New Year Resolutions

Welcome to the last day of 2009. Not only that, welcome to the last day of the decade. I’m sure you’ve all been reading lists regarding the best television shows and best characters from the past 10 years, so I’m not going to focus on that. Instead, let’s talk resolutions. I gave up a long time ago on that gym membership, so instead I’m making more realistic goals for myself, all centered around – you guessed it – television.

Be brave; try more new shows
This one will be hard for me. Reason being that shows I actually enjoy inevitably get canceled before all episodes can be aired. Case in point: Eastwick. I enjoyed this show as a Charmed meets Desperate Housewives set up, and not only did ABC cancel it, they also skipped an episode before the last one they ever aired. Things like this and knowing how quickly shows get canned kept me from enjoying Modern Family and Cougartown when they premiered and I had to play catch-up. I understand money issues and advertising when it comes to airing shows, but there needs to be some way to keep those who actually enjoy television from becoming disgruntled. Maybe start with not skipping remaining episodes and airing them all before pulling the plug? I don’t know, just a suggestion.

Re-watch old favorites
With LOST ending this year, and Battlestar Galactica having ended earlier, I think it’s time to pony up and re-watch both shows from beginning to end. Of course, LOST will be a summer project (and hopefully by then the sixth and final season will be available on DVD). Another show worth re-watching will definitely be Arrested Development (something else cut down in its prime). I’m going to get lofty and say I’d like to re-watch all of The X-Files which means that I’d have to sit through seasons eight and nine, but maybe the sting of that wound has healed enough over the years. And to really overshoot my goal, I’d love to re-watch all of Will & Grace, because damn if I don’t miss the Jack and Karen show.

Don’t let the DVR pile up
I made the mistake of doing that this year more than once, and it took me weeks to get caught up. Television watching actually became stressful so clearly, I need to space out what I’m watching. If only Wednesdays and Thursdays (and coming soon in 2010, Tuesdays??) weren’t so jam packed! Instead of blowing off catching up when I have free time, it’s time to commit, commit, commit.

Finally, be more vocal about great (and even good) T.V.
You’d think that having a blog would pretty well have me on the right path, but the truth is (as anyone who reads this on a regular basis knows) that life gets in the way quite a bit. There are times I’d love to come here immediately and rant and rave with everyone, but my job beckons, and the one that pays me money actually sucks my soul. Sadly, as much as I wish this weren’t true, I don’t always have time for the blog. In a fantastic world, this is what I would do for a living, but since I neither know anyone who can get me into the world of professional (?) blogging or know anyone at Entertainment Weekly (seriously, someone from there feel free to call me) I come here when I can. I just hope that lengthy absences are rewarded with people wanting more updates, not wishing I would go away.

So, those are my T.V. driven goals – what are yours? Let me know in the comments, and let’s make this a great New Year (and decade!) for television.

Talking To Anyone Out There

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted here (not since the Emmys), and it comes down to two things: I overwhelmed myself with the amount of television I was watching, and the job I actually get paid to do went through a massive upheaval of changes. The first thing is completely my fault, but there were so many shiny and new things! Modern Family, Cougar Town, and Glee! The second thing – not so much within my control but it doesn’t matter anymore because it has finally calmed down. Somewhat.

Post Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the great shows both renewed and new that have been able to keep me entertained: The three already mentioned, plus Mad Men, Community, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, LOST (final season coming soon!) and others. I’m still hoping that some shows will be let go. Shows like Heroes that have fallen to contrived plots and barely there twists in the story lines. And I’m mourning the loss of some early cancellations, most notably my guilty pleasure show Eastwick. What wasn’t to love about that show? It was Charmed meets Desperate Housewives, and it was delicious.

I wanted to compile a list of my top favorite quotes from the past year of television, and then I realized we have the end of a decade upon us. So, I’ve decided to go even further back. Here are some of my favorite quotes from 2000-2009, may most of these shows rest in peace. (And yes, shows that ended within the decade still count! But I am limiting myself to only the seasons that were within this decade. See? Tricky, silly blogger.)

Will and Grace

Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and...Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out!

Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!

Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus?

Karen Walker: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Battlestar Galactica

Bill Adama: As of this moment we are at war.

Laura Roslin: We need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies!

Baltar: Its all so pointless. We kill them, and they kill us, so we kill more of them, so they kill more of us. What's the point anymore?

Number Six: You, your race, invented murder. Invented killing for sport, greed, envy. Its man's one true art form.

Laura Roslin [after finding ‘Earth’]: So…much…life.

LOST

Jack Shephard: God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone.

Hurley: Okay. See, we did crash, but it was on this crazy island. And we waited for rescue, and there wasn't any rescue. And there was a smoke monster, and then there were other people on the island. We called them the Others, and they started attacking us. And we found some hatches, and there was a button you had to push every 108 minutes or... well, I was never really clear on that. But... the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches. That was the DHARMA Initiative. The Others killed them, and now they're trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us. So we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up. And we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean, and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up. And by then, there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people... who were on the plane? They're still on that island.

Mad Men

Bobbie Barret: This is America, pick a job and become the person who does it.

Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing, happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.

Friends

Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.

Chandler: I don't... understand

Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?

Monica: It doesn't make any sense.

Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.

Chandler: On every word?

Joey: Yep!

Monica: What was this sentence originally?

Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."

Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."

Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.

Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.

Joey: Why not?

Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.

Desperate Housewives

Bree: As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?

Rex: Bree...

Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that.

Lynette: Listen to me. I forbid you to die. If you leave me with a mortgage and a restaurant and five kids, I swear I will track you into the deepest pit of hell and make you pay.

30 Rock

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?

Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

The Wire
McNulty: This is just us talking right? Just you, me, my partner and... what did you say your name was?
Bodie: I didn't say shit.
McNulty: Just you, me, my partner and Mr. Shit here.

Slim Charles: Don't matter who did what to who at this point. Fact is, we went to war and there ain't no turnin' back. I mean, shit, it's what war is, you know? Once you in it, you in it. If it's a lie, then we fight on that lie. But we gotta fight.

The Office (US)
Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just—
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um—I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea—
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: —what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Playing the game of Life]
Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

Modern Family
Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title.

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

Glee
Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

This is just a mere sampling of what I think have been some of the most memorable quotes of the decade. I could go on forever; I could make this post so long it takes up the entire page. I love pop culture quotes, and I love 'em hard. So now, I want to know what you think. Share with me your favorite quotes from television shows in the past ten years. Spam the heck out of me with your quotes, because I love to read them. And I know you love to relieve them.

Emmy Awards 2009

Check back here frequently for my live blog of the Emmy awards, starting at 8/7 central!


6:56 - four minutes until the show! Wrap it up, 60 Minutes.

7:00 - Oh a nice montage of CBS moments and the stars on the red carpet. Aretha's hat revisted from the inauguration!

7:01 - Neil starting the show with singing is the only way I could accept this moment.

7:03 - Oh Jon Hamm and Christina Hendricks! Gay joke here.

7:04 - I should mention that NPH is wearing a white suit and looks AMAZING.

7:05 - "I love that we're already running 27 minutes late. We just started, how did this happen?"

7:05 - Great LOL moments discussing the fact that theme songs have disappeared from t.v. shows.

7:06 - "Here's hoping Kanye West loves 30 Rock."

7:07 - Ohhh, the stage will change as the categories change. And the show is divided up by comedy, drama, etc.

7:09 - An awesome comedy montage of the funniest moments from the television year. I'm really digging this set up.

7:10 - Tina Fey and Jon Hamm presenting together. Aww, they look cute. More Hamm on 30 Rock please.

7:12 - all of the actresses for best supporting are wearing glasses of some sort except for Vanessa Williams who is all "NO."

7:12 - Emmy goes to Chenoweth!! And she's adorable! And crying! Shout out to Oklahoma!

7:14 - Cheno is crying through the whole thing. "I'm unemployed now, so I like Mad Men, and The Office, and 24."

7:15 - Commercial break, and I'm running to grab another grilled cheese sandwich. Back in a jiffy!

7:20 - PC from the Mac vs PC commercials is our narrator for the evening.

7:21 - The cast of How I Met Your Mother is presenting the award for outstanding writing in a comedy series.

7:22 - 30 Rock wins its first emmy of the night!

7:24 - Julia Lous Dreyfus and Amy Poehler are presenting for outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series.

7:26 - Jon Cryer wins, and Jack McBrayer continues to be adorable as everyone else looks kinda pissed off.

7:29 - Commercial and commentary: I would have given anything to see Jack McBrayer take that stage and make a speech. Ah well.

7:33 - Justin Timberlake! Why hello there beautiful. He's presenting for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series.

7:35 - Sara Silverman is wearing a moustache and makes JT lose it. "That's what hormones will do."

7:35 - Toni Collette wins! Surprising everyone.

7:38 - NPH does a bit with Jon Cryer about how he won. It's pretty funny - NPH was robbed.

7:39 - Some Gossip Girls chicks present best actor and actress guest stars. The emmys go to Tina Fey and JT for SNL!

7:40 - And JT gives us our second Kanye joke of the night.

7:42 Emmy for best comedy writing goes to a writer from The Office!

7:48 - Rob Lowe is the presenter for best actor in a comedy series.

7:51 - Alec Baldwin wins for 30 Rock!

7:52 - Lorne Michaels is getting a ton of shout outs tonight. I still think he's rude.

7:53 - There's a montage of Stewie beating the crap out of Brian (Family Guy) shouting "WHERE'S MY EMMY MAN?!"

7:54 - Next up: reality shows.

7:56 - Some dancers from Dancing With the Stars are doing a little number now. One of the girl's outfit reminds me of Pocahontas.

7:58 - Jon Cryer and Hayden Panettiere...oh I can't spell her name are giving the award for outstanding host. Hayden looks...I'm gonna let that go.

7:59 - Emmy goes to Jeff Probst.

8:05 - Tracy Morgan is getting behind a microphone to present best reality competition program. God help us all.

8:07 - The Amazing Race wins, and Tracy managed not to do anything outrages. I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed. But just in case you were wondering, The Amazing Race will never lose.

8:09 - Movies and mini-series up next. Don't look for updates super fast on this one.

8:12 - Kevin Bacon and his gorgeous wife! They're presenting for supporting actress. The winner is oh geez, the only name I can't spell. Shorhre Aghdashloo? Every time she inhales there's this deep wheezing sound though. It's so distracting because I'm laughing so hard.

8:14 - The win for best actor goes to Ken Howard. And there's the third Kanye joke of the night (paired with a Joe Wilson dig.)

8:22 - Kate Walsh and Chandra Wilson are presenting for best lead actor (how is this different than the last one? What did I obviously miss? Oh well.) The winner is Brendan Gleeson.

8:27 - My t.v. blinked out for a moment so I missed something, but hey there's Patricia Arquette and Jennifer Love Hewitt giving an award to Dearbhla Walsh. She needs a bra, sorry to say.

8:30 - A Doctor Horrible sketch!! OH MY GOODNESS A DOCTOR HORRIBLE SKETCH!!

8:33 - Alec Baldwin takes the stage again for best lead actress in a mini-series or movie. The award goes to Jessica Lange.

8:42 - Kiefer Sutherland and Anna Torv present for best made for television movie. Grey Gardens wins.

8:44 - Anna and Kiefer are still there to give an award to Little Dorritt.

8:46 - Woo, next genre is Variety!

8:49 - The Big Bang Theory cast takes the stage to present outstanding directing in a variety show. The Emmy goes to Bruce Gowers for American Idol.

8:52 - The award for best writing team goes to The Daily Show!

9:02 - Jimmy Fallon is on stage with one of those mics that distorts your voice, falls and 'hurts himself' and we shoot to Steve Carell losing it in the audience. But the award for Original Music and lyrics goes to the team that wrote the Academy Awards opening bit.

9:06 - Ricky Gervais comes out to no mic at all but recovers quickly. He riffs on Steve Carell for a moment and he's funny before presenting the award for best variety, comedy, or music series. And the Emmy goes to The Daily Show!

9:16 - Ohhhh time for Drama! I like how the show is running this year. It's totally made me forget about how crappy the hosting was last year.

9:19 - LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell are up to present best supporting actor and the emmy goes TO MICHAEL EMERSON. YOU CREEPY S.O.B. I LOVE YOU.

9:21 - The award for best supporting actress goes to Cherry Jones!!

9:23 - And now we have the in memorium, sung live by Sarah Mclaughlin. I mean, not that she is singing their names, but she's singing. I always, without a doubt say 'Oh, so and so died? I had no idea'. Or,'I thought they died a long time ago'. Also, there should be no applause because it's like playing favorites or something.

9:33 - Stephan Moyer and David Boreanaz let us know that the winner for best guest actress and actor in a drama are Ellen Burysten and Michael J. Fox.

9:35 PM - Ellen and Michael present for best director, and he award goes to E.R. Sorry, another snub, BSG.

9:36 - Annnnd the award for best writing goes to Matt Weiner for Mad Men!

9:38 - Simon Baker presents the award for outstanding lead actress to Glenn Close!

9:48 - Dana Delany (adorable) presents the award for outstanding lead actor in a drama. And the award goes to Brian Cranston. Jon Hamm was robbed. SORRY BRIAN.

9:51 - Bob Newhart! He's presenting for best comedy show but is telling stories. Um, long stories. And the show is running long, and the Mad Men rerun is on in 8 minutes so come on Newhart. I love you but you're killin' me.

9:54 - And the award goes to 30 Rock! As if there were a doubt.

9:56 We're told that the breakthrough performance of the year is something from True Blood. But I wouldn't know anything about that.

10:00 - Sigourney Weaver comes out in a gorgeous red dress to present the final award of the night. Best Drama. My fingers are crossed for you LOST! (And Mad Men!)

10:01 - THE AWARD GOES TO MAD MEN!! WOOHOO!!!

I've had a ton of fun with you guys tonight, thanks for coming by AND for all your shout outs on Twitter! Until next time.

Yay, Glee!

I would like to take this opportunity to disprove a few myths surrounding this show and what non-fans think. I don't feel as if I have to defend the show, but when things are said about the fans, well, as a fan I feel like I should be defending myself. So, without further adieu, this is where I politely tell you to change the channel if you do not enjoy this show.

As I was having a grand time with my Firefox add-on Stumbleupon, I came across this gem:

"People who enjoy the show Glee were raised on High School Musical."

I will let all of my readers over the age of 25 have first stab at this sentence.

That is exactly what is wrong with this statement. I didn't even know what the hell High School Musical was until all of the actors started breaking out on their own. I figured it out thanks to interviews that started with: 'My next guest stars in the hit Disney movie High School Musical...' And to be honest, they could have been saying television show, because to this day I don't know if it's a movie or a show, and I don't care enough to google it. The point is, no, people who enjoy Glee were NOT all raised on some Disney phenomena made for and intended to be enjoyed by teenagers and/or elementary school students. Not to say that Glee isn't supposed to be enjoyed by teenagers, just that its main target demographic isn't 13-18 year olds.

The appeal of a show like Glee, and the reason I'm personally a fan, is the amazing writing, wit, and talent involved. What other show on Earth will you be able to enjoy Jane Lynch verbally abusing everyone in sight, or Matthew Morrison dancing and rapping to 'Golddigger'? I know that singing and dancing isn't everyone's cup of tea - different strokes for different folks, as they say. And historically, musical shows fail so hard. Viva Laughlin, anyone? That one singing cop show? But this show has something those other shows were lacking, and that's heart. There are real story lines behind the singing and dancing, and that is what I love.

But cutting away to musical numbers like a fantasy is disappointing. I want it to be stage shows and performances!

So, here's how I feel about that, because I somewhat agree. I love it when the group is on stage singing their hearts out, BUT Rachel singing into her hairbrush or longingly staring at Finn while she sings Rihanna better than Rihanna does makes sense. It's like on Scrubs, when J.D. would go into his own little fantasy world. Sometimes his included singing, but ALL of Glee's include singing, and fabulous renditions of songs at that. I don't find a difference, really. I think it's actually very well done. Especially Mercedes after thinking Kurt broke her heart intentionally.

Ugh, high school stereotypes much?

Well, yes. I don't know about the last time you were in a high school, but it's pretty accurate. I hear people complain the LOUDEST about Mercedes being the ~sassy~ black girl and Kurt being so amazingly flamboyant. And yes, I do have what I feel is a valid argument about that.

Take a look at the cast of Glee. For that matter, when you watch the show, look at the background cast. The extras, if you will. I don't notice many other black people, do you? How do people who are different or don't fit in try to adapt to their surroundings? By taking what they see from other people of their same race/country/neighborhood and mimicking the behavior. This gives us the opportunity for something I like to call character development. You give these kids no real sense of themselves (isn't that how we ALL felt in high school?) and let them self discover along the way. Art imitating life - who knew?!

This is all I have - this is what I wanted to get off of my chest. And you're free to leave your WELL I STILL HATE THE SHOW, it's all over-hyped, it REALLY REALLY SUCKS comments because it's a free country and who am I to take away your First Amendment right? You know where I stand, and though I don't see the point in stopping to leave a comment about something you hate, you are more than welcome to do so.

The Office - Gossip

Ah, love
Kelly [about two dating interns]: If they get married before I do, I'm gonna kill myself.

Matchmaker
Michael: This place is like a Spaniard fly.

Come on and whisper in my ear
Dwight: People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheek bones.

On things that aren't real
Michael: I shoulda known. Poop ball?

What mama said
Michael: My mom always said that the third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.

Over the hill
Dwight: Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.

It was all a LIE
Michael [after Phyllis discredits an intern's gossip]: You stupid son of a bitch, you set me up!

If it's wrong, I don't wanna be right
Preston/Porter intern: If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Michael: Drugs?

True love conquers all
Stanley [on his affair]: Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill...

It's a real stumper
Michael: It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Sharing is caring
Erin: Kelly has a eating disorder? She always eats my lunch.

Riddle me this
Andy: Let me give you a scenario. I'm like, at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. Tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like, at first. But if he was persistent, I might give in a little bit, just to see what it felt like. Would I push away? How hard? Like, what if he's really aggressive?"
Oscar: If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still...need to get to you?
Andy: This is not real Brad Pitt, this is like, my fantasy. I mean, it's not fantasy it's...just a scenario.
Oscar: Wow, I...wish I could help you. You might be gay.

Liar, liar
Michael [after spreading all of the false office rumors]: It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.

Ponce and Circumstance
Dwight [to the interns on their last day]: As a gift I've attached my card. Call me any time, day or night.
Preston/Porter intern: Why would we call you at night?
Dwight [takes away his card]: Now you can't call me at all, so problem solved.
Jim: You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs at night

Help a brother out
Jim: Are you interested in her (Pam's) guy friends?
Andy: No! I mean, for the record I prefer women. But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Jim: Really?
Andy: Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me I feel like.
Jim: Well, you gotta figure this out.
Andy: Yeah, right? How?
Jim: You gotta have sex with a woman.
Andy: Right-O.
Jim: And then a man. And then compare.

Tell it like it really is
Angela: You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.

Come again?
Creed: If I can't scuba, then what's this all about? What am I working toward?

Sticks and stones
Toby: What are you guys talking about, I have a daughter. How could I be a virgin?

Told in confidence
Dwight: Michael, you told people I use store bought manure. When I showed you where my manure comes from.

The truth comes out
Michael: I made it all up.
Andy: Even the rumor that I'm gay?
Michael: Yes.
Andy: Yes.

Signs you may be pregnant
Kevin: Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought, 'Oh she has a new bra with padding'. But then I thought, 'Pam doesn't need padding'. It just didn't add up, Jim.

Just clearing up a few things
Angela: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: Who's the OBGYN?

Not quite...close
Michael [looking at an ultra sound]: Pam, look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!

I need to know facts
Michael: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?

The more you know
Julia Stiles intern: I learned that half these people's email password is 'password'.

Joel McHale and Dan Harmon

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Dan Harmon (far left) and Joel McHale. Dan is the creator of the new NBC show 'Community' which is premiering TONIGHT on NBC at 9:30/8:30 central. The interview was a long one, so I've included the best moments below.

Joel, let me ask you, what was the appeal of this project for you?

Joel McHale: Oh, well, I read a lot of pilot scripts and always, you know, want to be in something that's good and after reading Dan’s script it was so head and shoulders above everything else that I was reading. It was just incredibly funny and then it had really strong characters and a lot of heart.

NBC has been talked about as kind of a sinking ship with the ratings and things like that. So they’ve been really hyping up the show. Does that put more pressure on you guys to really deliver?

Dan Harmon: There is - there’s two hats that I wear. One is the guy who sits in an office and has to put this show together, and that guy doesn’t focus at all on any of that stuff because there’s so much to do. And that guy will do his job wrong to the extent that he thinks about anybody’s sort of standards other than his own. Like in terms of how good the script is or anything like that.

Then there’s the guy that my girlfriend has to be at home with, who is from Wisconsin and who desperately wants the world to love him. And only does anything that he does to try to get peoples’ approval. And who is absolutely terrified that all of this attention and all of this approval from the critics and all of the support from the network can only end in backlash.

I was just wondering if you have any fears of working with anyone after your time on The Soup? Do you foresee any potential problems if there was a certain guest star on Community?

Joel: I’m not working with Tila Tequila if I’m not properly vaccinated.

Dan, why do you think people want to take their time to tune in and watch Community?

Dan: I don’t know. That’s a tough one for me to, you know, because I would have to say, “Well because it’s obviously really good.” I think people will enjoy it when they do tune in because I run everything through a filter in my head when I’m writing, especially for something in this venue. I come from the basic cable world where it’s like, you do the Sarah Silverman Show, there’s a certain section of the audience you’re trying to shock and this is more of a mainstream thing. And so, while that does not mean watered down for me, it means heavier lifting, It means working harder.

Joel, did you ever have a teacher in school who resembled any of the professors we'll see on the show?

Joel: Upcoming in one of our episodes with John Michael Higgins, all I’ll say is that there’s a carpe diem future. And I had a guy in high school named Mr. (Anslow) and he was a teacher that would scream and he would yell and his passion about history was unbelievable and that is the only reason why I majored in history in college because of his screaming at us.

He would go, “Students, students, I’m waiting for the answer with bated breath," and then he would stalk the class and then like stop in front of a desk and go, “Mr. Hanson.” And then Mr. Hanson goes, “Yes?” And he’s like, “Who led the allied troops across Europe?” And so - and it was just, yeah, so he was a real inspiration.

Make sure you tune in to Community tonight at 9:30 on NBC!

Chatting with Masi and Hayden

Today I had the chance to sit down and talk to Masi Oka and Hayden Panettiere from the NBC show Heroes for TheTwoCents.com. There will be an article at the website, but for now I'll pass on the highlights exclusively to you all first. There wasn't much revealed, but there were some interesting tidbits.

There will be spoilers, so reader beware!

- Masi let it slip that there would be a Sylar/Claire kiss. ...Then he said he was just kidding. But he DID confirm that in the first episode, Ando and Hiro's sister will be married.

- Masi also explained why exactly Hiro's abilities were suddenly killing him. Apparently (the way it was told to him) Hiro's ability to stop time was only made for one. So when he freezes time but lets someone stay unfrozen with him, it strains Hiro's brain which as we saw, is dibilitating.

- Again with Masi, he said that the fourth season is shaping up to be his favorite so far, right behind season one. (Here's hoping the show is really getting back on track.) He said that there will be all kinds of manipulation going on, which I'm guessing will have a lot to do with Sylar being Nathan.

- Hayden did confirm that her new rommate in college (named Gretchen) will cause those 'are we more than friends' feelings. According to Hayden, this will be a deep relationship similiar to the friendship between Claire and Zach back in season one. Gretchen will be someone Claire can trust, "which is something she needs right now."

- Masi said for sure that Charlie (the road stop romance from back in season one) will be coming back for one episode, that just recently finished shooting.

At one point in the interview, there was a question asked about working with Robert Knepper (last seen on Prison Break) and he was referred to as T-Bag. Hayden was thrown off for just a second, asking "Did you just ask if I've ever been t-bagged?" Hilarity ensued for all, as the interview stopped for a good five minutes or so while everyone laughed. Then Hayden let us know that she worries every now and then that some crazed fan might actually think she has the ability to heal and do something stupid. It's a valid fear, in my opinion.

The interview ended with thanks all around and one more question about how they feel about the direction their characters have been taken. Masi summed it up well:

"Your character is not your property, it's Tim Krings. It's the fans."

Look for the premiere September 21st from 8-10!

This is a Project Runway Post!

Alright guys, I fell behind last week, and I really hate that I missed talking to you about Ari and how weird she made me feel, and Johnny's epic breakdown that made me think whatever they're paying Tim Gunn it isn't enough, but the past is the past. I've tried to think about how I should go about writing this, because everyone sounds the same at this point with all their blogs and "OH THAT WAS GREAT, I'D WEAR IT" comments. I'm even gonna be really honest and say I don't even remember which designer is which, so I'm gonna post the outfits and tell you all what I think. Sound fair, easy, and simple? Okay, let's go. Oh wait, I forgot to say that those baby bumps were the most ridiculous looking lumps of potato sacks ever. Alright, moving on.

First up: Althea

I'll admit that I liked this dress, minus the boob support. Pregnant women need a lot of support there (I'm assuming), so hoist up the girls a little bit, and I would have REALLY loved this dress. (I'm so distracted by the boobs, I'm trying to move on, really.)

Next we have Carol Hannah:

I do not love this. I think the jacket looks like half of a pinata. Really, my only gripe IS the jacket. I like the underswoop of fabric (that is the technical term) around the belly, but the jacket really takes away from the over all design for me.

Christoper:

The winner from last week made an outfit that says 'Hey, I may be ready to pop out a kid, but I can still go to the club and have fun, too'. I really like this outfit paired with the leggings. Dare I say it's chic?

Epperson:

Okay, so I don't HATE this, because I can tell where he's going, but I imagine that the last thing a pregnant lady wants is to look even BIGGER than she already is, and that top definitely isn't helping. It's not form fitting at all; it looks like a pillow is stuffed under her shirt making her all billowy.

Gordana:

This outfit also says 'I'm ready to party' but unlike Christopher's, it also says 'But please have me home by 9 p.m. so I can have my warm milk.' That cardigan looking sweater needs to go, because it seems really out of place.

Irina:

I could get behind this dress if the flare across the chest was gone. Otherwise, I think it's a cute little dress, even if from this angle I feel like I'm about to see first hand where babies come from. I'm pretty sure that's just the timing of the walk with the picture being taken.

Johnny:

Boooooring. Although I will ask: Why the hell is she caring a diaper bag already? She's obviously still pregnant with her sack of potatoes.

Logan:

You know...I like this. It may not be much, and it's definitely safe, but it looks ultra comfy and classy at the same time. The gold collar gives it that touch of something different, but definitely doesn't push it over board. I have to honestly say that I'd wear it if I were pregnant. Who am I kidding? I'd wear it now if I could.

Louise:

I'm okay with being the only person on the internet who does not like this concept. I was with Nina when she was trying to point out that it looks absolutely ridiculous for a night out. I wouldn't even wear that to bed. The poof on the shoulder is too much, though I can appreciate the pleating that keeps the dress (?) from getting too tight the bigger the pregnancy belly gets.

Malvin:

Oh, Malvin. So literal! I don't even know where someone would wear this outfit. To Lamaze class? I...no, that doesn't work. See, what this looks like is someone trying to pretend to be pregnant in order to pull off some kind of heist, but really she's not convincing ANYONE, because NOBODY wraps the baby bump in swaddling clothes to make it stand out more unless they really want all the witnesses to know that YES OFFICER, she was pregnant. Auf wiedersehen.

Mitchell:

I agreed with Rebecca Romijn on this one. This is the way I wold imagine Mary-Kate Olsen dressing when she's pregnant. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's right, but I'm just saying; there's a market for it. If the shorts were more tailored I think he would have had the support of all the judges. Also, I'm gonna put this out there too: If he doesn't stop blaming everyone but himself for his mistakes, he's going to get auf'ed pretty quickly. Being in the bottom two twice in row is never a good sign. GET IT TOGETHER, MAN.

Nicolas:

Every woman needs a little black dress in her closet, and that doesn't stop just because you're pregnant. While there's nothing eye-catching about the dress I like the embellishment around the neck and I like the shoulders. Safe but cute.

Qristyl:

If Malvin's design hadn't been so horrible, I would have sent Qristyl home for this. It's not pretty, it's very boring and it looks like a sheet draped around the model. Qristyl needs to step up her game, because so far, she's only getting through because there have been some real atrocities ahead of her.

Ra'mon:

I get it Ra'mon. I see exactly where you were trying to go, but then you got so lost that you didn't even see the train when it was coming straight at you. Not only did a fellow designer say it looked like a bowling ball bag, but so did a judge. One parallel strip going up the sides, that's all you needed to keep it looking a little sporty, but then you went all the way and had the stripes curve in around the baby belly and that was the death blow. It's okay though, you just really have no idea about where babies come from or how women want to look when they feel like whales. I'm glad you're safe, now never make that mistake again.

Shirin:

The winner! I need to have that coat in my life right now, honestly. It was so cute, and I love the lining. The dress itself has wonderful pleating around the belly so that it doesn't feel too tight, and the color is magnificent. Not bright as if to say 'HEY LOOK I HAVE A BABY ON BOARD', and not too dark as if to say 'Ugh, I feel so unsexy like a blimp'. It's very classy, so I'm going to hope that all of you ladies are hugely pregnant in the wintertime so you can have this coat and love it and wear it everywhere.

Just one other thing I want to say, and I've noticed other people say it as well. This challenge could have used some REAL pregnant ladies. Those bumps were just ridiculous. But I'm guessing with the show Models of the Runway, there won't be any special challenges with guest models. Ah well, no sweat off my back, but those bumps weren't fooling anyone.

Mad Men - Out Of Town

Just so that you all know, there WILL be spoilers in this post. And this isn't going to be a recap per say, for that you can head right over here. This is just going to be a collection of my thoughts from the episode, and I'll try to go in chronological order so that it's not messy. But we're going bullet-point style. Crazy!

• Don's birthday story - You know, as far as having a legitimate reason to change your name goes, I think this is a pretty big one. The opening sequence of the episode was a little confusing for a few moments, especially seeing as there's no way Don remembers this experience. This isn't a memory for him, so is this just how he imagines it happened? Or is it a wink, wink to the viewers? 'This is how it really happened just so you know, but who knows what Don really thinks'? His mother's last words were 'I'll chop off his dick and boil it in hog fat'. So naturally his name turns out to be Dick. But does he know this story? I mean, I ask my parents how I got my name and they tell me they deliberated for weeks and weeks before deciding. Don asks the same question and they actually tell him 'because your mother's last words were dick and hog fat'. I doubt that's how it happened, but then again, his adoptive household was so abusive, it could have happened, who knows.

• The 'lesbian' versus 'tomboy' argument - I've heard this at more than one forum, and even from people I talk to who watch the show. When Betty was explaining to Don about how his suitcase got broken, she also said "She's taken to your tools like a little lesbian." First of all, I have never laughed at anything Betty said (except for maybe that Nordic comment in season two), but that was so unexpected that I laughed hard. The argument that I've heard surrounding this, is that back in the 60s, she would have said something like 'tomboy'. I agree that yes, maybe in public she would have. But in the privacy of her own home when she can say whatever she wants, I don't see why she wouldn't say 'lesbian'. And let's be honest here, it wouldn't have packed as much of a punch if Betty had said 'She's taken to your tools like a little tomboy'. See, not as funny.

• Joan vs. Moneypenny (sorry, Mr. Hooker) - Writing my original recap, I had only watched the episode once, and so didn't pick up fully on what Joan did. But after watching again, I want to stand up and cheer. Let it be said that you just don't mess with Joan. You won't win, because in her own little way, she'll give you an awesome reality check. We didn't get to hear the initial conversation about Mr. Hooker being more than just a secretary, so we have to assume he was pretty prissy about it. What we do get is Joan having this great idea of 'if you're so much better than the secretaries out here, have an office and a secretary'. Wouldn't you know that the British Overlord (BOL) knocked Hooker down a few pegs as soon as he told him to get rid of the office and the girl. BOOM, ROASTED. Oh, Joan. So cunning!

• Pete vs. Ken - HOW DELICIOUS. Oh, now this is exciting. Obviously the whole thing is an experiment in who can persevere the longest in order to get the permanent position as head of accounts, and BOTH men know that, but Pete refuses to not be childish about it all. He was so elated when he called home, too, and I particularly loved this exchange between Trudy and Pete:

Trudy: I love the way you sound right now.
Pete: That's because I'm already drunk.
Trudy: Good for you!

Oh, standards back then! And then slowly it all comes crashing down and Pete is sharing the spotlight. He wants everything NOW NOW NOW, and when he can't get it, well, he turns into a brat. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

• Keep it in the closet - Sal. Poor, poor Sal. He was finally going to get lucky and then that fire alarm went off. And you know what? I actually have a bone to pick with ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. I got so many e-mails and personal comments about how 'graphic' the scene was with Sal and the bell hop. The graphic part, apparently, was the shot of a hand going down Sal's boxer shorts. To that I say: HEY REMEMBER THIS:

In my opinion, Don fingering Bobbie Barrett is no more graphic than Sal and the bell hop. A friend of mine pointed this out and do you know what she was told? "Well, I guess since it was heterosexual [with Don and Bobbie] I was okay with it."

...

...

WHAT? Okay, hypocrisy much? Sexual content is sexual content ladies and gentleman, and if you're watching this show for morality you are watching the wrong damn show. And again, I'll quote my friend - everyone's okay with the cheating, and the abortion conversations, and the egregious drinking, but as soon as two men get it on people flip out and go on long rants about how it's just WRONG. God forbid. Did your television explode? People, chill out. CHILL. OUT.

Then there was that conversation on the plane with Don and Sal. Some people think that Don will use Sal's sexuality to black mail him. I say no. 'Limit your exposure' is what Don suggested for the London Fog account, and it was his advice to Sal as well. They're moving on because Sal's sexuality doesn't compromise the fact that A) Sal is amazing at his job and B) that he and Don did good work together while in Baltimore. It also hearkens back to 'It'll shock you how much it didn't happen' in season two when we found out Don was also there for Peggy. So really, one could wonder how long it will be before Sal knows a secret of Don's and is trusted to keep it.

That officially ends my thought process on the first episode. I apologize for any wonky spacing - I'm working on it, I promise. But I want to hear your thoughts! Leave me some comments, and tell me what you think. I don't bite - much.

Breaking Radio Silence

T.V. shows are about to pick up again (Mad Men tomorrow - yay!) but right now, I have something to say about an article e-mailed to me by not one, not two, but FIVE people. A man by the name of Bryan Singer is going to helm yet another version of Battlestar Galactica.

My main argument was just going to go like this: No Mary McDonnell, no Edward James Olmos = NO DICE. But I suppose I have to be a bit more articulate than that, so here we go.

Battlestar Galactica (the re-imagined version) was by no means flawless, but it was epic. It was more than a sci-fi show, it was more than 'space drama', and certainly it was more than a campy show with special effects. Ron Moore and crew took this 80's (okay, late 70's) show and turned it into a show about the struggle of what it is to be human and why we deserve to survive as a species. The show didn't exactly end where I would have liked or where I think it could have gone creatively, but after 75 episodes with maybe…five or six out of those that just feeling like complete misses, there were too many that were poignant, meaningful, and carry a resonating message. I don't feel like the story needs to be told over again from anyone else's writing perspective yet. The dust hasn't even settled on my DVDs, and Bryan Singer wants to have a shot?


I'm all for people having their own ideas, hell, that's how BSG got done again. But in Singer's case it feels like he's more upset that instead of being the one to helm the re-imagined series, Ron Moore took over when Singer got busy with other things and was (probably) too nervous to start penning an idea for a show about the end of the world after September 11, 2001. So now that Ron Moore's show is over he can finally say: 'OKAY LOOK AT MINE NOW. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO'. It's like a case of sibling rivalry gone awry, only it's between two people who had the same idea about a sci-fi show.


Now, I know what most people are saying as far as having yet another re-imagined version of the 80's show. Ron Moore got a lot of flack from hard core fans of the original show and hated him for even attempting to do it. Even one of the original actors, Richard Hatch was against the idea. So yes, I know that people are looking at this the same way. However, there is one key difference between what Moore did, and what Singer is going to (attempt) to do:


There was a twenty-five year gap between re-toolings. Twenty five years is a long time for people to miss something. It takes about that long to think to yourself 'Hey, you know what would be kind of cool? If someone did that one show again'. However, FIVE MONTHS is pushing it more than just a little bit. That means this was being talked about as early as last year before the show was even done shooting its final episodes. It would be like someone now saying 'You know, I realize LOST isn't even done with its final season yet, but in January of 2012, we're doing it again!' WHY IS THAT NECESSARY? I mean, I realize there are absolutely zero new ideas in Hollywood, but this is ridiculous.


To wrap up: Bryan Singer is hoping to cash in on a show that was re-done extremely well. I think that fans loyal to Ron Moore's version won't be quick to embrace this idea after such a short period of time. I don't wish anyone to fail in Hollywood because God knows I'm trying to get a writing job in L.A. or New York, but I do wish Singer would take a step back and realize that he had his chance, and he didn't take it. Let it go, and talk to the fans again in twenty-five years or so.

EDIT: I'm editing to include a source for this article. Sorry about that; this is the link to the actual Variety article.

Ben Silverman, we hardly knew ye.

Or rather, we only know you as the guy who greenlit Kath & Kim and kept Hereos on the air. Oh and also you were responsible for Knight Rider. Really? I bet you were drunk when you decided that one, huh? It's okay to admit it, I've made some stupid decisions when I was drunk, too.

Anyway, without further fanfare, goodbye. You will not be missed.

P.S.: Are you also responsible for this Jay Leno thing? Because I have to say that is your worst idea yet.

And the disappointment continues

I know that most of you have already seen the information for the Emmy award nominees, but I've honestly been so petulant when it comes to Battlestar Galactica, Mary McDonnell, and Edward James Olmos not getting a lick of recognition. I am beyond bewildered at how the actors and the show itself has been ignored, but I suppose I have to get over it eventually. So now, I'm here to give you the nominees. My picks for winner will be shown in bold.

DRAMA SERIES
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

COMEDY SERIES
Entourage
Family Guy
How I Met Your Mother
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds

ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES
Glenn Close, Damages
Sally Field, Brothers and Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

ACTRESS, COMEDY SERIES
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

ACTOR, COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Jemaine Clement, Flight of the Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

SUPPORTING ACTOR, COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES
Chrisitan Clemenson, Boston Legal
Michael Emerson, Lost
William Hurt, Damages
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
William Shatner, Boston Legal
John Slattery, Mad Men

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES
Rose Byrne, Damages
Hope Davis, In Treatment
Cherry Jones, 24
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY SERIES
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Kristin Wigg, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Breaking the silence

Things have quited down around here considerably since the networks took a break and the upfronts ended. Not to worry though. I’m still here, just plugging along. We lost two great T.V. legends in my absence: Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon, not to mention the legendary Michael Jackson and everyone’s favorite pitch man, Billy Mays. Okay, maybe everyone is too strong, but you knew his face and at the very least, his voice. We also lost Lorena Gale who played Elosha on the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. You will all be missed.

Many of you more than likely have this information, but just in case you don’t, here is the 2009 fall television schedule as I have seen it laid out – if something changes I’ll be sure to update the post! It’s clearly not complete since we’re missing NBC and some shows like Brothers & Sisters, so I’ll update it as soon as I get more times.

August
Lincoln Heights (ABC Family) – August 4th @ 10 p.m.
Monk (USA) – August 7th @ 9:00 p.m.
Psych (USA) – August 7th @ 9:00 p.m.
Mad Men (AMC) – August 16th @ 10:00 p.m.
Project Runway (Lifetime) – August 20th @ 10:00 p.m.

September
Saturday Night Football (ABC) – September 5th @ 8:00 p.m.
90210 (CW) – September 8th @ 8:00 p.m.
Melrose Place (CW) – September 8th @ 9:00 p.m.
America’s Next Top Model (CW) - September 9th @ 8:00 p.m.
Vampire Diaries (CW) – September 10th @ 8:00 p.m.
Supernatural (CW) – September 10th @ 9:00 p.m.
20/20 (ABC) – September 11th @ 10:00 p.m.
Cops (FOX) – September 12th @ 8:00 p.m.
America’s Most Wanted (FOX) – September 12th @ 9:00 p.m.
One Tree Hill (CW) – September 14th @ 8:00 p.m.
Gossip Girl (CW) – September 14th @ 9:00 p.m.
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) – September 16th @ 8:00 p.m.
Survivor: Samoa (CBS) – September 16th @ 8:00 p.m.
Glee (FOX) – September 16th @ 9:00 p.m.
The Beautiful Life (CW) – September 16th @ 9:00 p.m.
Bones (FOX) – September 17th @ 8:00 p.m.
Fringe (FOX) – September 17th @ 9:00 p.m.
Brothers (FOX) – September 18th @ 8:00 p.m.
‘Til Death (FOX) – September 18th @ 8:30 p.m.
Dollhouse (FOX) – September 18th @ 9:00 p.m.
House (FOX) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
Accidentally on Purpose (CBS) – September 21st @ 8:30 p.m.
Big Bang Theory (CBS) – September 21st @ 9:00 p.m.
Two and a Half Men (CBS) – September 21st @ 9:30 p.m.
Castle (ABC) – September 21st @ 10:00 p.m.
CSI: Miami (CBS) – September 21st @ 10:00 p.m.
NCIS (CBS) – September 22nd @ 8:00 p.m.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – September 22nd @ 9:00 p.m.
The Forgotten (ABC) – September 22nd @ 10:00 p.m.
The Good Wife (CBS) – September 22nd @ 10:00 p.m.
The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) – September 23rd @ 8:00 p.m.
Gary Unmarried (CBS) – September 23rd @ 8:30 p.m.
Criminal Minds (CBS) – September 23rd @ 9:00 p.m.
Modern Family (ABC) – September 23rd @ 9:00 p.m.
Cougar Town (ABC) – September 23rd @ 9:30 p.m.
CSI: NY (CBS) – September 23rd @ 10:00 p.m.
Flash Forward (ABC) – September 24th @ 8:00 p.m.
CSI: (CBS) – September 24th @ 9:00 p.m.
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) – September 24th @ 9:00 p.m.
The Mentalist (CBS) – September 24th @ 10:00 p.m.
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – September 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Smallville (CW) – September 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Medium (CBS) – September 25th @ 9:00 p.m.
Numb3rs (CBS) – September 25th @ 10 p.m.
48 Hours Mystery (CBS) – September 26th @ 10:00 p.m.
60 Minutes (CBS) – September 27th @ 7:00 p.m.
Extreme Home Makeover (ABC) – September 27th @ 7:00 p.m.
The Amazing Race (CBS) – September 27th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Simpsons (FOX) – September 27th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Cleveland Show (FOX) – September 27th @ 8:30 p.m.
Family Guy (FOX) – September 27th @ 9:00 p.m.
Desperate Housewives (ABC) – September 27th @ 9:00 p.m.
American Dad (FOX) – September 27th @ 9:30 p.m.
Cold Case (CBS) – September 27th @ 10:00 p.m.
Dexter (Showtime) – September 27th @ 10:00 p.m.
Lie to Me (FOX) – September 28th @ 10:00 p.m.
Shark Tank (ABC) – September 29th @ 8:00 p.m.
Hank (ABC) – September 30th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Middle (ABC) – September 30th @ 8:30 p.m.

October
Three Rivers (CBS) – October 4th @ 7:00 p.m.
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) – October 4th @ 7:00 p.m.
Ugly Betty (ABC) – October 9th @ 8:00 p.m.
Supernanny (ABC) – October 16th @ 8:00 p.m.

In related news, I can't believe Cougar Town is really happening.

Dream Emmy Ballot time!

It’s that time of year again: Time for the Emmy nominations! I actually have absolutely no faith that the best television show or actors and actresses will win, but it can still be fun to work up a dream ballot, right? Besides, this is the last year that I can march with my sign and scream at the top of my lungs: ‘BATTLESTAR GALACTICA! MARY MCDONNELL! EDWARD JAMES OLMOS!’, and while I would never ever expect all three to win, the show winning would still get the cast on stage and woah, I would be a totally happy camper. So, without further ado, my dream ballot!

Best lead actor in a drama series
Michael Chiklis – The Shield
Edward Jams Olmos – Battlestar Galactica
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad
Denis Leary – Rescue Me
Kiefer Sutherland – 24

Best lead actress in a drama series
Elisabeth Moss – Mad Men
January Jones – Mad Men
Mary McDonnell – Battlestar Galactica
Glenn Close – Damages
Regina King – Southland
Jeanne Tripplehorn – Big Love

Best supporting actor in a drama series
Michael Emerson – LOST
Jeremy Davies - LOST
John Noble – Fringe
Walton Goggins – The Shield
Vincent Kartheiser – Mad Men
Nelson Ellis – True Blood

Best supporting actress in a drama series
Elizabeth Mitchell – LOST
Christina Hendricks – Mad Men
CCH Pounder – The Shield
Connie Britton – Friday Night Lights
Katey Sagal – Sons of Anarchy
Sandra Oh – Grey’s Anatomy

Best Drama Series
Battlestar Galactica
LOST
Mad Men
The Shield
Big Love
Breaking Bad

Best lead actor in a comedy series
Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Zachary Levi – Chuck
Steve Carell – The Office
Danny McBride – Eastbound and Down
Chris Lilley – Summer Heights High
Lee Pace – Pushing Daisies

Best lead actress in a comedy series
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Christina Applegate – Samantha Who?
Anna Friel – Pushing Daisies
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – New Adventures of Old Christine
Eva Longoria-Parker – Desperate Housewives
Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds

Best supporting actor in a comedy series
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother
Tracy Morgan – 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer – 30 Rock
Adam Baldwin – Chuck
Chi McBride – Pushing Daisies
Aziz Ansari – Parks and Recreation

Best supporting actress in a comedy series
Kristin Wiig – Saturday Night Live
Kristin Chenoweth – Pushing Daisies
Jane Krakowski – 30 Rock
Andrea Anders – Better Off Ted
Alyson Hannigan – How I Met Your Mother
Swoosie Kurtz – Pushing Daisies

Best Comedy Series
30 Rock
Chuck
The Office
Pushing Daisies
How I Met Your Mother
Big Bang Theory

Agree, disagree? Wish you could slip a few more onto my list? Let’s take it to the comments!

Scrubs news + CW announces fall schedule

Just a random bit of Scrubs news. The creator, Bill Lawrence, says that since Donald Faision's pilot got passed up by all the networks, they'll probably go with the idea that Turk is teaching at med school. He also says this: "The way to bridge that gap is I've got to consider Scrubs over. The way that I'm viewing it is the way Frasier was to Cheers: It'll be essentially a new show with some characters that people liked."

Your thoughts? Yay or nay? The way he spins it makes me feel mildly interested. It might help feel less like Scrubs if they changed the name. To what though? Lab Coats?

Oh well. Here's the CW schedule if anyone cares:

Monday
8 Gossip Girl
9 One Tree Hill

Tuesday
8 90210
9 Melrose Place

Wednesday
8 America's Next Top Model
9 Beautiful Life

Thursday
8 Vampire Diaries
9 Supernatural

Friday
8 Smallville
9 Top Model encore

CBS announces fall schedule

Monday
8 p.m. How I met Your Mother
8:30 p.m. Accidentally On Purpose
9 p.m Two and a Half Men
9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory
10 p.m. CSI: Miami

Tuesday
8 p.m. NCIS
9 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles
10 p.m. The Good Wife

Wednesday
8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried
9 p.m. Criminal Minds
10 p.m. CSI: NY

Thursday
8 p.m. Survivor
9 p.m. CSI
10 p.m. The Mentalist

Friday
8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer
9 p.m. Medium
10 p.m. Numbers

Saturday
8 p.m. Crime drama repeat
9 p.m. Crime drama repeat
10 p.m. 48 Hour Mystery

Sunday
7 p.m. 60 Minutes
8 p.m. The Amazing Race
9 p.m. Three Rivers
10 p.m. Cold Case

FOX announces fall and midseason schedule:

Monday
8:00-9:00 House
9:00-10:00 Lie to Me

Tuesday
8:00-10:00 So You Think You Can Dance

Wednesday
8:00-9:00 So You Think You Can Dance (results show)
9:00-10:00 Glee

Thursday
8:00-9:00 Bones
9:00-10:00 Fringe

Friday
8:00-8:30 Brothers
8:30-9:00 ‘Til Death
9:00-10:00 Dollhouse

Saturday
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 America’s Most Wanted
11:00-Midnight The Wanda Sykes Show (working title)
Midnight-12:30 Animation Domination encores

Sunday
7:00-8:00 The OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 The Cleveland Show
9:00-9:30 Family Guy
9:30-10:00 American Dad

Midseason schedule

Monday
8:00-9:00 House
9:00-10:00 24

Tuesday
8:00-9:00 American Idol
9:00-10:00 Past Life

Wednesday
8:00-9:00 American Idol
9:00-10:00 Human Target (January) / Glee (spring)

Thursday
8:00-9:00 Bones
9:00-10:00 Fringe

Friday
8:00-8:30 Brothers
8:30-9:00 ‘Til Death
9:00-10:00 Dollhouse

Saturday
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 America’s Most Wanted
11:00-Midnight The Wanda Sykes Show
Midnight-12:30 Animation Domination Encores

Sunday
7:00-7:30 Animation Domination Encores
7:30-8:00 American Dad
8:00-8:30 The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 Sons of Tuscon
9:00-9:30 Family Guy
9:30-10:00 The Cleveland Show

Your morning updates!

- The Mentalist moves to Thursday after CSI.
- CBS has officially picked up Medium and will air after Ghost Whisperer on Fridays.
- NCIS renewed; spin-off is greenlit.
- Cold Case renewed.
- Flashpoint renewed, new episodes either this summer or the next.

NBC announces fall schedule and mid seasons

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Heroes
9-10 p.m. Trauma
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show (I am still 'ugh' about this.)

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. ­ The Biggest Loser
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Parenthood
9-10 p.m. ­Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. ­ SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9-9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ Community (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after 30 Rock returns)
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Trauma (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8:20 p.m. Football Night in America
8:20-11 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempts regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Chuck (season premiere)
9-10 p.m. Day One
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. ­The Biggest Loser
9:30-10 p.m. 100 Questions
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Mercy
9-10 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. Community
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9- 9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ 30 Rock
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
8-9 p.m. ­ The Marriage Ref
9-11 p.m. ­ The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere)

As promised for ABC, expect rundowns of the new shows and what they are soon!