Sunday, October 14, 2007

Heroes - Spoilers

I still don't understand why Peter is in Ireland. I mean, he obviously knows that he has these powers, so why not just get the hell out of there? I guess then we wouldn't have a story line, would we? So, we start out with the Dublin Gang telling Peter exactly what he has to do to get his life back. And one very random black Irish dude clarifies for us that Football in Ireland means soccer just in case the audience is retarded. But I digress. The plan is to rob an armored car after the game, while it's stocked with cash. Peter of course reads one of the Dublin Gang's brains or whatever and finds out that he's planning on just taking the money for himself and killing everyone else. Of course, when Peter calls him out on it, he gets roughed up because when it comes to money, and robbing armored cars, no one ever gets greedy! This gang is a family! They would never betray each other! Seriously, the Irish need to watch more Quentin Tarintino movies, apparently.

This sentence almost started with 'I still don't understand', but then I realized that would be repetitive, so instead I'll just say 'why are the Wonder Twins still around?' I like them least of all, because she's always freaked out and crying and he just breaths really heavy and reverses whatever it is she has oozing out of her eyes. And they really don't look like twins. At all. Where in the world are they running from anyway if they're trying to get to the border? In a really brilliant move, Alejandro tries to steal a car in broad daylight. Come on, does that black ooze kill brain cells too? Ugh. Yeah, I really don't like them. Of course, he gets caught by the policia.

Finally, something I like! Nikki and Micah. It's been so painfully obvious throughout the whole hiatus that D.L. is dead, even though I loved him. That's what happens to all the characters I like. His headstone is really quite touching: 'Daniel Lawrence Hawkins: 1974-2007. Husband, Father, Hero. Awww.

Oh a beach! And a scantily clad woman with a drink. Why hello Sylar. Scantily clad woman informs Sylar that they're in Maui, but it's obvious from the way the stock shots are being filmed that it's all an elaborate backdrop set-up. Scantily clad woman is Michelle - who used to go by Candice. Whoops, there you go. She dragged Sylar out of Kirby Plaza (unnoticed? Really? Brown haired Candice dragging a 6 foot something bleeding man through New York didn't get noticed? Maybe she made him look like a stack of pizzas or something; I don't know.) Anyway, she tells him not to move or he'll rip his stitches, and when Sylar looks down, he sees no marks. The jig is up for Michelle. She lets the hallucination fade away, and of course Sylar tries to move, which Michelle just told him not to do because of the inscrutable pain. He screams, and Michelle smirks. It should also be noted that Sylar stared at Michelle's chest for the entire Maui scene.

P.S.: Before I continue I am seeing a commercial right now for E.R. What the hell happened to that show? Is it even about doctors anymore?

Enter Claire. She's reading Papa Surish's book, and her dad lets her know that it's okay to ask questions. She can talk to him and if there's anything she ever wants to ask him as long as they're at home, she can. Of course, she asks what would happen if someone ever found out about her, say, because she cut off her toe while someone was hovering outside her window. Mr. Bennet says it really wouldn't be good and that they'd have to go deeper into hiding. Claire looks really jazzed about this fact. Also, what teenager do you know that actually lays in bed and reads before school? It was always a mad dash to the door for me, five minutes before school was going to start. At school, Claire tells West that she was giving herself a pedicure, and he's all 'negative, you horrible liar'. He knows that she cut off her toe, and she counters that it's pretty creepy that he's watching her outside of her house. Touche. He keeps arguing that you cut off your freaking toe and it grew back!, but she's not having any
of that, so she stalks off to class. "Don't do your nails on the way!" Hah.

Over in Brooklyn, Matt wakes up from a dead sleep and stalks to the kitchen with a gun. He pulls it on Mohinder who sounded a lot like a burglar, and they have some blah blah conversation about how now he'll be home so that he can be with Molly, and that he's never leaving again. It's so very much 'My Two Dads', especially when Molly runs in and shrieks that now they can be a real family! Bring on the slash, folks. Because that is apparently, all this fandom is good at.

Ando is back in Japan, playing games on a computer before getting verbally ripped a new one for playing games on company time. He busts out Hiro's sword. (he's keeping it at the office for nostalgia's sake?) On the butt of the sword is a message that says 'Ando, open'. When he does, some tiny little scrolls pour out. And that's supposed to be our segue into a scene in feudal Japan. Just in case you haven't been watching, we get a recap up to Kensei getting shot with the arrows and healing via the scrolls Ando reads.

Kensei is really freaked out about healing, all the while Hiro is trying to tell him that this is how he's a hero, and how he saves Japan. Kenesi just thinks that he's been cursed by Hiro, and calls him a devil. What? Whatever. I hate this story line. Can we please just get Hiro back to New York?

In Ireland, Peter thinks that he's in the cast of Captain Planet, and can call on his powers. "Lightening! Sparks! Lightening!" A pretty hilarious scene, if you missed it. He's still shirtless, and I'm pretty sure he has been for a while now. The Irish Woman walks in and wants to know how his powers work, and really, so would Peter. Oh good, he put a shirt on. I'm tired of seeing male-nipples. There's an exchange about how Irish Woman is really excited about seeing what's inside Peter's box, and that he can trust her because 'a girl's gotta have her secrets'. Whatever.

One half of the Wonder Twins is in jail, and God, why are they still on this show? Does anyone like them? There's this random American dude in the jail cell next to Alejandro and he unfunnily says 'Dude. You look like ass.' The hell?

In Biology class, West tries to get the one up on Claire by talking about regeneration and whether or not a half human/half lizard person could grow back parts. Claire looks on in horror as West calls her a Lizard Girl with a Lizard body, and Claire runs out of the room.

Ando keeps reading the sacred scrolls sent by Hiro who has fallen in love with the Princess. However, sadly, history already says that the Princess loves Kensei. Oh well Hiro, you just can't win. As he walks with her, he has a very Chuck Norris quote about danger. "Kensei does not run away from danger, he runs towards it and punches it in the face!" The princess has no idea what Hiro is talking about. Kensei is off in the woods cutting himself over and over again, like something is going to change. Hiro tries to explain about heroes and powers. He blinks himself and reappears behind Kensei, who doesn't understand how that's all possible. Hiro says that some people think it's a gift from God, and some people think it's evolution. Kensei has no idea what the hell evolution is, and Hiro says it means he can 'heal from any wound'. Spot on, Hiro. Knowing that, Kensei just gets excited because having a power like that will make him 'richer than the Pope!'. The Pope gets paid? By who, Jesus? Hiro is pissed off because Kensei won't go fight his battles, so Hiro blinks him to one, forcing him to fight and leaving him there alone.

Claire is crying outside of the school and West finds her. She gets all up in his face asking him what he wants from her. He wants her to say she's different, and she launches into her very familiar speech about how she just wants to be herself and how she hates having to hide who she really is, not able to fit in because people would know she cuts off her fingers and toes. (Seriously, how would anyone find out about what she can do? What does popularity even have to do with it? It's not like she's running around with a pair of scissors screaming 'LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!'). West shuts her up by taking off like he's Clark Kent or something and zooming with her in the air high over the sky. Okay, this is the lamest thing this show has ever done. Fast forward.

Back in Ireland, the robbery is about to go down of the armored car. Peter distracts the people driving the truck so that the Dublin Gang can tie them up. Peter doesn't like the way this is going, so he blocks the guard when they set off their alarms by throwing the armored car in front of the building, blocking the guard's gunshots. Peter then runs away and drives off with Irish Woman who is in shock over Peter's amazing abilities.

So, over in Issac Mendez's old studio, that guy who can turn things into gold (let's call him Midas) is explaining to Mohinder that The Company just made the loft his new laboratory. And basically that he has to work there so that he can be watched every minute of every day.

In Japan, the princess is doubting Kensei, and Hiro runs to his defense saying that Kensei is the greatest man alive. The Princess picks up on how when she's with Kensei, sometimes he's gentle and sweet, and other times he's a brute. Ha. Kensei appears just then, having won his battle, and he got a scroll that he needed to complete his mission. Hiro looks on sadly as The Princess kisses all over Kensei.

Nikki and Micah are now in New Orleans, and Nikki is apparently depending on other people to watch her kid yet again so that she can run off and figure out how to help herself. Micha's mad, like he always is, because he has a horrible mother. I thought that was resolved? I thought she knew how to work with Jessica? God, can we not have anything new happen to her story line? Anyway, She drops Micah off at his great-aunt's house and leaves. Ominous music plays as his great aunt says 'Welcome' and you just know that she's probably one of the elders.

The Wonder Twins story line again. Anyone care about them yet? Maya is trying to bust Alejandro out of jail, she goes all sickly and kills the people, Alejandro and Maya escape with the lame American who just happens to have a Nissan Car of the Season stashed out back.

So in Ireland, Peter's mind reading skill was correct and one of the Dublin Gang is all about getting the money and shooting some people for it. Peter gets two bullets in his chest, but they pop out and he heals up, and then he goes ape shit and throws the guy against the wall, then chokes him Sylar style. You can tell the power is getting to him and he really wants to kill the dude. But then he makes mooney eyes at his Irish lass and lets the dude go. It's all pretty intense.

Back in Japan, Hiro decides to go home, but then he doesn't because he's still in love with the Princess. Yawn. The only thing that I wonder during these scenes is how Masi Oka is so awesome at his 'I never spoke English until a year ago' accent.

Sylar is trying really hard to use his powers, but they aren't working. Michelle makes him breakfast and he gets all indignant. Michelle is a snarky person and I have no idea why she would think that she's safe here alone with a freaking serial killer. She's a stupid, stupid woman. Of course, Sylar kills her, and we find out what she really looked like. She was a fatty middle aged woman. And it doesn't help Sylar, because he still can't use any powers. Including hers. How did he get her brain if he couldn't cut her open with his powers? Her head didn't look all ripped to shreds. And what exactly does he do? Eat the brains? I still don't know. Also, it looks like Sylar ended up on the set of LOST at the end of this scene.

Peter is getting the Irish Gang's tattoo because having bad ass powers gets you in. He's adopted like a brother and given his box full of secrets, but he can't open it because what if he was a really evil person before? He leans in for a kiss with Irish Woman, and the tattoo changes into the 'S', double helix, sign of Kensei, (WHATEVER IT IS) symbol before fading away.

Another cheesy moment with Claire and West and they make out on a beach after they argue about whose power is cooler. Whatever. We learn that West has the hash marks on his neck, and 'some guy in horned rimmed glasses' ambushed him a couple years ago. LOL CLAIRE.

Mohinder is getting tired of being babysat by Midas, the fat man with the golden touch, so he calls HRG and sends him a picture of one of the paintings still in the loft. Uh oh, it's of HRG himself, dead, with Claire looking on or making out with someone. I can't tell. And who but Claire pops out of the shadows at the Bennet home, watching her dad in that creepy, Bennet style.

We find out that Nikki has been talking with Midas. She wants to be cured. Even though last season it seemed like she was pretty in control of herself by the season finale. I don't get it. Of course The Company is all about making a deal with her because they'll want something in return. Same. Storyline. As last. Season.

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