Confessions of a T.V. Addict

Live Tweeting the Golden Globes

2010-01-17T17:54:00.001-06:00

&amp;lt;a href="http://www.coveritlive.com/mobile.php?option=com_mobile&amp;amp;amp;task=viewaltcast&amp;amp;amp;altcast_code=129eae89d4"&amp;gt;Live Tweeting the Golden Globes&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

I wasn't going to do this, but my good friend Alexis convinced me to. Even though this blog is more for television than anything. Even though in the land of t.v. I don't care about Micky Rourke. This way you'll get my reactions as I'm feeling them. So let's all get ready to have a great time.

More shake ups a NBC

2010-01-08T08:47:00.005-06:00

As you've no doubt heard by now, NBC is doing what they do best: acting a fool.

Yesterday, TMZ leaked details that Jay Leno's show, due to abysmal ratings, was being canceled. Then, the real shoe dropped: He was taking back his 11:30 spot. This part, and whether he will only have a 30 minute show before Conan comes on from 12-1 or not is all still up in the air. But, it leaves so many questions unanswered:

What is with NBC jerking around Conan O'Brien like this? Not only are they messing with his life, it's all of the people who made this huge move to L.A. with him. If there weren't so many other people who would be affected if Conan simply walked, I could easily see the Tonight Show host jumping ship at the network completely. There are plenty of places that would actually want and appreciate Conan, I'm sure.

What happens to Jimmy Fallon? In the beginning, he wasn't funny at all, and now he's kind of adorable. Plus, The Real Housewives of Late Night? Priceless. He doesn't deserve to get screwed in all of this.

(Let's just all say it now: No one cares about Carson and what happens to his show. Though, if they push it back far enough maybe that'll get rid of Poker After Dark once and for all.)

If NBC is indeed thinking up some kind of 30 minute show for Leno, what will that even consist of? I feel like his monologue alone drags on for 30 minutes. Plus, I'm convinced that no one actually watches him for his jokes, they watch for bits like Jaywalking, the talking photo booth, Headlines, etc.

Conan O'Brien, so far, has remained classy and quiet regarding the situation, but Leno was making cracks about in last night's monologue.

We can only sit and wait for more information as NBC continues to prove why they've fallen so low.

Source: Oh No They Didn't (The BEST source for entertainment news!)

New Year Resolutions

2009-12-31T09:51:00.003-06:00

Welcome to the last day of 2009. Not only that, welcome to the last day of the decade. I’m sure you’ve all been reading lists regarding the best television shows and best characters from the past 10 years, so I’m not going to focus on that. Instead, let’s talk resolutions. I gave up a long time ago on that gym membership, so instead I’m making more realistic goals for myself, all centered around – you guessed it – television.

Be brave; try more new shows
This one will be hard for me. Reason being that shows I actually enjoy inevitably get canceled before all episodes can be aired. Case in point: Eastwick. I enjoyed this show as a Charmed meets Desperate Housewives set up, and not only did ABC cancel it, they also skipped an episode before the last one they ever aired. Things like this and knowing how quickly shows get canned kept me from enjoying Modern Family and Cougartown when they premiered and I had to play catch-up. I understand money issues and advertising when it comes to airing shows, but there needs to be some way to keep those who actually enjoy television from becoming disgruntled. Maybe start with not skipping remaining episodes and airing them all before pulling the plug? I don’t know, just a suggestion.

Re-watch old favorites
With LOST ending this year, and Battlestar Galactica having ended earlier, I think it’s time to pony up and re-watch both shows from beginning to end. Of course, LOST will be a summer project (and hopefully by then the sixth and final season will be available on DVD). Another show worth re-watching will definitely be Arrested Development (something else cut down in its prime). I’m going to get lofty and say I’d like to re-watch all of The X-Files which means that I’d have to sit through seasons eight and nine, but maybe the sting of that wound has healed enough over the years. And to really overshoot my goal, I’d love to re-watch all of Will & Grace, because damn if I don’t miss the Jack and Karen show.

Don’t let the DVR pile up
I made the mistake of doing that this year more than once, and it took me weeks to get caught up. Television watching actually became stressful so clearly, I need to space out what I’m watching. If only Wednesdays and Thursdays (and coming soon in 2010, Tuesdays??) weren’t so jam packed! Instead of blowing off catching up when I have free time, it’s time to commit, commit, commit.

Finally, be more vocal about great (and even good) T.V.
You’d think that having a blog would pretty well have me on the right path, but the truth is (as anyone who reads this on a regular basis knows) that life gets in the way quite a bit. There are times I’d love to come here immediately and rant and rave with everyone, but my job beckons, and the one that pays me money actually sucks my soul. Sadly, as much as I wish this weren’t true, I don’t always have time for the blog. In a fantastic world, this is what I would do for a living, but since I neither know anyone who can get me into the world of professional (?) blogging or know anyone at Entertainment Weekly (seriously, someone from there feel free to call me) I come here when I can. I just hope that lengthy absences are rewarded with people wanting more updates, not wishing I would go away.

So, those are my T.V. driven goals – what are yours? Let me know in the comments, and let’s make this a great New Year (and decade!) for television.

Talking To Anyone Out There

2009-11-28T17:50:00.006-06:00

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted here (not since the Emmys), and it comes down to two things: I overwhelmed myself with the amount of television I was watching, and the job I actually get paid to do went through a massive upheaval of changes. The first thing is completely my fault, but there were so many shiny and new things! Modern Family, Cougar Town, and Glee! The second thing – not so much within my control but it doesn’t matter anymore because it has finally calmed down. Somewhat.

Post Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the great shows both renewed and new that have been able to keep me entertained: The three already mentioned, plus Mad Men, Community, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, LOST (final season coming soon!) and others. I’m still hoping that some shows will be let go. Shows like Heroes that have fallen to contrived plots and barely there twists in the story lines. And I’m mourning the loss of some early cancellations, most notably my guilty pleasure show Eastwick. What wasn’t to love about that show? It was Charmed meets Desperate Housewives, and it was delicious.

I wanted to compile a list of my top favorite quotes from the past year of television, and then I realized we have the end of a decade upon us. So, I’ve decided to go even further back. Here are some of my favorite quotes from 2000-2009, may most of these shows rest in peace. (And yes, shows that ended within the decade still count! But I am limiting myself to only the seasons that were within this decade. See? Tricky, silly blogger.)

Will and Grace

Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and...Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out!

Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!

Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus?

Karen Walker: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Battlestar Galactica

Bill Adama: As of this moment we are at war.

Laura Roslin: We need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies!

Baltar: Its all so pointless. We kill them, and they kill us, so we kill more of them, so they kill more of us. What's the point anymore?

Number Six: You, your race, invented murder. Invented killing for sport, greed, envy. Its man's one true art form.

Laura Roslin [after finding ‘Earth’]: So…much…life.

LOST

Jack Shephard: God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone.

Hurley: Okay. See, we did crash, but it was on this crazy island. And we waited for rescue, and there wasn't any rescue. And there was a smoke monster, and then there were other people on the island. We called them the Others, and they started attacking us. And we found some hatches, and there was a button you had to push every 108 minutes or... well, I was never really clear on that. But... the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches. That was the DHARMA Initiative. The Others killed them, and now they're trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us. So we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up. And we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean, and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up. And by then, there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people... who were on the plane? They're still on that island.

Mad Men

Bobbie Barret: This is America, pick a job and become the person who does it.

Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing, happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.

Friends

Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.

Chandler: I don't... understand

Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?

Monica: It doesn't make any sense.

Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.

Chandler: On every word?

Joey: Yep!

Monica: What was this sentence originally?

Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."

Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."

Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.

Monica: Uh, Joey, we can't use this.

Joey: Why not?

Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.

Desperate Housewives

Bree: As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?

Rex: Bree...

Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that.

Lynette: Listen to me. I forbid you to die. If you leave me with a mortgage and a restaurant and five kids, I swear I will track you into the deepest pit of hell and make you pay.

30 Rock

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?

Jenna: Well, of course Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

The Wire
McNulty: This is just us talking right? Just you, me, my partner and... what did you say your name was?
Bodie: I didn't say shit.
McNulty: Just you, me, my partner and Mr. Shit here.

Slim Charles: Don't matter who did what to who at this point. Fact is, we went to war and there ain't no turnin' back. I mean, shit, it's what war is, you know? Once you in it, you in it. If it's a lie, then we fight on that lie. But we gotta fight.

The Office (US)
Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just—
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um—I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea—
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: —what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Playing the game of Life]
Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

Modern Family
Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title.

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

Glee
Mercedes: Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Sue: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

This is just a mere sampling of what I think have been some of the most memorable quotes of the decade. I could go on forever; I could make this post so long it takes up the entire page. I love pop culture quotes, and I love 'em hard. So now, I want to know what you think. Share with me your favorite quotes from television shows in the past ten years. Spam the heck out of me with your quotes, because I love to read them. And I know you love to relieve them.

Emmy Awards 2009

2009-09-20T16:05:00.063-05:00

Check back here frequently for my live blog of the Emmy awards, starting at 8/7 central!

6:56 - four minutes until the show! Wrap it up, 60 Minutes.

7:00 - Oh a nice montage of CBS moments and the stars on the red carpet. Aretha's hat revisted from the inauguration!

7:01 - Neil starting the show with singing is the only way I could accept this moment.

7:03 - Oh Jon Hamm and Christina Hendricks! Gay joke here.

7:04 - I should mention that NPH is wearing a white suit and looks AMAZING.

7:05 - "I love that we're already running 27 minutes late. We just started, how did this happen?"

7:05 - Great LOL moments discussing the fact that theme songs have disappeared from t.v. shows.

7:06 - "Here's hoping Kanye West loves 30 Rock."

7:07 - Ohhh, the stage will change as the categories change. And the show is divided up by comedy, drama, etc.

7:09 - An awesome comedy montage of the funniest moments from the television year. I'm really digging this set up.

7:10 - Tina Fey and Jon Hamm presenting together. Aww, they look cute. More Hamm on 30 Rock please.

7:12 - all of the actresses for best supporting are wearing glasses of some sort except for Vanessa Williams who is all "NO."

7:12 - Emmy goes to Chenoweth!! And she's adorable! And crying! Shout out to Oklahoma!

7:14 - Cheno is crying through the whole thing. "I'm unemployed now, so I like Mad Men, and The Office, and 24."

7:15 - Commercial break, and I'm running to grab another grilled cheese sandwich. Back in a jiffy!

7:20 - PC from the Mac vs PC commercials is our narrator for the evening.

7:21 - The cast of How I Met Your Mother is presenting the award for outstanding writing in a comedy series.

7:22 - 30 Rock wins its first emmy of the night!

7:24 - Julia Lous Dreyfus and Amy Poehler are presenting for outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series.

7:26 - Jon Cryer wins, and Jack McBrayer continues to be adorable as everyone else looks kinda pissed off.

7:29 - Commercial and commentary: I would have given anything to see Jack McBrayer take that stage and make a speech. Ah well.

7:33 - Justin Timberlake! Why hello there beautiful. He's presenting for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series.

7:35 - Sara Silverman is wearing a moustache and makes JT lose it. "That's what hormones will do."

7:35 - Toni Collette wins! Surprising everyone.

7:38 - NPH does a bit with Jon Cryer about how he won. It's pretty funny - NPH was robbed.

7:39 - Some Gossip Girls chicks present best actor and actress guest stars. The emmys go to Tina Fey and JT for SNL!

7:40 - And JT gives us our second Kanye joke of the night.

7:42 Emmy for best comedy writing goes to a writer from The Office!

7:48 - Rob Lowe is the presenter for best actor in a comedy series.

7:51 - Alec Baldwin wins for 30 Rock!

7:52 - Lorne Michaels is getting a ton of shout outs tonight. I still think he's rude.

7:53 - There's a montage of Stewie beating the crap out of Brian (Family Guy) shouting "WHERE'S MY EMMY MAN?!"

7:54 - Next up: reality shows.

7:56 - Some dancers from Dancing With the Stars are doing a little number now. One of the girl's outfit reminds me of Pocahontas.

7:58 - Jon Cryer and Hayden Panettiere...oh I can't spell her name are giving the award for outstanding host. Hayden looks...I'm gonna let that go.

7:59 - Emmy goes to Jeff Probst.

8:05 - Tracy Morgan is getting behind a microphone to present best reality competition program. God help us all.

8:07 - The Amazing Race wins, and Tracy managed not to do anything outrages. I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed. But just in case you were wondering, The Amazing Race will never lose.

8:09 - Movies and mini-series up next. Don't look for updates super fast on this one.

8:12 - Kevin Bacon and his gorgeous wife! They're presenting for supporting actress. The winner is oh geez, the only name I can't spell. Shorhre Aghdashloo? Every time she inhales there's this deep wheezing sound though. It's so distracting because I'm laughing so hard.

8:14 - The win for best actor goes to Ken Howard. And there's the third Kanye joke of the night (paired with a Joe Wilson dig.)

8:22 - Kate Walsh and Chandra Wilson are presenting for best lead actor (how is this different than the last one? What did I obviously miss? Oh well.) The winner is Brendan Gleeson.

8:27 - My t.v. blinked out for a moment so I missed something, but hey there's Patricia Arquette and Jennifer Love Hewitt giving an award to Dearbhla Walsh. She needs a bra, sorry to say.

8:30 - A Doctor Horrible sketch!! OH MY GOODNESS A DOCTOR HORRIBLE SKETCH!!

8:33 - Alec Baldwin takes the stage again for best lead actress in a mini-series or movie. The award goes to Jessica Lange.

8:42 - Kiefer Sutherland and Anna Torv present for best made for television movie. Grey Gardens wins.

8:44 - Anna and Kiefer are still there to give an award to Little Dorritt.

8:46 - Woo, next genre is Variety!

8:49 - The Big Bang Theory cast takes the stage to present outstanding directing in a variety show. The Emmy goes to Bruce Gowers for American Idol.

8:52 - The award for best writing team goes to The Daily Show!

9:02 - Jimmy Fallon is on stage with one of those mics that distorts your voice, falls and 'hurts himself' and we shoot to Steve Carell losing it in the audience. But the award for Original Music and lyrics goes to the team that wrote the Academy Awards opening bit.

9:06 - Ricky Gervais comes out to no mic at all but recovers quickly. He riffs on Steve Carell for a moment and he's funny before presenting the award for best variety, comedy, or music series. And the Emmy goes to The Daily Show!

9:16 - Ohhhh time for Drama! I like how the show is running this year. It's totally made me forget about how crappy the hosting was last year.

9:19 - LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell are up to present best supporting actor and the emmy goes TO MICHAEL EMERSON. YOU CREEPY S.O.B. I LOVE YOU.

9:21 - The award for best supporting actress goes to Cherry Jones!!

9:23 - And now we have the in memorium, sung live by Sarah Mclaughlin. I mean, not that she is singing their names, but she's singing. I always, without a doubt say 'Oh, so and so died? I had no idea'. Or,'I thought they died a long time ago'. Also, there should be no applause because it's like playing favorites or something.

9:33 - Stephan Moyer and David Boreanaz let us know that the winner for best guest actress and actor in a drama are Ellen Burysten and Michael J. Fox.

9:35 PM - Ellen and Michael present for best director, and he award goes to E.R. Sorry, another snub, BSG.

9:36 - Annnnd the award for best writing goes to Matt Weiner for Mad Men!

9:38 - Simon Baker presents the award for outstanding lead actress to Glenn Close!

9:48 - Dana Delany (adorable) presents the award for outstanding lead actor in a drama. And the award goes to Brian Cranston. Jon Hamm was robbed. SORRY BRIAN.

9:51 - Bob Newhart! He's presenting for best comedy show but is telling stories. Um, long stories. And the show is running long, and the Mad Men rerun is on in 8 minutes so come on Newhart. I love you but you're killin' me.

9:54 - And the award goes to 30 Rock! As if there were a doubt.

9:56 We're told that the breakthrough performance of the year is something from True Blood. But I wouldn't know anything about that.

10:00 - Sigourney Weaver comes out in a gorgeous red dress to present the final award of the night. Best Drama. My fingers are crossed for you LOST! (And Mad Men!)

10:01 - THE AWARD GOES TO MAD MEN!! WOOHOO!!!

I've had a ton of fun with you guys tonight, thanks for coming by AND for all your shout outs on Twitter! Until next time.

Yay, Glee!

2009-09-19T12:26:00.005-05:00

I would like to take this opportunity to disprove a few myths surrounding this show and what non-fans think. I don't feel as if I have to defend the show, but when things are said about the fans, well, as a fan I feel like I should be defending myself. So, without further adieu, this is where I politely tell you to change the channel if you do not enjoy this show.

As I was having a grand time with my Firefox add-on Stumbleupon, I came across this gem:

"People who enjoy the show Glee were raised on High School Musical."

I will let all of my readers over the age of 25 have first stab at this sentence.

That is exactly what is wrong with this statement. I didn't even know what the hell High School Musical was until all of the actors started breaking out on their own. I figured it out thanks to interviews that started with: 'My next guest stars in the hit Disney movie High School Musical...' And to be honest, they could have been saying television show, because to this day I don't know if it's a movie or a show, and I don't care enough to google it. The point is, no, people who enjoy Glee were NOT all raised on some Disney phenomena made for and intended to be enjoyed by teenagers and/or elementary school students. Not to say that Glee isn't supposed to be enjoyed by teenagers, just that its main target demographic isn't 13-18 year olds.

The appeal of a show like Glee, and the reason I'm personally a fan, is the amazing writing, wit, and talent involved. What other show on Earth will you be able to enjoy Jane Lynch verbally abusing everyone in sight, or Matthew Morrison dancing and rapping to 'Golddigger'? I know that singing and dancing isn't everyone's cup of tea - different strokes for different folks, as they say. And historically, musical shows fail so hard. Viva Laughlin, anyone? That one singing cop show? But this show has something those other shows were lacking, and that's heart. There are real story lines behind the singing and dancing, and that is what I love.

But cutting away to musical numbers like a fantasy is disappointing. I want it to be stage shows and performances!

So, here's how I feel about that, because I somewhat agree. I love it when the group is on stage singing their hearts out, BUT Rachel singing into her hairbrush or longingly staring at Finn while she sings Rihanna better than Rihanna does makes sense. It's like on Scrubs, when J.D. would go into his own little fantasy world. Sometimes his included singing, but ALL of Glee's include singing, and fabulous renditions of songs at that. I don't find a difference, really. I think it's actually very well done. Especially Mercedes after thinking Kurt broke her heart intentionally.

Ugh, high school stereotypes much?

Well, yes. I don't know about the last time you were in a high school, but it's pretty accurate. I hear people complain the LOUDEST about Mercedes being the ~sassy~ black girl and Kurt being so amazingly flamboyant. And yes, I do have what I feel is a valid argument about that.

Take a look at the cast of Glee. For that matter, when you watch the show, look at the background cast. The extras, if you will. I don't notice many other black people, do you? How do people who are different or don't fit in try to adapt to their surroundings? By taking what they see from other people of their same race/country/neighborhood and mimicking the behavior. This gives us the opportunity for something I like to call character development. You give these kids no real sense of themselves (isn't that how we ALL felt in high school?) and let them self discover along the way. Art imitating life - who knew?!

This is all I have - this is what I wanted to get off of my chest. And you're free to leave your WELL I STILL HATE THE SHOW, it's all over-hyped, it REALLY REALLY SUCKS comments because it's a free country and who am I to take away your First Amendment right? You know where I stand, and though I don't see the point in stopping to leave a comment about something you hate, you are more than welcome to do so.

The Office - Gossip

2009-09-18T18:52:00.003-05:00

Ah, love
Kelly [about two dating interns]: If they get married before I do, I'm gonna kill myself.

Matchmaker
Michael: This place is like a Spaniard fly.

Come on and whisper in my ear
Dwight: People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheek bones.

On things that aren't real
Michael: I shoulda known. Poop ball?

What mama said
Michael: My mom always said that the third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.

Over the hill
Dwight: Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.

It was all a LIE
Michael [after Phyllis discredits an intern's gossip]: You stupid son of a bitch, you set me up!

If it's wrong, I don't wanna be right
Preston/Porter intern: If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Michael: Drugs?

True love conquers all
Stanley [on his affair]: Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill...

It's a real stumper
Michael: It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Sharing is caring
Erin: Kelly has a eating disorder? She always eats my lunch.

Riddle me this
Andy: Let me give you a scenario. I'm like, at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. Tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like, at first. But if he was persistent, I might give in a little bit, just to see what it felt like. Would I push away? How hard? Like, what if he's really aggressive?"
Oscar: If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still...need to get to you?
Andy: This is not real Brad Pitt, this is like, my fantasy. I mean, it's not fantasy it's...just a scenario.
Oscar: Wow, I...wish I could help you. You might be gay.

Liar, liar
Michael [after spreading all of the false office rumors]: It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.

Ponce and Circumstance
Dwight [to the interns on their last day]: As a gift I've attached my card. Call me any time, day or night.
Preston/Porter intern: Why would we call you at night?
Dwight [takes away his card]: Now you can't call me at all, so problem solved.
Jim: You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs at night

Help a brother out
Jim: Are you interested in her (Pam's) guy friends?
Andy: No! I mean, for the record I prefer women. But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Jim: Really?
Andy: Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me I feel like.
Jim: Well, you gotta figure this out.
Andy: Yeah, right? How?
Jim: You gotta have sex with a woman.
Andy: Right-O.
Jim: And then a man. And then compare.

Tell it like it really is
Angela: You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.

Come again?
Creed: If I can't scuba, then what's this all about? What am I working toward?

Sticks and stones
Toby: What are you guys talking about, I have a daughter. How could I be a virgin?

Told in confidence
Dwight: Michael, you told people I use store bought manure. When I showed you where my manure comes from.

The truth comes out
Michael: I made it all up.
Andy: Even the rumor that I'm gay?
Michael: Yes.
Andy: Yes.

Signs you may be pregnant
Kevin: Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought, 'Oh she has a new bra with padding'. But then I thought, 'Pam doesn't need padding'. It just didn't add up, Jim.

Just clearing up a few things
Angela: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: Who's the OBGYN?

Not quite...close
Michael [looking at an ultra sound]: Pam, look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!

I need to know facts
Michael: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?

The more you know
Julia Stiles intern: I learned that half these people's email password is 'password'.

Joel McHale and Dan Harmon

2009-09-17T14:56:00.005-05:00

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Dan Harmon (far left) and Joel McHale. Dan is the creator of the new NBC show 'Community' which is premiering TONIGHT on NBC at 9:30/8:30 central. The interview was a long one, so I've included the best moments below.

Joel, let me ask you, what was the appeal of this project for you?

Joel McHale: Oh, well, I read a lot of pilot scripts and always, you know, want to be in something that's good and after reading Dan’s script it was so head and shoulders above everything else that I was reading. It was just incredibly funny and then it had really strong characters and a lot of heart.

NBC has been talked about as kind of a sinking ship with the ratings and things like that. So they’ve been really hyping up the show. Does that put more pressure on you guys to really deliver?

Dan Harmon: There is - there’s two hats that I wear. One is the guy who sits in an office and has to put this show together, and that guy doesn’t focus at all on any of that stuff because there’s so much to do. And that guy will do his job wrong to the extent that he thinks about anybody’s sort of standards other than his own. Like in terms of how good the script is or anything like that.

Then there’s the guy that my girlfriend has to be at home with, who is from Wisconsin and who desperately wants the world to love him. And only does anything that he does to try to get peoples’ approval. And who is absolutely terrified that all of this attention and all of this approval from the critics and all of the support from the network can only end in backlash.

I was just wondering if you have any fears of working with anyone after your time on The Soup? Do you foresee any potential problems if there was a certain guest star on Community?

Joel: I’m not working with Tila Tequila if I’m not properly vaccinated.

Dan, why do you think people want to take their time to tune in and watch Community?

Dan: I don’t know. That’s a tough one for me to, you know, because I would have to say, “Well because it’s obviously really good.” I think people will enjoy it when they do tune in because I run everything through a filter in my head when I’m writing, especially for something in this venue. I come from the basic cable world where it’s like, you do the Sarah Silverman Show, there’s a certain section of the audience you’re trying to shock and this is more of a mainstream thing. And so, while that does not mean watered down for me, it means heavier lifting, It means working harder.

Joel, did you ever have a teacher in school who resembled any of the professors we'll see on the show?

Joel: Upcoming in one of our episodes with John Michael Higgins, all I’ll say is that there’s a carpe diem future. And I had a guy in high school named Mr. (Anslow) and he was a teacher that would scream and he would yell and his passion about history was unbelievable and that is the only reason why I majored in history in college because of his screaming at us.

He would go, “Students, students, I’m waiting for the answer with bated breath," and then he would stalk the class and then like stop in front of a desk and go, “Mr. Hanson.” And then Mr. Hanson goes, “Yes?” And he’s like, “Who led the allied troops across Europe?” And so - and it was just, yeah, so he was a real inspiration.

Make sure you tune in to Community tonight at 9:30 on NBC!

Chatting with Masi and Hayden

2009-09-11T19:20:00.002-05:00

Today I had the chance to sit down and talk to Masi Oka and Hayden Panettiere from the NBC show Heroes for TheTwoCents.com. There will be an article at the website, but for now I'll pass on the highlights exclusively to you all first. There wasn't much revealed, but there were some interesting tidbits.

There will be spoilers, so reader beware!

- Masi let it slip that there would be a Sylar/Claire kiss. ...Then he said he was just kidding. But he DID confirm that in the first episode, Ando and Hiro's sister will be married.

- Masi also explained why exactly Hiro's abilities were suddenly killing him. Apparently (the way it was told to him) Hiro's ability to stop time was only made for one. So when he freezes time but lets someone stay unfrozen with him, it strains Hiro's brain which as we saw, is dibilitating.

- Again with Masi, he said that the fourth season is shaping up to be his favorite so far, right behind season one. (Here's hoping the show is really getting back on track.) He said that there will be all kinds of manipulation going on, which I'm guessing will have a lot to do with Sylar being Nathan.

- Hayden did confirm that her new rommate in college (named Gretchen) will cause those 'are we more than friends' feelings. According to Hayden, this will be a deep relationship similiar to the friendship between Claire and Zach back in season one. Gretchen will be someone Claire can trust, "which is something she needs right now."

- Masi said for sure that Charlie (the road stop romance from back in season one) will be coming back for one episode, that just recently finished shooting.

At one point in the interview, there was a question asked about working with Robert Knepper (last seen on Prison Break) and he was referred to as T-Bag. Hayden was thrown off for just a second, asking "Did you just ask if I've ever been t-bagged?" Hilarity ensued for all, as the interview stopped for a good five minutes or so while everyone laughed. Then Hayden let us know that she worries every now and then that some crazed fan might actually think she has the ability to heal and do something stupid. It's a valid fear, in my opinion.

The interview ended with thanks all around and one more question about how they feel about the direction their characters have been taken. Masi summed it up well:

"Your character is not your property, it's Tim Krings. It's the fans."

Look for the premiere September 21st from 8-10!

This is a Project Runway Post!

2009-08-29T15:34:00.005-05:00

Alright guys, I fell behind last week, and I really hate that I missed talking to you about Ari and how weird she made me feel, and Johnny's epic breakdown that made me think whatever they're paying Tim Gunn it isn't enough, but the past is the past. I've tried to think about how I should go about writing this, because everyone sounds the same at this point with all their blogs and "OH THAT WAS GREAT, I'D WEAR IT" comments. I'm even gonna be really honest and say I don't even remember which designer is which, so I'm gonna post the outfits and tell you all what I think. Sound fair, easy, and simple? Okay, let's go. Oh wait, I forgot to say that those baby bumps were the most ridiculous looking lumps of potato sacks ever. Alright, moving on.

First up: Althea

I'll admit that I liked this dress, minus the boob support. Pregnant women need a lot of support there (I'm assuming), so hoist up the girls a little bit, and I would have REALLY loved this dress. (I'm so distracted by the boobs, I'm trying to move on, really.)

Next we have Carol Hannah:

I do not love this. I think the jacket looks like half of a pinata. Really, my only gripe IS the jacket. I like the underswoop of fabric (that is the technical term) around the belly, but the jacket really takes away from the over all design for me.

Christoper:

The winner from last week made an outfit that says 'Hey, I may be ready to pop out a kid, but I can still go to the club and have fun, too'. I really like this outfit paired with the leggings. Dare I say it's chic?

Epperson:

Okay, so I don't HATE this, because I can tell where he's going, but I imagine that the last thing a pregnant lady wants is to look even BIGGER than she already is, and that top definitely isn't helping. It's not form fitting at all; it looks like a pillow is stuffed under her shirt making her all billowy.

Gordana:

This outfit also says 'I'm ready to party' but unlike Christopher's, it also says 'But please have me home by 9 p.m. so I can have my warm milk.' That cardigan looking sweater needs to go, because it seems really out of place.

Irina:

I could get behind this dress if the flare across the chest was gone. Otherwise, I think it's a cute little dress, even if from this angle I feel like I'm about to see first hand where babies come from. I'm pretty sure that's just the timing of the walk with the picture being taken.

Johnny:

Boooooring. Although I will ask: Why the hell is she caring a diaper bag already? She's obviously still pregnant with her sack of potatoes.

Logan:

You know...I like this. It may not be much, and it's definitely safe, but it looks ultra comfy and classy at the same time. The gold collar gives it that touch of something different, but definitely doesn't push it over board. I have to honestly say that I'd wear it if I were pregnant. Who am I kidding? I'd wear it now if I could.

Louise:

I'm okay with being the only person on the internet who does not like this concept. I was with Nina when she was trying to point out that it looks absolutely ridiculous for a night out. I wouldn't even wear that to bed. The poof on the shoulder is too much, though I can appreciate the pleating that keeps the dress (?) from getting too tight the bigger the pregnancy belly gets.

Malvin:

Oh, Malvin. So literal! I don't even know where someone would wear this outfit. To Lamaze class? I...no, that doesn't work. See, what this looks like is someone trying to pretend to be pregnant in order to pull off some kind of heist, but really she's not convincing ANYONE, because NOBODY wraps the baby bump in swaddling clothes to make it stand out more unless they really want all the witnesses to know that YES OFFICER, she was pregnant. Auf wiedersehen.

Mitchell:

I agreed with Rebecca Romijn on this one. This is the way I wold imagine Mary-Kate Olsen dressing when she's pregnant. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's right, but I'm just saying; there's a market for it. If the shorts were more tailored I think he would have had the support of all the judges. Also, I'm gonna put this out there too: If he doesn't stop blaming everyone but himself for his mistakes, he's going to get auf'ed pretty quickly. Being in the bottom two twice in row is never a good sign. GET IT TOGETHER, MAN.

Nicolas:

Every woman needs a little black dress in her closet, and that doesn't stop just because you're pregnant. While there's nothing eye-catching about the dress I like the embellishment around the neck and I like the shoulders. Safe but cute.

Qristyl:

If Malvin's design hadn't been so horrible, I would have sent Qristyl home for this. It's not pretty, it's very boring and it looks like a sheet draped around the model. Qristyl needs to step up her game, because so far, she's only getting through because there have been some real atrocities ahead of her.

Ra'mon:

I get it Ra'mon. I see exactly where you were trying to go, but then you got so lost that you didn't even see the train when it was coming straight at you. Not only did a fellow designer say it looked like a bowling ball bag, but so did a judge. One parallel strip going up the sides, that's all you needed to keep it looking a little sporty, but then you went all the way and had the stripes curve in around the baby belly and that was the death blow. It's okay though, you just really have no idea about where babies come from or how women want to look when they feel like whales. I'm glad you're safe, now never make that mistake again.

Shirin:

The winner! I need to have that coat in my life right now, honestly. It was so cute, and I love the lining. The dress itself has wonderful pleating around the belly so that it doesn't feel too tight, and the color is magnificent. Not bright as if to say 'HEY LOOK I HAVE A BABY ON BOARD', and not too dark as if to say 'Ugh, I feel so unsexy like a blimp'. It's very classy, so I'm going to hope that all of you ladies are hugely pregnant in the wintertime so you can have this coat and love it and wear it everywhere.

Just one other thing I want to say, and I've noticed other people say it as well. This challenge could have used some REAL pregnant ladies. Those bumps were just ridiculous. But I'm guessing with the show Models of the Runway, there won't be any special challenges with guest models. Ah well, no sweat off my back, but those bumps weren't fooling anyone.

Mad Men - Out Of Town

2009-08-19T13:53:00.011-05:00

Just so that you all know, there WILL be spoilers in this post. And this isn't going to be a recap per say, for that you can head right over here. This is just going to be a collection of my thoughts from the episode, and I'll try to go in chronological order so that it's not messy. But we're going bullet-point style. Crazy!

Don's birthday story - You know, as far as having a legitimate reason to change your name goes, I think this is a pretty big one. The opening sequence of the episode was a little confusing for a few moments, especially seeing as there's no way Don remembers this experience. This isn't a memory for him, so is this just how he imagines it happened? Or is it a wink, wink to the viewers? 'This is how it really happened just so you know, but who knows what Don really thinks'? His mother's last words were 'I'll chop off his dick and boil it in hog fat'. So naturally his name turns out to be Dick. But does he know this story? I mean, I ask my parents how I got my name and they tell me they deliberated for weeks and weeks before deciding. Don asks the same question and they actually tell him 'because your mother's last words were dick and hog fat'. I doubt that's how it happened, but then again, his adoptive household was so abusive, it could have happened, who knows.

The 'lesbian' versus 'tomboy' argument - I've heard this at more than one forum, and even from people I talk to who watch the show. When Betty was explaining to Don about how his suitcase got broken, she also said "She's taken to your tools like a little lesbian." First of all, I have never laughed at anything Betty said (except for maybe that Nordic comment in season two), but that was so unexpected that I laughed hard. The argument that I've heard surrounding this, is that back in the 60s, she would have said something like 'tomboy'. I agree that yes, maybe in public she would have. But in the privacy of her own home when she can say whatever she wants, I don't see why she wouldn't say 'lesbian'. And let's be honest here, it wouldn't have packed as much of a punch if Betty had said 'She's taken to your tools like a little tomboy'. See, not as funny.

Joan vs. Moneypenny (sorry, Mr. Hooker) - Writing my original recap, I had only watched the episode once, and so didn't pick up fully on what Joan did. But after watching again, I want to stand up and cheer. Let it be said that you just don't mess with Joan. You won't win, because in her own little way, she'll give you an awesome reality check. We didn't get to hear the initial conversation about Mr. Hooker being more than just a secretary, so we have to assume he was pretty prissy about it. What we do get is Joan having this great idea of 'if you're so much better than the secretaries out here, have an office and a secretary'. Wouldn't you know that the British Overlord (BOL) knocked Hooker down a few pegs as soon as he told him to get rid of the office and the girl. BOOM, ROASTED. Oh, Joan. So cunning!

Pete vs. Ken - HOW DELICIOUS. Oh, now this is exciting. Obviously the whole thing is an experiment in who can persevere the longest in order to get the permanent position as head of accounts, and BOTH men know that, but Pete refuses to not be childish about it all. He was so elated when he called home, too, and I particularly loved this exchange between Trudy and Pete:

Trudy: I love the way you sound right now.
Pete: That's because I'm already drunk.
Trudy: Good for you!
Oh, standards back then! And then slowly it all comes crashing down and Pete is sharing the spotlight. He wants everything NOW NOW NOW, and when he can't get it, well, he turns into a brat. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

Keep it in the closet - Sal. Poor, poor Sal. He was finally going to get lucky and then that fire alarm went off. And you know what? I actually have a bone to pick with ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. I got so many e-mails and personal comments about how 'graphic' the scene was with Sal and the bell hop. The graphic part, apparently, was the shot of a hand going down Sal's boxer shorts. To that I say: HEY REMEMBER THIS:

In my opinion, Don fingering Bobbie Barrett is no more graphic than Sal and the bell hop. A friend of mine pointed this out and do you know what she was told? "Well, I guess since it was heterosexual [with Don and Bobbie] I was okay with it."

...

WHAT? Okay, hypocrisy much? Sexual content is sexual content ladies and gentleman, and if you're watching this show for morality you are watching the wrong damn show. And again, I'll quote my friend - everyone's okay with the cheating, and the abortion conversations, and the egregious drinking, but as soon as two men get it on people flip out and go on long rants about how it's just WRONG. God forbid. Did your television explode? People, chill out. CHILL. OUT.

Then there was that conversation on the plane with Don and Sal. Some people think that Don will use Sal's sexuality to black mail him. I say no. 'Limit your exposure' is what Don suggested for the London Fog account, and it was his advice to Sal as well. They're moving on because Sal's sexuality doesn't compromise the fact that A) Sal is amazing at his job and B) that he and Don did good work together while in Baltimore. It also hearkens back to 'It'll shock you how much it didn't happen' in season two when we found out Don was also there for Peggy. So really, one could wonder how long it will be before Sal knows a secret of Don's and is trusted to keep it.

That officially ends my thought process on the first episode. I apologize for any wonky spacing - I'm working on it, I promise. But I want to hear your thoughts! Leave me some comments, and tell me what you think. I don't bite - much.

Breaking Radio Silence

2009-08-15T09:37:00.003-05:00

T.V. shows are about to pick up again (Mad Men tomorrow - yay!) but right now, I have something to say about an article e-mailed to me by not one, not two, but FIVE people. A man by the name of Bryan Singer is going to helm yet another version of Battlestar Galactica.

My main argument was just going to go like this: No Mary McDonnell, no Edward James Olmos = NO DICE. But I suppose I have to be a bit more articulate than that, so here we go.

Battlestar Galactica (the re-imagined version) was by no means flawless, but it was epic. It was more than a sci-fi show, it was more than 'space drama', and certainly it was more than a campy show with special effects. Ron Moore and crew took this 80's (okay, late 70's) show and turned it into a show about the struggle of what it is to be human and why we deserve to survive as a species. The show didn't exactly end where I would have liked or where I think it could have gone creatively, but after 75 episodes with maybe…five or six out of those that just feeling like complete misses, there were too many that were poignant, meaningful, and carry a resonating message. I don't feel like the story needs to be told over again from anyone else's writing perspective yet. The dust hasn't even settled on my DVDs, and Bryan Singer wants to have a shot?

I'm all for people having their own ideas, hell, that's how BSG got done again. But in Singer's case it feels like he's more upset that instead of being the one to helm the re-imagined series, Ron Moore took over when Singer got busy with other things and was (probably) too nervous to start penning an idea for a show about the end of the world after September 11, 2001. So now that Ron Moore's show is over he can finally say: 'OKAY LOOK AT MINE NOW. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO'. It's like a case of sibling rivalry gone awry, only it's between two people who had the same idea about a sci-fi show.

Now, I know what most people are saying as far as having yet another re-imagined version of the 80's show. Ron Moore got a lot of flack from hard core fans of the original show and hated him for even attempting to do it. Even one of the original actors, Richard Hatch was against the idea. So yes, I know that people are looking at this the same way. However, there is one key difference between what Moore did, and what Singer is going to (attempt) to do:

There was a twenty-five year gap between re-toolings. Twenty five years is a long time for people to miss something. It takes about that long to think to yourself 'Hey, you know what would be kind of cool? If someone did that one show again'. However, FIVE MONTHS is pushing it more than just a little bit. That means this was being talked about as early as last year before the show was even done shooting its final episodes. It would be like someone now saying 'You know, I realize LOST isn't even done with its final season yet, but in January of 2012, we're doing it again!' WHY IS THAT NECESSARY? I mean, I realize there are absolutely zero new ideas in Hollywood, but this is ridiculous.

To wrap up: Bryan Singer is hoping to cash in on a show that was re-done extremely well. I think that fans loyal to Ron Moore's version won't be quick to embrace this idea after such a short period of time. I don't wish anyone to fail in Hollywood because God knows I'm trying to get a writing job in L.A. or New York, but I do wish Singer would take a step back and realize that he had his chance, and he didn't take it. Let it go, and talk to the fans again in twenty-five years or so.

EDIT: I'm editing to include a source for this article. Sorry about that; this is the link to the actual Variety article.

Ben Silverman, we hardly knew ye.

2009-07-28T14:23:00.002-05:00

Or rather, we only know you as the guy who greenlit Kath & Kim and kept Hereos on the air. Oh and also you were responsible for Knight Rider. Really? I bet you were drunk when you decided that one, huh? It's okay to admit it, I've made some stupid decisions when I was drunk, too.

Anyway, without further fanfare, goodbye. You will not be missed.

P.S.: Are you also responsible for this Jay Leno thing? Because I have to say that is your worst idea yet.

And the disappointment continues

2009-07-19T15:48:00.003-05:00

I know that most of you have already seen the information for the Emmy award nominees, but I've honestly been so petulant when it comes to Battlestar Galactica, Mary McDonnell, and Edward James Olmos not getting a lick of recognition. I am beyond bewildered at how the actors and the show itself has been ignored, but I suppose I have to get over it eventually. So now, I'm here to give you the nominees. My picks for winner will be shown in bold.

DRAMA SERIES
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

COMEDY SERIES
Entourage
Family Guy
How I Met Your Mother
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds

ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES
Glenn Close, Damages
Sally Field, Brothers and Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

ACTRESS, COMEDY SERIES
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

ACTOR, COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Jemaine Clement, Flight of the Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

SUPPORTING ACTOR, COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES
Chrisitan Clemenson, Boston Legal
Michael Emerson, Lost
William Hurt, Damages
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
William Shatner, Boston Legal
John Slattery, Mad Men

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES
Rose Byrne, Damages
Hope Davis, In Treatment
Cherry Jones, 24
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY SERIES
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Kristin Wigg, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Breaking the silence

2009-07-02T14:33:00.001-05:00

Things have quited down around here considerably since the networks took a break and the upfronts ended. Not to worry though. I’m still here, just plugging along. We lost two great T.V. legends in my absence: Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon, not to mention the legendary Michael Jackson and everyone’s favorite pitch man, Billy Mays. Okay, maybe everyone is too strong, but you knew his face and at the very least, his voice. We also lost Lorena Gale who played Elosha on the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. You will all be missed.

Many of you more than likely have this information, but just in case you don’t, here is the 2009 fall television schedule as I have seen it laid out – if something changes I’ll be sure to update the post! It’s clearly not complete since we’re missing NBC and some shows like Brothers & Sisters, so I’ll update it as soon as I get more times.

August
Lincoln Heights (ABC Family) – August 4th @ 10 p.m.
Monk (USA) – August 7th @ 9:00 p.m.
Psych (USA) – August 7th @ 9:00 p.m.
Mad Men (AMC) – August 16th @ 10:00 p.m.
Project Runway (Lifetime) – August 20th @ 10:00 p.m.

September
Saturday Night Football (ABC) – September 5th @ 8:00 p.m.
90210 (CW) – September 8th @ 8:00 p.m.
Melrose Place (CW) – September 8th @ 9:00 p.m.
America’s Next Top Model (CW) - September 9th @ 8:00 p.m.
Vampire Diaries (CW) – September 10th @ 8:00 p.m.
Supernatural (CW) – September 10th @ 9:00 p.m.
20/20 (ABC) – September 11th @ 10:00 p.m.
Cops (FOX) – September 12th @ 8:00 p.m.
America’s Most Wanted (FOX) – September 12th @ 9:00 p.m.
One Tree Hill (CW) – September 14th @ 8:00 p.m.
Gossip Girl (CW) – September 14th @ 9:00 p.m.
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) – September 16th @ 8:00 p.m.
Survivor: Samoa (CBS) – September 16th @ 8:00 p.m.
Glee (FOX) – September 16th @ 9:00 p.m.
The Beautiful Life (CW) – September 16th @ 9:00 p.m.
Bones (FOX) – September 17th @ 8:00 p.m.
Fringe (FOX) – September 17th @ 9:00 p.m.
Brothers (FOX) – September 18th @ 8:00 p.m.
‘Til Death (FOX) – September 18th @ 8:30 p.m.
Dollhouse (FOX) – September 18th @ 9:00 p.m.
House (FOX) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) – September 21st @ 8:00 p.m.
Accidentally on Purpose (CBS) – September 21st @ 8:30 p.m.
Big Bang Theory (CBS) – September 21st @ 9:00 p.m.
Two and a Half Men (CBS) – September 21st @ 9:30 p.m.
Castle (ABC) – September 21st @ 10:00 p.m.
CSI: Miami (CBS) – September 21st @ 10:00 p.m.
NCIS (CBS) – September 22nd @ 8:00 p.m.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – September 22nd @ 9:00 p.m.
The Forgotten (ABC) – September 22nd @ 10:00 p.m.
The Good Wife (CBS) – September 22nd @ 10:00 p.m.
The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) – September 23rd @ 8:00 p.m.
Gary Unmarried (CBS) – September 23rd @ 8:30 p.m.
Criminal Minds (CBS) – September 23rd @ 9:00 p.m.
Modern Family (ABC) – September 23rd @ 9:00 p.m.
Cougar Town (ABC) – September 23rd @ 9:30 p.m.
CSI: NY (CBS) – September 23rd @ 10:00 p.m.
Flash Forward (ABC) – September 24th @ 8:00 p.m.
CSI: (CBS) – September 24th @ 9:00 p.m.
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) – September 24th @ 9:00 p.m.
The Mentalist (CBS) – September 24th @ 10:00 p.m.
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – September 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Smallville (CW) – September 25th @ 8:00 p.m.
Medium (CBS) – September 25th @ 9:00 p.m.
Numb3rs (CBS) – September 25th @ 10 p.m.
48 Hours Mystery (CBS) – September 26th @ 10:00 p.m.
60 Minutes (CBS) – September 27th @ 7:00 p.m.
Extreme Home Makeover (ABC) – September 27th @ 7:00 p.m.
The Amazing Race (CBS) – September 27th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Simpsons (FOX) – September 27th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Cleveland Show (FOX) – September 27th @ 8:30 p.m.
Family Guy (FOX) – September 27th @ 9:00 p.m.
Desperate Housewives (ABC) – September 27th @ 9:00 p.m.
American Dad (FOX) – September 27th @ 9:30 p.m.
Cold Case (CBS) – September 27th @ 10:00 p.m.
Dexter (Showtime) – September 27th @ 10:00 p.m.
Lie to Me (FOX) – September 28th @ 10:00 p.m.
Shark Tank (ABC) – September 29th @ 8:00 p.m.
Hank (ABC) – September 30th @ 8:00 p.m.
The Middle (ABC) – September 30th @ 8:30 p.m.

October
Three Rivers (CBS) – October 4th @ 7:00 p.m.
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) – October 4th @ 7:00 p.m.
Ugly Betty (ABC) – October 9th @ 8:00 p.m.
Supernanny (ABC) – October 16th @ 8:00 p.m.

In related news, I can't believe Cougar Town is really happening.

Dream Emmy Ballot time!

2009-05-30T09:17:00.001-05:00

It’s that time of year again: Time for the Emmy nominations! I actually have absolutely no faith that the best television show or actors and actresses will win, but it can still be fun to work up a dream ballot, right? Besides, this is the last year that I can march with my sign and scream at the top of my lungs: ‘BATTLESTAR GALACTICA! MARY MCDONNELL! EDWARD JAMES OLMOS!’, and while I would never ever expect all three to win, the show winning would still get the cast on stage and woah, I would be a totally happy camper. So, without further ado, my dream ballot!

Best lead actor in a drama series
Michael Chiklis – The Shield
Edward Jams Olmos – Battlestar Galactica
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad
Denis Leary – Rescue Me
Kiefer Sutherland – 24

Best lead actress in a drama series
Elisabeth Moss – Mad Men
January Jones – Mad Men
Mary McDonnell – Battlestar Galactica
Glenn Close – Damages
Regina King – Southland
Jeanne Tripplehorn – Big Love

Best supporting actor in a drama series
Michael Emerson – LOST
Jeremy Davies - LOST
John Noble – Fringe
Walton Goggins – The Shield
Vincent Kartheiser – Mad Men
Nelson Ellis – True Blood

Best supporting actress in a drama series
Elizabeth Mitchell – LOST
Christina Hendricks – Mad Men
CCH Pounder – The Shield
Connie Britton – Friday Night Lights
Katey Sagal – Sons of Anarchy
Sandra Oh – Grey’s Anatomy

Best Drama Series
Battlestar Galactica
LOST
Mad Men
The Shield
Big Love
Breaking Bad

Best lead actor in a comedy series
Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Zachary Levi – Chuck
Steve Carell – The Office
Danny McBride – Eastbound and Down
Chris Lilley – Summer Heights High
Lee Pace – Pushing Daisies

Best lead actress in a comedy series
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Christina Applegate – Samantha Who?
Anna Friel – Pushing Daisies
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – New Adventures of Old Christine
Eva Longoria-Parker – Desperate Housewives
Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds

Best supporting actor in a comedy series
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother
Tracy Morgan – 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer – 30 Rock
Adam Baldwin – Chuck
Chi McBride – Pushing Daisies
Aziz Ansari – Parks and Recreation

Best supporting actress in a comedy series
Kristin Wiig – Saturday Night Live
Kristin Chenoweth – Pushing Daisies
Jane Krakowski – 30 Rock
Andrea Anders – Better Off Ted
Alyson Hannigan – How I Met Your Mother
Swoosie Kurtz – Pushing Daisies

Best Comedy Series
30 Rock
Chuck
The Office
Pushing Daisies
How I Met Your Mother
Big Bang Theory

Agree, disagree? Wish you could slip a few more onto my list? Let’s take it to the comments!

Scrubs news + CW announces fall schedule

2009-05-21T09:09:00.002-05:00

Just a random bit of Scrubs news. The creator, Bill Lawrence, says that since Donald Faision's pilot got passed up by all the networks, they'll probably go with the idea that Turk is teaching at med school. He also says this: "The way to bridge that gap is I've got to consider Scrubs over. The way that I'm viewing it is the way Frasier was to Cheers: It'll be essentially a new show with some characters that people liked."

Your thoughts? Yay or nay? The way he spins it makes me feel mildly interested. It might help feel less like Scrubs if they changed the name. To what though? Lab Coats?

Oh well. Here's the CW schedule if anyone cares:

Monday
8 Gossip Girl
9 One Tree Hill

Tuesday
8 90210
9 Melrose Place

Wednesday
8 America's Next Top Model
9 Beautiful Life

Thursday
8 Vampire Diaries
9 Supernatural

Friday
8 Smallville
9 Top Model encore

CBS announces fall schedule

2009-05-21T09:09:00.001-05:00

Monday
8 p.m. How I met Your Mother
8:30 p.m. Accidentally On Purpose
9 p.m Two and a Half Men
9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory
10 p.m. CSI: Miami

Tuesday
8 p.m. NCIS
9 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles
10 p.m. The Good Wife

Wednesday
8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried
9 p.m. Criminal Minds
10 p.m. CSI: NY

Thursday
8 p.m. Survivor
9 p.m. CSI
10 p.m. The Mentalist

Friday
8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer
9 p.m. Medium
10 p.m. Numbers

Saturday
8 p.m. Crime drama repeat
9 p.m. Crime drama repeat
10 p.m. 48 Hour Mystery

Sunday
7 p.m. 60 Minutes
8 p.m. The Amazing Race
9 p.m. Three Rivers
10 p.m. Cold Case

FOX announces fall and midseason schedule:

2009-05-21T09:06:00.001-05:00

Monday
8:00-9:00 House
9:00-10:00 Lie to Me

Tuesday
8:00-10:00 So You Think You Can Dance

Wednesday
8:00-9:00 So You Think You Can Dance (results show)
9:00-10:00 Glee

Thursday
8:00-9:00 Bones
9:00-10:00 Fringe

Friday
8:00-8:30 Brothers
8:30-9:00 ‘Til Death
9:00-10:00 Dollhouse

Saturday
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 America’s Most Wanted
11:00-Midnight The Wanda Sykes Show (working title)
Midnight-12:30 Animation Domination encores

Sunday
7:00-8:00 The OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 The Cleveland Show
9:00-9:30 Family Guy
9:30-10:00 American Dad

Midseason schedule

Monday
8:00-9:00 House
9:00-10:00 24

Tuesday
8:00-9:00 American Idol
9:00-10:00 Past Life

Wednesday
8:00-9:00 American Idol
9:00-10:00 Human Target (January) / Glee (spring)

Thursday
8:00-9:00 Bones
9:00-10:00 Fringe

Friday
8:00-8:30 Brothers
8:30-9:00 ‘Til Death
9:00-10:00 Dollhouse

Saturday
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 America’s Most Wanted
11:00-Midnight The Wanda Sykes Show
Midnight-12:30 Animation Domination Encores

Sunday
7:00-7:30 Animation Domination Encores
7:30-8:00 American Dad
8:00-8:30 The Simpsons
8:30-9:00 Sons of Tuscon
9:00-9:30 Family Guy
9:30-10:00 The Cleveland Show

Your morning updates!

2009-05-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

- The Mentalist moves to Thursday after CSI.
- CBS has officially picked up Medium and will air after Ghost Whisperer on Fridays.
- NCIS renewed; spin-off is greenlit.
- Cold Case renewed.
- Flashpoint renewed, new episodes either this summer or the next.

NBC announces fall schedule and mid seasons

2009-05-19T15:38:00.003-05:00

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Heroes
9-10 p.m. Trauma
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show (I am still 'ugh' about this.)

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. The Biggest Loser
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Parenthood
9-10 p.m. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. Parks and Recreation
9-9:30 p.m. The Office
9:30-10 p.m. Community (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after 30 Rock returns)
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. Law & Order
9-10 p.m. Southland
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. Trauma (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8:20 p.m. Football Night in America
8:20-11 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempts regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Chuck (season premiere)
9-10 p.m. Day One
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. The Biggest Loser
9:30-10 p.m. 100 Questions
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Mercy
9-10 p.m. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. Community
8:30-9 p.m. Parks and Recreation
9- 9:30 p.m. The Office
9:30-10 p.m. 30 Rock
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. Law & Order
9-10 p.m. Southland
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. Southland (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. Dateline NBC
8-9 p.m. The Marriage Ref
9-11 p.m. The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere)

As promised for ABC, expect rundowns of the new shows and what they are soon!

Lunch time updates!

2009-05-19T14:00:00.000-05:00

- The Gossip Girl spin off is officially axed (Sorry Brittany Snow!)
- Privileged has been canceled
- Without a Trace has been canceled
- Numb3rs has been renewed

I never watched Privileged, but apparently some people are pretty upset about this? I wouldn't know; sorry guys.

Break time updates

2009-05-19T11:56:00.005-05:00

I'm at my real job (where I get paid) and here are the updates as I've been informed in t.v. land:

- My Name is Earl has been canceled.
- The Unit has been canceled.
- Medium has been canceled
- Heroes moves to 8 p.m. Monday
- Chuck will be midseason
- CBS may or may not pick up Medium (The show is owned by CBS and could pair it with Ghost Whisperer.)
- Friday Night Lights won't air until summer of 2010 (DirecTV expected)
- Heroes will air 19 consecutive episodes.

My thoughts: NOOOOO MEDIUM!!!!!!

ABC's fall schedule revealed

2009-05-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

MONDAY
8:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars
10:00 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY
8:00 p.m. Shark Tank
9:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars the Results Show
10:00 p.m. The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY
8:00 p.m. Hank
8:30 p.m. The Middle
9:00 p.m. Modern Family
9:30 p.m. Cougar Town
10:00 p.m. Eastwick

THURSDAY
8:00 p.m. Flash Forward
9:00 p.m. Grey's Anatomy
10:00 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY
8:00 p.m. Supernanny
9:00 p.m. Ugly Betty
10:00 p.m. 20/20

SATURDAY
8:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY
7:00 p.m. America's Funniest Home Videos
8:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives
10:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters

The Bachelor will air Monday nights from 8:00-10:00 p.m. following the run of Dancing With the Stars, and Scrubs and Better Off Ted will air at 9:00 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., respectively, following the run of Dancing with the Stars The Results Show.

Stay tuned as I get more information on the new shows!

some quick t.v. updates

2009-05-19T08:53:00.001-05:00

- Multiple sources have confirmed that although Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet, LOST) has a pilot on ABC that will probably get the greenlight, we will see Juliet for a handful of episodes next season.

- The show Elizabeth Mitchell is starring in is a remake of V and will air in 4 arcs on ABC.

- NBC has officially renewed Law and Order.

- ABC has moved Ugly Betty to Fridays (death note) at 9/8 central.

- Scrubs, Better Off Ted and LOST will all air mid-season.

- According to Jim has officially been canceled - FINALLY.

- ABC has said that they don't have a premiere date for LOST yet, but it will feature 'some of the best writing ever'.

- ABC also will not confirm if Katherine Heigl or TR Knight are coming back to Grey's Anatomy next season.

- Allegedly, the rumor around the mill is that when Scrubs comes back, it will no longer take place at Sacred Heart.

a lot of t.v. commentary

2009-05-18T14:31:00.002-05:00

Breaking news: Samantha Who? has been canceled by ABC. The Sarah Conner Chronicles has been canceled by FOX. The Unusuals has been canceled by ABC.

I wasn't going to post all of my thoughts all at once because I was afraid this post would get long. Then I decided I'd just try to get this all short. All of my shows have ended for the summer, and I have some stray thoughts about LOST, so let's get moving.

As I stated in my previous entry, upfronts have started for all of the networks. Congratulations to the fans of Dollhouse and Chuck for seeing their shows renewed for at least one more season. Here's hoping that FOX moves Dollhouse out of its lackluster Friday night spot and gives it a healthy place to grow.

Scrubs was also renewed. How do I put this in a way that still reflects how much I have loved this show. Um...okay I have it. LET IT GO. I understand that people absolutely love this show but let's face it; it isn't what it used to be. And if it's coming back, then what purpose did that finale serve? I just want to remember Sacred Heart in its glory days, but it seems like it will be beaten with sticks before it finally goes away probably hardly recognizable anymore.

After watching The Office finale, I've decided that it probably won't make it after this next season. Babies? Babies ruin shows and are often shark jumping moments. Believe me; jumping the shark is not a term I use lightly, but depending on how this is all played out, the majority of the audience is going to jump ship. It pains me to say that seeing as how I've loved The Office since the beginning, but with the Jim and Pam story line unfolding like the American Dream all of a sudden, what's the point of continuing?

Desperate Housewives finally ended it's Dave story line and...that's what we waited for all season long? It was kind of...boring, and the whole story line was far-fetched to begin with. Have everyone from Dave to Susan to the newspapers omitted the fact that the stop sign was laying on the ground and that the accident was just that - an accident? I understand grief and all, but aside from Susan not actually having her driver's license on her, where was a real crime committed? I guess this is what I get for trying to think about it logically.

I think that as we go through the LOST hiatus it'll be fun to have a theory a week or so until the show comes back. Because Lord knows there are enough things to speculate. And if I try to write something long it will come out like this: OMG JULIET IS DEAD BECAUSE DARLTON SAID ONCE SOMEONE DIES ON THIS SHOW THEY'RE REALLY DEAD!!!!

I'm not even 100% sure where to start, but I'm just going to dive in.

What is Jacob, exactly?
We know that he's old; as old as the island? He also has a connection to most of our Losties. He visited a young Kate and Sawyer, Jack as he took out his frustrations on his father, Locke after plummeting out of the 8th floor window of a building, and Hurley after getting out of jail. But probably most important is that he physically touched every single one of them. Why? What is the significane of those moments?

Comments below, everyone!

It was all a dream

2009-05-12T18:29:00.002-05:00

WARNING: There will be spoilers in this post for the season finale that aired on 5-11-2009. This is your only warning!

Alright, I'm going to start by saying I don't hate the way the episode was written or executed. By House standards, that was pretty amazing in and of itself.

I also want to say that this is probably one of the only shows I watch where I just don't care about the pairings other than Amber and Wilson. THAT I loved. I think that my aversion to the pairings on this show is due to how absolutely rabid the fandom is when it comes to Huddy, Wilson/House, Hameron and whatever else you have that I just never got into it. I don't really care one way or another if House is with Cuddy or if in the last episode ever Wilson and House reveal they've been boning the entire time. It doesn't make me enjoy the show any more or any less.

Here's what I really am not liking: We have DONE the hallucinations. Not once to end and/or start a season. Not twice. But now THREE TIMES. I love Amber and Kutner and I'm glad that gives them an excuse to be back but could we PLEASE have something that hasn't been done before? Maybe that's the problem with this show: everything starts to feel like it's been done. I liked the direction of House and Cuddy and while I feel 'eh' about them being together one way or another, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no way the writers were going to give the fans of that pairing such an easy fix. However I do find it rude that David Shore would proclaim that it would finally happen only to take it all back. On the flip side of that, now everyone knows how House really feels about Cuddy and what kind of man he wants to be for her (?) so there is that.

Maybe the hallucination thing would have felt better to me if it hadn't been the season closer. Because for some reason this just didn't feel like a finale to me. By the end of the episode I wasn't on the edge of my seat and at the end I wasn't wailing 'OH GOD I HAVE TO WAIT HOW LONG FOR A NEW EPISODE???' which is disappointing to me.

I feel very, very alone in this conclusion. Everyone I know in real life, everyone on the internet - everyone seemed to love it except for me. It's true that you can't please everyone but I don't understand why I was so adverse to this episode. I wish that I weren't, but maybe this is a sign that my instincts to leave the show alone for good were right back at the beginning of the season. Did I listen? No. I watched, and I'll probably do it again in the fall.

I'm pretty sure that by the time this show is said and done, we'll be finding out that some kid in Africa hallucinated the whole damn thing.

NBC vs. the public

2009-05-05T16:24:00.003-05:00

Upfronts are happening right now at all of the major networks, and while (as of this posting) NBC has already released most of their schedule, ABC , FOX, CBS and the CW don’t happen until later this month. So, I’ll wait to discuss the fall pickups (and drops) until much later. For now, I’d like to discuss Jay Leno. Look, I know that there are very opinionated people either way. I’ll save my opinion for the end of the article. Let’s just talk about why it’s happening and why it seems the majority of television watchers are up in arms.

Jay Leno took over The Tonight Show in 1992 after Johnny Carson’s retirement and a huge uproar between NBC, Leno, and David Letterman. He’s gone on to be the highest rated after-news talk show for his entire run by a 19 percent margin in adult viewers. In 2004, NBC made an announcement that Leno would be retiring in 2009, and would be succeeded by Conan O’Brien. All of this was announced early in order to avoid a repeat performance from 1992. Everyone believed that would be the end of it and Leno would go the way of Carson: remembered fondly for his tenure as host. However, in December of 2008, NBC released a statement explaining that Leno would move into primetime with an hour long show at 10 p.m./9 central. The internet exploded about that time with concerns over shows that have always been on the fence and what this would mean for Conan O’Brien.

For starters, this really puts the pressure on shows like Medium that have been ‘bubble’ shows; meaning when NBC has nothing else to air, they toss Medium into the fray. And shows like Law & Order and Chuck that have wobbling ratings are left up in the air. From a network standpoint, it is much more cost effective to make an hour long Leno show than it is to order a full season of any one of the bubble shows. (For example, it costs around $15 million a week for shows like Law & Order, whereas Leno’s show would be around $2 million a week). I don’t believe that up against shows like CSI or Grey’s Anatomy NBC could win the ratings time slot, but on Wednesday and Friday which are traditionally the slower days of the week, he could easily bring in large numbers. But what’s happening is that a full hour of primetime is being eaten up by this show that is (for all intents and purposes) a clone of The Tonight Show with more Jay Walking and Headlines.

One debate on the internet is that this effectively takes away from Conan O’Brien. Think about it: If you were an A-list celebrity and you had the option of promoting your film in primetime or taking a chance and waiting until after the local news, which would you rather do? Personally, I’m going for that early spot when people are still awake and families are gathered around the television. So Conan will get the leftovers and the B-listers just as he always has. (Of course that’s not always the case, but it is the trend. You won’t see Sue Johanson on The Tonight Show.) And that leaves Jimmy Fallon with relative nobodies. And after three talk shows, do we really need to stay up for a fourth with Carson Daly? It’s exhausting just typing it all out. Honestly, Jimmy Fallon would have to be better at what he does for me to be concerned anyway, and Carson, well, whatever. Sorry Carson. But it feels like Conan deserves a lot better from NBC.

No, I don’t blame Leno for this debacle. I think that NBC didn’t want him to go to another network (FOX most likely) and compete against their show. How many of us would say yes, I definitely want to retire, and then five years later have a different idea of how to spend the rest of your life? Things change in five years, and I’m not saying that Leno was innocent in all of this, but when NBC approached him with this idea (because I don’t think he pulled it out of thin air), he jumped at the opportunity to stay at NBC both because of his reputation and fan base there, and the millions of dollars I’m sure he’s receiving. Do I think he maliciously thought ‘This definitely screws over Conan’? No. I don’t even think he would have done it if NBC hadn’t offered. In fact, by what I can tell, he would have been ready to go to a different network and that scared the crap out of NBC.

My deal is that I’m afraid of what this means for shows like Medium, Law & Order and Chuck. I know that personally I don’t care to see Jay Leno invade prime time, and I don’t think the ratings will be as successful as NBC is hoping. He averages around 4.8 million viewers and in prime time, shows with ratings like that get canceled quickly. I’ll call NBC a hypocrite if they cancel Chuck which hits a rating average of about 7.28 million. I feel like this is a hit to Conan, as if NBC is saying ‘you know, we don’t really trust you at the helm of this show, so we’re going to keep the current face of The Tonight Show and if you’re successful, then it’s even better for us’.

So what do you think about all of this? How do you feel regarding Leno’s move? Do you blame him, or do you blame the greedy network? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Brittany is an aspiring television critic currently living in Oklahoma. Catch her weekly reviews of Heroes, Mad Men, and more at TheTwoCents.com

LOST questions

2009-04-21T12:39:00.003-05:00

(Okay, so it's an older image. It just happened to feature eye candy front and center, plus Miles and Daniel.)

Over at EW.com, Doc Jensen has his review up of 'Some Like it Hoth'. There is a good reason why I don't do and will probably never touch trying to recap this show: He does it beautifully. Somehow he manages to ask all the right questions and give me a spring board for coming up with my own theories. I've linked you above to one of his theories in particular, but for the lazy clickers out there, I'll give you the quote:

Hurley tried to bond with Miles over their respective abilities to speak with
the dead, but snooty Straume believed his power was more impressively nuanced.
''You're just jealous my power is cooler than yours,'' Hurley replied.
CONSPICUOUS DETAIL — BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Alright, so here's what I think. I think that the dead people Hurley sees (by my count that would be Charlie, Mr. Eko, Ana Lucia and Dave) are Smokey himself. For some reason the monster is shifting himself into those people, but for what? Why was he/it trying to help Hurley? Or was it? The reason I bring up Dave is because of the speculation I had way back in the day that Dave was Libby's dead husband. (You know, the one who had the boat which she gave to Desmond.)

If you can explain to me where I was going that, I'd be very grateful. All I know for sure is that the time Hurley was seeing Dave, Libby was in the nuthouse too, and then Libby and Dave were both on the island.

What are some of your more 'far out' ideas? Anyone have any speculation they want to share? Leave me comments, and I'll address your theories in my next post!

Well, balls in your court, NBC

2009-04-07T15:40:00.004-05:00

It seems to me that NBC doesn't actually care about ever being a reputable network again. First, they get rid of an hour of weeknight programming by putting Jay Leno on at 10/9 central. Does anyone actually want to see this guy at nine p.m.? Does anyone want to keep seeing him at all? You didn't see Johnny Carson crying for more air time when his time came to pass the torch. This is not how you slip into retirement, Leno. And how is the show even going to be any different? He's screwing Conan by getting all the good guests on his show so that Conan gets the leftovers. It's lame and I'm honestly hoping that it crash and burns. (Actually, if its ratings suck but the show stays on the air, it will prove once and for all that all the network cares about is money.)

Then, NBC decides to cancel Kings which is a damn shame because it's a brilliant show. I get that enough people aren't watching it but come on! You're airing it on Friday and now you're moving it to fucking SATURDAY.

I'm sorry, I don't normally curse like this in my blog but I can't even understand that network anymore. I'm pretty sure trained monkeys are making the decisions up there - it certainly isn't Jack Donaghy, is it?

Am I the only one?

2009-04-06T17:08:00.003-05:00

Am I the only one, or did other people appreciate the U.S. remake of Life on Mars?

Maybe I'm biased here. Maybe it's because I never saw the British version of the show so I'm not jaded, but I loved this show. Well, maybe loved is too strong. But I greately enjoyed it, especially after LOST when my brain was already leaking from all the time travel theories flying around. I felt emotionally connected to the characters too, especially during the second to last episode 'Everyone Knows It's Wendy'. Why don't more people watch shows like this? Why do people keep watching Two and a Half Men? Why didn't more people watch Battlestar Galactica? LIFE'S MYSTERYS GUYS.

Am I the only one, or does American Idol truly suck now?

Back when the show first started and Kelly Clarkson was the winner, I don't think I'd even heard of this show. I didn't care and I didn't start caring until the third season. So, then I tuned in once we got past the auditions and down to the top six or so. Many people told me that I was missing something precious called audition week, so last year was the first year I actually watched the entire season. And you know, I wasn't disappointed. I liked David Cook well enough and there was actual talent. This year...this year I stopped. I haven't watched since Adam Lambert killed Ring of Fire. I have this gut feeling that if Johnny Cash weren't dead, he would have contemplated suicide. And Danny Gokey? Are you kidding me with this? And the blind guy? America, are you trying to tell me that all I need is some terrible sob story and I can get anything I want? There is no one this show this season that actually deserves to be called an American Idol. Watching for Paula's whacked out behavior used to be enough but not anymore. Now I actually understand why she's whacked out all the time.

Am I the only one, or are you tired of the Sarah/Chuck UST/angst on Chuck?

I understand. I get it it. The whole show is based on this pairing but it is beyond the point of beating a dead horse. The dead horse has been flogged over and over again and is ready to be put into the dehydrater to be made into horse jerky. I would much rather see the characters be quirky and fun than watch Mr. Bartwoski pine for the woman he apparently can't have or Captain Awesome and Ellie work out their insecurities. I stopped watching the show about three weeks before the super bowl and last week thought I would tune in (only because Tricia Helfer was guest starring). Within ten to fifteen minutes I was reminded why I stopped watching. Between Ellie crying over Awesome because he does what most guys do at their bachelor party, and Sarah throwing eye daggers and Tricia Helfer's character (who was sent in because it's starting to become obvious ONLY NOW to everyone that Sarah has feelings for Chuck) I was done by the halfway mark. Sorry, Chuck. I know that at times it can be cute but I'm over the romance part of it.

The only thing I learned from BSG was how to be an alcoholic

2009-03-19T16:07:00.003-05:00

I have been trying to write something that can properly express how important Battlestar Galactica has been to me and no matter what, it always comes out sounding a little bit pathetic. That doesn’t matter to me, not really, I just want to write something more coherent than ‘OH GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW WHY IS IT ENDING?!’ Trust me, it would be easy to do, and I have been on my Livejournal. Here though, I want to try and explain how I ended up loving this show and why it has made such an impact.

Even though I would love for people to think I’ve been watching this show since the mini-series aired back in 2003, I have to be honest: I had no clue about this show or what it was even in the 80s. That’s how much I dislike the sci-fi genre. I’ve never seen an entire Star Wars movie completely through, I only saw Star Trek once when Whoopi Goldberg was a part of the cast and…honestly, I think the closest I ever came to sci-fi was the Power Rangers when Rita lived in space. When someone handed me a copy of the mini-series DVD in the summer of 2006, I waited until about the end of September to actually watch it. Actually making the time to want to sit still through some stupid outer space show was so not my cup of tea. I started watching, IMing snide remarks to a friend about how slow it was already, and then Six walked on screen, snapped an infant’s neck, and my away message went up, saying something to the effect of: ‘holy shit what am I watching?’

Lucky for me, season three had just started when I finished the mini-series. So when ‘Exodus Part 2’ aired, I watched and of course had no idea what was going on. I just remember incredibly vividly how intense it was to watch Galactica jump into New Caprica’s atmosphere and watch those Vipers launch. Talk about edge of your seat, folks. After an intense watching of seasons one and two and the downloading of the first two season three episodes I missed, by the time the next new episode happened? I was all caught up. Honestly I’m not sure how I did it, and I don’t remember doing it. My commitment to the show was that intense after seeing what I had. It then became my mission to convince everyone I knew that this show was for everyone, not just the people who love sci-fi. I was a smoker back then, and while watching the episode ‘33’ I think I went through an entire pack. Then I did the same thing when I got to ‘Epiphanies’. By the time ‘Taking A Break From All Your Worries’ came around I was a full fledged alcoholic.

Somehow, I managed to convince my dad to watch this show. And by ‘convince’, I mean he couldn’t walk due to a recent surgery and therefore could not prevent me from loading the DVD and forcing him to watch it. He yelled just as loud as I had that he would hate it, and then he was hooked as well. I think for him it was the smut within twenty minutes of the show starting but you know; to each their own. It became a tradition for the two of us at that point to watch the show together, and to date has been one of the only things we can debate about and not get all huffy over. Except when he told me that Adama just wanted to get laid on New Caprica and that he didn’t really care about Laura at all. We did argue over that; oh yes. My brother has been a more casual viewer in that when he watches, it’s once a season or if I’m having a marathon. He loves what he sees but has the attention span of Gaius Baltar, so it’s pretty pointless to corral him into the living room on Friday nights. I’ve recapped this show for a while now in one forum or another and that, combined with watching with my dad has been a tradition for so long that I’m not sure what I’m going to do come Friday the 27th. I’m almost positive I’ll be curled up in a ball on the floor suffering from withdrawals.

This show, for me, hasn’t simply been about who is paired together, or not being able to wait and see what struggle the fleet is going to be hit with next. That stuff is interesting yes, but I am so invested in the human story and emotion; the cylon’s story of life and creation; death and destruction. I need to know how Adama is going to eventually break down. It’s been scary to see him deteriorate from stoic leader to a man slowly losing everything and at the end of his rope. It has absolutely made my heart ache to see Caprica Six finally grow and learn what it truly means to have human emotion only to lose her child and the man she loves. (Because it certainly doesn’t seem like Tigh stuck around after the death of Liam.) It’s those personal story lines that I have to see resolved before the end of the show. Most importantly (for me) will be knowing where they all end up. There are only two possible scenarios in my mind: They all jump back to Kobol or New Caprica (but let’s go with Kobol since it didn’t look like a craphole) because those are the two planets that haven’t been nuked, or they all die. That’s all I can come up with in my head and it’s making my stomach twist up in knots just thinking about it. I’m trying to come to terms with Laura’s death; even though we may not see it. Even though it may not even happen at this point. Let’s face it, if they don’t show her death I’m going to pretend a magical unicorn cured her. And if she dies? Well, I’ll give out the directions to the shiva later.

I can’t explain anymore how important this show is to me by being serious, so let me give some examples. If I had the choice between watching a new episode of this show for one hour and going on an all expenses paid trip to Disney World? I’d watch the new hour. (Let’s pretend that I have no DVR for these scenarios.) If my friends wanted to go out and celebrate a sudden surge in the economy and a new episode of BSG was on? Sorry friends, I’ve got more important things to do. I suppose one good thing about the show ending will be the resurgence of my social life on Friday nights. In trying to come up with a way to cope, I’ve even formed crossover ideas. Here’s my favorite pitch: Galactica is using one of the few jumps it has left before it falls apart. The island on LOST is also jumping through time and it just so happens that Galactica jumps at a time the island is having one of its flashy moments. The crew crash lands and the island cures Laura’s cancer. It turns out the Oceanic Six are the important ones because they are the descendants of the Final Five Cylons. Laura and Bill become King and Queen of the island, they adopt Ben and Daniel, Jack cries a million tears after becoming part of the Lee/Kara/Anders affair, and Kate gets tossed out of an airlock. I like my idea.

It has been a blast and an honor talking about this show so often and recapping it over at The Two Cents.com. I’ve honestly not had a better time with any show, even my first real love, The X-Files. Battlestar Galactica trumps all in the end, and I suspect it always will. Until twenty five years go by and Bodie Olmos plays Adama, the kid who played Boxy plays Lee, and Amy Adams plays Laura Roslin.

So say we all.

Internet - make my life decisions for me, please.

2009-03-12T15:37:00.002-05:00

So, I have a question for all of you. I'm letting my T.V. Guide subscription lapse. I think the writing is blase and very childish; besides that anything I need to know I can get on the internet without paying a subscription fee. I honestly don't even know why I thought I needed a subscription anyway, but I do have to say that I'm glad it didn't lapse before I got the Battlestar Galactica collector's edition. I'm also letting my O magazine subscription lapse. Mostly because I've found that for a magazine geared towards Oprah's watchers who are not insanely rich, there's a whole lot of shit in there I can't afford. Also, I'm not a hip young soccer mom and I have not reached the age where I find my aha! moment. So, whatever Oprah. Your magazine does not cater to me.

Anyway, all of this to say I'd like to subscribe to something else. I have a subscription to EW that I will not let go of until the day I die and even then, I'll probably be paid so far in advance that issues are delivered to the nursing home where I died. My question is, what should I subscribe to in place of O and T.V. Guide? I could go with People, and I do enjoy that magazine but if there's something even better, well then, I'd love to know it. And I don't want a subscription to Star or US Weekly or any of that stuff - I have Oh No They Didn't for that. So what should it be? I'm even willing to look at online magazines if they have good material.

Enlighten me, internet. I'm counting on you!

(Also, keep in mind that I am a t.v. fan so it's a huge plus if the magazine is somehow television related.)

Lost speculation!

2009-02-27T20:00:00.002-06:00

In which I argue

2009-02-18T17:26:00.008-06:00

Can I share with you three things I noticed about the Battlestar Galactica mini-series right quick? Then I promise we'll get to the meat and potatoes of my post:

Number one (and this is nit-picky of me): Tigh pronounces Gaeta’s name ‘Guy-tuh’. I could chalk this up to the show being new, but only the character of Tigh says his name this way. So it makes me wonder if Michael Hogan just couldn’t say Gaeta at the time. This is kind of the same deal with how Ron Moore says Kara’s name. Every single person on the show pronounces it one way, and he’s off in his own verse calling her Car-uh. I don’t get it – it’s his show, he could get everyone to pronounce it any way he wants.

Number two: This is my own personal happy moment, but every single time Adama and Laura bickered, and especially during their talk about running and having babies, I couldn’t help but think about how far this relationship has come. It has easily been one of the most natural progressions of a relationship I think I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t a rushed ‘hey let’s get together because it’s the end of the world’ thing. They hated each other for a minute, then started to like each other, and then the respect reached an all time high after New Caprica. Or maybe during New Caprica; we’ll never really know because all we ever got to see was the pair getting high. (I’m still bitter about not getting a reunion between them after the exodus, but I digress.)

Number three: The mini-series is shot in a way that is unique from the rest of the series. Now when I watch the show, it has dark undertones (because this is the most depressing show on television, maybe?) but watching the mini series it seems that the lighting is much better. The footage however, seems grainy, as if someone put a scratch texture over the camera lens. Has anyone else noticed that or is my DVD just playing tricks on me?

Recently, a mutual friend posted on her Livejournal 12 Reasons You Have to Watch BSG. I normally don’t advocate telling people they have to do something (hypocrite; see my post on 30 Rock and Mad Men) but there are a few things that were brought up within the comments of that post that I wanted to address here. Mostly because I never got a response from the people I questioned, but more over because I’m planning my own farewell post on the best and worst aspects of Galactica at the end of March. I have not linked back to the Livejournal post because I don’t want any specific user to feel ganged up on, and two, I don’t want the particular journal to suddenly be flooded with comments. These are simply my views and how I feel about some of the points made against the show.

One of the ‘points against BSG’ was the fact that it was an actual sci-fi show. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not sure what you thought a show called Battlestar Galactica would be about. I didn’t love the show right away; in fact someone had to force me to watch the mini series in 2006. I’ll tell you the exact moment I was hooked: As soon as Adama made the speech that [they] were at war. Admittedly the mini-series is long and it feels like it takes an extremely long time to get to that point, but once the Cylons actually attack it’s a roller coaster ride to the end. The final reveal that Sharon is a cylon just about threw me on the floor. The next day, I bought seasons one and two on DVD and got caught up just in time to start watching season three live.

Another point against watching the show was that ‘it has not satisfactorily ideal couples’ because love interests are swapped. For example: Dee/Billy/Lee, Lee/Kara/Anders…and you know what? I have no argument for that. It’s really not my favorite part of the show. I get that Lee and Kara are both messed up but really, please commit already. I’m not even counting Gaius as one of the people in this argument because it’s been pretty firmly established that he’s a whore. So, points go to you argumentative person. However, I don’t think the romance factor is a reason to throw in the towel on the whole show. If it were, I would have stopped watching when Billy was killed.

The fact that a reason against the show was ‘there are too many young and pretty actors’ to make it watchable proved to me that the person clearly has not been shown one single episode of the show and/or lives in a bubble. ‘Young’ definitely does not describe Mary McDonnell, Edward James Olmos, and Michael Hogan. And while Mary McDonnell is drop dead gorgeous, Edward James Olmos is not exactly ‘pretty’. I mean, I love that man to pieces and personally find him incredibly sexy, but these are the leads of the show; actors in their fifties and sixties respectively. I believe the person is probably referring to Tricia Helfer, Grace Park, Jamie Bamber, etc. when talking about ‘young and pretty’, but I don’t even understand why this would be something negative. Every show on television features ‘pretty’ people because we like looking at pretty people. Is that narcissistic of us as a species? Oh yes, you’re damn right it is. But I challenge you to find a show that doesn’t feature pretty, if not an all young cast. Please.

The show being liked by too many people on the internet made the list too, and I just sat in confusion looking at the screen. Is that a back handed compliment? Is someone trying to say that people on the internet have no taste and could therefore not watch a show that is intelligent? Or is someone trying to say that so many people like the show that there’s no way it could actually be that good? You know what? I’d love for someone to explain how people on the internet liking something is a bad thing.

The last argument worth mentioning was that the commenter doesn’t like the plot device of surprise pregnancies. Well, seeing as how one of the Cylon’s goals is reproduction, I’d say a surprise pregnancy or two is probably understood? I mean, I’m going out on a limb here…but it’s not as if Laura Roslin is going to pop into Adama’s quarters waving a pregnancy stick and demanding Maury Povich.

I know this has turned into a long winded post, but the point is: You can find something wrong with any single show on the planet if you look hard enough. Of course you as a viewer know what you do and do not like and I can respect that. But how - how - can you know if you’ll like or loathe something unless you give it a chance? That’s my biggest pet peeve; never making an actual informed decision about something. If you do decide to take a crack at the show, I suggest you start with the season one episode ‘33’. It explains the war, it gives you a good background on the characters, and is one of those ‘edge of your seat’ episodes. If you still refuse to at least try the show on for size, then that’s your prerogative, of course. We’ll just keep this television prize-winner all to ourselves.

uhhh whoops

2009-02-05T15:08:00.005-06:00

I say it's time for a new post, how about you? I can't believe that I haven't updated in so long, time honestly did get away from me. What with LOST and Battlestar Galactica both coming back, I've been sucked into some weird alternate universe where the only thing that exists is a continuous loop of those two shows with 30 Rock sometimes mixed in.

Speaking of 30 Rock, congratulations for sweeping the awards! From Alex Baldwin to Tina Fey, my belated congratulations goes out to you. And also to Mad Men! Although, Jon Hamm, what was up with your hair on award night?

In other television news, Amy Poehler's new NBC show finally has a name. Parks and Recreation will be debuting...well, we don't know when yet, exactly. What we do know is that it is in the same vein as The Office, only it is 100% totally NOT a spin off. It will take place in Indiana of all states (I didn't know that state was known for its sprawling parks) and will also star Rashida Jones and Aziz Ansari. (His character was recently fired from Sacred Heart on Scrubs.) Read more about the upcoming show and see some previews right over here.

Apparently LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell (what a pairing) will be starring in a NCIS spin-off that is as of right now untitled. It looks like NCIS is joining the ranks of Law and Order and CSI with it's number of spin-offs. And really, LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell? I just can't even imagine what that will be like. I'm hoping lots of sideways glances and LL saying cool things like 'TAKE ME BACK TO THE GHETTO' every other sentence. Read more about this here.

While I've never watched the show, HBO's Big Love did get a confirmed renewal. So yaaay polygamy! Renewal info is here.

BOB SAGET! He's back! No, not in a Full House reunion which is what everyone wants, let's face it. He's returning to the small screen to play a suburban dad. Wait a minute...I thought this wasn't a Full House reunion? Oh well CW, you may have just lost out on a show that could help your ratings on Sunday nights. Your loss! Read more about the show here.

That's all I have for you kids today, but before I go, how totally awesome is the feud between Etta James and Beyonce? Honestly, one of them is old enough to know better and the other should retire and give up singing. You guess who should do what in the comments!

The Final 10

2009-01-14T15:30:00.007-06:00

On January 16th, Battlestar Galactica will return for its final ten episodes ever. On March 20th, it will bow out gracefully, on its own terms which is what every great show hopes for. As of Friday, it has been 217 days since the last new episode. Somehow, through all of that, I have been able to remain spoiler free. Rumor has it we're supposed to find out who the 12th and final cylon is extremely early in the ten episodes but that's all I know. Apparently, someone leaked the information of who that final cylon is and I have to say: Shame on the people who can't wait through (at most) 10 episodes to find out something we've been waiting to know for what feels like forever. I've been guilty of the occasional spoiler, and I do know the saying about casting stones. At this point though, googling who the final cylon is will feel like cheating. It's one of the only times I can remember that I've been so adamant about staying spoiler free. (The only other show I'm like this with is LOST; it's so much fun to speculate theories and then slowly figure out which ones are right and which are wrong.)

But enough about how I feel regarding spoilers. No one came here for that; no...I have a confession to make. A confession, then a list of the 10 episodes you have to watch between now and Friday. My confession is this: Any time I tell people that I watch BSG or that I'm a fan, I preface with: "I know it's sci-fi but..."

Why, my dear readers, would I ever feel like I have to defend such an amazing television show? It might stem from how I originally felt about the show before I'd ever watched an episode: that sci-fi immediately equaled geeks who'd previously been Star Trek fanatics and a love for all things Star Wars. I definitely don't fit into that mold. I only know enough about Star Trek to recognize important moments in television history (the first interracial kiss on screen!) and Star Wars...well, that's right over my head. But with Battlestar Galactica, I strongly feel that if people would just give it a chance, they'd realize it was so much more than sci-fi. It's life and death and war and love. It's an amazing allegory for the state of the world and before people judge it, they should see an episode. Unfortunately, there is a bias against sci-fi, not just among my peers, but on the award show front as well - but that's a whole other post.

And now, the 10 episodes you have to watch before the Friday!

***

33 - This is the episode that I use to hook people on the show. It has worked 9 times out of 10. The only reason I make it a must see is because it not only gives you a good feel for what happens on the show without having to make a newbie sit through the two hour mini-series, it also gives you the raw emotion and downright amazing acting from all of the characters. To get back into the feel of Galactica, and to get your adrenaline pumping, watch this episode.

***

Resistance - Everything seems to be going to hell in a hand basket after Adama's been shot and is in extremely critical condition. We also get a number on how many cylons are in the fleet - eight. This episode also served as the introduction of Anders. Get ready to bump that number up to nine.

***

Home Part 2 - For the first (but not the last) time, Adama goes to get his woman off of a planet. After recovering from his gunshot wound, he heads down to Kobol to tell Laura that he's sorry for throwing her in jail. And he also tries to choke Sharon to death since that was the Cylon model that tried to kill him. The map to Earth is also revealed, in a scene that still gives me goosebumbs.

***

Resurrection Ship Part 2 - After the Pegasus, another battlestar, was found with the tough as nails Admiral Cain in charge, Adama and crew slowly realized that Cain was a killer. Hell bent on revenge against the cylons, she doesn't give two cents about the survival of the human race. Laura tells Bill that he has to assassinate Cain, while Cain comes up with a similar plan to assassinate Bill. Neither plan is carried out, and the cylon Cain's crew had been torturing eventually shoots and kills the Admiral. Laura and Bill finally kiss after she promotes him to the Admiral position. (Literally?)

***

Exodus Part 2 - For the second time on the show, Adama is going to get his woman. Okay, so he's going back for the rest of humanity too, but the rescue scene from New Caprica ranks as one of the best scenes in this show. Back story: Under the reign of President Baltar, a planet is found and humanity attempts to colonize. A year later the cylons find them and the planet turns into one big detention camp. The reuniting of the fleet is touching, though I still feel a little let down that there was no reunion scene between Adama and Roslin.

***

Unfinished Business - Nothing really happened plot wise; instead we go back to that time on New Caprica before the cylons came back. Adama with his pornstache got high with Laura as they cuddled under the stars, Lee and Kara slept together and screamed their love to the world, then Kara went off and married Anders. What the frak? All of this shown to us in flashback as everyone releases some tension in the boxing ring of Galactica.

***

Taking a Break From all Your Worries - Or, The Episode Where Laura Lost Her Mind on Gaius Baltar. Fed up with the man on a human level, she threatens to airlock him, then with the help of Cottle and Adama, attempts torture to get the information she's wanting regarding his part in the destruction of the Colonies. When all is said and done, as Laura lays in the Admiral's quarters, they decide that ultimately, they have to give the man a fair trial for crimes committed against humanity.

***

Crossroads Part 2 - Gaius gets a trial and is eventually found not guilty. Not innocent though, mind you. Starbuck was dead and now she's alive again, Laura's cancer is back, and Tigh, Tory, Chief and Anders are all revealed to be Cylons.

(This is where it gets kind of hard. I know that there were some amazing moments in the first part of season 4, but this is a top 10 list. And yes, I totally picked one of these because of my complete love of Adama and Laura.)

***

The Hub - Laura and Gaius plus some crew members are stuck on a cylon base star after the Hybrid jumps away from Galactica. Laura and Gaius try to get the Hybrid to stop jumping in a rare comedic display. When Gaius is hurt, he finally admits to Laura that he helped the Cylons in the initial attack on the Colonies and she almost lets him die. That is until, through a series of internal dialogues she realizes that she just can't let the man die. She also realizes that she loves Adama, and when he goes to get his woman (for the third time on this show!) she finally tells him so. 'Shippers everywhere rejoice. (But can we get a kiss?)

***

Revelations - Years of searching for Earth has come down to this: Caprica Six is pregnant and Tigh is the baby daddy. When Adama finds out that his best friend for decades is a Toaster, there is emotional fall out. Lee has been President due to Laura's absence and nearly airlocks Tigh, Anders and Chief, until Starbuck saves the day with the coordinates to Earth. The cylons and humans make a shaky agreement not to kill one another anymore and there is much rejoicing as they all head down to the planet that is to be their salvation...

...and it's a total nuclear wasteland. Frak.

***

What happens next?! Who is the 12th Cylon?! What happened to Earth?! Questions will be answered as we watch our show take its final curtain call starting this Friday, January 16th at 10/9 central. I leave you all with this quote about the upcoming episodes:

"I'm resigned to the fact that the final Cylon will be controversial. Some people will love the choice, some will really hate it. And I can live with that. But the revelation itself doesn't answer every question. The viewers still won't know what the Final Five's relationship is to the other Cylons or to the mythology of the show." - Ron Moore in the January 12-25 issue of TV Guide.

Nominations

2009-01-06T15:42:00.003-06:00

Being in the business of TV (okay wanting to be in the business of TV.), I felt that I should bring you all the Golden Globe and Screen Actor’s Guild nominations as well as my predictions. And as usual (since 2004) here is my rant at both panels: You suck for not including Battlestar Galactica, Edward James Olmos, or Mary McDonnell in any way, shape, or form.

That rant gets shorter each year but I suppose there’s no accounting for taste, right? Enough about my personal bias, here are your nominations, and my predictions are in bold. Also, I only care about TV related categories, so nothing else has been included.

The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

Boston Legal (ABC)
Dexter (SHOWTIME)
House (FOX)
Mad Men (AMC)
The Closer (TNT)

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

30 Rock (NBC)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Entourage (HBO)
The Office (NBC)
Weeds (Showtime)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

Michael C. Hall – Dexter Morgan; Dexter (SHOWTIME)
Jon Hamm – Don Draper; Mad Men (AMC)
Hugh Laurie – House; House (FOX)
William Shatner – Denny Crane; Boston Legal (ABC)
James Spader – Alan Shore; Boston Legal (ABC)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

Sally Field – Nora Walker; Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Mariska Hargitay – Olivia Benson; Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
Holly Hunter – Grace Hanadarko; Saving Grace (TNT)
Elisabeth Moss – Peggy Olson; Mad Men (AMC)
Kyra Sedgwick – Brenda Johnson; The Closer (TNT)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

Alec Baldwin – Jack Donaghy; 30 Rock (NBC)
Steve Carell – Michael Scott; The Office (NBC)
David Duchovny – Hank Moody; Californication (Showtime)
Jeremy Piven – Ari Gold; Entourage (HBO)
Tony Shalhoub – Adrian Monk; Monk (USA)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

Christina Applegate – Samantha Newly; Samantha Who? (ABC)
America Ferrera – Betty Suarez; Ugly Betty (ABC)
Tina Fey – Liz Lemon; 30 Rock (NBC)
Mary-Louise Parker – Nancy Botwin; Weeds (Showtime)
Tracey Ullman – Various Characters; Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union (Showtime)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

Ralph Fiennes – Bernard Lafferty; Bernard and Doris (HBO)
Paul Giamatti – John Adams; John Adams (HBO)
Kevin Spacey – Ron Klain; Recount (HBO)
Kiefer Sutherland – Jack Bauer; 24 (FOX)
Tom Wilkinson – Benjamin Franklin; John Adams (HBO)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

Laura Dern – Katherine Harris; Recount (HBO)
Laura Linney – Abigail Adams; John Adams (HBO)
Shirley MacLaine – Coco Chanel; Coco Chanel (LIFETIME)
Phylicia Rashad – Lena Younger; A Raisin in the Sun (LIFETIME)
Susan Sarandon – Doris Duke; Bernard and Doris (HBO)

The Golden Globe Awards

Best Television Series - Drama

Dexter (SHOWTIME)
House (FOX)
In Treatment (HBO)
Mad Men (AMC)
True Blood (HBO)

Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical

30 Rock (NBC)
Californication (SHOWTIME)
Entourage (HBO)
The Office (NBC)
Weeds (Showtime)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama

Sally Field – Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay – Law & Order: SVU
January Jones – Mad Men
Anna Paquin - True Blood
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama

Gabriel Byrne – In Treatment
Michael C. Hall – Dexter
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Hugh Laurie – House
Jonathan Rhys Meyers – The Tudors

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical

Christina Applegate – Samantha Who?
America Ferrera – Ugly Betty
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Debra Messing – The Starter Wife
Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical

Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Steve Carell – The Office
Kevin Connolly – Entourage
David Duchovny – Californication
Tony Shalhoub – Monk

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

A Raisin in the Sun (ABC)
Bernard and Doris (HBO)
Cranford (PBS)
John Adams (HBO)
Recount (HBO)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture made for Television

Judi Dench – Cranford
Catherine Keener – An American Crime
Laura Linney – John Adams
Shirley MacLaine – Coco Chanel
Susan Sarandon – Bernard and Doris

Best Performance by an Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture made for Television

Ralph Fiennes – Bernard and Doris
Paul Giamatti – John Adams
Kevin Spacey – Recount
Kiefer Sutherland – 24: Redemption
Tom Wilkinson – Recount

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture made for Television

Eileen Atkins – Cranford
Laura Dern – Recount
Melissa George – In Treatment
Rachel Griffiths – Brothers & Sisters
Dianne Wiest – In Treatment

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Miniseries, or Motion Picture made for Television

Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother
Denis Leary – Recount
Jeremy Piven – Entourage
Blair Underwood – In Treatment
Tom Wilkinson – John Adams

There's an obvious bias here towards 30 Rock and Mad Men; feel free to let me know what your pick are!

The T.V. Year in Review

2008-12-19T09:18:00.002-06:00

We've almost officially made it to the end of the year and I think I can safely say that there have been some enormous highs and lows this television season. At this time last year we were still in the throes of the writer's strike, and while it's been almost a year, this season has heavily felt the repercussions. From cancellations of shows that should have been (natch; will always be) beloved to the onslaught of crappy 'reality' television, here is my list of 2008 in review.

Pushing Daisies
I've said many times before that I didn't watch Pushing Daisies this season, but that's not to say that I wasn't an advocate. (Don't go into a hissy, I'm not a Nielsen viewer so my t.v. watching makes no impact.) I told everyone I knew to watch the show because of the absolute whimsy it carried. It was light even at its heaviest moments, and who doesn't achieve sheer joy when Kristin Chenoweth starts to sing? Alas, the show that was so promising before the writer's strike couldn't come back as strong as it should have and faltered right out of the gate. With ABC not saying how they're going to air the remaining episodes, the best fans can do is hope for a speedy DVD release.

Knight Rider
This show is on the air and Daisies isn't? I feel almost violated by all that I know to be good and true in the television industry. I tried to sit through an episode of this show and after 5 minutes of watching a girl prance around in a bikini who had the acting chops of Paris Hilton, I couldn't stand it anymore. I understand this show gets big money from Ford, but can anyone tell me why people watch this show? Does anyone watch this show?

Mad Men
After ending its second season, this show is finally getting noticed. I've never quite worried about ratings on a show like this because it's cable and things seem to be more lenient once you get past network television. And surely the numerous accolades the show has won help. From Jon Hamm to Christina Hendricks there's not a cast member I don't enjoy watching on screen. It's not even a messy or twisted show; it's quietly complicated with a touch of sentimentality and a hint of disaster. Easily the best thing to grace televisions this year.

Heroes
Well, this has been a misstep, hasn't it? This season has been a lot like a train wreck: I know it's terrible and that I should quit looking, but I can't help but watch to see what happens next. Obviously that's in the show's favor right now because I think that's the case for most of the viewers still tuning in. I'm not sure if we're all watching to see how bad it can get, or if we're all watching in the hopes that it will suddenly get better. The end of the most recent chapter, Villains, was almost too little too late, and in February we move on to...The X-Men? That's what it looks like to me, but we'll see how the writers keep the idea of mutants being hunted down fresh and new. We had a nice cleansing of the palate on Monday with a few notable deaths, but my bet is that Sylar isn't really dead. Hear me now: He will sit out of chapter four and reemerge in chapter five, bigger and badder than before. My few pleas are these: Please stop making everything about Claire, either get rid of Mohinder or make him less stupid, stop giving idiotic story lines to Hiro, and bring back Micah and Molly.

30 Rock
Why aren't you watching this show?! I'm pretty much terrified that Tina Fey's crown jewel will meet the same fate as Pushing Daisies which would be a tragedy. While some of the guest stars felt like they overshadowed the amazing characterizations of Tracy and Kenneth, this season has been mostly ups. I can't praise the cast enough, from Tina herself to Alec all the way down to Lonny Ross (not to say you are the bottom of the totem!); it's a joy to tune in on Thursday nights and I hope this is a show that sticks around for a while.

Grey's Anatomy
Even more of a train wreck than Heroes. I'm not even sure train wreck is a strong enough term. I know that there are people out there who love it and think that Ghost!Denny and Izzie are just oh so gosh darn amazing with the best story line ever in the history of television, but those same people probably think that Ghost Dad is one of the best movies in the universe. I would beg Shonda Rhimes to please go back to the way things were in season one; heck even in season two, but she doesn't seem to be listening to ANYONE. She makes no statements about where she's heading with this spectacular (better-fitting for a day time soap) storyline, and you can't tell me that she doesn't hear her fan's cries. And don't get me started on how she can cast the amazing Mary McDonnell in a role that not only makes Asperger's look like something it definitely is NOT, but does not let Mary show off how excellent an actress she is. (Actually, maybe it does in that Mary has such terrible material to work with it's shocking she doesn't walk off the set.) My fear is that people think that Mary has no idea what Asperger's is, when really, she's just doing what was written for her.

I'm stepping off of my soap box now. I apologize. Clearly you can see where my love lies for certain people of Hollywood.

Reality Shows and game shows
And here we have my 'what the hell?' moments. What the hell shout outs go to most everything on E! from the Lohans to Denise Richards. A few go to NBC for this new Ryan Seacrest endeavor and their over-kill of Deal or No Deal. One goes to FOX for their annoying lie detector show that I refuse to call by name, and let's give them one more for the show that has people contorting their bodies to fit through holes in a wall. I actually can't remember the name of that one; I care so little. Who watches these shows? Keeping up with the Kardashians? I wish someone would follow me around with a camera all day; you can see what it's really like to be a normal SANE person. The Hills? Hello, privileged little snots; I don't even understand how they get television shows. Bitter much? I'm not trying to sound just as bratty but give me a break.

On that note, we'll call it a done deal for 2008. What do you think the ups and downs were this year? Do you agree or disagree with me? You might get one more post at the end of the month but if not, we'll see you back here in January! Until then, don't hesitate to leave comments, and have a very safe and happy holiday season.

Don't worry

2008-12-17T10:52:00.004-06:00

I haven't fallen off of the wagon, but I have been up against a wall at work going through some intense training. I mean, I don't know if you knew this or not but I totally don't get paid for this gig. Surprise! So, while I work on my primary source of income and learning more to get paid more, you'll have to bear with me. I'm officially done this Friday, and I promise you will get a new t.v. filled post before the end of the year.

Thanks for being patient!

- Your addict

Who is the final Cylon - Part 2

2008-12-05T12:05:00.005-06:00

There was an over-whelming response to my last post, so I figured I should actually do a part 2 even though I'm pretty sold on the fact that the final cylon is in my previous post. Let me reiterate that there are absolutely NO SPOILERS HERE. Speculation is a given but if you think you know something concrete, don't ruin it for everyone, okay? Now, let's get down to business.

Candidate number five:

William Adama
I'm not sure how I would feel about this man being the final cylon. Actually, I imagine that I'd feel a little dirty somehow; like every thing I felt for this ultimate hero had been for absolutely nothing. This is the man who fights the war day after day after day. He's been beat up, shot up, risked his life countless times and has never said "You know what, frak this I WAS RETIRING." It would be crushing to see him revealed as a cylon, so let's hope that all this speculation is wrong.

Candidate number six:

Lee Adama
I've never liked this guy, but that doesn't mean I think he's a cylon. It would seem impossible for him to be a skin-job based off of simple mechanics: He has a father and a mother whom we've seen. And unless the whole Adama clan is robotic, I'm not sure how Carolanne could push a pre-made cylon out of her who-ha. Unless she was a victim of cylon experimentation; but we've seen how well that goes. (Read: Not well.)

Candidate number seven:

Kara Thrace
Let's break this down.

Reasons for: She did that whole dying and then coming back thing, she's so awesome that she couldn't be anything BUT a cylon, she frakked Gaius and he's clearly just a toaster lover (see all the women he's slept with except that ultra religious cult chick. Times were tough; give him a break.), she was pursued very heavily by Leoben, and she adamantly insists that she knows exactly where Earth is.

Reasons against: Obvious choice is obvious.

Candidate number eight:

Billy
UGH, BECAUSE I MISS HIM, OKAY? And Knight Rider SUCKS.

So, that's the rest of my list. There are obvious choices that I'm leaving out like Cally, Helena Cain and Rachael Ray, but that's because I want to hear your thoughts on this and I didn't want to take all of the good ones. Tell me what you think!

Who is the final Cylon - Part I

2008-11-26T08:49:00.015-06:00

Let it be said that I do not know who the final Cylon is. I have avoided spoilers on this topic like the plague. Some things I do like to know, but this is one thing that I want to find out with the rest of the world; on David Eick and Ron Moore's dime. So, this is just going to be my thoughts on who I think the final Cylon could be.

I promise, no spoilers for the upcoming season at all.

Candidate number one:

Laura Roslin

Okay, now hear me out. You all know how deep my love is for Laura Roslin. And even though she's my number one option, there are good arguments that go both ways. Back in season one, Gaius Baltar was creating his cylon detector. Using a bit of DNA, it would purportedly reveal who was a cylon and who was not. (We saw this work in the case of Boomer, but Gaius lied about the results to keep her from going crazy on him.) When trying to decide who should get tested first, Adama and Laura held this exchange:

Roslin: So, who's going to go first?

Adama: Oh, the tests, right. Well, I think people in sensitive positions should go first.

Roslin: I completely agree. How about you?

Adama: Excuse me?

Roslin: If you're a Cylon, I'd like to know.

Adama: If I'm a Cylon, you're really screwed.

Roslin: Seriously. I do think that you should go first. Show everyone in the fleet that they can trust the people at the top.

Adama: Then maybe you should go first. [Pause] All right. I'll go first.

Roslin: I think that's good. I do.

Now, nowhere after that do we get to have a conversation or scene where Laura gets her test done. She pushed for Adama to go before her and really wasn't going to rest until he did. Did she ever get a test? We could argue though that the final five don't know that they're cylons, but what if some part of her programming was kicked on instinctively - self preservation and all that? My argument for why she shouldn't be the final cylon, and why I honestly hope she isn't is that she is the most human character out of all the characters on the show. (At least in my 'hardly ever matters' opinion.) She's had the very real struggle of breast cancer and her morality, and through those two things has had the most character development out of anyone in four seasons. I would hate to see all of that washed away with the revelation that she was just a skin job.

Candidate number two:

Felix Gaeta

There are a lot of pros and cons weighing against Felix. For one, he's been Baltar's biggest fanboy since the first episode they were in the same room together. Even on New Caprica when he could have left his position and gone to live with the rest of the fleet, he stayed by Baltar's side. Could it be because Gaius knows that Felix is a cylon? Could something like that have been revealed to Gaius? One could argue that Felix helped the insurgency by feeding them information, but then again, the insurgency was led by Tyrol and Tigh. We also had the Hybrid babbling on something about the final Cylon crawling out of the darkness. With Gaeta's leg amputated that could metaphorically be him, but it looks like he gets around pretty well with a crutch.

Candidate number three:

Anastasia 'Dee' Dualla

All I have for Dee is that back in season one, Leoben whispered in Laura Roslin's ear: "Adama is a cylon". He could have been frakking with her, and we saw that she was suspicious of Bill after that, but what if he meant a different Adama? It's true he could have been talking about Lee or even Zak...Carolanne? (Please, no.) But he also could have been talking about Dee who is now an Adama by marriage, even if said marriage is apparently over because Lee is...well, that's a conversation for another post.

Candidate number four:

Oprah Winfrey

She alone will have survived Earth's terrible apocalypse (and if it's the past; Oprah is a 2,000 year old oracle) and will be the one to surprise the fleet. "You're all getting BRAND NEW CAAAA-AAAARS! Welcome to Earth!"

Tune in next week for Who is the final Cylon part II!

The below photo has nothing to do with the post.

2008-11-19T15:09:00.017-06:00

I've been sitting here for probably two days now, just trying to think of a topic to write about. You see, interweb, I've been trying to get noticed and I put a stat counter on the page. After I post and advertise it all over the internet (read: Livejournal.com), I then log into the stat counter and watch the numbers. I just about pee myself when we get into the hundreds. I know that I don't get record breaking numbers; I don't even get 200 hits a day, but for some who usually spouts random musings about television, I'm impressed with myself.

(I've just re-read that last sentence; narcissism is alive and well. Also, spell check wants me to capitalize the 'i' in internet, but I refuse.) I don't know who reads this on a daily basis, and I realize the above paragraph was extremely boring, but the point is if you do for some reason read this, and you enjoy television, bookmark me. And if you think you have friends who might find anything I say interesting, don't be shy about linking back to me.

I don't want to leave you all without something T.V. related, but this week I feel like a T.V. Zombie. Monday and Tuesday feel like hyper-drive because I'm re-watching Heroes and Fringe 18 times in one hour so that I can post my recaps at TheTwoCents.com. By the time Wednesday rolls around I feel like I just ran a marathon and can finally sit down. I'm too exhausted to watch anything on Wednesdays (I'm sorry, Pushing Daisies, but I'm not even in the Nielsen Group, so there.) and I'm already thinking about how amazing Thursday night is going to be. This segues me into T.V. schedules. Thinking about how much I watch makes my mind want to explode, but typing it out, it doesn't really seem like that much.

Monday

Chuck

Heroes

---

Tuesday

House

Fringe

---

Wednesday

Project Runway*

---

Thursday

My Name is Earl

Kath & Kim

The Office

30 Rock

LOST*

Grey's Anatomy (if Mary McDonnell is on and/or Denny finally goes away.)

---

Friday

Monk*

Psych*

Battlestar Galactica*

---

Saturday

Nothing; oh glorious nothing except for football.

---

Sunday

Extreme Home Makeover (shut up.)

Desperate Housewives

Brothers & Sisters

Mad Men*

(*I realize that these shows are not on right now, but this is what a full schedule has the potential to be.)

That's at least two shows a night, two that I recap, and that's not even counting shows like Caprica and Dollhouse that don't even have an estimated premiere date yet. (And maybe that's more than I thought.) With all of this I watch, there are still shows that everyone talks about that I don't watch but feel terribly out of the loop no matter how dumb I think they may be. Actually, they may not even be dumb shows, just shows I've never watched for one reason or another. Including but not limited to Samantha Who?, Ghost Whisperer, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, 24, any and all cable shows, plus that Dr. Drew rehab show. (Which I would actually totally watch for Gary Busey alone.)

I'm a little sad that I keep saying I'll watch Samantha Who? and then never do it because by all accounts, it's an amazing show and I think Christina Applegate is the most adorable person on the planet. Plus, I love Jean Smart a lot. The will is there, but without looking I don't even know if the show is an hour or thirty minutes, and I have no idea when it airs. One of these days, probably after it's ended, I'll get the DVDs from Netflix, but until then, I'll just continue to wish I watched the show.

I've watched Ghost Whisperer approximately once, and the whole time I was watching, I was hypnotized by Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts. Honestly, if you're going to put boobs in my face that's not a bad way to do it, but the boob problem is the same in every show: It's just not necessary. And yes, I am talking to you Marg Helgenberger on CSI. But other than the boobs I was really, really bored and so I never watched another episode. I almost wished that I did now because of all the REALLY! ANGRY! PEOPLE! all over the internet. I've never watched one episode of Dirty Sexy Money because the title makes me feel the way I do when I realize I've just stuck a dollar bill in my mouth while I organize my change. 24 never appealed to me because I'm not a huge fan of cars exploding and people dying in every single episode (unless it's death by robots, apparently) or Keifer Sutherland in general. But that's my cross to bear.

I'm interested to know what you watch and why you do or do not watch it. Why do some people only watch shows like Keeping up with the Kardashian's and The Girls Next Door? I have a theory that mind-numbing reality shows are going to be the demise of my generation's last remaining brain cells. Prove me wrong.

Grey's Anatomy - how ridiculous

2008-11-14T09:49:00.002-06:00

Let me give you a brief history of my roller coaster ride with this show. When it first started, I was amazed with the show. I thought it was a great, different take on a medical show, I thought the writing was superb, and I loved the character interactions. So, all 9 episodes of season 1 were a win in my book. Then we had season 2. That was the season with the bomb and while at first I was really worried it would be like an ER story line (how much can happen in one ER?) I thought it was executed very well. We had the train episode where the people were impaled together. Awesome episode. And then we had the Denny stuff.

I bought that for that time frame. I thought it was an amazing, heart breaking story line.

And then there was George/Izzie, Meredith/George, Callie/George, a ferry boat accident, Jane Doe/Ava, and OH MY GOD MAKE IT ALL STOP. I don't understand why. I don't understand why all of that was necessary. It made me stop watching. I tossed in the towel. And then, for reasons unknown, in May I happened to watch the finale.

No Denny. The relationships (with the exception of Burke and Cristina) seemed to be back where they were supposed to be. A heartbreaking clinical trial. Izzie and Alex. Meredith and Derek. Chief and Adele. Things were as they were supposed to be and I thought 'I can start watching this show again'. So, I decided to tune in this season.

I was on board for the first couple of episodes. And then they started bringing back Denny. Really? I love Jeffery Dean Morgan as much as the next person, but oh my God. They are dragging the dead horse out of the closet and beating it again. Why? Whhhhhhy? And now Denny is haunting Izzie? He's a ghost? He won't go away and the previews for next week have them getting ready to do the naked pretzel.

Is there about to be a Supernatural cross over?

This is the hokiest, far-fetched story line I have ever seen. I could believe it and maybe even handle it a little better if this show came on between the hours of 12-4 in the afternoon. It belongs sandwiched somewhere between ABC's soaps. If not for Mary McDonnell guest staring last night, I would have thrown in the towel and switched it over to 30 Rock.

So of course, the good for me was Mary McDonnell. She's supposedly hanging around for 2-3 episodes and it's wonderful to see her as a renowned heart surgeon with Aspergers. I love her so much as Laura Roslin that it was almost shocking to see her in such a different role. My love for this actress really knows no bounds, but instead of tuning in live to see it, I'll be DVRing the show. I've been recording The Office and 30 Rock, but I think I'll be making that switch. I'll take the Jim and Pam romance and Tracy Jordan trying to make the perfect porn video game over the ridiculous and unbelievable ghost ridden Grey's Anatomy any day.

Battlestar Galactica - Counting down to the end

2008-11-12T11:08:00.000-06:00

You will never know how much it hurts to write that subject line. If you think back to when the mini-series originally aired which was back in 2003, we've been inundated with this show for a good five years. We've had four seasons, with the final half starting in January, and I'm approaching it now with mixed feelings. On one hand, I am glad that this show knows when to bow out. I admire Ron Moore and David Eick for being able to look at such an amazing show and decide that the story is coming to an end. It will wrap up on their terms and not because of an actor's contract expiring and temper tantrums over pay or the networks yanking the show early. That should give all of us something to be happy about. But on the other hand, it feels like there's this heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. I'm excited for the show to come back - in fact I feel like I'm starting to go through withdrawals right now. In the same breath, once it comes back, there will be no more hiatuses. No more waiting for the premiere date, no more counting the days on my calender. It will really be over.

Before it sings its final swan song, there are just a few things I want to see happen. Nothing major; not really. Just things that as a fan I've been hoping to see or at the very least see acknowledged on the show. In no particular order, here they are:

Bill & Laura

We got the 'I love you' in the first installment of season 4, and even my father (who has an exterior as gruff as Adama's) seemed to melt just a little. It was sweet and whispered, it felt like the right moment, and it was a perfect scene for the two of them. When that basestar jumped into view and Adama couldn't take his eyes off of it, in my head he was thinking I'm going to get my woman. (Am I alone in this train of thought?) The scene was just as perfect as their brief kiss way back in season two after she promoted him to Admiral. Tender and soft and with just enough emotion to make you get a lump in your throat. All of that being said, I'm not saying I want to see Bill and Laura getting hot and heavy in a rack (secretly; yes), but I am dying to see at least another kiss. Something that gives all us A/R shippers a little more validity to their relationship. Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell are such phenomenal actors that they could pull off that scene with the classiness their characters deserve. So, before the end, I'd like more regarding their relationship.

Laura's cancer

Before you all skip over this one, let me make one thing clear. I am unbelievably attached to the character of Laura Roslin. I love the character, I love the actress, I love what she stands for and I feel sorry for the person who tells me they hate Madame President. That being said, my heart will not be able to take watching her die. I will end up having a nervous break down and probably call out sick from work. I don't care what they have to do to make it not so. A magical unicorn could be found on Earth and cure her for all I care. It could all be a dream or Earth could actually be the island on LOST. I. Don't. Care. I know that this would make the whole 'dying leader' thing a moot point but when it comes to continuity and her cancer it wouldn't even bother me. Adama has finally found a woman he loves who loves him back and she's going to get killed off - just like every other person he loves. I mean, except for Starbuck, but she's questionable. And I know that Lee's not dead but he flip flops so much between being pissed at his dad and crying over him that Adama needs the stability of Laura being a rock for him.

I totally forgot where I was going with this, but my point is, I don't want Laura Roslin to die, even though I know there are reasons for it and the writers would do it with dignity.

(At the risk of sounding like Seinfeld) What is up with Earth?

I'd like for there to be a way for the characters to find out why Earth is a wasteland. Is it future Earth, or are they stuck in between eras? Is that even Earth? I think it would be great if Laura pulled out her scrolls of Pythia and after a moment of silence said "Oh, guys...my bad. My bad, everyone back in the battlestar, we took a wrong turn at the Lion's Head Nebula."

Is it a boy or a girl?

I'm not talking about the final cylon because we know the writers won't end the show without telling us that. I'm talking about Six and Tigh's baby. I want to see her go through pregnancy and Tigh get all freaked out about fatherhood in his 60s. (Has to be early 60s, right?) I think the writers have a great set up on their hands full of potential tender moments from Tigh. Not that he's ever been a teddy bear, but it will be awkward and sweet to see the old alcoholic holding his own infant.

Aside from things like happy endings and Adama and Roslin riding off into the sunset (which I know will never happen) this is pretty much my check-list going into the end of the show. I know it's a shallow list, but a fangirl can dream, right?

Addendum: I also hope down to the last fiber of my soul that this show finally gets an Emmy after it's off the air. Please, please, PLEASE for the love of all that is good and just in this world, hand out Emmy's for outstanding actor, actress, writing and show. It's been over-looked for far too long, and is loved by too many people for it to be ignored.

I was blindsided

2008-11-11T11:11:00.003-06:00

Over at TheTwoCents.com, I submitted a Heroes recap that praised the episode which is something that hasn't happened in a long while. I was ecstatic, happy with what I saw, and even called a couple of people and triumphantly proclaimed 'It's back!'. But I think that I've been duped.

You know how when you've been drinking, and someone seems really attractive and totally awesome, so you invite them home and you have what you think is the best time you've had in a while? And then the next day you wake up and you realize the person you thought was great was just smoke and mirrors to distract you and now all your money is gone and you're left wondering how you ever became so naive?

Yeah, that's how Heroes made me feel this week.

From this point on, there will be spoilers, so beware!

If you take the point of view of 'casual watcher' and take the show for what it is (a show about people with abilities) it was pretty awesome. We had family betrayal, betrayal of the heart and some interesting twists that connected the characters in ways that were previously unknown. But if you're like me, a watcher who tunes in to get some form of continuity and understanding, this episode did nothing but blow smoke in your eyes. Let's take it plot by plot and see exactly how far we've come.

The Petrelli family

We find out that the accident that paralyzed Heidi, Nathan's wife, was intended to kill Nathan because as ADA, he was investigating Linderman and intent on bringing him down. His previous crimes are unknown (at least to me; anyone know why Nathan is so hell-bent on this?) but we do know that if Linderman is brought down, all of Arthur's plans for world domination (?) will be discovered. Angela over hears Arthur telling Linderman that they'll have to try killing Nathan again, but he warps her mind and makes her believe that Nathan has to die. Good thing Linderman is secretly betraying Arthur though, because he heals Angela's brain so that her next logical step is to try and kill her husband so he can't kill her son.

The only thing this gives us is a reason for Arthur to mind-rape his wife and put her into her coma this season. It doesn't further the plot, it didn't give us anything new to work with. And I don't really feel like it told me anything that I needed to know. It was intense for sure, what with Angela pulling a knife on Arthur, and her little quip when she poisoned him: "It's not your mother's recipe." That's all though. Nothing groundbreaking happened.

Meredith and The Company

It turns out that Meredith's brother is Flint, the Level 5 baddie we've seen who can shoot blue flames. They were both caught by Thompson and Meredith was turned into an agent almost right off the bat. The gig didn't work out though, and she ended up breaking out her brother and hopping on the first train to Mexico with him. Of course, Thompson followed them and just happened to be on the train for who knows how long. It all led to a confrontation in which Meredith uses her power and starts a fire in the train car, resulting in the need for everyone to jump out of the moving train just as it explodes. It feels this entire story line, from Meredith getting caught robbing a convenience store to jumping out of the train was written for the last 2 minutes of screen time Meredith had: She explained to Thompson that she hated The Company because they got Claire killed when she was a baby. Of course Thompson knows the truth, and for reasons unknown, he lets her go. The penultimate moment though was the realization that the train accident Meredith caused was the same one Claire ran into back in the first episode of season one.

I was so excited initially when I watched the scene live because we caught a glimpse of young Claire running into the flames. But now that I've watched it again and thought about it, I'm mostly upset that we had to go through all of that long drawn out story line to get to that moment. A moment that seemed completely pointless and that I don't even see the meaning of. Can someone (anyone) explain the relevance of that scene to me?

Elle, Sylar, and Noah

Again, I was so excited by this story line that when it initially played out, I thought it was one of the best story lines this season. Now I'm mostly confused by it because it seems like there were a lot of glaring continuity issues, but it could just be me. We pick up just after Sylar has killed his first victim, the man he first stole a power from. He's suicidal and is just about to hang himself when in comes Elle. She claims to have a broken watch, but really she's partnered with Noah and their assignment is to get Sylar to kill as they witness it via streaming video. Throughout the process of baiting him, Elle starts to fall for him a little bit and he even feels like he's been given a second chance. He confides in her his power, and the fact that he gets so jealous of other people with abilities that he kills them to get what they have. With Elle around though, he thinks that maybe he doesn't have to be special. She gives him the Sesame Street lecture of 'everyone is special just the way they are' before luring in a young man named Trevor. He apparently has the ability of a sharp shooter, Sylar gets jealous and tries to kill him, then gets furious when Elle reveals that she too has an ability and she's been using him all along. Thus, the monster that is Sylar is born and instead of bagging and tagging, Noah tells Elle that their mission is to set him free. So they've let this monster out on the world and Noah doesn't even feel badly about it. That'll really come back to bite him in the rear, won't it?

After all of this; after Noah tells Elle that he has to follow orders (that come from Arthur?), he gets into a taxi cab heading to JFK Airport. And wouldn't you know, it's the same cab Mohinder was driving in season one. Which is where my biggest moment of confusion hit. Sylar was upset about killing a man with the ability he stole as we saw from his flashbacks. If Mohinder was driving his father's cab, that means that his father was already dead, because Mohinder only went to New York after his father was murdered. And I could have sworn that by that point, Sylar had already escalated into the monster we came to know in season 1. So, is there a continuity issue there, or do I have the timeline wrong in my head? Something is nagging at me, telling me that Sylar had probably killed more than 2 people by the time Mohinder was in New York.

Hiro, Ando, and African Isaac

Of course, we've seen all of these things that happened in the past via Hiro's spirit walk. Which was useless because the only reason it was even done was to set up African Isac's death. I'm all for killing needless characters, but how did Arthur Petrelli even know where Hiro was? Are we to assume that he used Molly Walker somehow to find him?

So, there it is. The shiny exterior has been buffed away, and this is the episode as I finally see it. It's not as great as I initially thought it was which is a little saddening. It seems as if the only thing we accomplished in the hour was the death of African Isaac and something adverse happening to Hiro, although we're not exactly sure yet if he's been killed or drained of his powers. I'd like to know what you thought. Am I dwelling too deeply on this?

Not an advocate

2008-11-06T11:01:00.000-06:00

Most websites and magazines are trying to find ways to make Heroes better. Not I. I say yank it off the air. It's done. Finished. Never going to be good again. Am I the only one who sees this? I want it to be great; I want it to be stellar again, but I'm only kidding myself at this point. I'll give you five reasons why it should be yanked.

1. The people (collectively) are begging for the same Heroes we had back in season 1. Folks, this is not going to happen. The shock and awe of revealing new heroes isn't the same. When we were first learning about this phenomenon and people with special powers, everything was shiny and new. We were glued to our seats and couldn't wait to find out what the next piece of the puzzle was. Now though? Everything is so convoluted that I can't tell the A story from the B story, and I fall asleep during all of the C story. For the record, I think that the A story is something about the Petrelli family and something Oedipal, the B story is something about Hiro being an idiot, and the C story has to do with the black dude in Africa. I could be wrong though.

2. All the cool powers are already taken. This was proven a few weeks ago with Vortex Guy. I kept thinking back to the Family Guy episode where the family was splashed with radio-active sludge and Meg got the power to grow her fingernails really quickly. Seriously, ask the question 'if you could have any super power what would it be?' to a group of people, and these will always be your answers: Invisibility (done), never being able to get hurt (done), the power to fly (done), to move objects with your mind (done), to read people's minds (done), and the ability to make time go by faster to get out of work (done). I think the only thing that hasn't been covered is x-ray vision, but I could be wrong. So really, what else is there to cover? The show proved that there are awesome powers that I never even thought of, like freezing everything I touch and super sonic moving, but being able to create a vortex? Black ooze out of your eyes? Lame. (And, lest everyone forget, black ooze was done on The X-Files and it was done about 40 times better. So, there you go.)

3. No one really cares anymore. At least the people I talk to. The story has been so clogged with pointless information that it's too exhausting to care. On shows like Battlestar Galactica, no matter what they throw at you, everything comes back full circle and makes sense. This hasn't happened in a long time on Heroes. For example, we all know that back in that disaster we'll call season two, Sylar had no powers and it was a time of rehab for him. Fine, I'll believe that. But it is my full belief that the writers forgot which powers he had. For example, super sonic hearing? For someone who supposedly has that ability, he sure didn't hear Claire sneaking up on him back in the first episode of the season. And he didn't seem to pick up on that conversation with Noah, Claire, and Vortex Guy. I'm willing to believe that he's had some trouble gaining some powers back, but could the writers please go back and say that? I'm thinking they just forgot, and if they just had Sylar say something to the effect of 'when I regained my powers some were missing' I'd completely delete this paragraph and I'd go back to thinking the writers were awesome again. (Well, awesome is a stretch.)

4. They take away likable characters and keep characters that are pointless. For example, Maya and Adam. (I totally just typed Adama.) I have never been able to stand Maya, even when she was part of the Mexican Banditos. I think she's a pointless character with a stupid 'power'. When I thought Mohinder killed her, I thought it was the smartest thing the show had ever done. And then, for some inexplicable reason they brought her back! She's not dead; she might be gone now to live happily ever after without her 'power', but it was so much better when I thought the writers took a cue and killed her off. And then there's Adam. His story line was really stupid back in season two, but he could have been awesome this season. And just when I was starting to warm up to him, Arthur Petrelli sucked the life out of him. Why bring him back at all, then? And instead of bringing in new characters like Knox and Daphne, could you please tell me what's up with Micah and Molly?

5. I don't care anymore about characters I should because they've turned stupid. I blame this solely on the writers. For example, Mohinder. This was a dude who was supposed to be there to explain the sciency stuff and be the cool head amid all the chaos. Now he's injecting himself with formulas before they've ever been tested. Uh, hello? Mohinder? Attention writers: Isn't he supposed to be brilliant? Even a three year old knows you don't go around sticking yourself with stuff. I really don't care that he's turning into The Fly. Serves him right. Idiot. And I feel like I should feel something for Matt Parkman as he was easily one of the most sympathetic characters in the first season. But now I feel nothing but sleepiness when he's on screen. With Hiro I'm in a constant state of stupor because not only is he stupid, he's taking the stupid to a whole new level. What super hero goes out LOOKING for something bad because they're bored? Hiro, apparently.

Other miscellaneous things that add to the death count are the number of characters in the show which was already kind of addressed, and the fact that they won't let us really get to know any characters anymore. They tried it with Hiro in Japan and that sucked really bad. But rather than learn from their mistakes, the writers just keep piling on pointless fodder.

Do I think the writers could take this list and fix it all? They could but instead I think they should just cancel it. It's never going to be great again. Ever. Ever. Not ever. You're right, I have no faith. No hope. It's all lost. Never to be seen again. Let's just pretend that the show was a made for t.v. movie back in season one and that nothing else after that point exists.

Why you (yes YOU) should be watching 30 Rock

2008-10-29T13:00:00.002-05:00

I am not just passionate, but passionate about T.V. shows that I love. Just this morning I debated with someone for close to 10 minutes about why Fringe is an excellent show. I obsessively write to Matt Roush at T.V. Guide and Michael Ausiello at EW to give opinions and get scoop. In fact, I asked Mr. Ausiello about the fate of Mary McDonnell's Laura Roslin on Battlestar Galactica today. The answer? Prepare to weep. But even with all of my debating and flailing over shows that I love, I've never tried to persuade people to watch 30 Rock. In all honesty, I never thought I would have to. It's got Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, snappy writing and Emmy awards falling out of it's butt. Yet, for some reason no one's watching. Why? If this show gets canceled because of you Nielsen raters not watching, I'll have to find you all and abduct your television sets.

Tina Fey is a good way to get me to watch anything. And I do mean anything. I vowed never to watch a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it, but as soon as I found out Mean Girls had Fey at the helm and with an acting part? I didn't just rent the movie - I bought it. I have to admit that all around it's a very good slice of the high school movie genre, but I only bought it to be inspired by Tina Fey. I'm not sure if I've ever disclosed this information before, but my role model? Totally Tina. She's got the looks, the wit, the education and really, I'd be crazy to choose anyone other than Tina to look up to. (I've probably never said anything because wow does that make me sound stalkerish. I swear I'm not.) Anyway, if you've been following SNL lately, then you have no doubt seen her Palin impression. By itself it's hilarious because Palin really is insane, but Tina brings to it the walk, the talk, the facial expressions and hand gestures. She's got it down pat from the winking to the posing for the camera. Now, take that awesome acting ability and put it into a sitcom. Every week you get brilliant exchanges of dialogue that make you wonder about the genius of the writers. And the head writer of the show just happens to be Tina Fey.

The brilliancy of this show does not begin and end with Tina, however. We still haven't covered Alec Baldwin. I admit, I'd never really watched him in anything before. I mean, yes, I've seen Pearl Harbor. Correction: I slept through most of Pearl Harbor, and I've heard of a lot of things he's in, but I'd never watched any of them. Except for Beetlejuice. I effing love that movie. Anyway, in 30 Rock, he's a genius. For such a strong Democrat to play a stiff Republican? Well, if that's not acting, I don't know what is. And if you haven't seen the therapy session where Jack invoked the spirit of Redd Foxx, I suggest you run to Hulu.com RIGHT NOW and watch it. That clip alone should make you tune in tomorrow.

The supporting cast is nothing to poo-poo about either. Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan is great, and on a weekly basis makes me think: 'How much of this is based on Tracy Morgan's real life experiences?'. (I want to say...probably 56%) Jack McBrayer as the lovable, goofy, flighty, but probably smarter than you think Kenneth is equally hilarious and under-used which is something I sincerely hope changes soon. Who else could deliver the line: I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the Devil's temperature! with such conviction?

The bottom line with this show is that it's smart. It's not 'veg out in front of the t.v., get up 10 times to get something to eat, talk on the phone while I watch it' television. It's satirical, it's relevant, and it's hysterical. The story lines range from downright silly (Tracy making a porn video game) to touching (Liz running the gamut of emotions when she thinks she's pregnant), and in 30 minutes you might just learn a thing or two about real humor. Everyone tune in tomorrow. You won't be sorry.

Why Mad Men is the best show in the universe. (Spoilers for the finale.)

2008-10-28T14:17:00.001-05:00

First, before I really get into the meat of this, I want to say that yes, I did just post. Since I'm mostly writing for my own entertainment, I figure no one will be over-whelmed by the sudden burst of writing. And my last post was long, too. I guess I have a lot to say right now.

And I want to say something about Mad Men. If you've never seen this show, first off - why? Second, my thoughts are absolutely nothing compared to the Lipp Sister's site, Basket of Kisses. Oh my God you all, this website is the mecca of all things Mad Men. Why? For one, they actually got people to pay attention which I have obviously not grasped. And they have an interview with Matthew Weiner. Let me repeat that - MATTHEW. WEINER. And if you don't know that name, you probably aren't a fan of the show. Again I ask - why? So while I may occasionally gush about how amazing this show is, I grovel at the feet of Roberta and Deborah Lipp.

Now, onto why I love the show so much.

In an era of television shows where suspending reality is the key, here is a show that gives us real life problems, real life messes, and real life solutions. How refreshing is it to see that when a husband cheats, he can't say he's sorry and suddenly have things come up roses? A woman doesn't always keep the baby and expect the father of her illegitimate child to come running in to save the day. And the perfect man is a complete lie. All of us who watch T.V. know that when we turn on our sets, writers are asking us to please take off our logical thinking caps and set them aside. How many of us can watch an episode of Desperate Housewives or Brothers & Sisters and think 'wow, that is so much like real life - crazy!'? The answer is no one. But when it comes to Mad Men, we're allowed to keep our logic and actually depend on our brains to guide us through each episode.

I have to admit that when a co-worker first told me the premise of this show I wasn't really that excited to watch. I'd missed season one completely and in fact had never even heard of the show when she handed over her DVDs. The show had just been featured on the cover of EW, but I had no interest because I didn't recognize any of the actors. And the basic premise, a story about a 60's advertising agency set in Manhattan, well, that didn't exactly grab me. Until I watched the first episode and realized it is so much more than that.

The thing that gets me about this show is that it's not afraid to be messy. Don Draper is one of the most messed up characters on television. Here is a man who is struggling to forget his past, and is so desperate, he steals a dead man's identity. How likely is that to happen? Well, nowadays probably not at all, but for Don's time and situation it was easy. Easy to give up on his terrible life, his terrible family and the world as Dick Whitman knew it. Only, it's not as simple as that. Everything slowly begins to unravel eventually and the memories come back to haunt him. Even his brother tries to reconnect but that ends in guilt money and suicide. Welcome to a television show that reassures us that it's okay - life is complicated.

I'll argue my own views for just a second to say that Don may be messed up, but he's also one of the best characters on television. He's handsome, business savvy, and for the most part a good man. Who happens to cheat on his wife. A lot. Why do we forgive him this and sympathize with him as a protagonist? After all, a man who is unfaithful to his wife isn't usually celebrated. But instead of turning him into a monster, he's been shown as human. Affairs happen - it doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who made bad decisions. He loves his kids; he even loves his wife. Not all men who cheat do it out of hatred. Some men are just lost. Don Draper is one of those men.

If Don is a lost man, then Peggy Olson is a lost girl. This poor woman who was brought in as a naive secretary, and by season two's end has become Don Draper's protegee. Faced with having her lover's child, she didn't sit and wait around for him to leave his wife and run to her. She did what plenty of women have done: Had the child and gave it up, then pretended that nothing happened. I don't believe it was purely for selfish reasons, nor do I believe she was too crazy to take care of a child. In my opinion, the shock of having a child when she didn't even realize she was pregnant kept her in deep denial - if she doesn't acknowledge it, then it never happened. It's how she can take Don's advice and run with it, it's how she can face her priest and family. Even if they try to shame her, she never thinks on the idea long enough to feel guilty. Until the possible end of the world during the finale on Sunday. She finally confessed to Pete that she gave up his child, and by the end of the day, she was completely absolved to herself. She'll never have to worry about her secret again because it no longer matters. Everyone involved has been brought full circle. The question now is whether Pete will use the information to harass her. Certainly she has Don in her corner, but I can easily see it turning into something along the following lines:

Peggy: Pete, I need you to take care of this account right now please.

Pete: Hey, remember that time I told you I loved you and then you told me you gave my baby away? Do it yourself.

Can anyone else see this happening?

Originally I'd wanted to explain why this is the best show on t.v., and I know I've gone off on a really, really long tangent and bounced from topic to topic. Basically it boils down to this: It's a real show. It takes every day problems that have been relevant for decades and puts them into a time when the world was an uncertain place. It makes us feel for characters who perhaps shouldn't have our sympathy, it makes us rethink morals and ethics as we've previously defined them, and it gives us a glimpse back in time. And it does all of this with a sense of urgency. This show is what other shows wish they could be.

It's going to be a long, long winter without Mad Men.

Wow, has it been that long?

2008-10-28T12:52:00.000-05:00

When exactly did I get behind on this blog? Well, I believe it was during the writer's strike when I explained how I feel. I came back for a hot second and then poof, I was gone again. Not that there's anyone who actually reads this that might be upset by the occasional (really long) hiatus. But still, this was supposed to be my place at the very least to talk about T.V. and have dreams of being famous. (Oh, hush - like you never dreamt it.) I suppose I should fill in exactly what I've been doing.

Originally, this was the place to come for television reviews. But my loyalties have shifted just a bit. I started writing for TheTwoCents.com, where I currently recap Heroes. When Fringe comes back from it's 3 week break, I'll recap that show as well. When the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica begins, that will also land on my plate. Oh, and don't let me forget to mention that I'll also be recapping the final (sniff) installment of Galactica. That doesn't mean that my T.V. viewing is limited to just those shows. Oh no, I've found an over-whelming amount of television to watch all in the hopes that one day, all of those t.v. moments will help me win a special Jeopardy episode. (No mocking; last week they featured a Mad Men category and I totally knew every answer.)

Shows that I'm absolutely in love with include the aforementioned Mad Men, a reinvented Desperate Housewives, The Office, 30 Rock and Fringe. All of these are cannot miss shows for me. And then there are shows that I watch, but not dedicatedly (I'm making up words) like Grey's Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters, Pushing Daisies and House. I know, I know - you can go ahead and string me up now for not being an advocate of Pushing Daisies, but I just can't get into it like I was pre-strike. I want to, but I was busy watching Project Runway and now too much time has passed for me to genuinely care. I think it's a great show, I really do - and I'll be watching that great show on DVD when I can watch the episodes in order from beginning to eventual end.

Speaking of DVDs, I had a compulsion to organize all of mine, perhaps in the spirit of the fall T.V. season. I realize that I have enough to be considered a little too addicted to television, but not enough to say I collect. So I figure that I have two choices: Either start buying more television shows on DVD so that it actually looks like I have a great collection, or start giving them away. The latter will never happen. That means I must start buying DVDs. My collection is random as it is: One season of House, two seasons of The Office, the 'best of' DVDs of Friends. I bought seasons 1-5 of CSI, and won't buy anymore because the show reached it's pinnacle after the incident with Nick. I have all 9 season of The X-Files and a random season of Reno: 911!. I'd like to have a little more order. I would love to have the entire box set of Will & Grace, and I'd like to buy the current seasons of 30 Rock.

I guess I need to start begging for DVDs for my birthday and Christmas, because this is a very expensive hobby. But nothing is better on a lazy Sunday than to stay in pajamas all day and watch old episodes of The X-Files, back when it was at its height. I must also confess that I simply gave away my copy of Grey's Anatomy season 2. I was so disgusted with the show after the ferry boat stuff and the Meredith and George thing and all of the mess after that, that I just let someone have it. I mostly regret that decision now, and I will buy it back. But I'll probably never buy the seasons I missed and pick it back up with the current season. (Speaking of Grey's, Mary McDonnell is showing up on the show for sweeps. Thank the Gods, I missed seeing her on my T.V. screen every week.)

What else is there? I think this is long enough for now. If anyone reads this old thing, I'll be making more updates. Even if no one does, I'd like to have a record of my downward spiral into television addiction. Maybe one day when (not if) I'm writing screenplays, I'll be able to look back at this and laugh. Or cry. We'll see.

American Idol and Lost - spoilers ahoy!

2008-02-15T15:09:00.000-06:00

American Idol
The only thing that I really don't like about the process of picking the final 24 is that there are what, four that we've never even heard sing? We've just had glimpses of them. Those four would be Jason Castro, Luke Menard, Garrett Haley, and Jason Yeager. Will the fact that they got no screen time hurt them starting next week? Who knows; only Wednesday will tell. I want to trust Simon, Paula, and Randy, but who knows if those four can even really sing. And why are they all guys? I mean, why not have a few unknown women to even it out?

Anyway, with everyone that I've seen, the talent seems pretty decent. No one's had one of those performances where you just know who the top five are going to be. There are people who you know will be decent, but no one just shook me up with their singing. I'm willing to put my money though, on Amanda Overmyer and Asia'h Epperson. For guys I think I'd go with David Archuleta and the ~~gorgeous~~ hottie Aussie Michael Johns. ~~So hot.~~ That doesn't mean that I don't like other people. I like Kristy Lee Cook okay, but she sang Amazing Grace twice. It would have been nice to hear her branch out and not try to stay safe, and I'm actually surprised that Simon didn't say something about that. Unless I missed it. I also really like Carly Smithson. She's cute and cheeky, but I don't think she's finalist material. I do think she'll get far, just not all the way to the top.

I really, really like Ramiele Malubay and I think she'll probably be the one to shine about midway through. It could go either way with Kady Malloy, and I say that because I'm afraid she'll never sing like herself, which was something the judges had to keep asking her to do during her first audition. But then again, she could really find herself and break through as well.

Last year, with the Sanjaya mess and wishing week after week that he would just go home already, I've been trying to pick out who the possible 'Sanjaya' is of this competition. (Admit it, you're doing it too.)

At first I thought it was going to be the disaster that was Josiah. And I have to admit, I probably wouldn't have watched the season had he been let through. What was with him, anyway? Did his parents actually kick him out, or did he just leave to go live in his car? And if he did the latter, stop crying and go home, dude. You aren't British, and you aren't Madonna. Stop talking like that. I listen to a lot of British influences, but I don't talk like I'm trying to impress the Queen. ANYWAY, my prediction for Sanjaya is Danny. Danny Noriega. When I first saw him, I thought he was a teenage girl and he can sing okay, but Sanjaya didn't do badly at first either.

Notice there are some people that didn't even get a mention. Like the rocker chick who can only sing Janis Joplin - I don't think she can do anything else, let alone something soft.

What do you guys think? And do you have a top 12 list yet?

Lost
Alright. Now, LOST. During which I was mostly just that. Also, I forgot to DVR it so I can't go back and check myself fact wise, so feel free to point something out just in case I mess it up.

Anyone else totally think "Wow, it's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt didn't really love each other"? Poor Sayid; he just keeps falling for the blondes that are going to eventually end up dead. Although, what happened to the 'love of his life'? Did he just give up on her? I guess 100 days on an island makes you forget about all that other silly, trivial stuff from your days as a torturer. In the future, Sayid is working as an assassin for Ben. So, Ben got off the island? The final six can't include Ben, I refuse to believe that. So, my thinking now is that the Oceanic Six only include people who were actually on the plane when it crashed. Meaning other people (like Juliet and obviously Ben) do leave the island but aren't counted in the final tally because they're natives. Was Ben always a doctor though? Did I miss something? Since when did he become qualified enough to remove a bullet? I guess about the same time he became qualified enough to run an animal hospital?

I don't even really know what to say or where to go from here. I have a lot of questions that everyone else has already asked. Who is The Economist? It's the man that Sayid was supposed to kill, probably, but why? Is it Penny's father? Possibly?

And where is she, by the way? I had assumed she was close, but maybe not. Especially with the way it seems time moves different on the island versus off. Are we looking at some sort of time warp? An alternate universe? I'm so confused that I can't even get my thoughts down right, which is really bad for a television reviewer.

Okay, so, let's go to something different. How about Hurley tricking the other Losties? How heartbroken was I? Actually, I'd never really loved Hurley the way that everyone else did, and I was shocked - SHOCKED when he turned out to be working with Locke. Could this be why Hurley apologized to Jack in the flash forward?

So then, Sawyer takes Kate hostage and why didn't they just have sex right then and get it over with? I mean come on. And I like the idea of Kate and Sawyer but really, there are more important things. Like Sawyer's question of "Why do you want to get off this island so damn bad?" Why does she? Theoretically, shouldn't she be going to jail if she leaves the island? I did appreciate Sawyer putting his heart on the line, as much as he can do that, and now it looks like she's choosing him over Jack. Cue Jack's tears! Just kidding, he didn't cry at all, which actually shocked me.

We knew that Ben did a lot of traveling back and forth from the island to the real world, but how deep does that go? He had a drawer full of passports and foreign currency. Does he speak like, 10 different languages? What the hell does he do? I guess he could actually be running that Mittelos Biosciences place, but why wouldn't that be in one central location? Why would that require a drawer full of passports?

I need to do some research, specifically regarding the time and what those times could possibly mean. (I love research, it's sick.)

The last thing I want to mention is the bracelet Naomi was wearing and how it looked just like the one Elsa wore. And let's not forget the inscription.

There are a lot of other things I want to touch on, but unfortunately, my time here is cut short. Maybe if you guys have theories and questions, leave them here?

Who is R.C. by the way? Regina the freighter chick?

Until next time!

Hallelujah!

2008-02-12T22:38:00.001-06:00

The strike is over!

I'd like to say thank you to the writers for showing us that change can happen!

Let the reviews begin again!

I have a couple of things that I saved on my DVR specifically for updating this blog, so look for some thoughts on Razor and the latest LOST!

We're glad you're back, writers. You probably don't hear it enough, especially from the fans - but we the fans appreciate you!

Why I support the writer's strike

2007-11-12T20:21:00.000-06:00

Before I begin, I don't think I should actually have to justify myself. But being in Oklahoma and so far removed from each coast, I've gotten a lot of admonishment from family, friends, and co-workers who don't understand why this actually means something to me. People want a valid reason though, and I think I have one. So here you go. Flame me, support what I support, or be apathetic. It's not going to make me change my mind. If anything, I will only become more passionate for every adverse comment that's thrown my way.

I am far from getting the degree I need to say I could go to New York or L.A. to get work as a writer. My dream though, ever since I can remember, has been to write for a television show. Preferably a show like The Office (it's witty, smart, and I'd love to write for that cast.), but as I became more serious, I realized that any kind of script writing would be amazing, for any t.v. show that would make me proud to be in the business. And just so you know, I'm not so jaded that I think I'll be rich and famous. First comes the foot in the door, and I'm sure after many frustrating years you slowly start to see a payoff. I know it takes a long time for people to start saying things like "Oh, you can tell that (insert writer's name here) wrote this episode." But I wanted to be that person. I still do. I know that I'll probably go through hell and back, but writing is what I want to do. It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

When I do get my degree, I plan on writing locally for an Oklahoma magazine or newspaper, always with my goal in mind. Going to New York. Joining the guild and being one of those people who never sleeps and lives on Starbucks. Do I feel like I can still do that? I'm not even sure. Who would justifiably do something that they know they aren't getting rightfully compensated for? The truth is - writers do it every day. It's damn respectable. They deserve what they're asking for. We're talking about cents. Cents, and what every job should provide - good benefits for themselves and their family.

I can't imagine ever, ever doing anything else with my life career wise. I feel like the WGA is striking not just for themselves, but for future writers like myself. I want to know that I'm entering into a field that will be supportive, lucrative, and competitive. I want to know that if my children are sick, I'll be able to take them to the doctor. I want to know that the evolution of entertainment isn't going to be overshadowed with the knowledge that while networks make billions of dollars, they refuse to give up to 8 cents to the writers.

I support the strike. If I were in L.A. or New York, you would see me on the picket line. I have the posters up on the walls of my cubicle, I have a shirt, and I make sure every time I talk to someone at work, that they understand what they're reading on websites. There are people who scoff, there are people who say it's just writer's being greedy. But really, like someone else has already said: "Writers are like the water in plumbing. They make sure everything flows correctly, and without them, nothing goes anywhere."

I'm on strike

2007-11-11T14:54:00.000-06:00

It's been quiet around these parts lately. And that is because I whole heartedly, 100% support the strike. My dream has always been to write in Hollywood. That means that I would be part of the WGA. I need to know, that when I do eventually make it out there (because I will. I know I will.), that I can be successful and support myself. Author's get paid for every book that sells. Why should it be any different at all for the writers of television and movies? It shouldn't.

So, because this blog is about recaps of shows, and we're going into no more new television for a while, the next time you hear from me will be when the strike is over. I encourage everyone to know the facts, to understand what's happening, and to support the WGA.

Hereos recap - Spoilers

2007-10-17T00:01:00.001-05:00

We start in where we left off, only not exactly. HRG is still staring at the painting of himself, dead, while Claire macks on who we can only assume is West. As we stare at the opening shot, I can't help but think that the Bennet's are making some nice bank. I mean that house, nice cars, Claire's need for trendy Hollister clothing. Did HRG have a secret stash in the Caymans or something? Anyway, moving on. HRG wants to know about Claire and how she's adjusting, or if maybe she's met a boy. Claire comes downstairs and she starts getting the third degree from both of her parents. Which she needs, if that top is something we can all go by. Good lord, Hooters. Cover them bad boys up. I keep getting off on tangents. I mean, we're like 45 seconds in and look how long this already is. This is going to be a long night, I can already tell. You know that with all the pausing and typing this takes like, a hundred hours right? Okay, ANYWAY, HRG is clearly forbidding cheerleading from ever happening in her life again, even though he says he's not. He clearly wants to meet all the boys Claire plans on frenching. So she lies and says there is no boy. Smart.

Molly is having another one of her fucked up dreams. Matt runs in, and then Mohinder. They walk to the doorway and stage whisper, like she shouldn't be able to hear them from where they are. M&M are bickering like an old married couple. Mohinder starts singing some weird Indian song to Molly, and Matt watches, hating that he's not a better dad. Or something.

Nathan, with his full on beard, goes all 'To Catch a Predator' and talks to his kids outside of the gate to their school. He tells the boys to have their mother call Grandma Petrelli since she's in the hospital. The teacher comes up and bitches Nathan out; he promises to come home soon, and then he leaves, looking pretty dejected.

God. These damn Wonder Twins. Apparently the American that they escaped from jail with is from Jersey. Maya speaks English now. Hello, plot line device. They almost run over a man, who turns out to be Sylar, all cut up and gasping that he needs help. Oh good. Maybe he'll kill The Banditos. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Over in Louisiana, Micah's boy cousin is a DICK. He throws water on Micah's face and tells him to wake up, and talks in that pseudo gangster talk that my teenage brother is so fond of. Uhura tells him to watch his fucking mouth. "Nana, I need 65 dollars!" "That's funny, so do I." lol. Micah's girl cousin is decidedly a lot prettier, and nicer, and looks like a really young Janet Jackson. Like, really young. She wants to know if she looks like she's in charge. Micah says yes. She asks why she needs to look like someone who's in charge, and her brother responds, "Because someone died and left you that way?" lol. Actually, she's going for management at the place where she flips burgers. There are some mild references to Hurricane Katrina, while on the t.v. in the background, a woman slices a tomato into a rose. Which is brought up and shown in such a painful way, that you know it's going to be a plot device later. Boy cousin is pissed off that no one will pay 65 dollars for him to watch wrestling on pay per
view, and when no one is listening, Micah insists that he might have a way for them to watch the wrestling. You think?

In New York, Grandma Petrelli is confessing to killing George Takei from a hospital bed. She says the police have the fingerprints proving that she was on the Rooftop of Doom, and she killed him for sex and money. Matt tries to read her mind and is cock blocked. She psychically (or whatever) tells him to let it go, because if the police keep digging, they are going to find out about everything; all the super powers and such.

In high school, Claire is getting swayed by the cheerleaders to try out because she has guts or something. West comes up and they start walking and he gushes about how great it is that he can be himself around Claire. She tells him that she's not sure they should hang out. She likes him, but her parents are so over protective that it won't work. West wants to talk to HRG and prove he's a stand up guy, but Claire begs him not to make this all harder on her than it already is. West asks her out anyway and says that after that, she can call it all off if she wants. Claire proves that she's easy by agreeing.

Nathan gets to the hospital and is pissed off because his mother's getting questioned without a lawyer present. Matt assures Nathan that he knows Grandma Petrelli is innocent. He tells Nathan that he read her mind, and oh! Nathan has shaved off all the Survivor Man facial hair! Thank God. Anyway, Matt says that he's not shutting down the investigation because of Molly. Because she's so scared about whatever it is she sees and because she keeps drawing the symbol that marked George Takei and Grandma Petrelli for death. (Random note: What happened to Nathan's career in politics? I mean, obviously it went away because of the whole exploding thing, but did that career die with Linderman?) Nathan agrees to help Matt, but only if he can have five minutes alone with his mother. Matt agrees, and Nathan grills her, wanting to know why she would confess to a crime that she didn't commit. She calls him out on the day he told her she didn't deserve to live, and Nathan tries the old "BUT I WAS DRUNK!" argument. "Just because you shaved doesn't mean you're clean and sober." Ha. She wants him to join A.A. before he does anything for her. And she doesn't want to lose her only remaining son, so she just tells him to focus on family and getting clean and sober. The police arrest Grandma Petrelli, and wheel her out of the hospital.

I just accidentally fast forwarded through like, all of the Wonder Twins part. Oh well. We'll start from here because I'm pretty damn sure we didn't miss anything. Maya is showing Sylar the book by Papa Surish, and Sylar says that the two of them are friends, so he can take the twins right to Surish. He leaves out the fact that the old man is dead. Maya asks Sylar's name, and he responds with his real name; Gabriel. Maya gets all hopeful looking and says dreamily: "Like the Angel." Yeah. Like the ANGEL OF DEATH.

In New Orleans, Monica who is the girl cousin, is singing 'I Will Survive', and she's decently good, so I think that at some point this season she'll be going on American Idol or something. Anyway, she's cutting tomatoes and suddenly, the one she's cutting is in the form of a rose. She has no idea how she learned how to do it. Monica wants to make a management position because she needs to support her Grandma Uhura and get them the hell out of New Orleans. More Hurricane Katrina references are made before we cut to the manager wanting to talk to Monica. He says that she's just not management material because she isn't available to work anywhere in the state. She cries that she's the breadwinner of her house and that she needs more money, but the manager is a dick and tells her to be glad she even has a job in the city, because there are a lot of people who don't.

At the Bennet's house, Claire is spinning lies again so that she can go see West. She tells her family that she has to do research at the library ON libraries and how they are becoming obsolete for our generation because of the internet. Hot damn. Where was this girl when I was trying to come up with lies to sneak out of my house? She's good. Anyway, her dad glowers at her, trying to decide if he can trust her. He believes it, and asks her if she needs a ride, but she says she'll hoof it. Which really means she's going to meet West and he'll fly her somewhere. HRG follows after her, only he misses West taking off into the sky with Claire in his arms. Oh well. Let the lies continue!

At what I can only assume is Nathan's new apartment, or maybe his mother's, I don't know, he's looking for a group photo. He reveals that his parents were friends of George Takei, but that his father wasn't too fond of the man. Apparently, one night, Nathan witnessed his mother and George Takei hugging for just a liiiiittle too long. Matt decides to get personal, only Nathan shuts off when Matt starts asking about his kids. This makes Matt open up in an attempt to get Nathan to like him or something. "My wife cheated on me. Which I could have forgiven, only, she was pregnant with his baby." Ouch. Finally, Nathan finds the picture this whole scene was shot for. The picture shows (from left to right): Linderman, Mr. Petrelli, Grandma Petrelli, George Takei, King Midas, Charles Devoux, and Matt's dad. There are more people, but they aren't relevant right now. (No, Uhura is not in the picture.) Nathan astutely proclaims that 'It's like someone's picking them off, one by one'. Ya think? Four out of the five people we know of in that picture are dead.

We get flashbacks to footage from Hurricane Katrina via Monica. She's pissed off because she's basically been told that she'll be flipping burgers for the rest of her life. Her BFF tells her that she lost more than most in the storm (really? She seems to have more than most to me.) Monica says that she feels like she's different and the real her is waiting to come out. Just you wait.

West and Claire are sitting on top of the Hollywood sign and Claire goes into the story of how she used to jump off of that tower back in Texas to see how she could heal. I am sensing another really cheesy moment coming up. God. I'll try and get through it for you guys. West asks why her family ran away from Texas, and Claire says that she can't talk about it. West is creepily saying that they're alone, so she must want to trust him. He tells her to jump off the Hollywood sign. Really? Claire's only response to this is that when she splats it's 'not cute'. West says that he can't help her if she doesn't trust him. Help her with what, getting her bra off? Whatever. Claire goes to jump off the sign, and that weird ominous music plays while we stare at West for a second. He swoops down and catches Claire before she splats, and he says 'I know you can heal, Claire. But I never want to see you hurt'. Is this more creepy than sweet to anyone but me? They kiss while he's hovering in the air and it's sappy/gag worthy/creepy all at the same time.

Micah is trying to get the free pay per few by pretending like he's working on the cable wires while secretly using his powers. Of course, Micah unscrambles the channel, and boy cousin automatically thinks that Micah is A+. Monica comes home and can't stay mad at Micah for getting the pay per view when both she and Uhura said no. Monica sits down and is obviously bummed about her day. Her and Micah hug, and it seems like Micah is really bonding with her. He puts his hand on her back like he's trying to fix her, only he can't. It's a little sad. "I wish I could fix your dreams for you." Aww. Monica looks at the t.v. and watches the wrestlers for a minute. One of them swings around a rope and kicks another person, and we see the image replayed in Monica's eyeball.

Back at the house of M&M, Matt wants Molly to help find his father. Apparently, Matt's dad bailed when Matt was 13 and he never saw him again. His dad stole a lot of money from a lot of people, but now Matt needs to talk to him because he might be in danger, like, getting killed off danger. Matt shows Molly the group picture and points out his dad. (Go back to season one and start again if you didn't predict this next part.) Molly freaks out, her eyes reflect the Kensei/double helix/'S' symbol thing, and she starts screaming to get the picture away from her, and when prodded, she proclaims that Matt's dad is the Boogeyman. Who's name has now changed to Nightmare Man.

Nathan is looking through some old pictures of him and Peter, and then looks up in a mirror. He sees his nasty ugly burnt up, Two Face self in the mirror and gets so mad that he punches it out. End random scene.

West takes Claire home and she freaks about the time because her dad is going to kill her. West tells her to lie to her dad about something else that he was forbidding so that she can get out of the house consistently. Because you can only go to the library so many times a week. West is a bad influence if you ask me.

The Wonder Twins aren't dead yet, and the American sees a newspaper of them with the headline 'HOMICIDO'. The American freaks and tells Sylar who suggests that the police be called. Instead of distracting the twins while dumb American calls the police, Sylar kills him, jacks the car, and tells the twins that he knows the truth about them. Maya goes all black ooze crazy, and Alejandro has to get her to calm down, thus revealing their power. God, this story line is so stupid. I hate it. I hope that Sylar kills them soon, but it sounds more like he sympathizes with the killing people and not meaning to do it. Whatever.

Claire goes inside and tells her dad that there's no boy. Instead, she says that she forged his name on some cheerleading permission slips and now she's on the cheer team. She went out to celebrate her spot on the team. She makes this big speech about how much she needs something normal in her life, and HRG tells her that she can cheerlead as long as she doesn't date. The hell? Why does it matter if she cheers? I mean, I understand that she could break something, but for God's sake. It's cheerleading, not shop class where she could really fuck something up. Anyway, what is she going to do when football season starts and she doesn't have a uniform? And she's not cheering at the games when her parents go to see her? Way to think that one through. HRG goes outside and our old friend the Haitian is there. He says that they have to go to Odessa, Ukraine to get the rest of the paintings. More lies to come.

Molly is in bed, and Matt tells Mohinder that Molly has to find his father, because a lot of people are dying, and...whatever, sorry, I spaced out thinking about Claire's family and their web of lies. Anyway, Molly wakes up and says that she'll help Matt find his father.

Monica is at the burger place and she goes to lock the front door when a guy busts in to rob the place, wanting everything out of the register. Suddenly, while the guy is grabbing the cash, Monica jumps up, swings around, and kicks him in the chest, just like she saw on t.v. earlier. So let's recount. She sliced a tomato into a rose just like she saw on t.v. She kicked a guy through a plate glass window, just like she saw on t.v. Getting it yet?

Now, back to M&M's house, Molly is trying to find Matt's dad. She pinpoints him to Philly, then to an apartment building. She doesn't want to keep going, but she tracks him to the third floor. The Nightmare Man knows that she's coming, but she manages to get that he's in apartment number nine. She starts screaming for the Nightmare Man to leave her alone and she goes spastic before passing out. She's in shock, in a coma, or some shit, and she won't wake up. Matt reads her thoughts, and she's screaming: "Matt! Help me! Matt!"

Next week: Kristen Bell makes her return to t.v. Awesome.

So, your thoughts on this ep?

Heroes - Spoilers

2007-10-14T15:36:00.001-05:00

I still don't understand why Peter is in Ireland. I mean, he obviously knows that he has these powers, so why not just get the hell out of there? I guess then we wouldn't have a story line, would we? So, we start out with the Dublin Gang telling Peter exactly what he has to do to get his life back. And one very random black Irish dude clarifies for us that Football in Ireland means soccer just in case the audience is retarded. But I digress. The plan is to rob an armored car after the game, while it's stocked with cash. Peter of course reads one of the Dublin Gang's brains or whatever and finds out that he's planning on just taking the money for himself and killing everyone else. Of course, when Peter calls him out on it, he gets roughed up because when it comes to money, and robbing armored cars, no one ever gets greedy! This gang is a family! They would never betray each other! Seriously, the Irish need to watch more Quentin Tarintino movies, apparently.

This sentence almost started with 'I still don't understand', but then I realized that would be repetitive, so instead I'll just say 'why are the Wonder Twins still around?' I like them least of all, because she's always freaked out and crying and he just breaths really heavy and reverses whatever it is she has oozing out of her eyes. And they really don't look like twins. At all. Where in the world are they running from anyway if they're trying to get to the border? In a really brilliant move, Alejandro tries to steal a car in broad daylight. Come on, does that black ooze kill brain cells too? Ugh. Yeah, I really don't like them. Of course, he gets caught by the policia.

Finally, something I like! Nikki and Micah. It's been so painfully obvious throughout the whole hiatus that D.L. is dead, even though I loved him. That's what happens to all the characters I like. His headstone is really quite touching: 'Daniel Lawrence Hawkins: 1974-2007. Husband, Father, Hero. Awww.

Oh a beach! And a scantily clad woman with a drink. Why hello Sylar. Scantily clad woman informs Sylar that they're in Maui, but it's obvious from the way the stock shots are being filmed that it's all an elaborate ~~backdrop~~ set-up. Scantily clad woman is Michelle - who used to go by Candice. Whoops, there you go. She dragged Sylar out of Kirby Plaza (unnoticed? Really? Brown haired Candice dragging a 6 foot something bleeding man through New York didn't get noticed? Maybe she made him look like a stack of pizzas or something; I don't know.) Anyway, she tells him not to move or he'll rip his stitches, and when Sylar looks down, he sees no marks. The jig is up for Michelle. She lets the hallucination fade away, and of course Sylar tries to move, which Michelle just told him not to do because of the inscrutable pain. He screams, and Michelle smirks. It should also be noted that Sylar stared at Michelle's chest for the entire Maui scene.

P.S.: Before I continue I am seeing a commercial right now for E.R. What the hell happened to that show? Is it even about doctors anymore?

Enter Claire. She's reading Papa Surish's book, and her dad lets her know that it's okay to ask questions. She can talk to him and if there's anything she ever wants to ask him as long as they're at home, she can. Of course, she asks what would happen if someone ever found out about her, say, because she cut off her toe while someone was hovering outside her window. Mr. Bennet says it really wouldn't be good and that they'd have to go deeper into hiding. Claire looks really jazzed about this fact. Also, what teenager do you know that actually lays in bed and reads before school? It was always a mad dash to the door for me, five minutes before school was going to start. At school, Claire tells West that she was giving herself a pedicure, and he's all 'negative, you horrible liar'. He knows that she cut off her toe, and she counters that it's pretty creepy that he's watching her outside of her house. Touche. He keeps arguing that you cut off your freaking toe and it grew back!, but she's not having any
of that, so she stalks off to class. "Don't do your nails on the way!" Hah.

Over in Brooklyn, Matt wakes up from a dead sleep and stalks to the kitchen with a gun. He pulls it on Mohinder who sounded a lot like a burglar, and they have some blah blah conversation about how now he'll be home so that he can be with Molly, and that he's never leaving again. It's so very much 'My Two Dads', especially when Molly runs in and shrieks that now they can be a real family! Bring on the slash, folks. Because that is apparently, all this fandom is good at.

Ando is back in Japan, playing games on a computer before getting verbally ripped a new one for playing games on company time. He busts out Hiro's sword. (he's keeping it at the office for nostalgia's sake?) On the butt of the sword is a message that says 'Ando, open'. When he does, some tiny little scrolls pour out. And that's supposed to be our segue into a scene in feudal Japan. Just in case you haven't been watching, we get a recap up to Kensei getting shot with the arrows and healing via the scrolls Ando reads.

Kensei is really freaked out about healing, all the while Hiro is trying to tell him that this is how he's a hero, and how he saves Japan. Kenesi just thinks that he's been cursed by Hiro, and calls him a devil. What? Whatever. I hate this story line. Can we please just get Hiro back to New York?

In Ireland, Peter thinks that he's in the cast of Captain Planet, and can call on his powers. "Lightening! Sparks! Lightening!" A pretty hilarious scene, if you missed it. He's still shirtless, and I'm pretty sure he has been for a while now. The Irish Woman walks in and wants to know how his powers work, and really, so would Peter. Oh good, he put a shirt on. I'm tired of seeing male-nipples. There's an exchange about how Irish Woman is really excited about seeing what's inside Peter's box, and that he can trust her because 'a girl's gotta have her secrets'. Whatever.

One half of the Wonder Twins is in jail, and God, why are they still on this show? Does anyone like them? There's this random American dude in the jail cell next to Alejandro and he unfunnily says 'Dude. You look like ass.' The hell?

In Biology class, West tries to get the one up on Claire by talking about regeneration and whether or not a half human/half lizard person could grow back parts. Claire looks on in horror as West calls her a Lizard Girl with a Lizard body, and Claire runs out of the room.

Ando keeps reading the sacred scrolls sent by Hiro who has fallen in love with the Princess. However, sadly, history already says that the Princess loves Kensei. Oh well Hiro, you just can't win. As he walks with her, he has a very Chuck Norris quote about danger. "Kensei does not run away from danger, he runs towards it and punches it in the face!" The princess has no idea what Hiro is talking about. Kensei is off in the woods cutting himself over and over again, like something is going to change. Hiro tries to explain about heroes and powers. He blinks himself and reappears behind Kensei, who doesn't understand how that's all possible. Hiro says that some people think it's a gift from God, and some people think it's evolution. Kensei has no idea what the hell evolution is, and Hiro says it means he can 'heal from any wound'. Spot on, Hiro. Knowing that, Kensei just gets excited because having a power like that will make him 'richer than the Pope!'. The Pope gets paid? By who, Jesus? Hiro is pissed off because Kensei won't go fight his battles, so Hiro blinks him to one, forcing him to fight and leaving him there alone.

Claire is crying outside of the school and West finds her. She gets all up in his face asking him what he wants from her. He wants her to say she's different, and she launches into her very familiar speech about how she just wants to be herself and how she hates having to hide who she really is, not able to fit in because people would know she cuts off her fingers and toes. (Seriously, how would anyone find out about what she can do? What does popularity even have to do with it? It's not like she's running around with a pair of scissors screaming 'LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!'). West shuts her up by taking off like he's Clark Kent or something and zooming with her in the air high over the sky. Okay, this is the lamest thing this show has ever done. Fast forward.

Back in Ireland, the robbery is about to go down of the armored car. Peter distracts the people driving the truck so that the Dublin Gang can tie them up. Peter doesn't like the way this is going, so he blocks the guard when they set off their alarms by throwing the armored car in front of the building, blocking the guard's gunshots. Peter then runs away and drives off with Irish Woman who is in shock over Peter's amazing abilities.

So, over in Issac Mendez's old studio, that guy who can turn things into gold (let's call him Midas) is explaining to Mohinder that The Company just made the loft his new laboratory. And basically that he has to work there so that he can be watched every minute of every day.

In Japan, the princess is doubting Kensei, and Hiro runs to his defense saying that Kensei is the greatest man alive. The Princess picks up on how when she's with Kensei, sometimes he's gentle and sweet, and other times he's a brute. Ha. Kensei appears just then, having won his battle, and he got a scroll that he needed to complete his mission. Hiro looks on sadly as The Princess kisses all over Kensei.

Nikki and Micah are now in New Orleans, and Nikki is apparently depending on other people to watch her kid yet again so that she can run off and figure out how to help herself. Micha's mad, like he always is, because he has a horrible mother. I thought that was resolved? I thought she knew how to work with Jessica? God, can we not have anything new happen to her story line? Anyway, She drops Micah off at his great-aunt's house and leaves. Ominous music plays as his great aunt says 'Welcome' and you just know that she's probably one of the elders.

The Wonder Twins story line again. Anyone care about them yet? Maya is trying to bust Alejandro out of jail, she goes all sickly and kills the people, Alejandro and Maya escape with the lame American who just happens to have a Nissan Car of the Season stashed out back.

So in Ireland, Peter's mind reading skill was correct and one of the Dublin Gang is all about getting the money and shooting some people for it. Peter gets two bullets in his chest, but they pop out and he heals up, and then he goes ape shit and throws the guy against the wall, then chokes him Sylar style. You can tell the power is getting to him and he really wants to kill the dude. But then he makes mooney eyes at his Irish lass and lets the dude go. It's all pretty intense.

Back in Japan, Hiro decides to go home, but then he doesn't because he's still in love with the Princess. Yawn. The only thing that I wonder during these scenes is how Masi Oka is so awesome at his 'I never spoke English until a year ago' accent.

Sylar is trying really hard to use his powers, but they aren't working. Michelle makes him breakfast and he gets all indignant. Michelle is a snarky person and I have no idea why she would think that she's safe here alone with a freaking serial killer. She's a stupid, stupid woman. Of course, Sylar kills her, and we find out what she really looked like. She was a fatty middle aged woman. And it doesn't help Sylar, because he still can't use any powers. Including hers. How did he get her brain if he couldn't cut her open with his powers? Her head didn't look all ripped to shreds. And what exactly does he do? Eat the brains? I still don't know. Also, it looks like Sylar ended up on the set of LOST at the end of this scene.

Peter is getting the Irish Gang's tattoo because having bad ass powers gets you in. He's adopted like a brother and given his box full of secrets, but he can't open it because what if he was a really evil person before? He leans in for a kiss with Irish Woman, and the tattoo changes into the 'S', double helix, sign of Kensei, (WHATEVER IT IS) symbol before fading away.

Another cheesy moment with Claire and West and they make out on a beach after they argue about whose power is cooler. Whatever. We learn that West has the hash marks on his neck, and 'some guy in horned rimmed glasses' ambushed him a couple years ago. LOL CLAIRE.

Mohinder is getting tired of being babysat by Midas, the fat man with the golden touch, so he calls HRG and sends him a picture of one of the paintings still in the loft. Uh oh, it's of HRG himself, dead, with Claire looking on or making out with someone. I can't tell. And who but Claire pops out of the shadows at the Bennet home, watching her dad in that creepy, Bennet style.

We find out that Nikki has been talking with Midas. She wants to be cured. Even though last season it seemed like she was pretty in control of herself by the season finale. I don't get it. Of course The Company is all about making a deal with her because they'll want something in return. Same. Storyline. As last. Season.

Your thoughts?

Prison Break - Obvious Spoilers

2007-10-14T13:29:00.000-05:00

Well. What Sara's death tells me is that the writers knew long ago that she wasn't coming back. By the time the season starts, the filming is already done for at least the first five or six episodes. So either they were going to kill her anyway and she beat the writers at their own game, or she's not really dead.

Things just keep getting more and more complicated for Bellick, don't they? I mean, I get that he's scum but it's getting to the point where I don't even want to see him on screen anymore. This week, the electricity went out thanks to Michael and his plan to fix it, cunningly to win Lecharo's trust. Bellick knew it was a play, so he tried to rat out Michael to Lecharo by saying that Michael had buried something outside in the fuse box. Turns out he was wrong, and Lecharo rewarded him by pouring scalding coffee down his back. Excellent.

Mahone went off the deep end, and is now, apparently, a heroin user. Plagued by visions of Haywire, he's convinced (and not at all wrong) that Michael is playing him for a fool; trying to make him think that there's a spot open for him when they finally break out. He comes at Michael in his cell with a homemade shank, threatening to kill if he so much as hallucinates that he's getting left behind.

Linc knows that Sara is dead, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to tell Michael. I don't know if he's afraid that Michael would give up and then LJ would be killed or what, but man. What a secret to try and keep. Until the end when he blurted it out in front of Sucre and Whistler's girlfriend. Which apparently made Sucre's heart soft, because he's volunteered to be the grave digger at Sona. It's all a part of the plot to get Michael and Whistler out of jail: The chemical sprayed on dead bodies to keep the stench from being over-whelming, also eats through steel when it's heated up. (ie: the electric prison fence.)

Other random notes include Susan B. Anthony trying to tell Linc that she 'knows how he feels'. Really? How many times have you opened up a box only to find the severed head of your brother's girlfriend inside? I'm sure you know exactly what that's like, Sue.

That really was all that happened. This show could be thirty minutes, seriously. Also, why are all the men so freaking sweaty in Panama, and the women never ever break a sweat? I mean, I know that the prisoners are probably sweaty, but Linc and Sucre? They're always dripping wet with sweat as if they've been running for miles, and then there's Whistler's girlfriend and Susan B. Anthony, looking fresh and clean. I don't get it.

The Office

2007-09-27T21:26:00.001-05:00

We open on Michael. Eating the cereal that Jan made. Well, she bought the milk. He's convinced that this is going to be a very good year as he recaps that Ryan is in corporate while he drives, and then he runs over Meredith in the parking lot. Oh God. The look on his face is one of pure shock as we go to the opening credits.

The IT guy is sitting and working on Pam's computer. Apparently, Pam was trying to download a celebrity sex tape and it crashed her computer. Jim broke up with Karen, her desk is clear, and she's gone. He says that now he is single.

Pam talked Jim through his breakup, and they did go to dinner a few times. Kevin is convinced that Jim and Pam are sleeping together, but Oscar isn't so sure. To quote Kevin: "Are you KIDDING ME?"

Michael has bad news. He walks in and tells everyone that Meredith was hit by a car. He took her to the hospital, says that the doctors did everything they could. But she's going to be okay. She has a slight pelvical injury. And everyone praises Michael as a hero until he admits that he's the one that hit her.

Jim says that one day Michael came in to work talking about a speed bump he hit on the highway. "I wonder who he hit?"

Dwight says, "At least it was only Meredith. Uh oh, is this downsizing?"

Kevin is adament on making Pam say she's sleeping with Jim.

Angela's cat Sprinkles is sick. There's bad blood between her cats and she can't leave them alone. Plus she has to give Sprinkles is fifty thousand medicines, and that's why she can't go see Meredith in the hospital when Pam suggests the whole office goes. But finally she says okay, because as party planner, she has to do something.

Michael is going to annoy Ryan until Ryan kills someone. He needs a treat for the office workers, something to win their hearts back since he ran Meredith over. He wants to make things better. Ryan starts flipping out because of the accident happening on company property. "It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We're fine." Ryan doesn't seem to think that Michael knows the meaning of 'jeopardy'.

Ummm Ryan, with your scruff. I love it.

Anyway, Angela (Monkey) asks Dwight to give her cat its medicine. Angela laments that she has to go see 'the drunk' at the hospital. Dwight wants Angela to make sure Meredith isn't faking her injuries. Because if he got hit by a car, he wouldn't break his pelvis.

Michael has an announcement and he wants to plant a tree. However, everyone else is going to the hospital to see Meredith. No one wants to plant Michael's 'Freedom tree'. No one wants to drive with Michael either, because he ran over Meredith. Michael says that he has flaws. Sometimes he spends too much time volunteering. He sings in the shower. He hits people with his car. So sue him. No, don't sue him. That's the opposite of what he wants you to do.

Commercial.

Everyone is at the hospital, Michael holding balloons. But he hates hospitals because in his mind, they are associated with sickness. Meredith starts to wake up. Michael really wants her to be in a coma for some reason. She opens her eyes and sits up, saying it's weird that everyone from the office is there at the same time. Michael is trying to wrap the balloons around her wrist and rips out her IV. Kevin claps when the nurse puts it back in.

Creed wants to know what prescription drugs she's on for pain, and he starts listing off a plethora of them, but Meredith has no idea what she's on. Michael thinks it would be fun if she forgave him in front of everyone, and apparently forgiveness is next to godliness, according to the Bible. He doesn't understand why she won't forgive him.

Dwight is talking to Angela. He's come back from taking care of her cat Sprinkles, and it's dead. Angela starts crying and Dwight says, "She looked really dead. Like a dead cat. She's in a better place. Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer. Because of the odor."

Michael thinks that Angela is crying because of Meredith, but when he finds out it's about her cat, he starts to get upset and teary eyed. "How could this day get any worse? The computer crashes because of the porn, then Meredith, then Sprinkles. This office is cursed." He says he's not superstitious, but he's 'a little stitious'.

Commercial

Michael is questioning everyone. "Did anyone do anything on Indian burial grounds? Toby? Have anything to tell us?" No, Toby did not dig up Indian bodies. In fact he's had good luck lately. Angela is still so distraught over Sprinkles. Dwight reminds her that Sprinkles was just a cat. He did not provide wool or milk or meat. So it was useless. Michael wants to talk about religious belief. Because Satan is a master of lies.

Stanley is Catholic. Daryl and Pam are Presbyterians. Creed says "I've been involved in a number of cults. Both as a leader and a follower. Had more fun as a follower, but I made money as a leader." Somehow the IT guy got involved, and he restores cars on the side.

Dwight goes to see Mere at the hospital, and he believes that he should put her out of her misery. Meredith tells him he better not pull any plugs. Dwight says that Meredith's chart should be listing her hysterectomy, and the intern says "So THAT'S where her uterus went!" He's no Zach Braff.

Michael is upset because he didn't even really hit one of the most popular people, yet everyone is mad at him. God is dead. Kelly says if there was a god, she and Ryan would be married. Michael wants to make an animal sacrifice and Jim looks at the camera in complete shock and awe. Michael wants to kill something with the body of a walrus and the head of a sea lion. Or, just the head of a monkey with antlers of a reindeer with a body of porcupine. Jim and Pam volunteer to research that animal.

Dwight says that the doctors are going to start giving Meredith treatment because of the bat that bit her in the office a while back. Michael says that he knows everyone is upset, but Dwight before hand, exposed her to rabies which is ten times worse than getting hit by a car. Curse is broken because if Meredith hadn't been hit by his car, she would have died from rabies. There is now a God again. "Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?"

Kevin is really upset that Pam leaves alone at the end of the day and not with Jim. He thought that they would be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beesley and Jim. "WHAT A WASTE!"

Pam doesn't think it's anyones business if she's dating anyone. And she says it's no ones business if she falls in love. She certainly wouldn't tell a camera crew. And then Jim gets into her car.

And.

They.

KISS.

COMMERCIAL

Pam answers the phone and she's supposed to say something like "Michael Scott's Rabies awareness Race for the Cure something something something", people hang up on Pam. The whole office is supposed to find sponsors for a Race for the Cure for Rabies. Jan pledged 500 dollars of Michael's money. Phyllis is making a rabies quilt. Kevin refuses to run and Michael says it's because he's probably afraid for others to see his fat legs in running shorts. And then he goes on to say that fat people are good because they are a sign of wealth and money.

Andy is petrified of nipple chaffing. Andy being shirtless is the most horrible thing ever. He tapes his nipples down so they don't chaff, and now it looks like he has headlights.

Angela has a picture montage of her cat, and she's mad at Dwight because she's convinced that he killed her cat after she asked him to feed it.

Pam makes mooney eyes at Jim. Then Angela asks Pam for advice on relationship problems. She has a crazy thought that she knows is crazy, that maybe Dwight killed her cat. After Dwight put Sprinkles in the freezer, she was apparently still alive, and had clawed at frozen bags of french fries.

The camera crew reveals that they have footage of Jim and Pam kissing. They both deny that it was a real kiss, even though it seems like a real kiss. They say the camera crew could have edited it, and then Pam admits that they're dating because it's too hard to lie. So now, the camera crew knows.

Angela hits Dwight. He denies killing her cat and says that she'll feel better after she runs. Running helps with depression. She says she's not depressed, she's grieving.

Michael wants to get a giant check for the race for rabies, but it costs 200 dollars to make a giant check. Which is 25% of their funds. Dwight thought they were trying to make bat birth control. Michael wanted to hand the check to a rabies doctor, but there are no such things. Dwight says that they should just use all their money to set up a college fund for Meredith's son. However Michael says: "Have you seen that kid? He's not going to college."

Pam knocks on Michael's office door saying 5k means five kilometers, not five thousand miles. He says come in, and when she opens the door, he's tugging on pants. And his peen is out. Pam rushes out, shrieking: "You said come in!"

Commercial

Pam says that the image of Michael's dangling participle is burned into her eyes. Pam wants to know how many hours Michael spends naked in his office. She also says that she didn't see where his bits started, but she saw where they ended.

Pam: "They say if you are nervous, you should picture people naked. I do not recommend this strategy."

Jim is taking off his shirt, then looks into the camera and says: "I'm sorry, if this a working office, and not a nude beach?"

Creed is apparently 82 years old.

Michael still hates Toby.

Jan is threatening Pam about seeing Michael's naughty parts.

The race for the rabies cure is about to start. The face of rabies, is apparently Meredith.

Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans die every year from rabies. It is the foaming barking killer. And squirrels are happy because they are insane.

A giant check for $340 dollars is made out to: 'Science' and has been given over to a prostitute in a nurse's outfit.

The race begins and Dwight fires a real revolver into the air. Everyone takes off running, except for Daryl who starts chatting up the prostitute. Stanley takes a taxi somewhere else. Jim and Pam are in last place, but they hold hands and walk. Jan is the water lady, but Michael won't drink the water. Kevin is surprisingly spry. Andy's nipples are starting to chaff. Stanley, Creed, and Oscar are drinking beers somewhere. Dwight put Immodium in Toby's coffee before the race. He thought he was putting in Exlax.

Ryan is trying to call Scranton, and is annoyed because no one is there.

Michael is about to hurl because of the pasta he ate with Alfredo sauce.

Dwight tells Angela that he loves how cute she looks when she's running. And he admits that he really did kill the cat. Angela is rightly upset. Dwight just thought he was helping because he, as a farmer, just did what city folk can't do by putting the cat out of it's misery. He will have the cat taxidermied, or buried in the east field next to mother. Angela runs away crying.

Commercial

Jim and Pam go to a garage sale, where Jim carries the loot. Toby wins the race, but he's way ahead of everyone. Kelly is at the finish line 5k from the office. Kelly is just texting on her phone.

Michael can't finish the race. He can't beat rabies. It's been around for 1,000 years and he was stupid to think that he could. He sits down and Jim tells Michael to drink water because he's probably dehydrated, but Michael refuses because there are people in the world worse off than him. And he's upset because there are so many people that he can't help. Pam still had a good day though. And she tells Michael that he doesn't have rabies, and that he should feel better about himself because there are other better people in the world to help. She says that she knows him now because she's seen him naked. "You don't know me, Pam. You've just seen my penis." Michael gets up. He says that he owes it to Meredith to finish this "G.D. 5k."

After, he says that finishing the 5k is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He ate more pasta and drank less water than he ever has in his life. Pam and Jim give him the lamp they bought at a garage sale as a trophy. He pukes and says that although he puked his guts out, he's never puked his heart out. And he's never been more proud.

Michael is in the hospital now for dehydration. Meredith goes to see him. And she wants to say that she heard he was trying really hard, so she's not mad at him anymore. And Michael says that he's not mad at her anymore. Awkward silence. Then they share a red sucker.

Next week: Who knows? NBC sucks with their teasers.

Bionic Woman Recap

2007-09-26T22:42:00.001-05:00

There are probably going to be a whole lot of BSG references, so don't be surprised. Thanks.

We open on Katee Sackhoff being bat shit crazy in a reverse Leoben. She wants to be told she's loved. So maybe she's like Six now.

Sorry. Couldn't resist it.

Three years later in a bar, we're out of Stoli! A person I can only imagine is Soon to be Bionic Woman herself heads home and finds her kid sister passed out on a couch. She covers her with a blanket, then heads to bed. She wakes up at 8:42 in the morning to some blaring music, and I swear to God, if someone ever did that to me I would punch them in the fucking face. So, Soon to be Bionic Woman storms in and says she's not allowed to be near a computer with internet due to court order. But there is so obviously a computer in the room - er - outside the window.

Bionic Woman drives her sister to school and the two bitch and moan at each other forever. Apparently little sister was dropped off on Bionic Woman's doorstep by her dad a while back. And little sister is totally bitter about it. But who can blame him? Little sister has done nothing but act like a dick.

At some school. A guy is lecturing on body parts and how to alter them. But is there a thresh hold, and is it ever okay to never stop? The guy lecturing is nmaed Will, apparently. And he's dating Bionic Woman because she's 'different'. Yeah right. Heard that one before. She's fucking hot dude, it's okay. Just admit it. She's with him because he's not entirely uncharming. Whatever that means.

Cut to that night. Little sister has to have a babysitter. Ha. She's being left with some women who I'm almost positive are lesbians while Bionic Woman goes on a date with Will.

During dinner, they talk about grants and Paris in spring, but Bionic Woman is not happy. Will wants her to go to Paris, but she's being all noble with her responsibilities and thinking about other people instead of herself. They've only been dating for 5 months and 15 days, but Will wants to get married. She reveals that she's pregnant. They start driving home and Will starts talking about baby names. And wreck! Moment of doom! They do a couple of fucking sick rolls in their death car, and then Starbuck emerges from the semi truck that hit them and stalks forward.

Commercial.

Soon to be Bionic Woman is being heli-flighted to a hospital. How the hell Will isn't in a body cast is beyond me. But I digress. Where did Starbuck go? And this isn't even a hospital. It's a research facility in the middle of Bumfuck, wherever the hell this show takes place. Her right arm is shredded and her legs have to be amputated. I think Will wanted this to happen just so that he could experiment on her, but whatever. Hey it's people whose faces I recognize from other shows, but don't care enough to know their names. Soon to be Bionic Woman is freaking out because she apparently saw Starbuck's face.

Cut to Starbuck. She's talking about sinning and forgiveness. And she wants to go to Disneyland. Which is full of fat people and fat children. Okay, so she's more like Six now. Weird and creepy and a robot. Again with the tell me you love me. And now with the shoving against the wall and kissing. This is definitely a David Eick show.

Soon to be Bionic Woman wakes up and finds out that she'll be able to get pregnant again. But now she's having a freak out about not being able to feel her legs and her arm. But Will has replaced her with robot parts on her face for her eye, her ear, her legs, and one of her arms. She really flips the fuck out and pushes him across a room. People run in and inject her with sleepy time juice. When the Now Bionic Woman wakes up, she immediately searches for her legs and finds them attatched, with no weird shit running through them like before, which is what made her flip out. Will comes in though and tells her that she now has super strength. Bionic Woman wants to know why the hell this was done to her. But Will patiently tells her that she was going to die and there was no other choice.

Commercial.

Cut to a guy on the water in a boat going to talk to some Commando woman who's in charge of something at the research facility. They are talking about Bionic Woman and how she's a good candidate for a project. She's got loyalty, and good brains, and she's trainable by this guy named Jay. Meeting adjourned. Apparently people want to kill Bionic Woman because she could kill a few people now. But Will is all menacing. That better not happen, he says.

Bionic Woman isn't about to let anyone try to rehabilitate her. She pulls her wires out of her arm and walks to a one way mirror. Looking into it, and knowing at least one person is watching her, she says 'Boo'. The man watching says, 'Bitch, it ain't Halloween!' No, that didn't really happen.

Commando Woman has a name. It's apparently Ruth. She comes in, and wants to talk to Bionic Woman. She starts a truth or dare game and tells Bionic Woman her sister and friends think she's in Vail. And if Bionic Woman doesn't get with the program, she'll be put down like a rabid dog. Nice!

Will is talking to some bald guy and he says that Bionic Woman is a civilian, and she shouldn't be doing combat. But this bald dude really wants her to be online and ready to fight.

Ruth tells Asian Guy that Bionic Woman likes to draw. And she drew Starbuck/Six. Apparently Starbuck/Six was supposed to be dead and she's not.

Sirens start going off! Bionic Woman has escaped! Will took her, and says that he's the only one she can trust. Of course. So, she hauls off, but there's already a helicopter looking for her. She starts using her super speed and it's totally awesome. She looks like what I would imagine I would be like on steroids and a Red Bull IV drip. Will is in a lot of trouble now. But Ruth thinks that it's a good idea to let Bionic Woman go. Give her freedom, or the illusion of it, and they'll gain Bionic Woman's loyalty. Asian guy feels this is a mistake.

Commercial.

Bionic Woman makes it back home and Will calls. He needs to talk to her, but she doesn't answer. Instead, she takes a shower and cries. She then looks at herself naked in a mirror, but she really can't notice anything different. So, she goes to a rooftop and flings herself across it. She almost sticks the landing, but has to pull herself up. Maybe she should find Nathan Petrelli and join the Heroes gang. I mean, sure she's Bionic and all, but no one else has to know that.

Anyway, Bionic Woman finds her little sister who knows the skiing in Vail story is a goddamn lie. So she storms off.

Crazy Starbuck goes into the same room she demanded to be loved in, only to find it empty. There's a note on the wall that says 'You failed me'.

Hey, it's Chief Tyrol from Battlestar Galactica! Amazing, I never would have been able to tell that David Eick worked on this show! Anyway, Chief is in a bar and then he leaves. He's pissed about something. He's being threatened now, and then he's given a cell phone. Someone is crying on the other end. We cut to a super max prison. Asian guy is there talking to HOLY SHIT, LAMPKIN FROM BSG! So, this is how the cast is going to ensure a paycheck after BSG goes off the air. They'll just all go to a new show. I nominate Edward James Olmos as the cranky yet soft Chief of Police and Mary McDonnell as the President of something. Anyway, apparently Asian Guy is pissed because Sarah Corvis (So that's what Starbuck's new name is.) is still alive when Lampkin should have killed her. Lampkin is Will's dad.

Cut to the bar Bionic Woman works at. And now crazy ass Sarah is at the bar, chatting up Bionic Woman. Bionic Woman gives Sarah a beer on the house. She has some kind of freak out and starts hearing and seeing shit, and Sarah is loving it. Bionic runs to the bathroom and pukes, and Sarah follows her in, saying she wants to help. She holds back BW's hair and tells her it gets like that when the ear and eye implants go online for the first time. So, Bionic Woman gets all defensive with the 'who the hell are you', and then Sarah just disappears. She's in the crowd and whispers: "Tell everyone Sarah Corvis (?) says hello." Then she leaves for real.

Cut to an alley. A guy tires to get up on Bionic Woman. He has a knife, and she immediately kicks his fucking ass and he starts begging for his life.

Commercial.

Bionic Woman then goes to see Will. Microscopic chips have been embedded in her cerebral cortex. Apparently, they made her into a solider, and with the proper training, she can control her killer impulses. Will pulls that shit about how he couldn't bear to lose her, blah blah blah, and it's obviously a fucking lie, but she'll have sex with him anyway, because that's what David Eick does best in his shows. Cut to later because this is too hot for NBC, Bionic Woman is going to leave. She wants to know what Will really does, but he says it's complicated. Then he talks about how the world is more advanced than everyone really thinks it is. Bionic Woman wants to know where the line is drawn. Then she says Sarah's name and he freaks out. And Sarah is suddenly shooting from across the street and far away, and she shoots right through Will's chest. Asian guy runs up with a gun and sees Will, but instead of calling 911, he calls everyone else. Sarah gets him in her sights and can't kill him.

Bionic Woman starts running and leaping buildings and shit. She's ready to kill someone for going after her man. Seriously, shes gonna fuck Starbuck up. I mean Sarah. Only Sarah is ready for her. And she stops to light a cigarette first, which is the most awesome fucking thing ever. And without being melodramatic, she says that she's the original bionic woman. Ta da. And she's hardcore, all fucking robot, no human. She puts the cigarette out. Time to fight. Sarah realizes that Bionic Woman only has one fucking bionic arm, and she advises something be done about that. This is the most awesome fight I have ever seen. Seriously. You need to see it. It's so awesome, I can't even recap it right. Just imagine the best Power Rangers fight scene you ever saw if that had been a really, really good show created by J.J. Abrams or something. Sarah Corvis says that Bionic Woman didn't do bad at all in the fight before she leaps off a building and jumps away.

Will's boss (who was from Crossing Jordan, I realize) comes to the scene where it's suddenly daylight and the ambulance is just now leaving to take Will to the hospital. Will's boss talks to Bionic Woman and says that he's kind of like her landlord since she has 50 million dollars worth of his technology inside of her. He starts to walk away, and Bionic Woman says that whatever they're about to do, they better be doing it on her terms or she'll kill a lot of fucking people. And then she says 'By the way, Sarah Corvis says hello' before stalking away.

Bionic Woman heads home and gets all nostalgic with her sleeping sister, which is about the only time I can stand that little bitch.

Cut to Senora Pass, California. Will's dad just got busted from jail or something, and now he's hiking through snow. And there's a slo-mo shot. We go back to Bionic Woman. And then fade out.

Next week: Bionic Woman learns more about herself, and she wants to save the world. Man, there are a lot of people trying to do that. You'd think between all of the shows, someone would do it.

Heroes - Spoilers ahead!

2007-09-24T23:10:00.001-05:00

We start with Mohinder talking. And it's a nice recap of last season with flashes of new stuff and new characters. Okay, Mohinder. Enough. Be quiet. Thanks.

Four Months Later.

Mohinder is lecturing in Egypt. He's talking about the disease that effected his sister and Molly Walker. Some guy in glasses comes in and starts to listen. Mohinder wants a cure and tells people to pick up on the cause. There is polite applause from the roughly 10 people listening. The white guy in glasses wants an autograph and Mohinder goes bat shit crazy instantly and throws him against a wall. Guy in glasses says he just wants to offer him a job, and Mohinder says no thanks because he's been down that road, and it almost got him killed more than a few times by crazy as fuck people. Guy in Glasses says the whole world thinks Mohinder is crazy. Apparently, the world still needs saving, and they are going to chat it up over drinks.

Somewhere south of the border. Maya and Alejandro, a couple of brother and sister banditos are on the run and over a fence. They speak Spanish. More subtitles in our future? They hide in a room. Yep. Subtitles. I think they are saying 'Oh God I am so tired of running. Let's just go to bed.' But apparently if they don't keep running they will die, so they need to keep running all the way to America for answers they need, and besides, Alejandro promised mom that he wouldn't let anything happen to his sister.

California. Claire is walking out of a school with her dad. Fun. 11th grade is shark infested, apparently. HRG (always and forever!) says he does not want Claire to dress like a slut, but she'll still fit in. Her name is Claire Butler now - HELLO, YOUR FIRST NAME NEEDS TO CHANGE TOO, GENIUSES. HRG tells Claire to forget about even thinking about cheerleading,and Claire is saying 'don't drive me to school dad, it's nerdy and I want to make out with a boy this year since I totally got gyped last season. So you can start with giving me a car'. HRG gives her a key to a car and Claire is all excited. And then he looks creepy as he says that he's sorry for everything he's ever put her through and that he loves her. Claire goes back to hug him, because apparently all the shit he put her through last season is now null and void. Claire almost gets hit by a car and how hilarious would it have been if on the first day, she had to heal herself in front of the whole school?

Japan. We see Hiro in a little recap of what happened at the end of last season. Oh Hiro. you are so cute, and I just want to put you in my pocket forever for safe keeping. Japanese is spoken. I'm pretty sure Hiro says 'son of a bitch'. That's what it sounds like anyway, even in Japanese. So I'm going with it. The eclipse happens and everyone stops what they're doing to stare, and then the battle starts and arrows go flying around Hiro's head. But he stops them mid flight which is so bad ass. Hiro says the past isn't safe. Well, I bet it could be if you didn't enter in the middle of a fucking arrow battle, Hiro. So of course, he's going to save Kensei's life by squinting really hard and teleporting them both somewhere else.

New York. Officer Parkman, who thinks he can take on Sylar, is still alive and he's now trying to get some hostages free. Here's hoping he's wearing a vest this time around in the middle of a gunfight. He starts popping caps in someone's ass. Matt doesn't know who to trust between a man and a woman arguing that the other is the bad guy. So Matt just says 'fuck it' and reads their minds, then busts a cap in the woman's ass. Lights come on everywhere. Oh, so it's just a test. Okay then. Matt makes up some bullshit about how he noticed eye contact or whatever, and that's how he knew that she was the bad guy. When he was actually reading minds the whole time. Ch-Ching! Matt has now been promoted to a real cop again. Congratulations!

California. Claire is playing with a Bunson burner. And she's already hated by the cheerleaders. She puts her hand in the fire because she doesn't give a shit what her dad just told her two hours ago about not doing that shit. Some prep dude jerkily says "I'm sure that's hot. It's a flame." Prep dude says that Claire is interesting. And his name is West, but that's the dumbest name ever. So he's Prep Dude. He asks Claire what she is and she has this moment of "Oh shit." And Prep Dude clarifies by asking 'is she a robot or an alien?' Yeah, thanks for clearing that up, buddy. Aliens are apparently really cool. Claire turns the question over on him and he doesn't answer. The teacher starts asking questions, but her dad told her to not even raise her hand, so Claire doesn't, because in school where people ask you questions about Charles Darwin, someone would be suspicious if you talk.

Somewhere south of the border. The Bandito brother and sister are still on the run. And they're trying to get to the border, but it's going to cost them 600 pesos or rupees or something. Which is probably 10 dollars in American. They negotiate for a while on who gets to ride shotgun, but Alejandro isn't having any of that. They both ride in the back.

New York. Matt is taking care of Molly now who is in school, and she says that a boy tried to kiss her. And then some official looking woman interrupts, then shoves Molly away so that she can talk to Matt alone. Official looking woman says that she's concerned about Molly because she's falling asleep in class. Molly has been having nightmares, apparently, and the teacher or whatever is being a bitch. Apparently Matt got divorced, and he's not a stable father figure because of it. He argues that he loves Molly and he feeds her and gives her clothes, and lets her outside to pee, but the teacher shows Matt pictures that Molly is drawing. And it's something with shifty evil eyes and the helix symbol. Oh man, these pictures are scary.

A different part of New York. Ando and Hiro's dad are together in Kirby Plaza. Ando looks like a business man. There's been no sign of Hiro they say, and George Takei says he was always disappointed in Hiro until the showdown with Sylar. So George Takei has hope in Hiro and he decides to wait right there in Kirby Plaza all day and night until Hiro comes back. He opens a newspaper and a picture falls out with a big red helix thing drawn through his face. George Takei freaks out. He says in 24 hours he will be dead. Ando makes the most hilarious face ever.

Yet another part of New York. Ma Petrelli is stroking a picture of Nathan and Peter. Who walks in but - gasp - Nathan! Not dead, and apparently was a cast member on the new Survivor judging by that beard. But he's also drunk which is hilarious. Peter is apparently dead. And Ma Petrelli is pissed. Nathan drove away his wife and kids and to top it all off, he thinks his mom is evil. She looks kind of like Mariska Hargitay here. Anyway, Suvivor Man throws her out. She sees a picture of herself in the hallway with the helix symbol over her face, and that means she'll be dead in 24 hours too.

Japan. Kensei freaks out and draws his sword on Hiro. He wants to know what happened and why he's suddenly not in the middle of a huge arrow fight. And then he runs away like a little bitch. Another man with no Japanese accent whatsoever comes out and points a bow at Hiro. And now the real Kensei is saying that Hiro must be a monk in funny colors, which Hiro denies. Hiro is treating Kensei like a rock god or something, which freaks Kensei out enough to take off his mask. It turns out, Kensei is a white dude which makes Hiro put on his glasses. Hero says 'Wha?' Which is justifiable.

California. In a copy place that HRG now works at, he's taking crap from some teenager that is amusing considering HRG could have killed this guy four months ago. The teenager who is abusing his power is talking about how bad 'you have to want excellence'. HRG just gives a halfhearted 'yes sir'.

Egypt. Guy in glasses is talking about how The Company was supposed to be good, and it was built around finding all the special people and making sure they understand how to use their abilities for good. But somewhere along they started killing some people. Mohinder gets all moral and says that no one has a right to decide who lives or dies. And guy with glasses brings up a good point, saying that Mohinder himself was trying to take out Sylar. Guy with glasses says he has the funds to help Mohinder with his research to take out that virus that was killing Molly Walker and did kill Mohinder's sister. Mohinder says there will be a lot of cost involved, and then guy with glasses turns a spoon into solid gold. So now I will call him MC Hammer.

New York. Matt and Molly are now living in Mohinder's apartment in NY and Matt orders veggie pizza since Molly is the only kid in the world who says she needs to be eating vegetables and not pizza and ice cream. She asks him about his test, and when he says he passed, she pegs it and says Matt cheated to get his shiny new badge. They argue the point and Matt says he wants to talk about the pictures Molly is drawing at school. Molly hung around Claire way too long last season during the finale, because she gets bitchy instantly and screams she doesn't want to talk about it. So she storms off with her dinner into her bedroom. Matt looks dejected.

Somewhere south of the border. The banditos are on a truck heading for the border and they've read Mohinder's dad's book and they say it means they have a chance at salvation. What I think they should be saying is: 'If we try to cross the border, George W. Bush will have us killed!' But then the vehicle stops before they can say that and the banditos are escorted off of the truck. Alejandro is pissed because the truck driver is saying that the price just got raised for the ride unless Maya can sit up front and be taken advantage of or something. Alejandro gets knocked down and his sister starts screaming that a mistake is being made. The truck drivers take off with Maya.

Califoria. It's time for cheer practice at Claire's school. She watches the cheerleaders sadly, but goes back to playing badminton or croquet or something. She runs to find that paper thing they've been hitting over the net when it gets knocked out, and magically, Prep Dude is there. He declares Claire a robot and then she gets all upset and says 'You don't even know me!' and Prep Dude says he knows a robot when he sees one. Stupid Prep guy. The cheerleaders are trying to manipulate some girl into doing something stupid. And Claire calls their shit. And so of course, Claire has to open her mouth and say she can do a back flip off some tower. Even though her dad told her like, 4 hours ago that she better not do that kind of shit. So Claire climbs a ladder but instead of jumping off, she just says she can't do it.

New York. Molly's having a nightmare and so Matt reads her thoughts during her dream. She's thinking 'please don't hurt me' and some mean evil Darth Vader voice says 'I can see you!' and then Molly wakes up all screaming about how some guy can see her. Matt says (like the idiot cop he is) that he'll go after the guy, because he didn't learn his damn lesson in the season finale when he had to eat bullets.

California. Back at the school, just to prove her point when she thinks no one is looking, Claire jumps off the ladder. She breaks her leg, and of course fixes it, just in time for Prep Dude to walk in and ask her why she's still in the gym.

At HRG's new job, he's apparently running late on his break. His teenager boss says there's a line of customers outside but it's obvious he's lying, so HRG wants to finish his coffee. Teenager gets his finger up in HRG's face, but he'll never do it again, because HRG does this amazing flip just using the guy's finger and he tells the teenager to back the fuck off and let his nuts go our else he'll fucking kill him.

Japan. Hiro doesn't understand how Kensei isn't famous yet. And Kensei declares that he has to piss. I think he's a drunk Irish guy. Okay, so maybe English. Whatever. They start talking in English. Good. Because I hate subtitles. Kensei is a dick, apparently, and Hiro is getting more and more pissed off. So Hiro, jet set yourself out of there, okay? Before your child hood hero pisses all over you. Instead, Hiro tells Kensei that he's from the future. Hiro starts telling Kensei his future, and Kensei is dying laughing. Kensei smells smoke and there's a village burning down.

New York. George Takei and Ando are on the Rooftop of Perpetual Doom, and talking more about the death symbol that has befallen George Takei. George Takei wants Ando to leave, but Ando is too noble and says that he has to stick around for Hiro. George Takei needs a sword, so he sends out Ando. Ma Petreilli comes and she looks at Ando like "What the fuck is another Asian guy doing here?" She walks up to George Takei and we see that the pictures that have the death mark are actually two halves and they make a bigger picture of Ma Petrelli and George Takei doing everything but smiling together. George Takei says that someone among them is trying to kill them. He asks Angela how the hell she even tried to help her son so that he wouldn't die, and she slaps the shit out of him. He tells her he's going back to Japan, and she better get the fuck out of dodge too, unless she wants to die.

Japan. Hiro is upset that he rewrote history accidentally. "Great o Scotto!" Kensei says to drink, because it makes everything better. Because being a hero is dumb and dangerous. He obviously watched the season finale. Some Asian chick comes up and hits Kensei in the face and blames him for the village burning down. He blames Hiro, and she takes the Kensei sword, saying it was her fathers. Apparently, she's a princess. Or something. She has to save her father. Or something. I have too much fun inserting my own subtitles and then I don't pay attention. Sorry. But Kensei punches Hiro out and says he needs a drink. Classic. He should go be friends with Nathan the Survivor Man.

California. Back at Claire's new house and it's dinner time. Everyone is pretty quiet. Mr. Muggles is doing well. HRG talks about all the great sun and Claire's mom looks pissed off about the whole situation. She asks Claire what happened at school, and Claire says nothing. Everyone is relieved that no one noticed Claire pop a bone back into place or something. Then Mrs. HRG and Mr. HRG have a conversation about how secretly she knows that he fucked up at work. And they do it all with their eyes. Claire's mom is so fucking weird. And Claire, her brother and her dad, all look at each other like - "Why the hell did we bring this woman?" HRG's cell phone rings and it's Mohinder saying that 'he finally took the bait' and that 'he's in'. And HRG tells him to be careful and watch his back so that the two of them can take The Company down once and for all.

Somewhere south of the border. Back with the banditos, Alejandro is trying to get to his sister. He's all caught up with the truck, and when he opens the door, a dead guy falls out. Inside the truck, more dead people. Lots of dead people. Maya did it. And she's crying, bemoaning about 'what did I do? I didn't want to do it!' And Alejandro tells her to get the fuck up and stop crying so they can get to the United States so she can get some help from Surish. To bad he's dead. I guess they'll have to settle for Mohinder, only he's in Egypt.

California. Claire calls Nathan and he's pissed about it. She doesn't know why she's calling him, and Nathan wants to disconnect so he can drink some more. Claire says she needs someone to talk to, so when the hell did her and Nathan get so buddy buddy? She tells Nathan that she can't be what everyone wants her to be. And he tells her that he can't help her. And he looks in a mirror and he's all burnt up and OH GOD THAT IS FUCKED UP LOOKING. But then he looks back and he's normal. I don't get it either. And then Prep Dude is upgraded to really fucking creepy guy as he flies past her window.

New York. On the Perpetual Rooftop of Doom, George Takei is waiting on Ando to come back when a hobbit comes around the corner. George Takei says 'Out of all of them, I never expected it would be you.'. Ando comes back with a sword then, and then the hobbit and George Takei take off over a rooftop and they splat.

Now we're on Cork Island and someone takes out a security guard with a crowbar. A couple of thugs are looking for shipping crate number 9109. They find the box, and when they open it they find it's empty except for a pale person back in the corner. And there's Peter! In a crate where iPods are supposed to be! Peter doesn't know his name though.

NEXT WEEK: Claire is supposed to be special, Nikki is back, Sylar is on an island having sex, and God isn't done with people yet.

Prison Break - There be Spoilers ahead!

2007-09-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

Previously: Sona is scary, people die there, Sucre was dying, Maricruz is missing, fake!Sarah and LJ are being held hostage in exchange for Whistler's breaking out.

Sona: Mahone looks bad. Bellick looks worse. This MJ Wanna Be Kid is chatting up Michael, and Michael is all "God, why are you talking to me?" and then Bellick is like "Michael save me." and Michael is like "You stink go away." The water is gross, we've established, and MJ Wanna Be Kid has now just become Michael's go to guy. MJ Kid says everyone is looking for Whistler. T-Bag is still big ol' black guys bitch.

Someone is screaming about some Little Mexican guy not having money and big old black dude in charge who is apparently named Lechero says they need to break it up. But then Smaller Scrawnier Black Guy pushes Little Mexican into the water and spills it all. Oops. "There will be more water" says Lechero. MJ Wannabe Kid is out. Mahone and Michael are giving each other shifty eyes and Michael has the Versailles v Madrid 1989 note. Bellick is trying hard to get water and Michael says "Give me info and I'll get you some water." Michael wants to know about the note and Bellick says Whistler gave him rat meat in exchange for giving Michael the note. So naturally, Michael wants to go down in the sewer to find Rat Meat guy. Makes perfect sense.

"Whistler?" he whispers, once he's in the sewer, and there is a bang. How bad must this smell, by the way? Michael learns not to run his hands along a pipe in a sewer. He finds the hole in the brick and whispers that he was sent to get Rat Meat guy out, but Rat Meat guy is silent. Michael says he's not ever going back into the sewer, and then Rat Meat guy says "You're gonna get me out?" and Michael asks "Are you surprised?" And Rat Meat guy says he is because if he comes out and someone else sees him then he's 'a dead man'. Rat Meat guy says there's been a misunderstanding. Michael says he has problems and that he'll be back. He also says that Rat Meat is playing innocent and he ain't buying it.

Panama City. Linc meets with New Company Girl and she says very funnily that no threats are necessary. She keeps talking blah blah blah, she wants full reports of progress and that Michael better get Rat Meat guy out or else. Linc wants a picture of his kid and Sara to make sure they're alive. There's only a week to get Rat Meat guy out of Sona. New Company Girl says her name is Susan B. Anthony. Hah. Linc makes threats anyway and says that if anything happens to LJ or Sarah, he's going after Susan B. Anthony's family. Which, Linc, did you ever stop to think that Susan B. Anthony is really, probably not her name?

Somewhere. Sucre is hot and thinking about Maricruz. He's just made a deal with American money in exchange for a gun and ammo. Oh shit. He has a look on his face that says he's going to do something dumb.

Sona. Michael comes out of the sewer and Mahone sees him. Some crazy white dude is talking about Lechero and saying he's living like a king and doesn't care about the prisoners. Which is probably true. Everyone continues to treat Bellick like shit. Well, I guess you reap what you sow. But Bellick is still being an asshole. Bellick wants Michael to be his friend and take care of him, and wants to know about Rat Meat guy, but Michael leaves. Little MJ Wanna Be is talking to Mahone about Rat Meat guy, blah blah blah and Mahone says that now him and MJ Wanna Be kid are friends. MJ kid ain't buyin' it.

Sucre is outside Sona and is laughing so hard in his head at how Bellick looks. Sucre pulls a gun and wants to know where Maricruz is RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Bellick says she's okay and that he never had her. Apparently, he told Maricruz to run or he would kill her way back when. So she's alive. And their baby is alive. Sucre still really wants to shoot Bellick, but he doesn't. And for some reason Bellick thinks Sucre owes him now, and will call his mommy and get him out of jail. Haha. "SUCRE, HELP ME!" No.

Mahone is in the sewer now. God, you're a nosy son of a bitch. So, Nosy Son of a Bitch stands there in the stank for a while and is about to go back when Rat Meat Guy coughs like the idiot he is.

Outside Sona. Linc goes to see Michael and Michael says he doesn't know anything about Rat Meat Guy other than they have to get him out of there. He shows the Versailles v Madrid note to Linc and asks for money. Linc gives it to him. Michael says no one's ever broken out before and to tell Susan B. Anthony that he's going to do everything he can or he's going to die trying, and if he dies, it has to count for something. Linc says he'd trade places with Michael and it's all very touching.

Back in Sewer o'Stench, Mahone STICKS HIS HANDS IN THE SHITTY (literally) WATER. Then he tells Rat Meat Guy that he's not safe there and that he can take him someplace that he is. And Rat Meat guy says to leave him alone. And it looks like Mahone is trying to kill him with a stick.

Panama City. Linc and Sucre meet up and Linc wants Sucre's help, but Sucre is so not into that. Maricruz is in Chicago and Sucre wants to go back, but Linc reminds him that he's still wanted in Chicago. But Sucre still wants to leave and he gets on a bus. Linc is pissed. The back of the bus says BANCO VERSAILLES and Linc gets out the note and looks at it.

Sona. T-Bag is trying to cut a mango with his one hand, and Lechero is pushing around the guy who got the water spilled and calling him a dumbass. Lechero tells T-Bag to give each man a little bit of water in a jug. Crazy white dude is still yelling about how Lechero doesn't care about anyone. Michael looks on in trepidation and 'Oh shit please stop'. Bellick tries to get water from T-Bag and T-bag says that Bellick is going to be drinking his own urine. Of course, T-bag is a sucker for 'good information' though, so when Bellick mentions that he knows something, T-Bag is all ears.

Sewer o stank. Mahone is trying to get Rat Meat guy out of his little hole.

T-bag takes Bellick to see Lechero. And Bellick spills the beans about Rat Meat guy. T-Bag starts handing out water and gets pushed down and it's hilarious. MJ Wanna Be kid has been in Sona for 3 years and he's 17. Michael sees people heading into the sewer, and sees Bellick with a muffin. Uh oh. Shit's about to hit the fan.

Sewer O'Stink. Mahone has Rat Meat guy out of the hole but a bunch of men gang up on them. Mahone says Rat Meat guy is coming with him and Michael gives Mahone a look like "OH NO YOU DI'INT!" There's a stand-off and Mahone is all threatening with his stick, and Mahone wants to kill Rat Meat guy to get out of Sona. And Michael says he'll testify to get Crazy Jones Mahone out of jail. Rat Meat guy runs and Mahone is all 'BACK UP BITCHES' with his stick.

Michael walks into Lechero's office and offers his help with Rat Meat Guy and Lechero laughs. Michael tells Lechero to trust him and Lechero laughs even harder like we didn't get it the first time, and says no. But Lechero apparently trusts T-Bag the murdering serial killer. T-Bag calls Michael a snake, and then something is thrown through a window and Lechero tells Michael to leave. Crazy White Guy is yelling 'How's your Whore?' from down below. Michael asks MJ Wanna Be Kid for booze. NOT A TIME FOR A PARTY, MICHAEL.

Somewhere. Spanish. Speaking. The chick that was screaming about letting out her boyfriend in the previous episode is named Sofia Lugo. She says she's Rat Meat guys girlfriend. I think she's lying. So does Linc.

Bus stop. Sucre sees a woman with a baby and gets all nostalgic as he holds Maricruz's crucifix necklace. And then some cops come and Sucre gets scared. And the cops start hustling Sucre about needing something. But the cops leave. And the woman with the baby gets scared and walks off. Sucre realizes that cops will always look at him that way and doesn't get on the bus.

Sewer O'Stank. Rat Meat guy is lost, and Mahone is chasing him. So they can be lost together in a pile of shit. Rat Meat guy is trying to get back in his hole, and Mahone is trying to stop him. Mahone tries to get him to come up top, but Rat Meat guy says to go to hell.

Up above, MJ Wanna Be kid comes back with the moonshine.

Bank. Rat Meat's girlfriend, Oval Face Sofia, gets into a safety deposit box and takes something out, then leaves. Linc follows her, duh. Because he can't help but get involved with the pretty ladies. Oval face secretly speaks English and when Linc mentions Rat Meat guy, she freaks and Linc steals her purse and inside is a book on birds. Oval face says Rat Meat guy is a fisherman. Oval face apparently has no idea about what's going on, and Linc leaves with the book. Some sweaty guy was watching in a car.

Sona. Michael pours the moonshine into a bag and MJ Wanna be Kid is afraid of him because Michael has enemies. All the other prisoners are still going batshit over water so they don't see Michael stroll by.

Sewers O'Stank. Mahone is still trying to get Rat Meat guy out. Michael is down there again running his hands over the pipes that are disgusting. Michael goes through a secret door.

Up top another window is broken. Lechero is about to lose his fucking mind. A cell phone rings. Lechero says into the phone that there's a problem and there's no more water and a guard down below doesn't really care about anyone getting water until the day after tomorrow.

Down below. How the hell did Michael find this place in the sewer? Anyway, he's unscrewing something and he pours the moonshine into it. He tries to light it on fire, but the matches won't take.

Mahone comes out of the sewer with Rat Meat Guy and swings his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Michael gets the moonshine to go up in flames.

Lechero is informed that 'They got Whistler.'

Mahone is still waving his stick like he's batshit crazy.

Lechero comes out, but the crazy white dude is like 'You decide nothing, shut the fuck up.'

The moonshine explodes and everyone goes quiet. And then water starts pouring out of a pipe and everyone rejoices. It's a good day at Sona. Lechero knows that Michael did it. Mahone wants to know 'now what?', and Lechero doesn't want anything to do with him. He's just wanting to be BFF with Michael now. And Lechero says his and Michael's slate is clear as a blue sky. A lot of intense gazing goes on.

Sucre calls Maricruz who still doesn't look like she's pregnant at all. How long has it been? Whatever. Sucre tells her that he can't come back to Chicago and that all that matters to him is her and the baby. But it's not because he doesn't love her, it's because he's a dumbass and he busted out of jail right before he was set to get out. Blah blah, they both cry, Sucre makes some promises about them being together soon. Whatever. I bet she goes out and sleeps with his cousin again or something. I suddenly think it would be interesting if the baby wasn't even his.

Hotel. Linc comes out of a room and suddenly there's Susan B. Anthony telling him that she knows about the hassling of Rat Meat guys girlfriend. She goes all Tomb Raider and pulls a gun and says Linc better give her whatever he took from Rat Meat guys oval faced Sofia girlfriend. Linc gives her the bird book and man, Susan B. Anthony sure is a fucking bitch. Luckily, Linc gave her a fake book.

Sona. Lecharo is praying. Hilarious. Maybe he's meditating Who knows. Crazy White dude is now afraid for his life, but I really do hope he gets killed because I can't stand him at all. Yes, death by drowning!.

The prisoners are going ape shit over the water, and hey...Rat Meat guy cleans up pretty well, so I'm going to now call him Hottie Aussie. Because did I mention? He's Australian, mate.

NEXT WEEK: Susan B. Anthony wants to sleep with Linc, T-Bag is making a deal with Michael, Sucre wants to help, and fake!Sarah is back.

Back To You

2007-09-19T21:01:00.001-05:00

This is going to be a bullet style post, because I think 30 minute sitcoms are way less detail oriented as say, Prison Break and Heroes. Nevertheless, spoilers do follow.

*Oh Patricia Heaton. I love you. And I love you, Fred Willard. And you too, Kelsey Grammer.

*I love Kelsey Grammer cussing so hard. I don't know what it is. It's sick. I love it.

*The anchor's clichéd names was so awesome. Chuck Darling, Kelly Carr. And then there's Gary Crezyzewski. I would personally like to see my local news anchors try to say a name like that.

*We are five minutes in here, and I already think this is so witty. I love it.

Chuck [To the weather girl - er - meteorologist.]: "You need to use your diaphragm more."
Gary: "Like that could happen."

*When I'm a soccer mom, I want hair just like yours, Patty Heaton.

*"You preening gas bag!" <3

*Oh man, this weather girl is a floozie.

*I take that back, she's just insecure, right?

*Total iMac product placement. Is it just me, or has there been a lot of that lately?

*Oh, writing, how witty you are. Our two main characters slept together ten years ago.

Chuck: "This just in."
Kelly: "Your exact words that night if I recall."

*Oh my God, this is like Deborah on Everybody Loves Raymond if she'd divorced Ray, moved to Pittsburgh and become a news anchor. AND I LOVE IT.

*I feel kind of bad for Gary Crezysgfgdfgsg whatever. Over it.

*Oh, so now there is BABY DRAMA TWIST! This just keeps getting better and better.

Chuck: "Is the baby mine?"
Kelly: "I did fall in love with you that night. So did my eggs. It was Beatlemania in my uterus." (probably out of context.)

*Oh, the daughter Gracie was on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader!. Yay, I like her.

*Oh, it's over. Wow, 30 minutes goes by fast.

I like this comedy, and FOX better not pull it. I'll be watching for the ratings breakdown tomorrow.

Next up: Commentary for next week's Prison Break, Chuck, and Heroes

Prison Break - SPOILER WARNING!

2007-09-17T21:49:00.001-05:00

So, I knew from advertisements during the Emmy's last night that I was going to be in for one hell of a ride when it came to Prison Break's premiere. Until 7 minutes ago, I had no idea it was possible to be stressed out because of a t.v. show.

Okay, I have to be honest and say that I'd already seen the first 17 minutes, but even so, I was still on the edge of my seat.

I'm not sure how my heart is going to fare this season. As soon as I saw the fighting, and Michael standing back in the crowd, I knew what was going to happen. There is no way Michael is getting out of Sona unscathed. All I could think of though was that it was all kind of like UFC, but with a more deadly ending.

If Sona is the 'worst of the worst', why are people like Michael, Mahone, and Bellick there? I can understand T-Bag, but the rest of them? Someone wants them there, but for what, I'm not sure yet. And Oh, Bellick. I'm not sure this is the best place for your smart mouth.

Linc is trying to make deals to get Michael out, but I have a feeling that he had no idea what he was getting them both into, but more on that later.

So, Mahone is strung out. And he's trying to make a deal with Michael but not because he needs an ally - because he knows that once he's out, Michael will be called to testify. So it's all a case of 'I need you, so just don't die.'

So this woman all dressed like a nun. Linc is watching her and thinking - 'I don't care what kind of nun you are. You wouldn't willingly walk int Sona'. So I'm pretty sure he wondered about the woman, but didn't know what was up.

Random note. Michael's tears :( And, lol what better music to play in a hell like Sona than 'Mony Mony'.

Nun = Whore.

Okay, this huge, for lack of a better adjective, black dude, seems to be in charge of everything. How does one get a flat screen t.v. and yoga in a place like Sona? It will be interesting to know what he does. And does he have a name yet, so I can stop calling him 'huge black dude'? He obviously knows a ton of information and knew that Michael would be incarcerated in Sona. So what does he want? And all I have to say about that scene is - Michael needs to stop worrying about being such a saint. It's obviously kill or be killed here. Just, please stay in a dark corner, Michael.

That guy outside of the prison wants to help Michael escape. What does 'skill set' mean?

I think that the fight was set up - obviously because we know the drugs weren't Michael's, but I think it was set up in the sense that it was a test for Michael. For what, I don't know. That remains to be seen.

I know that we all thought the same thing for a moment when Linc was told that Sara was in the morgue. I mean, I knew SWC wasn't coming back, but I never would have thought they would just kill her off like that. And they didn't. How glad am I for that? So if she ever changes her mind and the writers aren't too pissed at her, she can/could come back.

Reality has sunk in for Michael now that Bellick's hungry friend has been shot down trying to escape. Running is futile. You will be killed. Please don't try it.

The chicken foot obviously symbolizes the fact that someone wants to beat your ass. That's creepy.

This guy down in the pit of Sona - Whistler? What did he give to Bellick to eat? Please don't tell me that was human flesh. Please.

Apparently, T-Bag is going to try and kiss enough ass to stay safe and not have to fight. You're a good man, Teddy.

My heart pretty much stopped when I realized that Michael was going to have to fight to the death. Because I forgot for a long moment that Michael is good at taking care of himself. (Usually) And when he actually took Mahone's advice, I knew that there wouldn't be much of a beating on his part. There could have been a shanking, and I would have screamed at my t.v. But no, Mahone saved the day out of greed for his own life.

Now who the hell was that woman at the bar? Why is she involved in this and why in the world would LJ and Sara be involved in the plan to break Whistler out? Why is he important?

What does 1989 Versailles v. Madrid mean? Soccer? Is that a clue?

And this is the set-up for the rest of the season: Get Whistler out of jail or Sara and LJ die.

NEXT WEEK: T-Bag is a douche. And oh yeah, where is Maricruz?

The end. Next up: Commentary for Back to You.

The Heroes finale is on!

I can't get over Molly Walker:

Cause when I think about him, he can see me.

Is that the set up for - NEXT MONDAY!!!??

Emmy Ballot

2007-09-16T13:44:00.001-05:00

Who should win: Bolded. Who will win: Underlined.

Best Show (Drama)
- Grey's Anatomy
- House
- The Sopranos
- Heroes
- Boston Legal

Best Actress (Drama)
- Minnie Driver (The Riches)
- Edie Falco (The Sopranos)
- Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
- Patricia Arquette (Medium)
- Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order: SVU)
- Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters)

Best Actor (Drama)
- James Gandolfini (The Sopranos)
- Hugh Laurie (House)
- Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
- Kiefer Sutherland (24)
- James Spader (Boston Legal)

Best Supporting Actress (Drama)
- Aida Turturro (The Sopranos)
- Lorraine Bracco (The Sopranos)
- Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy)
- Rachel Griffiths
- Sandra Oh
- Chandra Wilson

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)
- Masi Oka (Heroes)
- Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
- Michael Emerson (Lost)
- Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos)
- William Shatner (Boston Legal)
- T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy)

Best Reality Competition
- The Amazing Race
- American Idol
- Dancing With the Stars
- Project Runway
- Top Chef

Best Variety Show
- Late Night With Conan O'Brien
- Late Show With David Letterman
- Real Time With Bill Maher
- The Colbert Report
- The Daily Show

Best Show (Comedy)
- 30 Rock
- Two and a Half Men
- Entourage
- Ugly Betty
- The Office

Best Actress (Comedy)
- America Ferrera (Ugly Betty)
- Tina Fey (30 Rock)
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
- Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)
- Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)

Best Actor (Comedy)
- Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
- Steve Carell (The Office)
- Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
- Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)
- Ricky Gervais (Extras)

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy)
- Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)
- Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl)
- Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty)
- Jenna Fischer (The Office)
- Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men)

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)
- Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men)
- Jeremy Piven (Entourage)
- Rainn Wilson (The Office)
- Kevin Dillon (Entourage)
- Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)

I'm going against my gut in some of these, which we are always told not to do. But I always bet against Tony Shalhoub and I always lose. And I think I'm giving The Sopranos too much. But the Emmys tend to drown landmark shows in awards. (Everybody Loves Raymond, anyone?)

We'll see what happens.

Heroes season one, and speculation on Season Two

2007-09-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

There was so much that I had forgotten about from the first few episodes Heroes. From one of the very early episodes, I forgot about Mohinder and Eden going to Sylar's apartment and finding all that freaky shit where Sylar was asking for forgiveness. I forgot that Sylar got his name from a watch brand. And I also realized that because my schedule back then had me working until 8 p.m., I had missed the first 20 minutes of a LOT of episodes. Luckily, that won't happen this year.

I can't get over the writing of this show and how it didn't feel like a freshman premiere. Granted, there were some things that I still have no idea what the heck they mean, like Peter 'dreaming' Charles on that rooftop? Was it a dream? Will we see more of Charles and whatever it is he can do in the second season? What about Mama Petrelli? Remember the scene where she and Claire were talking, and Claire said 'You're like me?' and Ma Petrelli stood up? I remember thinking the same exact thing I must have back in April. Oh my God, she's gonna do something. And then she didn't and I was kind of let down. But oh well - as long as what she can do is completely bad ass, I don't care.

Now, as I was watching the episode where Micah goes to the polls and manipulates all the computers into having Nathan win by a landslide, I thought 'If Linderman is all powerful, and he knows about all of these people and what they can do, why doesn't he just get Wireless to do it?' Or whatever her name was. You know, the chick who can do things with computers. I mean, it seems like, if the system was networked like Micah said, it would be much easier to force an adult to do it all, rather than get a kid involved whose mom and dad are just a little (okay, Nikki/Jessica) crazy. Or is Wireless dead at this point? I know in the flashback episode she was toast, but what about the present time? She just kind of dropped away after her, Matt, and Ted were gonna go bust in on the Bennett family.

Which leads me to my next wonderings.

A couple of the things I've read about season two say that Claire is with her family (I can't remember exactly where at this point.) So, Petrelli family? If that's the case did Ma Petrelli just decide to take her? I can't see that going over well with Mr. Bennett (Noah!) so did he take her with him? And if so, are Lyle and Claire's mom going to remember everything? It doesn't seem like Mrs. Bennett has much brain power left to keep getting wiped out the way she was by the Haitian. And if the scene in the hotel where she told Noah that she still knew everything is any indication, she should still know. Right? What about Lyle though? That's the kid who wanted to put Claire on YouTube, and he's a teenager who might not be able to keep such a secret. (Claire obviously didn't, since Zach knew.) So, I wonder if Lyle got his memory taken away.

I have no cool segue into talking about Nathan/Peter so I'll just do it.

Obviously the two of them aren't dead. Milo and Adrian are both showing up in press and talking about the show, so I'm not concerned there. But how in the world does Nathan survive? Unless having Adrian out in the press talking about the show is just a rouse. (Meanwhile, where is Leonard Roberts - DL? Is DL toast?) We know that Peter can survive the explosion, but even that makes me curious. Because if you explode, body parts tend to fly everywhere. So for arguments sake, let's say he doesn't explode into hundreds of tiny pieces. Let's say his torso lands and it's missing its head, one leg, and both arms. Would all those parts grow back? Or would his head grow a new body since the brain is like, the epicenter of it all? If you think about it too hard, you probably will explode, so best not to, I suppose.

Now. Where is Sylar? I had this weird dream that I was married to him, but he wouldn't kill me because I was the only one that truly loved him for him. But I digress. Obviously he lived, and I'm thinking he's going to want revenge big time. Why wouldn't he just start right where he left off once he's all healed up, and go after more 'special people'? Unless in some awesome twist he joins the good side because of whatever Molly Walker was talking about. The thing that can see her when she thinks about it. Him. Whatever. Something that is bigger than Sylar and could take him out. If the writers know a thing or two about continuity, they haven't figured out something different to do, only to leave us stranded and wondering what the hell Molly was talking about.

On a final note, I have to admit that I'd forgotten my love for Matt actually did appear near the end of the season. (When I first started watching thd DVDs, I complained to everyone that I didn't like him.) Around the five years in the future episode, that's when I started to love him. Actually, maybe the episode right after that one. But the love for Matt did come around, I just wasn't patient enough. I want to see his wee bebe this season, if he isn't toast. (I don't think he is. Molly begged him not to die!)

Moving on to Hiro, I cannot WAIT to see where that is going to take us. Anyone else think that he's going to be the baddest motherfucker ever after he trains in 1600's Japan? (By the way, would his power not work that far back, or would the issue be that he might go back even further and get eaten by a REAL dinosaur?)

Okay. I'm officially ready for the premiere. And I've got a little over a week to go, but oh man. I want to see Claire push the limits of her ability. I want to see how Nikki is adjusting if Jessica is really gone. I want DL to live. I want Matt to live. I want DL and Nikki to adopt Molly so that Micah has a sister. I want Nathan to be alive. I want Ma Petrelli to show us what she can do.

September 25 is too far away.