Talking To Anyone Out There

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted here (not since the Emmys), and it comes down to two things: I overwhelmed myself with the amount of television I was watching, and the job I actually get paid to do went through a massive upheaval of changes. The first thing is completely my fault, but there were so many shiny and new things! Modern Family, Cougar Town, and Glee! The second thing – not so much within my control but it doesn’t matter anymore because it has finally calmed down. Somewhat.

Post Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the great shows both renewed and new that have been able to keep me entertained: The three already mentioned, plus Mad Men, Community, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, LOST (final season coming soon!) and others. I’m still hoping that some shows will be let go. Shows like Heroes that have fallen to contrived plots and barely there twists in the story lines. And I’m mourning the loss of some early cancellations, most notably my guilty pleasure show Eastwick. What wasn’t to love about that show? It was Charmed meets Desperate Housewives, and it was delicious.

I wanted to compile a list of my top favorite quotes from the past year of television, and then I realized we have the end of a decade upon us. So, I’ve decided to go even further back. Here are some of my favorite quotes from 2000-2009, may most of these shows rest in peace. (And yes, shows that ended within the decade still count! But I am limiting myself to only the seasons that were within this decade. See? Tricky, silly blogger.)

Will and Grace

Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and...Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out!

Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!

Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus?

Karen Walker: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Battlestar Galactica

Bill Adama: As of this moment we are at war.

Laura Roslin: We need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies!

Baltar: Its all so pointless. We kill them, and they kill us, so we kill more of them, so they kill more of us. What's the point anymore?

Number Six: You, your race, invented murder. Invented killing for sport, greed, envy. Its man's one true art form.

Laura Roslin [after finding ‘Earth’]: So…much…life.

LOST

Jack Shephard: God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone.

Hurley: Okay. See, we did crash, but it was on this crazy island. And we waited for rescue, and there wasn't any rescue. And there was a smoke monster, and then there were other people on the island. We called them the Others, and they started attacking us. And we found some hatches, and there was a button you had to push every 108 minutes or... well, I was never really clear on that. But... the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches. That was the DHARMA Initiative. The Others killed them, and now they're trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us. So we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up. And we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean, and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up. And by then, there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people... who were on the plane? They're still on that island.

Mad Men

Bobbie Barret: This is America, pick a job and become the person who does it.

Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing, happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.

Friends

Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.

Chandler: I don't... understand

Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?

Monica: It doesn't make any sense.

Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.

Chandler: On every word?

Joey: Yep!

Monica: What was this sentence originally?

Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."

Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."

Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.

Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.

Joey: Why not?

Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.

Desperate Housewives

Bree: As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?

Rex: Bree...

Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that.

Lynette: Listen to me. I forbid you to die. If you leave me with a mortgage and a restaurant and five kids, I swear I will track you into the deepest pit of hell and make you pay.

30 Rock

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?

Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

The Wire
McNulty: This is just us talking right? Just you, me, my partner and... what did you say your name was?
Bodie: I didn't say shit.
McNulty: Just you, me, my partner and Mr. Shit here.

Slim Charles: Don't matter who did what to who at this point. Fact is, we went to war and there ain't no turnin' back. I mean, shit, it's what war is, you know? Once you in it, you in it. If it's a lie, then we fight on that lie. But we gotta fight.

The Office (US)
Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just—
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um—I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea—
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: —what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Playing the game of Life]
Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

Modern Family
Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title.

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

Glee
Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

This is just a mere sampling of what I think have been some of the most memorable quotes of the decade. I could go on forever; I could make this post so long it takes up the entire page. I love pop culture quotes, and I love 'em hard. So now, I want to know what you think. Share with me your favorite quotes from television shows in the past ten years. Spam the heck out of me with your quotes, because I love to read them. And I know you love to relieve them.

Mad Men - Out Of Town

Just so that you all know, there WILL be spoilers in this post. And this isn't going to be a recap per say, for that you can head right over here. This is just going to be a collection of my thoughts from the episode, and I'll try to go in chronological order so that it's not messy. But we're going bullet-point style. Crazy!

• Don's birthday story - You know, as far as having a legitimate reason to change your name goes, I think this is a pretty big one. The opening sequence of the episode was a little confusing for a few moments, especially seeing as there's no way Don remembers this experience. This isn't a memory for him, so is this just how he imagines it happened? Or is it a wink, wink to the viewers? 'This is how it really happened just so you know, but who knows what Don really thinks'? His mother's last words were 'I'll chop off his dick and boil it in hog fat'. So naturally his name turns out to be Dick. But does he know this story? I mean, I ask my parents how I got my name and they tell me they deliberated for weeks and weeks before deciding. Don asks the same question and they actually tell him 'because your mother's last words were dick and hog fat'. I doubt that's how it happened, but then again, his adoptive household was so abusive, it could have happened, who knows.

• The 'lesbian' versus 'tomboy' argument - I've heard this at more than one forum, and even from people I talk to who watch the show. When Betty was explaining to Don about how his suitcase got broken, she also said "She's taken to your tools like a little lesbian." First of all, I have never laughed at anything Betty said (except for maybe that Nordic comment in season two), but that was so unexpected that I laughed hard. The argument that I've heard surrounding this, is that back in the 60s, she would have said something like 'tomboy'. I agree that yes, maybe in public she would have. But in the privacy of her own home when she can say whatever she wants, I don't see why she wouldn't say 'lesbian'. And let's be honest here, it wouldn't have packed as much of a punch if Betty had said 'She's taken to your tools like a little tomboy'. See, not as funny.

• Joan vs. Moneypenny (sorry, Mr. Hooker) - Writing my original recap, I had only watched the episode once, and so didn't pick up fully on what Joan did. But after watching again, I want to stand up and cheer. Let it be said that you just don't mess with Joan. You won't win, because in her own little way, she'll give you an awesome reality check. We didn't get to hear the initial conversation about Mr. Hooker being more than just a secretary, so we have to assume he was pretty prissy about it. What we do get is Joan having this great idea of 'if you're so much better than the secretaries out here, have an office and a secretary'. Wouldn't you know that the British Overlord (BOL) knocked Hooker down a few pegs as soon as he told him to get rid of the office and the girl. BOOM, ROASTED. Oh, Joan. So cunning!

• Pete vs. Ken - HOW DELICIOUS. Oh, now this is exciting. Obviously the whole thing is an experiment in who can persevere the longest in order to get the permanent position as head of accounts, and BOTH men know that, but Pete refuses to not be childish about it all. He was so elated when he called home, too, and I particularly loved this exchange between Trudy and Pete:

Trudy: I love the way you sound right now.
Pete: That's because I'm already drunk.
Trudy: Good for you!

Oh, standards back then! And then slowly it all comes crashing down and Pete is sharing the spotlight. He wants everything NOW NOW NOW, and when he can't get it, well, he turns into a brat. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

• Keep it in the closet - Sal. Poor, poor Sal. He was finally going to get lucky and then that fire alarm went off. And you know what? I actually have a bone to pick with ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. I got so many e-mails and personal comments about how 'graphic' the scene was with Sal and the bell hop. The graphic part, apparently, was the shot of a hand going down Sal's boxer shorts. To that I say: HEY REMEMBER THIS:

In my opinion, Don fingering Bobbie Barrett is no more graphic than Sal and the bell hop. A friend of mine pointed this out and do you know what she was told? "Well, I guess since it was heterosexual [with Don and Bobbie] I was okay with it."

...

...

WHAT? Okay, hypocrisy much? Sexual content is sexual content ladies and gentleman, and if you're watching this show for morality you are watching the wrong damn show. And again, I'll quote my friend - everyone's okay with the cheating, and the abortion conversations, and the egregious drinking, but as soon as two men get it on people flip out and go on long rants about how it's just WRONG. God forbid. Did your television explode? People, chill out. CHILL. OUT.

Then there was that conversation on the plane with Don and Sal. Some people think that Don will use Sal's sexuality to black mail him. I say no. 'Limit your exposure' is what Don suggested for the London Fog account, and it was his advice to Sal as well. They're moving on because Sal's sexuality doesn't compromise the fact that A) Sal is amazing at his job and B) that he and Don did good work together while in Baltimore. It also hearkens back to 'It'll shock you how much it didn't happen' in season two when we found out Don was also there for Peggy. So really, one could wonder how long it will be before Sal knows a secret of Don's and is trusted to keep it.

That officially ends my thought process on the first episode. I apologize for any wonky spacing - I'm working on it, I promise. But I want to hear your thoughts! Leave me some comments, and tell me what you think. I don't bite - much.

Why Mad Men is the best show in the universe. (Spoilers for the finale.)

First, before I really get into the meat of this, I want to say that yes, I did just post. Since I'm mostly writing for my own entertainment, I figure no one will be over-whelmed by the sudden burst of writing. And my last post was long, too. I guess I have a lot to say right now.

And I want to say something about Mad Men. If you've never seen this show, first off - why? Second, my thoughts are absolutely nothing compared to the Lipp Sister's site, Basket of Kisses. Oh my God you all, this website is the mecca of all things Mad Men. Why? For one, they actually got people to pay attention which I have obviously not grasped. And they have an interview with Matthew Weiner. Let me repeat that - MATTHEW. WEINER. And if you don't know that name, you probably aren't a fan of the show. Again I ask - why? So while I may occasionally gush about how amazing this show is, I grovel at the feet of Roberta and Deborah Lipp.

Now, onto why I love the show so much.

In an era of television shows where suspending reality is the key, here is a show that gives us real life problems, real life messes, and real life solutions. How refreshing is it to see that when a husband cheats, he can't say he's sorry and suddenly have things come up roses? A woman doesn't always keep the baby and expect the father of her illegitimate child to come running in to save the day. And the perfect man is a complete lie. All of us who watch T.V. know that when we turn on our sets, writers are asking us to please take off our logical thinking caps and set them aside. How many of us can watch an episode of Desperate Housewives or Brothers & Sisters and think 'wow, that is so much like real life - crazy!'? The answer is no one. But when it comes to Mad Men, we're allowed to keep our logic and actually depend on our brains to guide us through each episode.

I have to admit that when a co-worker first told me the premise of this show I wasn't really that excited to watch. I'd missed season one completely and in fact had never even heard of the show when she handed over her DVDs. The show had just been featured on the cover of EW, but I had no interest because I didn't recognize any of the actors. And the basic premise, a story about a 60's advertising agency set in Manhattan, well, that didn't exactly grab me. Until I watched the first episode and realized it is so much more than that.

The thing that gets me about this show is that it's not afraid to be messy. Don Draper is one of the most messed up characters on television. Here is a man who is struggling to forget his past, and is so desperate, he steals a dead man's identity. How likely is that to happen? Well, nowadays probably not at all, but for Don's time and situation it was easy. Easy to give up on his terrible life, his terrible family and the world as Dick Whitman knew it. Only, it's not as simple as that. Everything slowly begins to unravel eventually and the memories come back to haunt him. Even his brother tries to reconnect but that ends in guilt money and suicide. Welcome to a television show that reassures us that it's okay - life is complicated.

I'll argue my own views for just a second to say that Don may be messed up, but he's also one of the best characters on television. He's handsome, business savvy, and for the most part a good man. Who happens to cheat on his wife. A lot. Why do we forgive him this and sympathize with him as a protagonist? After all, a man who is unfaithful to his wife isn't usually celebrated. But instead of turning him into a monster, he's been shown as human. Affairs happen - it doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who made bad decisions. He loves his kids; he even loves his wife. Not all men who cheat do it out of hatred. Some men are just lost. Don Draper is one of those men.

If Don is a lost man, then Peggy Olson is a lost girl. This poor woman who was brought in as a naive secretary, and by season two's end has become Don Draper's protegee. Faced with having her lover's child, she didn't sit and wait around for him to leave his wife and run to her. She did what plenty of women have done: Had the child and gave it up, then pretended that nothing happened. I don't believe it was purely for selfish reasons, nor do I believe she was too crazy to take care of a child. In my opinion, the shock of having a child when she didn't even realize she was pregnant kept her in deep denial - if she doesn't acknowledge it, then it never happened. It's how she can take Don's advice and run with it, it's how she can face her priest and family. Even if they try to shame her, she never thinks on the idea long enough to feel guilty. Until the possible end of the world during the finale on Sunday. She finally confessed to Pete that she gave up his child, and by the end of the day, she was completely absolved to herself. She'll never have to worry about her secret again because it no longer matters. Everyone involved has been brought full circle. The question now is whether Pete will use the information to harass her. Certainly she has Don in her corner, but I can easily see it turning into something along the following lines:

Peggy: Pete, I need you to take care of this account right now please.

Pete: Hey, remember that time I told you I loved you and then you told me you gave my baby away? Do it yourself.

Can anyone else see this happening?

Originally I'd wanted to explain why this is the best show on t.v., and I know I've gone off on a really, really long tangent and bounced from topic to topic. Basically it boils down to this: It's a real show. It takes every day problems that have been relevant for decades and puts them into a time when the world was an uncertain place. It makes us feel for characters who perhaps shouldn't have our sympathy, it makes us rethink morals and ethics as we've previously defined them, and it gives us a glimpse back in time. And it does all of this with a sense of urgency. This show is what other shows wish they could be.

It's going to be a long, long winter without Mad Men.