Talking To Anyone Out There

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted here (not since the Emmys), and it comes down to two things: I overwhelmed myself with the amount of television I was watching, and the job I actually get paid to do went through a massive upheaval of changes. The first thing is completely my fault, but there were so many shiny and new things! Modern Family, Cougar Town, and Glee! The second thing – not so much within my control but it doesn’t matter anymore because it has finally calmed down. Somewhat.

Post Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the great shows both renewed and new that have been able to keep me entertained: The three already mentioned, plus Mad Men, Community, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, LOST (final season coming soon!) and others. I’m still hoping that some shows will be let go. Shows like Heroes that have fallen to contrived plots and barely there twists in the story lines. And I’m mourning the loss of some early cancellations, most notably my guilty pleasure show Eastwick. What wasn’t to love about that show? It was Charmed meets Desperate Housewives, and it was delicious.

I wanted to compile a list of my top favorite quotes from the past year of television, and then I realized we have the end of a decade upon us. So, I’ve decided to go even further back. Here are some of my favorite quotes from 2000-2009, may most of these shows rest in peace. (And yes, shows that ended within the decade still count! But I am limiting myself to only the seasons that were within this decade. See? Tricky, silly blogger.)

Will and Grace

Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and...Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out!

Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!

Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus?

Karen Walker: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Battlestar Galactica

Bill Adama: As of this moment we are at war.

Laura Roslin: We need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies!

Baltar: Its all so pointless. We kill them, and they kill us, so we kill more of them, so they kill more of us. What's the point anymore?

Number Six: You, your race, invented murder. Invented killing for sport, greed, envy. Its man's one true art form.

Laura Roslin [after finding ‘Earth’]: So…much…life.

LOST

Jack Shephard: God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone.

Hurley: Okay. See, we did crash, but it was on this crazy island. And we waited for rescue, and there wasn't any rescue. And there was a smoke monster, and then there were other people on the island. We called them the Others, and they started attacking us. And we found some hatches, and there was a button you had to push every 108 minutes or... well, I was never really clear on that. But... the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches. That was the DHARMA Initiative. The Others killed them, and now they're trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us. So we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up. And we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean, and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up. And by then, there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people... who were on the plane? They're still on that island.

Mad Men

Bobbie Barret: This is America, pick a job and become the person who does it.

Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing, happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.

Friends

Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.

Chandler: I don't... understand

Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?

Monica: It doesn't make any sense.

Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.

Chandler: On every word?

Joey: Yep!

Monica: What was this sentence originally?

Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."

Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."

Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.

Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.

Joey: Why not?

Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.

Desperate Housewives

Bree: As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?

Rex: Bree...

Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that.

Lynette: Listen to me. I forbid you to die. If you leave me with a mortgage and a restaurant and five kids, I swear I will track you into the deepest pit of hell and make you pay.

30 Rock

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?

Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

The Wire
McNulty: This is just us talking right? Just you, me, my partner and... what did you say your name was?
Bodie: I didn't say shit.
McNulty: Just you, me, my partner and Mr. Shit here.

Slim Charles: Don't matter who did what to who at this point. Fact is, we went to war and there ain't no turnin' back. I mean, shit, it's what war is, you know? Once you in it, you in it. If it's a lie, then we fight on that lie. But we gotta fight.

The Office (US)
Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just—
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um—I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea—
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: —what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Playing the game of Life]
Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

Modern Family
Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title.

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

Glee
Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

This is just a mere sampling of what I think have been some of the most memorable quotes of the decade. I could go on forever; I could make this post so long it takes up the entire page. I love pop culture quotes, and I love 'em hard. So now, I want to know what you think. Share with me your favorite quotes from television shows in the past ten years. Spam the heck out of me with your quotes, because I love to read them. And I know you love to relieve them.

The T.V. Year in Review

We've almost officially made it to the end of the year and I think I can safely say that there have been some enormous highs and lows this television season. At this time last year we were still in the throes of the writer's strike, and while it's been almost a year, this season has heavily felt the repercussions. From cancellations of shows that should have been (natch; will always be) beloved to the onslaught of crappy 'reality' television, here is my list of 2008 in review.

Pushing Daisies
I've said many times before that I didn't watch Pushing Daisies this season, but that's not to say that I wasn't an advocate. (Don't go into a hissy, I'm not a Nielsen viewer so my t.v. watching makes no impact.) I told everyone I knew to watch the show because of the absolute whimsy it carried. It was light even at its heaviest moments, and who doesn't achieve sheer joy when Kristin Chenoweth starts to sing? Alas, the show that was so promising before the writer's strike couldn't come back as strong as it should have and faltered right out of the gate. With ABC not saying how they're going to air the remaining episodes, the best fans can do is hope for a speedy DVD release.

Knight Rider
This show is on the air and Daisies isn't? I feel almost violated by all that I know to be good and true in the television industry. I tried to sit through an episode of this show and after 5 minutes of watching a girl prance around in a bikini who had the acting chops of Paris Hilton, I couldn't stand it anymore. I understand this show gets big money from Ford, but can anyone tell me why people watch this show? Does anyone watch this show?

Mad Men
After ending its second season, this show is finally getting noticed. I've never quite worried about ratings on a show like this because it's cable and things seem to be more lenient once you get past network television. And surely the numerous accolades the show has won help. From Jon Hamm to Christina Hendricks there's not a cast member I don't enjoy watching on screen. It's not even a messy or twisted show; it's quietly complicated with a touch of sentimentality and a hint of disaster. Easily the best thing to grace televisions this year.

Heroes
Well, this has been a misstep, hasn't it? This season has been a lot like a train wreck: I know it's terrible and that I should quit looking, but I can't help but watch to see what happens next. Obviously that's in the show's favor right now because I think that's the case for most of the viewers still tuning in. I'm not sure if we're all watching to see how bad it can get, or if we're all watching in the hopes that it will suddenly get better. The end of the most recent chapter, Villains, was almost too little too late, and in February we move on to...The X-Men? That's what it looks like to me, but we'll see how the writers keep the idea of mutants being hunted down fresh and new. We had a nice cleansing of the palate on Monday with a few notable deaths, but my bet is that Sylar isn't really dead. Hear me now: He will sit out of chapter four and reemerge in chapter five, bigger and badder than before. My few pleas are these: Please stop making everything about Claire, either get rid of Mohinder or make him less stupid, stop giving idiotic story lines to Hiro, and bring back Micah and Molly.

30 Rock
Why aren't you watching this show?! I'm pretty much terrified that Tina Fey's crown jewel will meet the same fate as Pushing Daisies which would be a tragedy. While some of the guest stars felt like they overshadowed the amazing characterizations of Tracy and Kenneth, this season has been mostly ups. I can't praise the cast enough, from Tina herself to Alec all the way down to Lonny Ross (not to say you are the bottom of the totem!); it's a joy to tune in on Thursday nights and I hope this is a show that sticks around for a while.

Grey's Anatomy
Even more of a train wreck than Heroes. I'm not even sure train wreck is a strong enough term. I know that there are people out there who love it and think that Ghost!Denny and Izzie are just oh so gosh darn amazing with the best story line ever in the history of television, but those same people probably think that Ghost Dad is one of the best movies in the universe. I would beg Shonda Rhimes to please go back to the way things were in season one; heck even in season two, but she doesn't seem to be listening to ANYONE. She makes no statements about where she's heading with this spectacular (better-fitting for a day time soap) storyline, and you can't tell me that she doesn't hear her fan's cries. And don't get me started on how she can cast the amazing Mary McDonnell in a role that not only makes Asperger's look like something it definitely is NOT, but does not let Mary show off how excellent an actress she is. (Actually, maybe it does in that Mary has such terrible material to work with it's shocking she doesn't walk off the set.) My fear is that people think that Mary has no idea what Asperger's is, when really, she's just doing what was written for her.

I'm stepping off of my soap box now. I apologize. Clearly you can see where my love lies for certain people of Hollywood.

Reality Shows and game shows
And here we have my 'what the hell?' moments. What the hell shout outs go to most everything on E! from the Lohans to Denise Richards. A few go to NBC for this new Ryan Seacrest endeavor and their over-kill of Deal or No Deal. One goes to FOX for their annoying lie detector show that I refuse to call by name, and let's give them one more for the show that has people contorting their bodies to fit through holes in a wall. I actually can't remember the name of that one; I care so little. Who watches these shows? Keeping up with the Kardashians? I wish someone would follow me around with a camera all day; you can see what it's really like to be a normal SANE person. The Hills? Hello, privileged little snots; I don't even understand how they get television shows. Bitter much? I'm not trying to sound just as bratty but give me a break.

On that note, we'll call it a done deal for 2008. What do you think the ups and downs were this year? Do you agree or disagree with me? You might get one more post at the end of the month but if not, we'll see you back here in January! Until then, don't hesitate to leave comments, and have a very safe and happy holiday season.

Grey's Anatomy - how ridiculous

Let me give you a brief history of my roller coaster ride with this show. When it first started, I was amazed with the show. I thought it was a great, different take on a medical show, I thought the writing was superb, and I loved the character interactions. So, all 9 episodes of season 1 were a win in my book. Then we had season 2. That was the season with the bomb and while at first I was really worried it would be like an ER story line (how much can happen in one ER?) I thought it was executed very well. We had the train episode where the people were impaled together. Awesome episode. And then we had the Denny stuff.

I bought that for that time frame. I thought it was an amazing, heart breaking story line.

And then there was George/Izzie, Meredith/George, Callie/George, a ferry boat accident, Jane Doe/Ava, and OH MY GOD MAKE IT ALL STOP. I don't understand why. I don't understand why all of that was necessary. It made me stop watching. I tossed in the towel. And then, for reasons unknown, in May I happened to watch the finale.

No Denny. The relationships (with the exception of Burke and Cristina) seemed to be back where they were supposed to be. A heartbreaking clinical trial. Izzie and Alex. Meredith and Derek. Chief and Adele. Things were as they were supposed to be and I thought 'I can start watching this show again'. So, I decided to tune in this season.

I was on board for the first couple of episodes. And then they started bringing back Denny. Really? I love Jeffery Dean Morgan as much as the next person, but oh my God. They are dragging the dead horse out of the closet and beating it again. Why? Whhhhhhy? And now Denny is haunting Izzie? He's a ghost? He won't go away and the previews for next week have them getting ready to do the naked pretzel.

Is there about to be a Supernatural cross over?

This is the hokiest, far-fetched story line I have ever seen. I could believe it and maybe even handle it a little better if this show came on between the hours of 12-4 in the afternoon. It belongs sandwiched somewhere between ABC's soaps. If not for Mary McDonnell guest staring last night, I would have thrown in the towel and switched it over to 30 Rock.

So of course, the good for me was Mary McDonnell. She's supposedly hanging around for 2-3 episodes and it's wonderful to see her as a renowned heart surgeon with Aspergers. I love her so much as Laura Roslin that it was almost shocking to see her in such a different role. My love for this actress really knows no bounds, but instead of tuning in live to see it, I'll be DVRing the show. I've been recording The Office and 30 Rock, but I think I'll be making that switch. I'll take the Jim and Pam romance and Tracy Jordan trying to make the perfect porn video game over the ridiculous and unbelievable ghost ridden Grey's Anatomy any day.

Why you (yes YOU) should be watching 30 Rock

I am not just passionate, but passionate about T.V. shows that I love. Just this morning I debated with someone for close to 10 minutes about why Fringe is an excellent show. I obsessively write to Matt Roush at T.V. Guide and Michael Ausiello at EW to give opinions and get scoop. In fact, I asked Mr. Ausiello about the fate of Mary McDonnell's Laura Roslin on Battlestar Galactica today. The answer? Prepare to weep. But even with all of my debating and flailing over shows that I love, I've never tried to persuade people to watch 30 Rock. In all honesty, I never thought I would have to. It's got Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, snappy writing and Emmy awards falling out of it's butt. Yet, for some reason no one's watching. Why? If this show gets canceled because of you Nielsen raters not watching, I'll have to find you all and abduct your television sets.

Tina Fey is a good way to get me to watch anything. And I do mean anything. I vowed never to watch a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it, but as soon as I found out Mean Girls had Fey at the helm and with an acting part? I didn't just rent the movie - I bought it. I have to admit that all around it's a very good slice of the high school movie genre, but I only bought it to be inspired by Tina Fey. I'm not sure if I've ever disclosed this information before, but my role model? Totally Tina. She's got the looks, the wit, the education and really, I'd be crazy to choose anyone other than Tina to look up to. (I've probably never said anything because wow does that make me sound stalkerish. I swear I'm not.) Anyway, if you've been following SNL lately, then you have no doubt seen her Palin impression. By itself it's hilarious because Palin really is insane, but Tina brings to it the walk, the talk, the facial expressions and hand gestures. She's got it down pat from the winking to the posing for the camera. Now, take that awesome acting ability and put it into a sitcom. Every week you get brilliant exchanges of dialogue that make you wonder about the genius of the writers. And the head writer of the show just happens to be Tina Fey.

The brilliancy of this show does not begin and end with Tina, however. We still haven't covered Alec Baldwin. I admit, I'd never really watched him in anything before. I mean, yes, I've seen Pearl Harbor. Correction: I slept through most of Pearl Harbor, and I've heard of a lot of things he's in, but I'd never watched any of them. Except for Beetlejuice. I effing love that movie. Anyway, in 30 Rock, he's a genius. For such a strong Democrat to play a stiff Republican? Well, if that's not acting, I don't know what is. And if you haven't seen the therapy session where Jack invoked the spirit of Redd Foxx, I suggest you run to Hulu.com RIGHT NOW and watch it. That clip alone should make you tune in tomorrow.

The supporting cast is nothing to poo-poo about either. Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan is great, and on a weekly basis makes me think: 'How much of this is based on Tracy Morgan's real life experiences?'. (I want to say...probably 56%) Jack McBrayer as the lovable, goofy, flighty, but probably smarter than you think Kenneth is equally hilarious and under-used which is something I sincerely hope changes soon. Who else could deliver the line: I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the Devil's temperature! with such conviction?

The bottom line with this show is that it's smart. It's not 'veg out in front of the t.v., get up 10 times to get something to eat, talk on the phone while I watch it' television. It's satirical, it's relevant, and it's hysterical. The story lines range from downright silly (Tracy making a porn video game) to touching (Liz running the gamut of emotions when she thinks she's pregnant), and in 30 minutes you might just learn a thing or two about real humor. Everyone tune in tomorrow. You won't be sorry.