. What does 'skill set' mean?

I think that the fight was set up - obviously because we know the drugs weren't Michael's, but I think it was set up in the sense that it was a test for Michael. For what, I don't know. That remains to be seen.

I know that we all thought the same thing for a moment when Linc was told that Sara was in the morgue. I mean, I knew SWC wasn't coming back, but I never would have thought they would just kill her off like that. And they didn't. How glad am I for that? So if she ever changes her mind and the writers aren't too pissed at her, she can/could come back.

Reality has sunk in for Michael now that Bellick's hungry friend has been shot down trying to escape. Running is futile. You will be killed. Please don't try it.

The chicken foot obviously symbolizes the fact that someone wants to beat your ass. That's creepy.

This guy down in the pit of Sona - Whistler? What did he give to Bellick to eat? Please don't tell me that was human flesh. Please.

Apparently, T-Bag is going to try and kiss enough ass to stay safe and not have to fight. You're a good man, Teddy.

My heart pretty much stopped when I realized that Michael was going to have to fight to the death. Because I forgot for a long moment that Michael is good at taking care of himself. (Usually) And when he actually took Mahone's advice, I knew that there wouldn't be much of a beating on his part. There could have been a shanking, and I would have screamed at my t.v. But no, Mahone saved the day out of greed for his own life.

Now who the hell was that woman at the bar? Why is she involved in this and why in the world would LJ and Sara be involved in the plan to break Whistler out? Why is he important?

What does 1989 Versailles v. Madrid mean? Soccer? Is that a clue?

And this is the set-up for the rest of the season: Get Whistler out of jail or Sara and LJ die.

NEXT WEEK: T-Bag is a douche. And oh yeah, where is Maricruz?

The end. Next up: Commentary for Back to You.

The Heroes finale is on!

I can't get over Molly Walker:

Cause when I think about him, he can see me.

Is that the set up for - NEXT MONDAY!!!??

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Emmy Ballot

Who should win: Bolded. Who will win: Underlined.


Best Show (Drama)
- Grey's Anatomy
- House
- The Sopranos
- Heroes
- Boston Legal

Best Actress (Drama)
- Minnie Driver (The Riches)
- Edie Falco (The Sopranos)
- Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
- Patricia Arquette (Medium)
- Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order: SVU)
- Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters)

Best Actor (Drama)
- James Gandolfini (The Sopranos)
- Hugh Laurie (House)
- Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
- Kiefer Sutherland (24)
- James Spader (Boston Legal)

Best Supporting Actress (Drama)
- Aida Turturro (The Sopranos)
- Lorraine Bracco (The Sopranos)
- Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy)
- Rachel Griffiths
- Sandra Oh
- Chandra Wilson

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)
- Masi Oka (Heroes)
- Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
- Michael Emerson (Lost)
- Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos)
- William Shatner (Boston Legal)
- T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy)

Best Reality Competition
- The Amazing Race
- American Idol
- Dancing With the Stars
- Project Runway
- Top Chef

Best Variety Show
- Late Night With Conan O'Brien
- Late Show With David Letterman
- Real Time With Bill Maher
- The Colbert Report
- The Daily Show

Best Show (Comedy)
- 30 Rock
- Two and a Half Men
- Entourage
- Ugly Betty
- The Office

Best Actress (Comedy)
- America Ferrera (Ugly Betty)
- Tina Fey (30 Rock)
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
- Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)
- Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)

Best Actor (Comedy)
- Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
- Steve Carell (The Office)
- Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
- Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)
- Ricky Gervais (Extras)

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy)
- Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)
- Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl)
- Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty)
- Jenna Fischer (The Office)
- Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men)

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)
- Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men)
- Jeremy Piven (Entourage)
- Rainn Wilson (The Office)
- Kevin Dillon (Entourage)
- Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)

I'm going against my gut in some of these, which we are always told not to do. But I always bet against Tony Shalhoub and I always lose. And I think I'm giving The Sopranos too much. But the Emmys tend to drown landmark shows in awards. (Everybody Loves Raymond, anyone?)

We'll see what happens.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Heroes season one, and speculation on Season Two

There was so much that I had forgotten about from the first few episodes Heroes. From one of the very early episodes, I forgot about Mohinder and Eden going to Sylar's apartment and finding all that freaky shit where Sylar was asking for forgiveness. I forgot that Sylar got his name from a watch brand. And I also realized that because my schedule back then had me working until 8 p.m., I had missed the first 20 minutes of a LOT of episodes. Luckily, that won't happen this year.

I can't get over the writing of this show and how it didn't feel like a freshman premiere. Granted, there were some things that I still have no idea what the heck they mean, like Peter 'dreaming' Charles on that rooftop? Was it a dream? Will we see more of Charles and whatever it is he can do in the second season? What about Mama Petrelli? Remember the scene where she and Claire were talking, and Claire said 'You're like me?' and Ma Petrelli stood up? I remember thinking the same exact thing I must have back in April. Oh my God, she's gonna do something. And then she didn't and I was kind of let down. But oh well - as long as what she can do is completely bad ass, I don't care.

Now, as I was watching the episode where Micah goes to the polls and manipulates all the computers into having Nathan win by a landslide, I thought 'If Linderman is all powerful, and he knows about all of these people and what they can do, why doesn't he just get Wireless to do it?' Or whatever her name was. You know, the chick who can do things with computers. I mean, it seems like, if the system was networked like Micah said, it would be much easier to force an adult to do it all, rather than get a kid involved whose mom and dad are just a little (okay, Nikki/Jessica) crazy. Or is Wireless dead at this point? I know in the flashback episode she was toast, but what about the present time? She just kind of dropped away after her, Matt, and Ted were gonna go bust in on the Bennett family.

Which leads me to my next wonderings.

A couple of the things I've read about season two say that Claire is with her family (I can't remember exactly where at this point.) So, Petrelli family? If that's the case did Ma Petrelli just decide to take her? I can't see that going over well with Mr. Bennett (Noah!) so did he take her with him? And if so, are Lyle and Claire's mom going to remember everything? It doesn't seem like Mrs. Bennett has much brain power left to keep getting wiped out the way she was by the Haitian. And if the scene in the hotel where she told Noah that she still knew everything is any indication, she should still know. Right? What about Lyle though? That's the kid who wanted to put Claire on YouTube, and he's a teenager who might not be able to keep such a secret. (Claire obviously didn't, since Zach knew.) So, I wonder if Lyle got his memory taken away.

I have no cool segue into talking about Nathan/Peter so I'll just do it.

Obviously the two of them aren't dead. Milo and Adrian are both showing up in press and talking about the show, so I'm not concerned there. But how in the world does Nathan survive? Unless having Adrian out in the press talking about the show is just a rouse. (Meanwhile, where is Leonard Roberts - DL? Is DL toast?) We know that Peter can survive the explosion, but even that makes me curious. Because if you explode, body parts tend to fly everywhere. So for arguments sake, let's say he doesn't explode into hundreds of tiny pieces. Let's say his torso lands and it's missing its head, one leg, and both arms. Would all those parts grow back? Or would his head grow a new body since the brain is like, the epicenter of it all? If you think about it too hard, you probably will explode, so best not to, I suppose.

Now. Where is Sylar? I had this weird dream that I was married to him, but he wouldn't kill me because I was the only one that truly loved him for him. But I digress. Obviously he lived, and I'm thinking he's going to want revenge big time. Why wouldn't he just start right where he left off once he's all healed up, and go after more 'special people'? Unless in some awesome twist he joins the good side because of whatever Molly Walker was talking about. The thing that can see her when she thinks about it. Him. Whatever. Something that is bigger than Sylar and could take him out. If the writers know a thing or two about continuity, they haven't figured out something different to do, only to leave us stranded and wondering what the hell Molly was talking about.

On a final note, I have to admit that I'd forgotten my love for Matt actually did appear near the end of the season. (When I first started watching thd DVDs, I complained to everyone that I didn't like him.) Around the five years in the future episode, that's when I started to love him. Actually, maybe the episode right after that one. But the love for Matt did come around, I just wasn't patient enough. I want to see his wee bebe this season, if he isn't toast. (I don't think he is. Molly begged him not to die!)

Moving on to Hiro, I cannot WAIT to see where that is going to take us. Anyone else think that he's going to be the baddest motherfucker ever after he trains in 1600's Japan? (By the way, would his power not work that far back, or would the issue be that he might go back even further and get eaten by a REAL dinosaur?)

Okay. I'm officially ready for the premiere. And I've got a little over a week to go, but oh man. I want to see Claire push the limits of her ability. I want to see how Nikki is adjusting if Jessica is really gone. I want DL to live. I want Matt to live. I want DL and Nikki to adopt Molly so that Micah has a sister. I want Nathan to be alive. I want Ma Petrelli to show us what she can do.

September 25 is too far away.