Monday, September 24, 2007

Prison Break - There be Spoilers ahead!

Previously: Sona is scary, people die there, Sucre was dying, Maricruz is missing, fake!Sarah and LJ are being held hostage in exchange for Whistler's breaking out.

Sona: Mahone looks bad. Bellick looks worse. This MJ Wanna Be Kid is chatting up Michael, and Michael is all "God, why are you talking to me?" and then Bellick is like "Michael save me." and Michael is like "You stink go away." The water is gross, we've established, and MJ Wanna Be Kid has now just become Michael's go to guy. MJ Kid says everyone is looking for Whistler. T-Bag is still big ol' black guys bitch.

Someone is screaming about some Little Mexican guy not having money and big old black dude in charge who is apparently named Lechero says they need to break it up. But then Smaller Scrawnier Black Guy pushes Little Mexican into the water and spills it all. Oops. "There will be more water" says Lechero. MJ Wannabe Kid is out. Mahone and Michael are giving each other shifty eyes and Michael has the Versailles v Madrid 1989 note. Bellick is trying hard to get water and Michael says "Give me info and I'll get you some water." Michael wants to know about the note and Bellick says Whistler gave him rat meat in exchange for giving Michael the note. So naturally, Michael wants to go down in the sewer to find Rat Meat guy. Makes perfect sense.

"Whistler?" he whispers, once he's in the sewer, and there is a bang. How bad must this smell, by the way? Michael learns not to run his hands along a pipe in a sewer. He finds the hole in the brick and whispers that he was sent to get Rat Meat guy out, but Rat Meat guy is silent. Michael says he's not ever going back into the sewer, and then Rat Meat guy says "You're gonna get me out?" and Michael asks "Are you surprised?" And Rat Meat guy says he is because if he comes out and someone else sees him then he's 'a dead man'. Rat Meat guy says there's been a misunderstanding. Michael says he has problems and that he'll be back. He also says that Rat Meat is playing innocent and he ain't buying it.

Panama City. Linc meets with New Company Girl and she says very funnily that no threats are necessary. She keeps talking blah blah blah, she wants full reports of progress and that Michael better get Rat Meat guy out or else. Linc wants a picture of his kid and Sara to make sure they're alive. There's only a week to get Rat Meat guy out of Sona. New Company Girl says her name is Susan B. Anthony. Hah. Linc makes threats anyway and says that if anything happens to LJ or Sarah, he's going after Susan B. Anthony's family. Which, Linc, did you ever stop to think that Susan B. Anthony is really, probably not her name?

Somewhere. Sucre is hot and thinking about Maricruz. He's just made a deal with American money in exchange for a gun and ammo. Oh shit. He has a look on his face that says he's going to do something dumb.

Sona. Michael comes out of the sewer and Mahone sees him. Some crazy white dude is talking about Lechero and saying he's living like a king and doesn't care about the prisoners. Which is probably true. Everyone continues to treat Bellick like shit. Well, I guess you reap what you sow. But Bellick is still being an asshole. Bellick wants Michael to be his friend and take care of him, and wants to know about Rat Meat guy, but Michael leaves. Little MJ Wanna Be is talking to Mahone about Rat Meat guy, blah blah blah and Mahone says that now him and MJ Wanna Be kid are friends. MJ kid ain't buyin' it.

Sucre is outside Sona and is laughing so hard in his head at how Bellick looks. Sucre pulls a gun and wants to know where Maricruz is RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Bellick says she's okay and that he never had her. Apparently, he told Maricruz to run or he would kill her way back when. So she's alive. And their baby is alive. Sucre still really wants to shoot Bellick, but he doesn't. And for some reason Bellick thinks Sucre owes him now, and will call his mommy and get him out of jail. Haha. "SUCRE, HELP ME!" No.

Mahone is in the sewer now. God, you're a nosy son of a bitch. So, Nosy Son of a Bitch stands there in the stank for a while and is about to go back when Rat Meat Guy coughs like the idiot he is.

Outside Sona. Linc goes to see Michael and Michael says he doesn't know anything about Rat Meat Guy other than they have to get him out of there. He shows the Versailles v Madrid note to Linc and asks for money. Linc gives it to him. Michael says no one's ever broken out before and to tell Susan B. Anthony that he's going to do everything he can or he's going to die trying, and if he dies, it has to count for something. Linc says he'd trade places with Michael and it's all very touching.

Back in Sewer o'Stench, Mahone STICKS HIS HANDS IN THE SHITTY (literally) WATER. Then he tells Rat Meat Guy that he's not safe there and that he can take him someplace that he is. And Rat Meat guy says to leave him alone. And it looks like Mahone is trying to kill him with a stick.

Panama City. Linc and Sucre meet up and Linc wants Sucre's help, but Sucre is so not into that. Maricruz is in Chicago and Sucre wants to go back, but Linc reminds him that he's still wanted in Chicago. But Sucre still wants to leave and he gets on a bus. Linc is pissed. The back of the bus says BANCO VERSAILLES and Linc gets out the note and looks at it.

Sona. T-Bag is trying to cut a mango with his one hand, and Lechero is pushing around the guy who got the water spilled and calling him a dumbass. Lechero tells T-Bag to give each man a little bit of water in a jug. Crazy white dude is still yelling about how Lechero doesn't care about anyone. Michael looks on in trepidation and 'Oh shit please stop'. Bellick tries to get water from T-Bag and T-bag says that Bellick is going to be drinking his own urine. Of course, T-bag is a sucker for 'good information' though, so when Bellick mentions that he knows something, T-Bag is all ears.

Sewer o stank. Mahone is trying to get Rat Meat guy out of his little hole.

T-bag takes Bellick to see Lechero. And Bellick spills the beans about Rat Meat guy. T-Bag starts handing out water and gets pushed down and it's hilarious. MJ Wanna Be kid has been in Sona for 3 years and he's 17. Michael sees people heading into the sewer, and sees Bellick with a muffin. Uh oh. Shit's about to hit the fan.

Sewer O'Stink. Mahone has Rat Meat guy out of the hole but a bunch of men gang up on them. Mahone says Rat Meat guy is coming with him and Michael gives Mahone a look like "OH NO YOU DI'INT!" There's a stand-off and Mahone is all threatening with his stick, and Mahone wants to kill Rat Meat guy to get out of Sona. And Michael says he'll testify to get Crazy Jones Mahone out of jail. Rat Meat guy runs and Mahone is all 'BACK UP BITCHES' with his stick.

Michael walks into Lechero's office and offers his help with Rat Meat Guy and Lechero laughs. Michael tells Lechero to trust him and Lechero laughs even harder like we didn't get it the first time, and says no. But Lechero apparently trusts T-Bag the murdering serial killer. T-Bag calls Michael a snake, and then something is thrown through a window and Lechero tells Michael to leave. Crazy White Guy is yelling 'How's your Whore?' from down below. Michael asks MJ Wanna Be Kid for booze. NOT A TIME FOR A PARTY, MICHAEL.

Somewhere. Spanish. Speaking. The chick that was screaming about letting out her boyfriend in the previous episode is named Sofia Lugo. She says she's Rat Meat guys girlfriend. I think she's lying. So does Linc.

Bus stop. Sucre sees a woman with a baby and gets all nostalgic as he holds Maricruz's crucifix necklace. And then some cops come and Sucre gets scared. And the cops start hustling Sucre about needing something. But the cops leave. And the woman with the baby gets scared and walks off. Sucre realizes that cops will always look at him that way and doesn't get on the bus.

Sewer O'Stank. Rat Meat guy is lost, and Mahone is chasing him. So they can be lost together in a pile of shit. Rat Meat guy is trying to get back in his hole, and Mahone is trying to stop him. Mahone tries to get him to come up top, but Rat Meat guy says to go to hell.

Up above, MJ Wanna Be kid comes back with the moonshine.

Bank. Rat Meat's girlfriend, Oval Face Sofia, gets into a safety deposit box and takes something out, then leaves. Linc follows her, duh. Because he can't help but get involved with the pretty ladies. Oval face secretly speaks English and when Linc mentions Rat Meat guy, she freaks and Linc steals her purse and inside is a book on birds. Oval face says Rat Meat guy is a fisherman. Oval face apparently has no idea about what's going on, and Linc leaves with the book. Some sweaty guy was watching in a car.

Sona. Michael pours the moonshine into a bag and MJ Wanna be Kid is afraid of him because Michael has enemies. All the other prisoners are still going batshit over water so they don't see Michael stroll by.

Sewers O'Stank. Mahone is still trying to get Rat Meat guy out. Michael is down there again running his hands over the pipes that are disgusting. Michael goes through a secret door.

Up top another window is broken. Lechero is about to lose his fucking mind. A cell phone rings. Lechero says into the phone that there's a problem and there's no more water and a guard down below doesn't really care about anyone getting water until the day after tomorrow.

Down below. How the hell did Michael find this place in the sewer? Anyway, he's unscrewing something and he pours the moonshine into it. He tries to light it on fire, but the matches won't take.

Mahone comes out of the sewer with Rat Meat Guy and swings his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Michael gets the moonshine to go up in flames.

Lechero is informed that 'They got Whistler.'

Mahone is still waving his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Lechero comes out, but the crazy white dude is like 'You decide nothing, shut the fuck up.'

The moonshine explodes and everyone goes quiet. And then water starts pouring out of a pipe and everyone rejoices. It's a good day at Sona. Lechero knows that Michael did it. Mahone wants to know 'now what?', and Lechero doesn't want anything to do with him. He's just wanting to be BFF with Michael now. And Lechero says his and Michael's slate is clear as a blue sky. A lot of intense gazing goes on.

Sucre calls Maricruz who still doesn't look like she's pregnant at all. How long has it been? Whatever. Sucre tells her that he can't come back to Chicago and that all that matters to him is her and the baby. But it's not because he doesn't love her, it's because he's a dumbass and he busted out of jail right before he was set to get out. Blah blah, they both cry, Sucre makes some promises about them being together soon. Whatever. I bet she goes out and sleeps with his cousin again or something. I suddenly think it would be interesting if the baby wasn't even his.

Hotel. Linc comes out of a room and suddenly there's Susan B. Anthony telling him that she knows about the hassling of Rat Meat guys girlfriend. She goes all Tomb Raider and pulls a gun and says Linc better give her whatever he took from Rat Meat guys oval faced Sofia girlfriend. Linc gives her the bird book and man, Susan B. Anthony sure is a fucking bitch. Luckily, Linc gave her a fake book.

Sona. Lecharo is praying. Hilarious. Maybe he's meditating Who knows. Crazy White dude is now afraid for his life, but I really do hope he gets killed because I can't stand him at all. Yes, death by drowning!.

The prisoners are going ape shit over the water, and hey...Rat Meat guy cleans up pretty well, so I'm going to now call him Hottie Aussie. Because did I mention? He's Australian, mate.

NEXT WEEK: Susan B. Anthony wants to sleep with Linc, T-Bag is making a deal with Michael, Sucre wants to help, and fake!Sarah is back.

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